One Last Time (2/2)
Title: One Last Time
Rating: R/ NC-17, I'm not sure which, gets a bit sexually graphic though.
Summary: Ville's POV. Oh at least you could try, for this one last time, it could be alright for this one last time. Ville and Bam are re-united after two years apart.
A/N: This isn't a song fic, it was only after I wrote it that I realised One Last Time fits quite well with the story line. It's mega long, so I've split it into two. I am really, really, really nervous about posting this. I am awful with summaries! Well here it goes :)
One Last Time
Ville liked his baths as hot as he could possibly take it. With a hiss he slid into the steaming water. He let the water engulf his body, it hurt the fragile skin of his asshole and for a moment the sting was too much, gritting his teeth he waited for his body to adjust to the temperature.
Ville let the tears flow, the pain in his heart was almost too much to bear. The shooting pains he felt had him doubling over clawing at his own chest.
Once again he'd let his emotions take over and now he'd pay the price. He should have sent Bam away after that first kiss, he shouldn't have looked into his eyes, and he certainly shouldn't have let Bam fuck him!
He let out a frustrated yell and hit the wall next to the bath. Goddamnit! He'd done so well, he was just beginning to get over him, another year and he would have been okay, he would have started looking for a new love. Someone who truly deserved the love Ville had to give. Not some selfish fame hungry dickhead.
Ville let himself wallow in the bathwater until it started to go cold. Tonight he'd sleep in the spare room and in the morning he'd be his normal self with Bam, he'd fix them breakfast and they'd watch crap TV until Bam got the inevitable text from Missy.
Sighing heavily, Ville dried himself off and pulled on his baggy pyjamas, he made his way past his room and heard the shower still on; it crossed his mind to just crawl back into his bed, to share a few more hours with the love of his life. Being held wouldn't hurt would it? Ville scolded himself, of course it'd hurt!
Ville curled up in the cold double bed of the spare room and chain-smoked until he felt the drowsy heaviness of exhaustion curl around his limbs, finishing his fag; he closed his eyes and slipped into oblivion.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ville Valo woke to the sound of a raised voice, he was confused momentarily, it was just him in the apartment wasn't it? Then it all came back to him, gingerly he got out of bed, he could still feel Bam inside of him. Intent on investigating Ville left the spare room in search of Bam. He wasn't in Ville’s room. The living room door was open a tiny bit and Ville could hear Bam’s voice emanate from within. As quietly as he could he crept next to the door and began to listen.
"I was out - with friends!" Bam sounded annoyed.
"I stayed with an old friend - no not a woman - Ville Valo - yeah, you remember him?! No I was not obsessed with him!"
Pause.
"For fucks sake Melissa, I can see who I want to! No I am not lying, do you want me to goddamn wake him? Prove to your paranoid ass that I'm being truthful?!"
Pause.
"I didn't mean it! I am not getting Ville up so he can talk to you! Fuck it Missy, this is stupid!"
Pause.
"No it's not your hormones! You've been blaming them for weeks!"
Pause.
"Well you do that, maybe he can give you some pill to stop you being a nagging fucking wife!"
Ville heard something hit the wall with a loud thump and guessed Bam had thrown his phone at the wall. Ville proceeded to the kitchen and made some strong coffee, pouring two mugs Ville made his way back in Bam’s direction, nudging the door open, Ville entered the living room to find Bam slumped on the sofa.
Anger seemed to emanate from his very pore. His fists and jaw were clenched and his eyes now had a hint of steel grey in them. Ville placed Bam’s coffee on the table next to him, made himself comfy, took a sip of his coffee and waited.
"Fucking stupid woman!" Ville knew Bam would need to rant; he was used to Bam’s anger process. Bam was unable to fume silently the way Ville could. Ville would remain silent and nod understandingly when relevant.
