no one can love a freak... like me...
I haven't updated this piece of shit in a long time. so i made a mistake i think by telling byron about my "problem". he understood and seemed to love me even though im weird but i think he wanted to break up with me about it and he finally found a reason... i mean who could love a freak like me? anyways i was so in love with him and now he's gone and just cause i got angry at him last night he decided he didn't care about me anymore i guess... here is the convo u can see how hard i tried today to keep us together.. oh yea i have a new screen name it's "i no ya know"
i no ya know: hey im sorry
sk8bymonkey: o u r
i no ya know: yes
i no ya know: r u mad?
sk8bymonkey: no im not mad i am pissed
i no ya know: why?
sk8bymonkey: i figured u were going to say sorry do u even know how many times u asked me to break up with u and i kno u werent testing me
i no ya know: i sent u an email about all that and no i do NOT want u to break up with me it wasn't a test and i told u that i wanted to make sure u wanted some1 like me u always say u beleive me but ur not beleiving me
sk8bymonkey: actually i didnt figure u would apologize i knew u would and u know what it happens every time u get pissed at me i try to reason with u and u just get worse and worse and this time u stooped to an all time low im sick of it the truth is i saw what was gonna happen a while ago me and u r too different u r shy and im am very out going and u cant always use ur problem as a backround for u getting mad at me u did the last time u got mad at me fortunately not this time but three times u asked me to break up with u and u told me to break up with you one of the three the reason why i have such a fun life is because i am outgoing and i cant stand it that u have a problem with that and dont say u dont because u told me b4 that u did
i no ya know: byron if i really wanted you to break up with me and i wasn't happy with you then I would break up with you but I haven't and I sent you a long email explaining everything maybe you should read it b4 u decide ur sick of me, you obviously don't understand and ur lieing cause i never said i didn't like you being outgoing i came on to say sorry but if you don't want to accept it than i can' t make you i said sorry i don't know what else you want, i felt sick all night over this while im sure you slept just fine but you do what u want but u should read that email
sk8bymonkey: it was like three months ago or four and u were pissed at me for walking with my friend jon when i wasnt walkin with him he was goin the complete opposite way and he was messin with me that is the shit i am talkin about
i no ya know: see u tell me to tell u when im mad instead of bottleing it up inside but u are bottling up ur emotions and now letting them out on me all at once
sk8bymonkey: u r just sayin that because u dont want me to break up with u but this isnt something stupid it is as serious as ever im not lieing if i act a little bit outgoing around u you walk away or ur like stop
i no ya know: no i don't. i told you i love you and i want you to be happy even if that means me not being in ur life, i can't force you to anything, i said im sorry and im trying to work things out but you're not trying
sk8bymonkey: that is what u did last night i asked u if u were mad and u said no and then i had to fucking drill it out of u to get u to tell me and then u fucking tell me im not giving u enough attention u dont relize it but im giving u as much attention as i can
i no ya know: i said im SORRY i can't do anything about what happened last night
i no ya know: please don't do this babe. im trying hard today and i have felt like shit, i wrote you a long email. maybe if you read it you will calm down a bit
sk8bymonkey: i tried to fucking work this shit out all night till midnight last night sorry doesnt make up for hours of pleading and beging and explaining and what about my attention you wont even come look for me accept from guitar but if i accidentally pass u in the hall but i manage to see u you walk away fast and then ur pissed at me every time u get mad at me it takes me hours to explain anything because u dont want to accept that u r wrong i still havnt told anybody that we got in a fight and last night u had the guts to say "go tell ur parent so they will tell u to break up with me" im sorry to say this but that is an asshole thing to say
i no ya know: i love you and care about you more than anyone and i can't even stress enough that im not throwing u away and wanting u to break up with me cause i don't want you too, but if that's what will make you happy then do what you need to but i hope you know that i do love you and im trying today but you won't let me
i no ya know: i know it was an asshole thing to say and in the email i said that i said things last night that were not true
i no ya know: and i do look for you and i think of you all the time
i no ya know: i look for u after every class besides after 2nd cause we have to go opposite ways
sk8bymonkey: well i do look for u all of the time i dont just quit or get pissed off and i tried all last night and u didnt give me a chance do u think i should be fair to u?
