I don't negotiate...
I'm tired of being terrorized. Day in and day out, I check the terror alert level. Nice warm orange or cold damp blue? Blue!? Dammit!!! Prepare for war!
I switch my sneakers with combat boots, and carry my roughly 4 square meter shield out to face yet another day of armed combat...
With rain.
As I walk, bombarded by enemy fire, the very best I can do is deflect the barrage of uncomfortable and unsightly wetness that attempts to infiltrate my shirt and pant premises. Even in the best case scenarios I face unacceptable collateral damage. Though I'm in full lockdown - no zipper, button, or flap access to my torso or pantalones zones, those little terrorist splinter cells which the War-on-Rain-Terror-pansies so affectionately refer to as "droplets", manage to infiltrate at the very least my pant cuffs.
I have a solution -- a pre-emptive strike on the rain and rain-dictating clouds themselves.
Destroy the rain, before it even has a chance to decide to attack my innocent and keratin-coated body. This is easily accomplished by wearing a suit completely covered in stereo speakers, all oscillating at the resonance frequency of rain -- high C#. You see, when you have a person walking around with speakers all over their body blasting noise at C#, it forms a veritable rain "force field", impervious to the race of rain people. All rain that approaches the general vicinity of the sound waves will be instantly blasted into its subatomic structure of hydrogen and oxygen gas. The hydrogen and oxygen gas then rises, being a less dense mix of gases than the air itself, and pushes the clouds away from the sound-blasting, pre-empting genius wearing the speaker suit.
Not only do we annihilate the splinter cells, we take those suckers out at the source! Sure we take out neightboring clouds, but they're all in cahootz, anyways. One cloud will harbor another, lend it some Weapons of Moisture Production (WMPs)... you know how it is.
Sure the weather inspectors say that there are no WMPs, and that the clouds are just doing their little thing, but, as a person who doesn't like clouds or rain, I want you to ask yourself something... do you really have to take it?
Cuz we're not gonna take it... anymore.
Blow that rain out of the sky.
I switch my sneakers with combat boots, and carry my roughly 4 square meter shield out to face yet another day of armed combat...
With rain.
As I walk, bombarded by enemy fire, the very best I can do is deflect the barrage of uncomfortable and unsightly wetness that attempts to infiltrate my shirt and pant premises. Even in the best case scenarios I face unacceptable collateral damage. Though I'm in full lockdown - no zipper, button, or flap access to my torso or pantalones zones, those little terrorist splinter cells which the War-on-Rain-Terror-pansies so affectionately refer to as "droplets", manage to infiltrate at the very least my pant cuffs.
I have a solution -- a pre-emptive strike on the rain and rain-dictating clouds themselves.
Destroy the rain, before it even has a chance to decide to attack my innocent and keratin-coated body. This is easily accomplished by wearing a suit completely covered in stereo speakers, all oscillating at the resonance frequency of rain -- high C#. You see, when you have a person walking around with speakers all over their body blasting noise at C#, it forms a veritable rain "force field", impervious to the race of rain people. All rain that approaches the general vicinity of the sound waves will be instantly blasted into its subatomic structure of hydrogen and oxygen gas. The hydrogen and oxygen gas then rises, being a less dense mix of gases than the air itself, and pushes the clouds away from the sound-blasting, pre-empting genius wearing the speaker suit.
Not only do we annihilate the splinter cells, we take those suckers out at the source! Sure we take out neightboring clouds, but they're all in cahootz, anyways. One cloud will harbor another, lend it some Weapons of Moisture Production (WMPs)... you know how it is.
Sure the weather inspectors say that there are no WMPs, and that the clouds are just doing their little thing, but, as a person who doesn't like clouds or rain, I want you to ask yourself something... do you really have to take it?
Cuz we're not gonna take it... anymore.
Blow that rain out of the sky.