"Bitching at me cuz I didn't go back last night! Who is she to tell me I can't see some friends! Fucking bitch telling me I should have been waiting for her like some fucking lap fucking dog! Just cuz she drank too much and threw up this morning! Fucking hormones my ass! Why do women use that excuse like it's their god given right to have fucking bitch-fits cuz of their fucking bodies!" Bam’s eyes were blazing when he looked at Ville. Ville shrugged and drank some more coffee.
Bam grabbed his cup and necked his hot drink, no doubt scorching his throat on the way down. Suddenly Bam grinned.
"Goddamn Willa, I forgot you make the best coffee on the planet!" Bam’s body language was softening and his eyes were returning to their angelic light blue.
"Practice makes perfect Bam-Bam." Ville smiled as he drank the last of his coffee.
Ville tried desperately to ignore how purely sexual Bam looked lounging on his sofa in nothing but a borrowed pair of jogging bottoms. Ville could see the black heart they both had on their wrists. As heartbroken and angry he was he still had the insane urge to trace the shape with his tongue.
Chuckling to himself he closed his eyes. So some things would never change, would they? He'd always want Bam and Bam would always break his heart, wouldn't he?
Did he really want a repeat of last night? Amazing sex and unbearable heartache to follow?
Bam stood up and came forward to collect Ville’s cup, Ville’s attention was drawn to Bam’s hips and the way his trousers hung teasingly low, Ville could see most of the pelvic tattoo they shared. He remembered laying his cheek against the heartagram after blowing Bam for the first time.
He smiled sadly up at Bam as he handed Bam his mug. Bam’s smile was sad too, Ville knew the younger man loved him and he knew Bam would never let anyone know that.
Bam came back in with cereal for Ville and toast for himself. The atmosphere was comfortable as they ate. They talked about safe things. Ville asked after Ape and Phil and Bam asked after Anita and Kari. They talked of mutual friends and the guys in the band.
"She's going to the doctors." Bam said once they'd finished eating. Ville was confused, they'd been talking about Linde and the last time he'd checked, despite the long hair, Linde was most definitely MALE!
"Excuse me?" Ville asked, completely baffled.
"Missy, she's found a doctor who'll see her, she thinks her hormones are fucked." Bam mumbled, he didn't seem convinced.
"What do you think?" Ville asked, probing gently, Bam could be very uppity when pushed for information. Bam shrugged and sighed.
"I don't know. Over the past few months she's turned into a super clingy, super paranoid psycho bitch. She was fine before, we were fine before!" Bam was frustrated, Ville could see that.
"Have you given her any reason to?" Ville asked, he knew Bam could and would flirt with anything that batted its eyelashes at him.
"No! I even stopped going to the Hooters for a while! Apart from last night I haven't so much as glanced at someone else and for Bam Fucking Margera that hasn't been easy!"
At the mention of the previous night Ville’s tummy flip-flopped. Poor Missy...eugh, Ville hated the guilt!
"Well at least if there is something health wise up with her, you'll find out and if it's not health related, well there's no shame in marriage counselling."
Ville sat next to Bam and entwined their fingers. It wasn't meant to be sexual or romantic; it was as a man consoling his friend. Bam nodded.
"I just don't know how things got so complicated." Ville heard the tears in Bam’s voice and ran his thumb up and down the skin on the back of Bam’s hand.
"I don't know kulta, I wish I did." He knew Bam had meant his and Ville’s relationship. Years ago it had been blissfully simple but then real life had intervened and they'd found themselves in the worst place they could be. With each other.
"Willa? Sing to me?" Bam sounded so afraid, so childlike that he couldn't say no. Taking his acoustic from its stand in the corner, he sat on the sofa cross-legged, closed his eyes and began to strum and sing:
"There was a time
When I could breathe my life in you
And one by one your pale fingers
Started to move
I touched your face
And all life was erased
You smiled like an angel
Falling from grace
We've been slaves to this love
From the moment we touched
And kept begging for more of this
Resurrection! Resurrection!
You kissed my lips
With those once cold fingertips
You reached out for me
And oh how you missed
You touched my face
All life was erased
You smiled like an angel
Falling from grace
We've been slaves to this love
From the moment we touched
And kept begging for more of this
Resurrection! Resurrection!