sk8bymonkey: cause i do i pleaded all night if i wouldnt have begged u wouldve broke up with me
i no ya know: i did give u a chance i started calming down but then u would say something mean or curse and it would make me angry all over again. and no i was not going to break up with you i was angry but i wasn't going to break up with you if I was going to then i would have done it. can't i call you now? it's hard to type all of this within 1 hour of the internet
i no ya know: and i wouldn't have sent you a looooong email explaining everything that i wanted to. i would have said "oh well" that shows u that i care about u more than u think because i actually want to work things out but ur not letting me
sk8bymonkey: u didnt calm down in fact i had to force my way off and i said i love u at the end i didnt get off right away i sat with my menu on for two minutes and u didnt even respond
i no ya know: no actually i started typing something and it was going to say "i do smile at you and i love you too" but u signed off right in the middle of me typing that
sk8bymonkey: that doesnt show me u care it shows me ur gonna be bitchy for wanting to talk to a friend its not like tom is a girl that i can cheat on u with
i no ya know: and even when i was angry in the middle of the conversation i said "no im not throwing u away i love you too much to just throw u away"
sk8bymonkey: it sure as hell didnt say u were typing
i no ya know: well i said sorry
i no ya know: and i swear i started typing something
i no ya know: if u don't beleive me I can't make u but you said u always beleive me and apprently that was a lie
sk8bymonkey: like i said for the many times this whole year sorry doesnt cut it i have said sorry more times than u can say in a whole conversation every other day u had something u were mad at me about and i said sorry and u still gave me or had a sour look at me
i no ya know: apparently i accepted it or we wouldn't still be together though
i no ya know: please go read the email i sent u
sk8bymonkey: i have said that word to many times is the point and sometimes i dont think u accepted it because stuff that i said sorry about u brought up more than once last night
sk8bymonkey: and u know since a little b4 school started i havnt been skateboarding either i have only talked to my usuall friends from last year once all of the real friends u have you talk to every day mostly
i no ya know: im not blaming anyone or anything about last night. I admit i was over reacting and being a bitch and it won't happen again but if you're not going to accept sorry and bring things up as well then i can not make u and i said sorry and that it was a mistake and i do love you and i want to be with you and i know you want to be with me and im sorry and i didn't mean everything i said. i came back here to say sorry to you and tell you i love you if you won't accept it than you won't beleive me
sk8bymonkey: first of all the letter is wrong " reasons why I thought YOU might want to break up with me:"
i didnt say i wanted to break up with u, u told me to break up with u and i didnt but now u want to say sorry that is rediculous
i no ya know: no those were ideas in my head, i know u never said u wanted to break up with me and i never said u did, I just wanted to make sure you were happy with me but evidently ur not and that's why im saying sorry cause i can't cahnge anything that has happened in the past all i can do is work for the future
sk8bymonkey: "you say that you believe me all of the time but you must not be believing me if you think I don't care about being around you which is what you were kind of saying online tonight." Thats shit i do believe u ur the one that didnt believe me when i said that tom kept sending me a video clip and it didnt work u just sarcastically said "I'm sure thats why"
i no ya know: i said im sorry byron. I can't change what i said last night. otherwise i would but u don't believe me when i say i don't want u to break up with me, u keep saying i do and I DON'T
sk8bymonkey: "See it was either you or Kristi and look who I just threw away.. "I threw pretty much my entire normal life away i have no normal friends any more
sk8bymonkey: it is all a bunch of people i dont know or dont really like
sk8bymonkey: that is not what u said last night
sk8bymonkey: u told me to break up with u
i no ya know: well im not keeping u from having friends and i know u like charlie, michael, alex, and a bunch of other kids in ur lunch
sk8bymonkey: charlie is not in my lunch and alex and micheal are assholes to me i am friends with them a little bit but mostly because i get to play hacky sack
sk8bymonkey: "I'm sorry I just assume things, that's how I am." That doesnt really help our relationship now does it?
sk8bymonkey: "You are the LAST person I would just throw away." you didnt prove that when u asked me to break up with u
sk8bymonkey: no when u told me to break up with u
sk8bymonkey: "And also I have told you if I lost you I would probably lose my life, so why would I want you to break up with me, Byron.. " I dont know why dont u tell me that
i no ya know: and i said that cause u started getting mad at me so i was saying it in defense b/c u were mad and so i said Just break up with me. if i really didn't love you byron i would just stop right now and give up cause it's making me feel sick all of this but im trying my hardest to tell you im sorry and work hard to not get angry over rediculous things like that. i just was angry over a stupid reason and yes im admitting i was wrong and that it was a shit reason for me to get mean about it but i can't change it all i can do is work on it. Byron i want to be with you and if i didn't i wouldn't keep trying to tell you how sorry i am, and i told you i was angry i didn't really mean it, Byron I love you and im trying my hardest to keep up our relationship. please just accept what im telling you, and all i can do is try to stop assuming things
i no ya know: and try not to get angry but if you're not going to give me a chance then i can't show u that i want to be with you
i no ya know: u r the last person i would throw away. if i didn't care about u that much why would i write sweet things and tell my friends that u r more important to me then any of them? that doesn't make sense. to me that shows that i care about u soooo effin much and if you can't accept that and see that then u must not want me to care about u that way
sk8bymonkey: i have asked and asked but it doesnt seem to be working obviously you cant handle my side of the situation and i can did i say for u to just break up with me at all i dont think so that was ur big mistake i have asked u to stop assuming and getting angry over stupid stuff and you dont even confide in me and if u dont know what that means that is a big word to help a relationship
i no ya know: im trying today but see when i try u won't let me
sk8bymonkey: how do u say sweet things about me accept in front of my face because every other day u were pissed at me first u blamed it on nothing then ur period and now its ur problem im just assuming u want to push me away of course it wouldnt be fair if u got to assume and i didnt and if that pisses u off that means im right
i no ya know: no it means u won't let me fucking say sorry im trying but ur pushing me away
i no ya know: i accept ur appolagies
i no ya know: but ur not accepting mine
i no ya know: and i do say sweet things about u all the time cause im in love with you but today ur acting like u don't want me, if u don't just say it cause im about to puke all over from worrying about u breaking up with me right now. i don't want to fight anymore but you do. i said sorry and that i was wrong and that i would work on not getting angry so easily and not assuming things if u can't accept that then you can't have a relationship i hate to tell you
i no ya know: now can u please tell me if you are going to accept my appalogy so we can get on with our lives and be happy again cause my mom wants me to do laundry and my homework. and i've said all the sorrys i can and told you all the things i would like to change but ur just not listening to me, ur in denial and i really don't know what u want from me so if ur not going to accept my appolagy then let me know cause that must mean u don't want a relationship, i can't think of anything else it could mean. u have been on for 56 minutes and we haven't gotten anywhere cause u won't accept what im trying to tell u, and u wouldn't let me call u so im sorry if u don't accept my appolagy then i can't do anything more and it's up to you
i no ya know: im sorry my interent dissconnected so if u sent a message i didn't get it
sk8bymonkey: why did u leave?
