tranced by television

[vividdeception]

I am the most boring 20 year old in the united states this halloween i think. i have not planned a costume at all. nor have i set any plans in concrete. i dont want to spend the money and don't feel like celebrating anything.
i find it hard to believe that i have had this job for 6 months.
could it be that it is sucking out what little soul and spirit that i seem to have left
i would like to move to nederland or boulder
i would like to save money
pay off debt
be close to my good friends

my parents are flying me home for christmas. allana plans to pick me up from the airport when i come in late on a thursday. dan is not coming with but it was strange when i asked him if he minded that i would be away he did not care at all. nothing. not even a, "i'll miss you but of course go see your family..." it was, okay bye. and i'm going to be gone for the holidays. the holidays don't mean much to him at all, but still i am a sappy girl just looking to be made to feel wanted and missed when away.

dan's birthday is in a week and a half.
my birthday is in 6 months and a week and a half
and damnit i hope i'll be celebrating.
keep seeing red.