We've been slaves to this love
From the moment we touched
And kept begging for more of this
Resurrection! Resurrection!
This resurrection
This resurrection
This resurrection
This resurrection
This resurrection
Falling from grace..."
Their lips locked before Ville had even stopped singing. Their lips moved hungrily against one another’s. Ville pulled away and moved his guitar from between them.
Gazing into Bam’s eyes, Ville realised that although Bam was going to leave him and go back to Missy and it'd break Ville’s heart, he honestly didn't care.
He loved and wanted Bam so much that it would be a crime not to savour every last moment with him. The heartache was worth it to be touching his soul mate.
Bam moved quickly so he was sitting on Ville’s lap, legs around his waist, they never broke their kiss once, within seconds both men were hard. Ville loved how the passion and urgency had him breathless. Bam was whispering sweet nothings between their kisses.
"Please, please." Bam was whispering as they moved their bodies against each other. Ville had no idea what Bam was begging for. Did he want to be inside Ville again? It would be divine to have Bam inside him once more, Ville nodded between their kisses, quietly consenting.
"Yes Bammie, inside me again, yes sweetheart" With a groan their lips interlocked one more. Urgent, passionate. Somehow to Ville this seemed like the last time, every touch, every word seemed more pronounced as if the memory were imprinting itself on Ville's brain.
Bam was making an adorable whining sound, his impatience becoming too much. As violently as he dared he rolled back onto the carpet - barely missed the coffee table- and pulled Ville on top of him.
Bam attacked Ville with kisses and caresses. Ville found being on top of the skater drove him wild, it felt so powerful, he had a penchant for being dominant now and then, the power and feeling Bam nibbling on his collar bone had Ville ready to come in an instant. One handed Bam wriggled out of his borrowed trousers and starting tugging on Ville's pyjama pants. Ville helped Bam strip him and like the night before he felt their erections press together, Ville hissed and pressed his face in the crook of Bam's neck.
He had the most overwhelming urge to pound Bam into his living room floor; his hips bucked involuntarily causing Bam to moan. He felt Bam's calloused hand wrap around his cock only this time it was saliva slicked, Bam stroked Ville a few times lubricating his cock. Ville pulled back and stared into Bam's determined eyes. Could Bam really want what Ville thought he did? Bam rarely bottomed... it would hurt him surely, with so little preparation.
"Fuck me" Bam whispered moving the tip of Ville's cock to his entrance; it felt so good Ville had to tense his whole body to stop himself thrusting hard into his lover.
"Oh Bam" Ville growled, moving as slow as he could make himself, as he moved forward little bit by little bit he could feel Bam's blessed heat envelope him. Bam's whole body stiffened and he cried out in pain.
"Should I s-stop?" Ville asked hoping with all of his might Bam said no. Bam shook his head, his eyes screwed shut.
"Just go slow baby" As Bam signalled for Ville to carry on, he slid more of himself into the tight man. He tried to do it tenderly, he never wanted to cause Bam any harm, and he wanted this to be heaven for them both. He could never imagine feeling this way for anyone else. The way he felt joined to Bam was indescribable for the short while they were connected he was truly content. He had no memories, no worries for the future. Purely the here and now: the way Bam looked sexy and masculine, the sunlight playing on his tanned skin and yet he saw a beautiful vulnerability in his now open azure eyes.
Tears pricked behind his eyelids and his breath caught in his throat. The love he felt for Bam was so overwhelming, it drove him to distraction and he felt his heart swell painful.
"Vil?" Bam's voice was soft, uncertain. He always became anxious when Ville spaced out during sex. Ville blinked a few times remembering where he was and smiled softly down at Bam.
"I'm sorry sweetheart" Ville murmured adjusting his position slightly, Bam gasped and clutched at Ville's sides as he slid to the hilt into Bam.