sk8bymonkey: sure it did
i no ya know: ok don't beleive me im trying my hardest to tell u sorry and u have to get off cause it's been an hour thank you for trying to work things out, it's really showing me u love me!
i no ya know: NOT cause ur not trying a bit
sk8bymonkey: how do u like being on the fucking prick side i tried all of last night that is the exact thing u said when i told u what happend with my computer
i no ya know: yea and i started calming down but u were showing a temper which made me more upset
sk8bymonkey: i didnt show a temper till i got on today
i no ya know: and u didn't say sorry once in that convo that's all i was waiting for to tell u the truth
i no ya know: now can i call u?
sk8bymonkey: i did say sorry u were to busy being bitchy i said sorry that i got caught up with something that was confusing me and u didnt even care u just want me to be the bad guy now u know part of what i felt there is only about six more months of this do want six months of bullshit?
i no ya know: u said "I GOT CAUGHT THE FUCK UP!" that's not sorry at all
i no ya know: i said sorry if u can't accept it i can't make you. i asked if i can call u but u won't answer me. i said sorry now tell me do u want to keep dating or not? i do but ur not acting much like you do
i no ya know: and i can't change anything that happened in the past
sk8bymonkey: i apologized and why would i apologize to u especially if u dont believe me
sk8bymonkey: ur the one with the spotlight on u i guess u make the decisions
i no ya know: i beleive you, i did last night my anger was taking over but i did not break up with u and when u got offline i felt like shit for being mean, that's why i typed everything to u last night
i no ya know: i love you and i want to be with u but u r making it difficult today and i want to call u but u won't let me
sk8bymonkey: u didnt say u believe me
i no ya know: i didn't mention it last night but i did beleive you, i wanted attention and that was my way of trying to get it, i won't let it happen again im willing to change things to be with u
i no ya know: and that's what ive been trying to tell you this whole hour
sk8bymonkey: u have made at least six months plain shit for me and u dont see what u did last night u were just all about i dont do anything for u and and im trying to change my yahoo account so if u call it wont go through anyway
i no ya know: i know u do stuff for me and i love how u do.
i no ya know: so ur changing ur email?
i no ya know: i want you to be my boy though
i no ya know: why won't u listen to me
i no ya know: im sorry i can't change the last 6 months i can change from now till the day i die but i can't change the last 6 months
sk8bymonkey: because last night u didnt listen to me u just wanted to see how stupid u could make me look and it backfired i feel normal now
i no ya know: well im listening now and im not assuming anything
i no ya know: u see how hard it is to listen when ur angry right now, well that's how it was for me last night
i no ya know: please please PLEASE don't do this im begging u I LOVE YOU why won't u beleive me
sk8bymonkey: and EVERY FUCKING TIME I SAY THAT U DO THIS STUFF OUR RELATIONSHIP ALWAYS REMAINS THE SAME
sk8bymonkey: and last night u were the angry one i was trying to tell u what happened i wasnt angry till this morning
i no ya know: well i will change for u and u can remind me when i start doing it so i can stop, it takes time to stop doing bad habits
sk8bymonkey: u were pissed because of ur fucking assumptions
i no ya know: yea but i felt bad for what i did last night
i no ya know: and i said i was sorry and it wouldn't happen again it was a mistake and everyone makes mistakes
sk8bymonkey: i dont want to remind u because i know it will make things worse
i no ya know: yes i know it was stupid, im agreeing with u
sk8bymonkey: yes but six months of mistakes is annoying me
i no ya know: that i assume things i know that's stupid and i'll stop i swear if u give me a chance
i no ya know: but ur not giving me any chance right now
sk8bymonkey: yes u agree with me BECAUSE NOW U DONT WANT ME TO BE ANGRY AT U
i no ya know: Well i know I don't want u to be angry at me but last night i agreed with u that's why i wrote that email it's not that i just started agreeing with u now
sk8bymonkey: u didnt give me a chance for three hours last night i dont think i should give u a chance when u didnt give me a chance
i no ya know: u were on for 1 hour last night and i told u when i started to calm down and i saw something that i didn't like that u typed then it would make me angry all over again
i no ya know: but if u can't trust me on anything im saying than there can't be a happy relationship, i have told u i will change but it seems u are not working at it at all to keep us together
sk8bymonkey: and u only agreed when i said i love u at the end that is why u wrote that email and now you feel pitty and it too fucking late im sick of it u said last night u were sick of the stuff i do LIKE WHAT STUFF THAT U THINK I DO WRONG?
