(no subject)
im at home right now...probably could be at school but i felt too tired to go. yesterday i got back home around 3, got my nani to confirm my fever, let ace up and crawled into my parents bed (haha im a loser, BUT in my defense its much bigger, more comfortable, and they have this huge down comforter = snuggly warm). then i basically slept till 9, got sent off to my own bed, and then got woken up at 4:30 to "do my homework so that i could go to school". i actually woke up at 3 on my own accord, stared at the clock and tried to make my fever reappear. when i failed i went back to sleep. so at 4:30, i took a shower, drank tea and ate a cookie, then started history. basically told my dad that i wasn't going to school then regaled my uninterested parents with a description of my history presentation. went back to history, checked my aim buddy list and laughed at everyone whos away message mentions "sleep then school". i've been basically wasting my time since then. I feel weary. just totally devoid of energy. though, getting to deliver a big huge "I TOLD YOU SO!" to my parents was nice. they just told me to hurry up and get better, then laughed at me. cry cry cry. oh well, thats just how they are, my dad said he would hug me when i went to school, but he gave in after a bit of pestering. yeah yesterday they made me go to school and it was terrible. first day of period + a fever that was supposedly non-existant at 6 am = not fun. though tim was a lovely and drove me to shoprite after a stupid IT meeting to get dove chocolates. i.e. the ones with the little sayings inside wrapper. i tape them to my wall because im a junky like that. right now im listening to rhcp after a long long while. its nice. "i could die for youuuuu, whatchu wanna doo, oh this life i choose". or something like that. it makes me content listening to this song. i feel happy just sitting here typing, the sunlight streaming on my face. even the fact that im like shaking (though not because im cold) does not upset me. i feel loved despite there being nobody around. huh, im a pretty messed up person when i think about it. i get upset at people way to easily. i really don't understand them either. thats probably why i have these expectations of them, things that seem so small, yet are never fulfilled. i don't know what i really want, yet i know that it is so simple. its so sad, i would be happy just to lie in the sun with a book and someone to hold onto when things got sad. and til i can go and do what i want, whatever the hell that is, it seems like i am just wasting my time, idling it away, doing nothing.