"Christ" Ville whispered, Bam’s body was clamped tightly around him and the intensity of it momentarily stunned him. He didn't want to move, he wanted this feeling forever. He seriously contemplated laying his head against the sweat slicked skin of Bam’s chest and refusing ever to move. He made to lay his head down when Bam took it upon himself to buck his hips forward.
He looked down to see Bam hard and waiting.
"Vil" His tone was pleading now and who was Ville to deny his lover anything he wanted?
With all the tenderness he had inside of him he pulled out of Bam and slid back into him, it felt heavenly to move in and out of Bam’s trembling body. He repeated his previous motion a little more forcefully and before he knew it he was pulling out of Bam and slamming back into him over and over again. His lover was writhing beneath him, Ville could feel Bam’s cock twitching, pressed between their bodies and knew his lover was not far from release.
He could feel his own climax rushing towards him; he couldn't stop himself as he thrust over and over into Bam. It was frantic, intense and heartbreaking. Bam pulled Ville closer and they conversed in a secret language of sighs and moans as their skin slid against each other.
Bam’s moans became urgent and he started whispering something again and again though Ville was too distracted to try and make it out, it sounded like he was humming.
"I-uh-I-Ville-d-d-don't stop!-I-I love you!"
Bam came as he gasped the words that were like the finest music to Ville. The combination of Bam’s convulsing body clenching around his cock and his sweet admission sent Ville cascading over the edge mere seconds after his lover. Their moans reached a beautiful crescendo and their love-making finished with the most intense kiss they'd ever shared.
Several moments later with heavy limbs and a wide smile Ville pulled himself from Bam and lay beside him; Bam pulled Ville to him and kissed his temple. With Bam’s strong arms around him he felt safe.
"I do y'know" Bam’s voice was husky and for a minute Ville had no idea what he meant.
"You do what?" He asked through a yawn. He snuggled closer to Bam’s body heat and placed a pale hand over Bam’s heart. If he concentrated he could feel the Americans heart beating.
"I love you" Bam’s voice was soft but clear, no mistaking what he'd whispered. Ville felt a pang in his heart again; he didn't want to think of Bam going away.
"I love you too Brandon" Ville replied, a lump forming in his throat. He once again couldn't bear the thought of being without his lover. Where had the times when they'd spent a few days every month or two renewing their love for each other in the secrecy of this little apartment gone? Why couldn't they still do it? It'd be easy for Bam to lie to Missy...A business opportunity perhaps?
He sat up and retrieved his pants before going to the kitchen and brewing some much needed coffee. Bam had settled himself once more on the sofa when Ville returned; they drank in silence as Ville mulled an idea over in his mind.
"Bam, don't go" He whispered. Bam sighed and looked at Ville his expression pained.
"Babe, I have to..." He didn't seem to want to explain any further. Ville nodded, he knew Bam wouldn't stay forever; it'd take something drastic to make Ville's wishes come true.
"No honey, not forever, a few days? For old time’s sake?" Ville saw Bam think it over and saw Bam's eyes light up and he knew he'd won. He'd have Bam to himself for a few glorious days. Ideas started running wild in his head, they could revisit that old restaurant they loved by the Tower and maybe now they'd go on the Eye after all?
"I could tell Missy some obscure English skate company want to have a meeting with me?" Bam improvised. He'd always been able to lie perfectly. Having a secret boyfriend kind of enabled you to perfect the art of lying to your nearest and dearest.
"Perfect" Ville said unable to stop a grin splitting his face. He'd make the most of these few days. He'd stock up on the Pro-Plus; much like the Aerosmith song he didn't wanna miss a thing.
For the next few moments they sat and grinned goofily at each other, both of them no doubt planning their few days of freedom. Ville chuckled as he imagined Bam's plan of their days together. It'd obviously be something like: sex, sex, sex, sleep, food, sex, sex, sex and more sex! Ville didn't mind, he could think of worse ways to spend the time.
A muffled vibrating sound snapped them out of their reverie; the noise was followed by "Right Here in My Arms" blasting from in the plant pot by Ville's living room door. Bam jumped up and retrieved his cell from the soil, he rolled his eyes when he read who was calling and with a terse 'yes?' he answered his phone.