i no ya know: no i said I was sick of me worrying about losing you
i no ya know: and i was sick of my stupid life
i no ya know: i have the whole convo if u want to reread it
sk8bymonkey: o i cant trust u because u do the same thing all the time
sk8bymonkey: ok
i no ya know: i told u i would change.
sk8bymonkey: yeah right
i no ya know: but ur not doing anything but trying to break us up now. is that what u want?
i no ya know: what do u want byron? i have told u what i want for the last 1 hour and 30 mins. now what do u want? do u want us to be together or not? i can't stay on the computer all night and argue about all the shit ive messed up.
i no ya know: ive been waiting all day for u to get on so i could tell u sorry but ur not letting me
sk8bymonkey: U HAVNT FUCKING CHANGED AFTER SIX FUCKING MONTHS DAMNIT AND U STILL DONT BELEIVE THAT U DONT BELIEVE ME I HAVE ALWAYS FUCKING BELIEVED U AND U R ONLY SAYING THIS STUFF SO I DONT BREAK UP WITH U SO I DONT REALLY WANT TO HEAR IT U JUST DONT WANT TO LOSE ME BUT U HAVNT LEARNED ONE BIT FROM THIS WHOLE YEAR AND DONT SAY U HAVE BEEN TRYING TO FUCKING CHANGE ME AND MY WHOLE LIFE IS GONE BECAUSE OF U I FEEL SAD FOR UR LOSS OF FRIENDS BUT I DIDNT SAY FOR U TO GIVE UP UR FRIENDS IT WAS PRETTY MUCH UR MOM WHO PULLED UR FREINDS AWAY
sk8bymonkey: WELL I HAVE BEEN WAITING SIX FUCKING MONTHS FOR U TO STOP THIS BULLSHIT
i no ya know: ok well i told u i want to be with u and it's ur decision. decide cause im about to get off so i can do what i need to do for my mother
i no ya know: i told u i love you and that's the truth
sk8bymonkey: YEAH WHATEVER
i no ya know: and ur right i don't want to lose you
i no ya know: i do have to do laundry im not lieing
sk8bymonkey: I LOVE U TO BUT IT IS IN MY NATURE TO LOVE EVERY ONE BECAUSE EVERY ONE IS CREATED EQUAL
i no ya know: i could call u cause i can do laundry and talk on the phone
sk8bymonkey: BUT U OBVIOUSLY THINK THAT I SHOULD SACRIFICE MORE THAN MY LIFE FOR U
i no ya know: no i don't i told u i can only try to imporve
i no ya know: i love you and i want to fucking be with u
i no ya know: that's what i want
i no ya know: but u won't let me
i no ya know: now tell me cause i got to go. it's not that i won't have trouble getting a b/f cause 2 people like me but i really love u and want to be with u but u must not want me to. i said sorry that's all i can do now please tell me if u want to stay together or not. i have asked u this throughout the conversation and u can't give me a straight answer
sk8bymonkey: good call one of ur friends that actually wants to be bitched at i want that to but i cant ignore that i have no life because of u i always blamed it on my parents u have friends that u can see all the time i dont so i have like the group i play hacky sack with that is it i would let u if u let me last night but i was on for three hours and which u said was only one LIE!
i no ya know: well i only talked to u for an hour
sk8bymonkey: so not my problem u shouldnt have got off
i no ya know: and u told me that this year was great for u, u had friends in almost all ur classes is what u told me
i no ya know: now ur trying to turn some lame excuse on me
sk8bymonkey: minor friends kids i dont like that much
sk8bymonkey: no im not u just think i am that is what u did last night
i no ya know: DO U WANT TO BE WITH ME OR NOT?? i have to get off and i would like to know i love u and i want to be with u but u need to tell me what u want
i no ya know: u said the spotlight was on me and for me to make a decision and i told u what i want
i no ya know: and im sorry all i can do is fix things. but if ur not going to give me a chance then i cant
sk8bymonkey: i dont FUCKING CARE! there i said it finally after all this time of ur fucking bitchyness u didnt fix things last night only made them worse so i dont really give a fuck anymore
i no ya know: i said sorry that's fixing things but ur denying my appolagy
i no ya know: so is that a yes or a no?
sk8bymonkey: i said an apology didnt cut it i meant it like i said it
i no ya know: im trying so hard today to tell u that i do want to be w/ u i know u tried last night and im sorry but ur not making it any better now, ur making it worse cause im starting to get tired of trying i see im not getting anywhere and i have things to do
sk8bymonkey: now u know how i feel bitch
sk8bymonkey signed off at 7:18:42 PM.
