NCM
This hurts so bad.
I love the kid.
I just want him back.
I just want him back with me.
I don't think he wants me.
Of course not.
I just want to be back in his arms.
I want to be happy...
I want to be able to get all nervous before he comes over...
I want to be able to sleep on him...
I want to be able to breath him...
I want to kiss him...
I want to laugh with him...
I want to be able to trust him...
I want to act all stupid around him...
I want to marvel at his cuteness...
I want to be able to smile...
I want to know I have a chance...
I want to sit with him...
I want to be used as a drum set...
I want to be wanted by him...
I want him to be happy...
I want to be an us...
again.
But I want it to be real.
I want to start over.
I wont mess up.
I want my pain to be gone.
I want to stop crying when I think about him.
Why can't it be perfect?
Why can't it seem perfect... like it was?
Why can't we start over?
Why can't he forgive me?
I forgave him.
It's everything that reminds me of him. It's stupid. Every time someone says "thing" I think of how hes weird and says "THE THING". For some reason I thought of Norway today, and shure enough I thought of him. I think of my house, I think of him. I think about coming home this summer... to be with him. Every time someone ims me with the big smilly smillie face, i fake smile and it makes me think of him. *sigh* it's everything. I start to cry to.. man oh man.
He says I'm to good for him, hes says I deserve better. It made me want to take him by his shirt, pin him against a wall and say "I LIKE YOU, GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD. I WANT TO BE HERE BY YOUR SIDE THROUGH THICK AND THIN. I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR YOU, I FRIGGEN LOVE YOU MAN. I WANT TO BE WITH YOU FOREVER. I WANT TO WAKE UP TO YOUR FACE, AND I WANT TO GO TO SLEEP NEXT TO YOU! I WANT TO MAKE YOU HAPPY AND I WANT YOU TO LIKE IT!"
_In further news... Tammy says it looks like im gaining weight. (: I'm trying to fill up my self as much as possible, all the time. Mostly because I don't want the talk about how I should eat more and crap... It's not so bad watching the girls... when your sleeping on the job. It's a tad bit boring up there. I'm hoping I get to see Nicole next week *hopes a lot*. I'm hoping maybe Joy will come up for awhile, and then Ill trade off with Taby.. I'll come back up... but i'm thinking about just leaving in July and not coming back. It's so boring and I can't stand it. I want to be able to hang out with Sam, Heather, Nathan, David, Josh, Aarron, Jennay, and all them. I want to be able to go to sonic's in a box. I want to be able to smooth things over with Nathan. I want to be able to take pictures with Jamie at the park. I want to be able to hang out with Geo and Wife. I want to be able to go shopping with my mom and talk to her. I want to see Monkey and Lara. I want to go to the movies on Fridays even if no one shows. *sigh*
I love the kid.
I just want him back.
I just want him back with me.
I don't think he wants me.
Of course not.
I just want to be back in his arms.
I want to be happy...
I want to be able to get all nervous before he comes over...
I want to be able to sleep on him...
I want to be able to breath him...
I want to kiss him...
I want to laugh with him...
I want to be able to trust him...
I want to act all stupid around him...
I want to marvel at his cuteness...
I want to be able to smile...
I want to know I have a chance...
I want to sit with him...
I want to be used as a drum set...
I want to be wanted by him...
I want him to be happy...
I want to be an us...
again.
But I want it to be real.
I want to start over.
I wont mess up.
I want my pain to be gone.
I want to stop crying when I think about him.
Why can't it be perfect?
Why can't it seem perfect... like it was?
Why can't we start over?
Why can't he forgive me?
I forgave him.
It's everything that reminds me of him. It's stupid. Every time someone says "thing" I think of how hes weird and says "THE THING". For some reason I thought of Norway today, and shure enough I thought of him. I think of my house, I think of him. I think about coming home this summer... to be with him. Every time someone ims me with the big smilly smillie face, i fake smile and it makes me think of him. *sigh* it's everything. I start to cry to.. man oh man.
He says I'm to good for him, hes says I deserve better. It made me want to take him by his shirt, pin him against a wall and say "I LIKE YOU, GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD. I WANT TO BE HERE BY YOUR SIDE THROUGH THICK AND THIN. I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR YOU, I FRIGGEN LOVE YOU MAN. I WANT TO BE WITH YOU FOREVER. I WANT TO WAKE UP TO YOUR FACE, AND I WANT TO GO TO SLEEP NEXT TO YOU! I WANT TO MAKE YOU HAPPY AND I WANT YOU TO LIKE IT!"
_In further news... Tammy says it looks like im gaining weight. (: I'm trying to fill up my self as much as possible, all the time. Mostly because I don't want the talk about how I should eat more and crap... It's not so bad watching the girls... when your sleeping on the job. It's a tad bit boring up there. I'm hoping I get to see Nicole next week *hopes a lot*. I'm hoping maybe Joy will come up for awhile, and then Ill trade off with Taby.. I'll come back up... but i'm thinking about just leaving in July and not coming back. It's so boring and I can't stand it. I want to be able to hang out with Sam, Heather, Nathan, David, Josh, Aarron, Jennay, and all them. I want to be able to go to sonic's in a box. I want to be able to smooth things over with Nathan. I want to be able to take pictures with Jamie at the park. I want to be able to hang out with Geo and Wife. I want to be able to go shopping with my mom and talk to her. I want to see Monkey and Lara. I want to go to the movies on Fridays even if no one shows. *sigh*