(no subject)
so one of my friends is helping me with energy stuff... so I'm on and off okay and on and off fluxing. this fucker is aggressive... I had a really clear moment where my head was finally clear and I could feel everything, and it just felt like this angry fucking thing persistently trying to inhibit my range of motion and perception... but that space was hard to maintain and requires a lot of energy. though it is where instinct kicks in... I still have a lot to learn and get back to...
sadly, after that I went to sleep and woke up with more constructs from this person on me, one in my heart - and that pisses me off more than any other aspect of my energy. made it through half the day fairly clear... probably pissed off one of my friends with some unfair statements, then evaluated more and was sorry... it's hard to keep a good perspective when something is fucking with you a lot and affects your mental space, but I shouldn't blame her.
When I get out of this I will be strong and energized and capable and happy.
But this is crazy fucking hard - it's been a while since I *tried* - I'm capable of a lot, but it's not easy to get there with stuff interfering. I'm just trying to keep learning and find the energy to move past this. Or before it, heh. Just takes will, good influence, and action.
sadly, after that I went to sleep and woke up with more constructs from this person on me, one in my heart - and that pisses me off more than any other aspect of my energy. made it through half the day fairly clear... probably pissed off one of my friends with some unfair statements, then evaluated more and was sorry... it's hard to keep a good perspective when something is fucking with you a lot and affects your mental space, but I shouldn't blame her.
When I get out of this I will be strong and energized and capable and happy.
But this is crazy fucking hard - it's been a while since I *tried* - I'm capable of a lot, but it's not easy to get there with stuff interfering. I'm just trying to keep learning and find the energy to move past this. Or before it, heh. Just takes will, good influence, and action.