and he blocked both of my screen names. o well i can't do anything now. me and kristi are friends again. I don't know what to do with my life anymore cause i hate myself. my 1st name should be fuck and my last name should be up. cause all i am is a BIG Fuck Up! I got to go. bye
i no ya know: hey im sorry
sk8bymonkey: o u r
i no ya know: yes
i no ya know: r u mad?
sk8bymonkey: no im not mad i am pissed
i no ya know: why?
sk8bymonkey: i figured u were going to say sorry do u even know how many times u asked me to break up with u and i kno u werent testing me
i no ya know: i sent u an email about all that and no i do NOT want u to break up with me it wasn't a test and i told u that i wanted to make sure u wanted some1 like me u always say u beleive me but ur not beleiving me
sk8bymonkey: actually i didnt figure u would apologize i knew u would and u know what it happens every time u get pissed at me i try to reason with u and u just get worse and worse and this time u stooped to an all time low im sick of it the truth is i saw what was gonna happen a while ago me and u r too different u r shy and im am very out going and u cant always use ur problem as a backround for u getting mad at me u did the last time u got mad at me fortunately not this time but three times u asked me to break up with u and u told me to break up with you one of the three the reason why i have such a fun life is because i am outgoing and i cant stand it that u have a problem with that and dont say u dont because u told me b4 that u did
i no ya know: byron if i really wanted you to break up with me and i wasn't happy with you then I would break up with you but I haven't and I sent you a long email explaining everything maybe you should read it b4 u decide ur sick of me, you obviously don't understand and ur lieing cause i never said i didn't like you being outgoing i came on to say sorry but if you don't want to accept it than i can' t make you i said sorry i don't know what else you want, i felt sick all night over this while im sure you slept just fine but you do what u want but u should read that email
sk8bymonkey: it was like three months ago or four and u were pissed at me for walking with my friend jon when i wasnt walkin with him he was goin the complete opposite way and he was messin with me that is the shit i am talkin about
i no ya know: see u tell me to tell u when im mad instead of bottleing it up inside but u are bottling up ur emotions and now letting them out on me all at once
sk8bymonkey: u r just sayin that because u dont want me to break up with u but this isnt something stupid it is as serious as ever im not lieing if i act a little bit outgoing around u you walk away or ur like stop
i no ya know: no i don't. i told you i love you and i want you to be happy even if that means me not being in ur life, i can't force you to anything, i said im sorry and im trying to work things out but you're not trying
sk8bymonkey: that is what u did last night i asked u if u were mad and u said no and then i had to fucking drill it out of u to get u to tell me and then u fucking tell me im not giving u enough attention u dont relize it but im giving u as much attention as i can
i no ya know: i said im SORRY i can't do anything about what happened last night
i no ya know: please don't do this babe. im trying hard today and i have felt like shit, i wrote you a long email. maybe if you read it you will calm down a bit
sk8bymonkey: i tried to fucking work this shit out all night till midnight last night sorry doesnt make up for hours of pleading and beging and explaining and what about my attention you wont even come look for me accept from guitar but if i accidentally pass u in the hall but i manage to see u you walk away fast and then ur pissed at me every time u get mad at me it takes me hours to explain anything because u dont want to accept that u r wrong i still havnt told anybody that we got in a fight and last night u had the guts to say "go tell ur parent so they will tell u to break up with me" im sorry to say this but that is an asshole thing to say
i no ya know: i love you and care about you more than anyone and i can't even stress enough that im not throwing u away and wanting u to break up with me cause i don't want you too, but if that's what will make you happy then do what you need to but i hope you know that i do love you and im trying today but you won't let me
i no ya know: i know it was an asshole thing to say and in the email i said that i said things last night that were not true
i no ya know: and i do look for you and i think of you all the time
i no ya know: i look for u after every class besides after 2nd cause we have to go opposite ways
sk8bymonkey: well i do look for u all of the time i dont just quit or get pissed off and i tried all last night and u didnt give me a chance do u think i should be fair to u?