"I'm okay yeah. You decided to stop being a bitch now?" Pause "Oh really? What'd they find?" Pause "No I'm standing" Pause "Missy, stop it, I don't need to sit down" Pause "No I don't want to" Pause " Oh fine!" Bam crossed the room and sat cross legged on the sofa "Happy? I’m on his sofa" Pause "Uh yes he's here, it’s his apartment" Pause "I thought you wanted me sitting down?" Pause "Well I'm not moving" Pause "Will you just tell me what the Doc said?" Pause "Yes I’m ready" Pause. Ville saw Bam's expression change. All annoyance drained from his gorgeous face, for a moment his face was carefully blank and then a shocked laugh left his mouth "What?!" His whole demeanour changed, he sat up straighter and began to smile. "You're sure?" Pause "They did tests?" Pause. Ville wondered why Bam was reacting so oddly. It was obvious Missy wasn't in any danger, but what could they have found out to make Bam smile so? Ville realised just as Bam said "How far along are you?"
Ville had to fight not to gasp aloud. He had to fight even harder not to double over with the searing pain clawing at his heart. Missy was pregnant? Oh god...Now she had him forever, truly forever. Ville had known that deep down Bam had always wanted kids but now? When they were meant to be spending time together? Would he ever see Bam again now because of course he'd be leaving, of course they'd get marriage counselling now. A baby was involved. Their baby was involved. Bam was going to be a Dad, and Missy, whom Bam didn't love anymore, was that baby's mother.
Springing from his chair and nearly pouring coffee over himself he left the room as swiftly as he could he ran into his room and threw himself on his still rumpled bed. Bam's smell enveloped him and he choked on a sob.
"Oh god, no, no god no" He whispered his world crashing around him. How would he fight the pain this time around? He had nothing to help him, no alcohol to turn to, to drown the pain in. What would fill the emptiness of his loss? Desperately he wiped his tears away as he heard Bam approach. Ville jumped up and began re-making his bed. He couldn't show Bam how much this had hurt him. He had to be strong and impartial.
"Vil?" Bam's voice was soft and when Ville turned around he saw Bam looking at him sheepishly.
"Hmm?" Ville didn't yet trust himself to speak; he could feel poisonous hateful words dying to spill from his mouth. Bam didn't deserve them...Ville knew full well he and Missy still had sex so why had this new revelation hurt so bad?
"I have to go today...I'm so sorry but I can't stay" His tone was apologetic and he walked towards Ville his arms out. Fighting the urge to run into them and sob and scream Ville walked around the other side of the bed and fluffed a pillow absent mindedly.
"Oh really? Is Missy ill?" Ville asked politely willing himself to stay controlled.
"Uh...no not ill....um she's well...uh" Bam stuttered, a look of confusion passing over his face. It made Ville angry that Bam couldn't just say that he'd gotten his wife up the duff.
"Well? If she's not ill surely she can fly home alone and we can spend some time together?" Ville almost whined playing dumb.
"Well she's, Ville, she's pregnant" Bam looked up and he couldn't stop the smile that broke out on his face. Ville forced a small smile.
"Oh congratulations, how nice for you" Ville couldn't stop the sarcasm dripping from his words. Bam looked hurt.
"Hey Vil, don't be like that...I...I'm gonna be a Dad!" Bam blurted as if it made all the pain go away.
"I'm fully aware of that thank you" Ville said primly. Walking around the bed picking Bam's clothes up, he passed them to the man.
"You should go then, get dressed and I’ll see you out" Ville left a dazed Bam standing in the middle of his bedroom and went into his living room snatching his cigarettes from the coffee table.
Ville was on his second cigarette by the time Bam came back in, silk shirt, jeans and converse back where they belonged. It hurt Ville to see Bam looking so damn sexy. How could he let this gem of a man leave his life once more?
