It's late and I'm rambling
It's 4:40 in the freaking morning, why am I still awake?
Well, I know why but the knowledge kind of makes me mad.
My brain won't stop for a second, I succeeded in making it
confused for a little while, enough to get 30 minutes of sleep
but I woke up to the noise of LOUD residents and have not been
able to go back to sleep.
Not everything on my mind is bad.
I got accepted to UNT's graduate program! I found out saturday. It's such a big relief,
a huge relief not to be waiting anymore and wondering if I got all
the paperwork in, or if I made good enough scores, or if I just
wasn't good enough. Being accepted any where would have been good,
but being accepted here is great.I haven't told many people outside my staff and
family - too many of the girls I'm in classes with are still waiting
to hear if they made it and I don't want to make them anxious by
telling them I already got a letter.
My dad's been on my mind a lot lately.
I sent him that letter that got bounced back, I sent it yesterday.
I'm nervous about the outcome. I'm nervous about any backlash.
I'm not sorry about what I said, it needed to be said but I'm still
worried. I wish the decision would be made for me but it hasn't,
I want to be able to say that I did everything I could have, but
honestly, I think that even if in the end, I can, it will still
hurt and will not take away the nagging thoughts I always have.
The wedding and my still vague future have also been on my mind.
Mostly the wedding, though. I know it's coming soon but it feels
so far away.There is still so much to do! But it feels so far away.
Just like graduation, it's in May, but still it feels
years away. When Josh leaves me to go back to his apartment, I feel
kind of lonely and I miss him like crazy no matter how much time
we just spent together, which I know is silly, I see him so much,
but I'm also kind of glad we can still miss each other like that. I mean
we haven't been married ten years or anything but we're definitely past
the puppy love stage and yet we crave each other's company like when we
first started dating.
I have to do my first honors clinic hours tomorrow. I'm a little nervous.
I have everything ready - all the papers are stapled, definitions defined,
outfit picked out. It's just my first time, and I'm sure my supervisor will
be there and I know that this experience can only help me and will become
second nature by the time I graduate with my masters but still.
All in all, I'm pretty happy with my life and the direction that I am going.
I know weeks from now I'll look at this entry and hopefully I will laugh at
myself for being nervous about anything, if anything has been consistent,
it's been that God is looking out for me, and that will never be something
I take for granted.
It's almost 5 in the morning, and for the 500th time tonight, I will lay in bed
and hope that Sleep claims me.
Well, I know why but the knowledge kind of makes me mad.
My brain won't stop for a second, I succeeded in making it
confused for a little while, enough to get 30 minutes of sleep
but I woke up to the noise of LOUD residents and have not been
able to go back to sleep.
Not everything on my mind is bad.
I got accepted to UNT's graduate program! I found out saturday. It's such a big relief,
a huge relief not to be waiting anymore and wondering if I got all
the paperwork in, or if I made good enough scores, or if I just
wasn't good enough. Being accepted any where would have been good,
but being accepted here is great.I haven't told many people outside my staff and
family - too many of the girls I'm in classes with are still waiting
to hear if they made it and I don't want to make them anxious by
telling them I already got a letter.
My dad's been on my mind a lot lately.
I sent him that letter that got bounced back, I sent it yesterday.
I'm nervous about the outcome. I'm nervous about any backlash.
I'm not sorry about what I said, it needed to be said but I'm still
worried. I wish the decision would be made for me but it hasn't,
I want to be able to say that I did everything I could have, but
honestly, I think that even if in the end, I can, it will still
hurt and will not take away the nagging thoughts I always have.
The wedding and my still vague future have also been on my mind.
Mostly the wedding, though. I know it's coming soon but it feels
so far away.There is still so much to do! But it feels so far away.
Just like graduation, it's in May, but still it feels
years away. When Josh leaves me to go back to his apartment, I feel
kind of lonely and I miss him like crazy no matter how much time
we just spent together, which I know is silly, I see him so much,
but I'm also kind of glad we can still miss each other like that. I mean
we haven't been married ten years or anything but we're definitely past
the puppy love stage and yet we crave each other's company like when we
first started dating.
I have to do my first honors clinic hours tomorrow. I'm a little nervous.
I have everything ready - all the papers are stapled, definitions defined,
outfit picked out. It's just my first time, and I'm sure my supervisor will
be there and I know that this experience can only help me and will become
second nature by the time I graduate with my masters but still.
All in all, I'm pretty happy with my life and the direction that I am going.
I know weeks from now I'll look at this entry and hopefully I will laugh at
myself for being nervous about anything, if anything has been consistent,
it's been that God is looking out for me, and that will never be something
I take for granted.
It's almost 5 in the morning, and for the 500th time tonight, I will lay in bed
and hope that Sleep claims me.