sk8bymonkey: cause i do i pleaded all night if i wouldnt have begged u wouldve broke up with me
i no ya know: i did give u a chance i started calming down but then u would say something mean or curse and it would make me angry all over again. and no i was not going to break up with you i was angry but i wasn't going to break up with you if I was going to then i would have done it. can't i call you now? it's hard to type all of this within 1 hour of the internet
i no ya know: and i wouldn't have sent you a looooong email explaining everything that i wanted to. i would have said "oh well" that shows u that i care about u more than u think because i actually want to work things out but ur not letting me
sk8bymonkey: u didnt calm down in fact i had to force my way off and i said i love u at the end i didnt get off right away i sat with my menu on for two minutes and u didnt even respond
i no ya know: no actually i started typing something and it was going to say "i do smile at you and i love you too" but u signed off right in the middle of me typing that
sk8bymonkey: that doesnt show me u care it shows me ur gonna be bitchy for wanting to talk to a friend its not like tom is a girl that i can cheat on u with
i no ya know: and even when i was angry in the middle of the conversation i said "no im not throwing u away i love you too much to just throw u away"
sk8bymonkey: it sure as hell didnt say u were typing
i no ya know: well i said sorry
i no ya know: and i swear i started typing something
i no ya know: if u don't beleive me I can't make u but you said u always beleive me and apprently that was a lie
sk8bymonkey: like i said for the many times this whole year sorry doesnt cut it i have said sorry more times than u can say in a whole conversation every other day u had something u were mad at me about and i said sorry and u still gave me or had a sour look at me
i no ya know: apparently i accepted it or we wouldn't still be together though
i no ya know: please go read the email i sent u
sk8bymonkey: i have said that word to many times is the point and sometimes i dont think u accepted it because stuff that i said sorry about u brought up more than once last night
sk8bymonkey: and u know since a little b4 school started i havnt been skateboarding either i have only talked to my usuall friends from last year once all of the real friends u have you talk to every day mostly
i no ya know: im not blaming anyone or anything about last night. I admit i was over reacting and being a bitch and it won't happen again but if you're not going to accept sorry and bring things up as well then i can not make u and i said sorry and that it was a mistake and i do love you and i want to be with you and i know you want to be with me and im sorry and i didn't mean everything i said. i came back here to say sorry to you and tell you i love you if you won't accept it than you won't beleive me
sk8bymonkey: first of all the letter is wrong " reasons why I thought YOU might want to break up with me:"
i didnt say i wanted to break up with u, u told me to break up with u and i didnt but now u want to say sorry that is rediculous
i no ya know: no those were ideas in my head, i know u never said u wanted to break up with me and i never said u did, I just wanted to make sure you were happy with me but evidently ur not and that's why im saying sorry cause i can't cahnge anything that has happened in the past all i can do is work for the future
sk8bymonkey: "you say that you believe me all of the time but you must not be believing me if you think I don't care about being around you which is what you were kind of saying online tonight." Thats shit i do believe u ur the one that didnt believe me when i said that tom kept sending me a video clip and it didnt work u just sarcastically said "I'm sure thats why"
i no ya know: i said im sorry byron. I can't change what i said last night. otherwise i would but u don't believe me when i say i don't want u to break up with me, u keep saying i do and I DON'T
sk8bymonkey: "See it was either you or Kristi and look who I just threw away.. "I threw pretty much my entire normal life away i have no normal friends any more
sk8bymonkey: it is all a bunch of people i dont know or dont really like
sk8bymonkey: that is not what u said last night
sk8bymonkey: u told me to break up with u
i no ya know: well im not keeping u from having friends and i know u like charlie, michael, alex, and a bunch of other kids in ur lunch
sk8bymonkey: charlie is not in my lunch and alex and micheal are assholes to me i am friends with them a little bit but mostly because i get to play hacky sack
sk8bymonkey: "I'm sorry I just assume things, that's how I am." That doesnt really help our relationship now does it?
sk8bymonkey: "You are the LAST person I would just throw away." you didnt prove that when u asked me to break up with u
sk8bymonkey: no when u told me to break up with u
sk8bymonkey: "And also I have told you if I lost you I would probably lose my life, so why would I want you to break up with me, Byron.. " I dont know why dont u tell me that
i no ya know: and i said that cause u started getting mad at me so i was saying it in defense b/c u were mad and so i said Just break up with me. if i really didn't love you byron i would just stop right now and give up cause it's making me feel sick all of this but im trying my hardest to tell you im sorry and work hard to not get angry over rediculous things like that. i just was angry over a stupid reason and yes im admitting i was wrong and that it was a shit reason for me to get mean about it but i can't change it all i can do is work on it. Byron i want to be with you and if i didn't i wouldn't keep trying to tell you how sorry i am, and i told you i was angry i didn't really mean it, Byron I love you and im trying my hardest to keep up our relationship. please just accept what im telling you, and all i can do is try to stop assuming things
i no ya know: and try not to get angry but if you're not going to give me a chance then i can't show u that i want to be with you
i no ya know: u r the last person i would throw away. if i didn't care about u that much why would i write sweet things and tell my friends that u r more important to me then any of them? that doesn't make sense. to me that shows that i care about u soooo effin much and if you can't accept that and see that then u must not want me to care about u that way
sk8bymonkey: i have asked and asked but it doesnt seem to be working obviously you cant handle my side of the situation and i can did i say for u to just break up with me at all i dont think so that was ur big mistake i have asked u to stop assuming and getting angry over stupid stuff and you dont even confide in me and if u dont know what that means that is a big word to help a relationship
i no ya know: im trying today but see when i try u won't let me
sk8bymonkey: how do u say sweet things about me accept in front of my face because every other day u were pissed at me first u blamed it on nothing then ur period and now its ur problem im just assuming u want to push me away of course it wouldnt be fair if u got to assume and i didnt and if that pisses u off that means im right
i no ya know: no it means u won't let me fucking say sorry im trying but ur pushing me away
i no ya know: i accept ur appolagies
i no ya know: but ur not accepting mine
i no ya know: and i do say sweet things about u all the time cause im in love with you but today ur acting like u don't want me, if u don't just say it cause im about to puke all over from worrying about u breaking up with me right now. i don't want to fight anymore but you do. i said sorry and that i was wrong and that i would work on not getting angry so easily and not assuming things if u can't accept that then you can't have a relationship i hate to tell you
i no ya know: now can u please tell me if you are going to accept my appalogy so we can get on with our lives and be happy again cause my mom wants me to do laundry and my homework. and i've said all the sorrys i can and told you all the things i would like to change but ur just not listening to me, ur in denial and i really don't know what u want from me so if ur not going to accept my appolagy then let me know cause that must mean u don't want a relationship, i can't think of anything else it could mean. u have been on for 56 minutes and we haven't gotten anywhere cause u won't accept what im trying to tell u, and u wouldn't let me call u so im sorry if u don't accept my appolagy then i can't do anything more and it's up to you
i no ya know: im sorry my interent dissconnected so if u sent a message i didn't get it
sk8bymonkey: why did u leave?
