(no subject)
uh, chaotic period finally started...
went out for drinks with some dude and was gonna go play pool, but he got pulled over and his car got impounded, so we waited at 7/11 until his mom came from 30 minutes away and gave me ride back here... I'm going to see the place I'm moving into later today, and I'm moving tomorrow. Hope that goes smoothly.
I feel like a nuisance, which I am, right now... I constantly need to be linked to someone and communicating until I can get rid of this thing on me for good. Which sucks, because while I realize and feel bad about violating personal space, and don't really need emotional support as much as one might imagine, I do need something to keep this guy away, and despite being annoying, I'm trying to look out of myself first. As should we all. I don't know why, I don't take offense and I'm actually happy that people are looking out for themselves... I dunno... when there is nobody there, this dumb shit takes over, and I react out of habit cuz I have a weird unsubstanciated fear of people leaving - it's binding me, the dumb shit... it affects my thoughts and moods. And I want out so I don;t have to worry about this anymore. I'm just in a weird ass situation.
From what I've been able to figure out, besides developing more emotions so that people would pay attention and thereby stifling my own nature is:(10:12:50 PM) serpentflux666: I finally remembered being as aware as I was, and there is a lot of shit on my energy that's been holding me back, something like a skull cap on my head, strings wrapped around my body and neck... and that's mainly what has been screwing with my head and why I haven't been able to break free or perceive things clearly,just half assed and with a lot of interference. it would be easy to get rid of if I wasn't so fucked up in the head and could maintain that awareness. I've never had to deal with anything this bad before, and I've kind of forgotten how to focus clearly enough to do it. Might just make me too angry.
So, I've basically gotten exactly what I don't want. And it's so easy to get rid of it's not even funny. Problem is I've let it get way too bad. I'm going to ask Daimon from Psion Guild for help, cuz he is good with brute force apparently. But I am feeling more myself lately.
went out for drinks with some dude and was gonna go play pool, but he got pulled over and his car got impounded, so we waited at 7/11 until his mom came from 30 minutes away and gave me ride back here... I'm going to see the place I'm moving into later today, and I'm moving tomorrow. Hope that goes smoothly.
I feel like a nuisance, which I am, right now... I constantly need to be linked to someone and communicating until I can get rid of this thing on me for good. Which sucks, because while I realize and feel bad about violating personal space, and don't really need emotional support as much as one might imagine, I do need something to keep this guy away, and despite being annoying, I'm trying to look out of myself first. As should we all. I don't know why, I don't take offense and I'm actually happy that people are looking out for themselves... I dunno... when there is nobody there, this dumb shit takes over, and I react out of habit cuz I have a weird unsubstanciated fear of people leaving - it's binding me, the dumb shit... it affects my thoughts and moods. And I want out so I don;t have to worry about this anymore. I'm just in a weird ass situation.
From what I've been able to figure out, besides developing more emotions so that people would pay attention and thereby stifling my own nature is:(10:12:50 PM) serpentflux666: I finally remembered being as aware as I was, and there is a lot of shit on my energy that's been holding me back, something like a skull cap on my head, strings wrapped around my body and neck... and that's mainly what has been screwing with my head and why I haven't been able to break free or perceive things clearly,just half assed and with a lot of interference. it would be easy to get rid of if I wasn't so fucked up in the head and could maintain that awareness. I've never had to deal with anything this bad before, and I've kind of forgotten how to focus clearly enough to do it. Might just make me too angry.
So, I've basically gotten exactly what I don't want. And it's so easy to get rid of it's not even funny. Problem is I've let it get way too bad. I'm going to ask Daimon from Psion Guild for help, cuz he is good with brute force apparently. But I am feeling more myself lately.