I'm a complete moron
So I slept a good bit today. The only problem with this was the fact that it took a xanax and and drank straight out of 2 1/2 pitchers of beer to do it. I mean so what if it started with randomly passin' out on a friends front porch for 2 hours (i think, sun was about to come up when I awoke and left).
That's not the person I usually am and I don't want to be like that. My God, was it an escape from reality, but I know not to do these things. And I must walk a clear path to get through all troubles or they can never be resolved for me, and I want the feelings and hurt to just go away. I can't sink into a drunken' habit of self-loathing.
Something similar to this happened to a good friend of mine, and I helped point him in the right direction, and now I'm the one that feels like such a fuckin' hipocrite.
Thanks Barb for the advice on using the Unisom. I'm definately going to give that a shot when I get the chance. Being able to sleep would be so much easier on me, so I can get the thoughts out of my head for atleast a couple hours each night and my body won't be complete wreckage.
Just a couple more weeks til' I have insurance then I can go to the Dr. for my back issues and POSSIBLY the sleep. But I know what going to the doctor for that would involve. And I don't want to "talk" to anyone in full about me.
I'm just going to take it day at a time for now and keep myself crazy busy. It's the only thing I can think of doing to help. And even though I already knew this, I realized how good of friends I actually have. Whether here, couple cities away, or a couple states away. They really are TOO great to me. They understand how I don't like to talk about stuff, but will still understand me and be there. Thanks all!
Well I'll start later for last night, thats not all sickening and pathetic, about Jucifer and Bytchwater and post the pictures from last night I got of Jucifer.
-Jer
That's not the person I usually am and I don't want to be like that. My God, was it an escape from reality, but I know not to do these things. And I must walk a clear path to get through all troubles or they can never be resolved for me, and I want the feelings and hurt to just go away. I can't sink into a drunken' habit of self-loathing.
Something similar to this happened to a good friend of mine, and I helped point him in the right direction, and now I'm the one that feels like such a fuckin' hipocrite.
Thanks Barb for the advice on using the Unisom. I'm definately going to give that a shot when I get the chance. Being able to sleep would be so much easier on me, so I can get the thoughts out of my head for atleast a couple hours each night and my body won't be complete wreckage.
Just a couple more weeks til' I have insurance then I can go to the Dr. for my back issues and POSSIBLY the sleep. But I know what going to the doctor for that would involve. And I don't want to "talk" to anyone in full about me.
I'm just going to take it day at a time for now and keep myself crazy busy. It's the only thing I can think of doing to help. And even though I already knew this, I realized how good of friends I actually have. Whether here, couple cities away, or a couple states away. They really are TOO great to me. They understand how I don't like to talk about stuff, but will still understand me and be there. Thanks all!
Well I'll start later for last night, thats not all sickening and pathetic, about Jucifer and Bytchwater and post the pictures from last night I got of Jucifer.
-Jer