sk8bymonkey: sure it did
i no ya know: ok don't beleive me im trying my hardest to tell u sorry and u have to get off cause it's been an hour thank you for trying to work things out, it's really showing me u love me!
i no ya know: NOT cause ur not trying a bit
sk8bymonkey: how do u like being on the fucking prick side i tried all of last night that is the exact thing u said when i told u what happend with my computer
i no ya know: yea and i started calming down but u were showing a temper which made me more upset
sk8bymonkey: i didnt show a temper till i got on today
i no ya know: and u didn't say sorry once in that convo that's all i was waiting for to tell u the truth
i no ya know: now can i call u?
sk8bymonkey: i did say sorry u were to busy being bitchy i said sorry that i got caught up with something that was confusing me and u didnt even care u just want me to be the bad guy now u know part of what i felt there is only about six more months of this do want six months of bullshit?
i no ya know: u said "I GOT CAUGHT THE FUCK UP!" that's not sorry at all
i no ya know: i said sorry if u can't accept it i can't make you. i asked if i can call u but u won't answer me. i said sorry now tell me do u want to keep dating or not? i do but ur not acting much like you do
i no ya know: and i can't change anything that happened in the past
sk8bymonkey: i apologized and why would i apologize to u especially if u dont believe me
sk8bymonkey: ur the one with the spotlight on u i guess u make the decisions
i no ya know: i beleive you, i did last night my anger was taking over but i did not break up with u and when u got offline i felt like shit for being mean, that's why i typed everything to u last night
i no ya know: i love you and i want to be with u but u r making it difficult today and i want to call u but u won't let me
sk8bymonkey: u didnt say u believe me
i no ya know: i didn't mention it last night but i did beleive you, i wanted attention and that was my way of trying to get it, i won't let it happen again im willing to change things to be with u
i no ya know: and that's what ive been trying to tell you this whole hour
sk8bymonkey: u have made at least six months plain shit for me and u dont see what u did last night u were just all about i dont do anything for u and and im trying to change my yahoo account so if u call it wont go through anyway
i no ya know: i know u do stuff for me and i love how u do.
i no ya know: so ur changing ur email?
i no ya know: i want you to be my boy though
i no ya know: why won't u listen to me
i no ya know: im sorry i can't change the last 6 months i can change from now till the day i die but i can't change the last 6 months
sk8bymonkey: because last night u didnt listen to me u just wanted to see how stupid u could make me look and it backfired i feel normal now
i no ya know: well im listening now and im not assuming anything
i no ya know: u see how hard it is to listen when ur angry right now, well that's how it was for me last night
i no ya know: please please PLEASE don't do this im begging u I LOVE YOU why won't u beleive me
sk8bymonkey: and EVERY FUCKING TIME I SAY THAT U DO THIS STUFF OUR RELATIONSHIP ALWAYS REMAINS THE SAME
sk8bymonkey: and last night u were the angry one i was trying to tell u what happened i wasnt angry till this morning
i no ya know: well i will change for u and u can remind me when i start doing it so i can stop, it takes time to stop doing bad habits
sk8bymonkey: u were pissed because of ur fucking assumptions
i no ya know: yea but i felt bad for what i did last night
i no ya know: and i said i was sorry and it wouldn't happen again it was a mistake and everyone makes mistakes
sk8bymonkey: i dont want to remind u because i know it will make things worse
i no ya know: yes i know it was stupid, im agreeing with u
sk8bymonkey: yes but six months of mistakes is annoying me
i no ya know: that i assume things i know that's stupid and i'll stop i swear if u give me a chance
i no ya know: but ur not giving me any chance right now
sk8bymonkey: yes u agree with me BECAUSE NOW U DONT WANT ME TO BE ANGRY AT U
i no ya know: Well i know I don't want u to be angry at me but last night i agreed with u that's why i wrote that email it's not that i just started agreeing with u now
sk8bymonkey: u didnt give me a chance for three hours last night i dont think i should give u a chance when u didnt give me a chance
i no ya know: u were on for 1 hour last night and i told u when i started to calm down and i saw something that i didn't like that u typed then it would make me angry all over again
i no ya know: but if u can't trust me on anything im saying than there can't be a happy relationship, i have told u i will change but it seems u are not working at it at all to keep us together
sk8bymonkey: and u only agreed when i said i love u at the end that is why u wrote that email and now you feel pitty and it too fucking late im sick of it u said last night u were sick of the stuff i do LIKE WHAT STUFF THAT U THINK I DO WRONG?