"If you don't mind, I’ll stay here; you know where the door is..." Ville whispered as venomously as he could, tears filled his eyes and his throat began to ache.
"No Willa, don't let it be like this. Don't make me leave you when you're angry..."Bam pleaded dropping to his knees in front of where Ville sat curled in an armchair. His blue eyes begged him to forgive and forget.
"I have to" Ville whispered, being angry with him was better than begging him desperately for him not to go.
"Why?" Bam asked urgently, he took Ville's hand and kissed the delicate skin of his fingertips. His skin tingled and finally the unshed tears spilt from his eyes.
"I don't want to lose you again!" Ville whispered impetuously. Bam sighed against his skin and closed his eyes.
"I cannot abandon her now Ville" Bam moaned.
"Do you love her?" Ville demanded, if Bam said yes it'd be so much easier to let him leave. He could see Bam struggle to answer.
"Yes as the mother of my child, I love her. As my wife, I’ll make it work" Bam resolved. Ville nodded tears still dripping from his chin.
"Do you love me?" He asked fearfully, had it been post orgasmic pillow talk? An admission borne of temporary feelings?
"Oh yes!" Bam said nodding his head wildly "I love you so much it hurts!"
“When will I see you again?" Ville whispered, maybe if Bam could arrange something with him he'd have something to work towards?
"Oh Willa I don't know. I'll be busy now won't I?" Bam's blatant disregard of Ville's feelings had the anger flaring inside him again. He liked it better this way.
"Ok. Well you'd better get back; you're flying home today aren't you?" Ville said brusquely. He stood up forcing Bam to move backwards and lead Bam to the door. As Bam stood just outside the apartment door he leant forward to kiss Ville. Ville turned his head offering Bam his cheek.
"Save the kisses for your wife. Give my best to Missy. I'll see you around Bam-Bam" Before Bam could reply he closed the door and swiftly walked into the bathroom and threw his breakfast up.
What would he do now? He was in an even worse position than he'd been in this time yesterday. With a heartbroken sigh he realised it was time to move on. Properly.
He pottered around his apartment for most of the day removing all traces of Brandon Cole Margera. He threw the pictures of them into the trunk at the end of his bed which he padlocked and placed the key somewhere obscure he'd forget by the end of the week. Instead of washing the bedding Bam had slept on all night he threw them straight into the bin along with the cups and plate he'd used. The damp towel he found in his en-suite followed the kitchen ware and bedding. He didn't want any reminder of the man who'd broken his heart over and over. He cleaned the apartment from top to bottom. At the end of the day he lay on his sofa watching the sun sink over London town and decided to go home.
It took only fifteen minutes to book a flight from Heathrow to Helsinki for the next day. He went to bed that night feeling better than he had in days.
The next morning he took another walk through the grey windswept town and found himself by the Eye again. Smiling wistfully he walked up to the kiosk and purchased a ticket. He sauntered into a pod and sat on one of the benches inside the glass structure. As the great wheel began to move he thought of Bam who'd probably be back in West Chester. The King of his castle once more. He wondered how his pregnant Queen was feeling. Did she know a part of Bam would always belong to a little apartment in London and the Finnish man who occupied it now and then when he was feeling nostalgic?
At the age of thirty three Ville Valo felt ready to move on from the greatest love of his love. Didn't he too deserve all Bam had? A husband or a wife and children of his own? As he'd cleaned his apartment something inside him had changed. The pain hadn't dimmed or disappeared, no it still hurt like hell but Ville had realised it could be temporary if he made it. He had the control to make his own choices. Bam was self centred so why couldn't Ville be? If he saw someone attractive why not chat to them? If he fell in love why not let himself be happy and forge a stable relationship?
After forty five minutes looking over the skyline of London he stepped from the carriage a renewed man. He felt younger, happier. He had decided to go out and find the happiness he so rightly deserved. That evening he took off from Heathrow airport and five hours later landed in his snowy beautiful home city. Somewhere he knew lay the man or woman who'd heal his broken heart and Ville was intent on finding them.