i no ya know: no i said I was sick of me worrying about losing you
i no ya know: and i was sick of my stupid life
i no ya know: i have the whole convo if u want to reread it
sk8bymonkey: o i cant trust u because u do the same thing all the time
sk8bymonkey: ok
i no ya know: i told u i would change.
sk8bymonkey: yeah right
i no ya know: but ur not doing anything but trying to break us up now. is that what u want?
i no ya know: what do u want byron? i have told u what i want for the last 1 hour and 30 mins. now what do u want? do u want us to be together or not? i can't stay on the computer all night and argue about all the shit ive messed up.
i no ya know: ive been waiting all day for u to get on so i could tell u sorry but ur not letting me
sk8bymonkey: U HAVNT FUCKING CHANGED AFTER SIX FUCKING MONTHS DAMNIT AND U STILL DONT BELEIVE THAT U DONT BELIEVE ME I HAVE ALWAYS FUCKING BELIEVED U AND U R ONLY SAYING THIS STUFF SO I DONT BREAK UP WITH U SO I DONT REALLY WANT TO HEAR IT U JUST DONT WANT TO LOSE ME BUT U HAVNT LEARNED ONE BIT FROM THIS WHOLE YEAR AND DONT SAY U HAVE BEEN TRYING TO FUCKING CHANGE ME AND MY WHOLE LIFE IS GONE BECAUSE OF U I FEEL SAD FOR UR LOSS OF FRIENDS BUT I DIDNT SAY FOR U TO GIVE UP UR FRIENDS IT WAS PRETTY MUCH UR MOM WHO PULLED UR FREINDS AWAY
sk8bymonkey: WELL I HAVE BEEN WAITING SIX FUCKING MONTHS FOR U TO STOP THIS BULLSHIT
i no ya know: ok well i told u i want to be with u and it's ur decision. decide cause im about to get off so i can do what i need to do for my mother
i no ya know: i told u i love you and that's the truth
sk8bymonkey: YEAH WHATEVER
i no ya know: and ur right i don't want to lose you
i no ya know: i do have to do laundry im not lieing
sk8bymonkey: I LOVE U TO BUT IT IS IN MY NATURE TO LOVE EVERY ONE BECAUSE EVERY ONE IS CREATED EQUAL
i no ya know: i could call u cause i can do laundry and talk on the phone
sk8bymonkey: BUT U OBVIOUSLY THINK THAT I SHOULD SACRIFICE MORE THAN MY LIFE FOR U
i no ya know: no i don't i told u i can only try to imporve
i no ya know: i love you and i want to fucking be with u
i no ya know: that's what i want
i no ya know: but u won't let me
i no ya know: now tell me cause i got to go. it's not that i won't have trouble getting a b/f cause 2 people like me but i really love u and want to be with u but u must not want me to. i said sorry that's all i can do now please tell me if u want to stay together or not. i have asked u this throughout the conversation and u can't give me a straight answer
sk8bymonkey: good call one of ur friends that actually wants to be bitched at i want that to but i cant ignore that i have no life because of u i always blamed it on my parents u have friends that u can see all the time i dont so i have like the group i play hacky sack with that is it i would let u if u let me last night but i was on for three hours and which u said was only one LIE!
i no ya know: well i only talked to u for an hour
sk8bymonkey: so not my problem u shouldnt have got off
i no ya know: and u told me that this year was great for u, u had friends in almost all ur classes is what u told me
i no ya know: now ur trying to turn some lame excuse on me
sk8bymonkey: minor friends kids i dont like that much
sk8bymonkey: no im not u just think i am that is what u did last night
i no ya know: DO U WANT TO BE WITH ME OR NOT?? i have to get off and i would like to know i love u and i want to be with u but u need to tell me what u want
i no ya know: u said the spotlight was on me and for me to make a decision and i told u what i want
i no ya know: and im sorry all i can do is fix things. but if ur not going to give me a chance then i cant
sk8bymonkey: i dont FUCKING CARE! there i said it finally after all this time of ur fucking bitchyness u didnt fix things last night only made them worse so i dont really give a fuck anymore
i no ya know: i said sorry that's fixing things but ur denying my appolagy
i no ya know: so is that a yes or a no?
sk8bymonkey: i said an apology didnt cut it i meant it like i said it
i no ya know: im trying so hard today to tell u that i do want to be w/ u i know u tried last night and im sorry but ur not making it any better now, ur making it worse cause im starting to get tired of trying i see im not getting anywhere and i have things to do
sk8bymonkey: now u know how i feel bitch
sk8bymonkey signed off at 7:18:42 PM.
and he blocked both of my screen names. o well i can't do anything now. me and kristi are friends again. I don't know what to do with my life anymore cause i hate myself. my 1st name should be fuck and my last name should be up. cause all i am is a BIG Fuck Up! I got to go. bye