part 277: "His mind hurts me."
Previous installments are available in my Memories here. Please make sure the Memory page is set to sort by Description to get the entries in the closest-to-correct order.
"Glass Houses" part 277/?
By Viridian5
4/2003 - present
RATING: R. If m/m interaction bothers you, pass this by. AU.
SPOILERS: Glühen.
SUMMARY: After Aya's sister dies, Schwarz tries to save themselves and Aya from the mistakes of the Dramatic CDs and Glühen Schwarz tries to save him from himself--for their own reasons, of course--and neither they nor Weiß are ever the same again.
ARCHIVAL/DISTRIBUTION: No, not yet. This is a trial run of a piece of an unfinished fic.
DISCLAIMERS: All things Weiß Kreuz belong to Koyasu Takehito, Project Weiß, Polygram k.k., and Animate Film. No infringement intended.
NOTES: Thanks to rosaleendhu and red_squared for audiencing, typo-watch, and encouragement. Thanks to 'nat for "puisín," which she says probably sounds like "pu-sheen." Inspirational music includes Covenant's United States of Mind, mayatawi's V Mix the Second CD (Jane Jensen, Kidneythieves, Poe's rock version of "Hello," Kristen Barry's "Ordinary Life," Lacuna Coil), Linkin Park's Meteora, A Perfect Circle's Thirteenth Step, Pigface's Easy Listening..., Shriekback's "The Bastard Sons of Enoch," Zeromancer's Eurotrash, and Neuroticfish's Les Chansons Neurotiques.
I am not responsible for any therapy bills incurred as a result of trauma from doing research on things mentioned in this story. If you look up, say, "butter dog porn" on your own, I refuse to take the blame. I've been told that it's a bad idea to eat soup or drink while reading "Glass Houses."
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"Glass Houses" part 277
By Viridian5
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“There’s nobody else invading,” Ken said. “We checked in person and with Sasha’s telepathy.”
“I guess it’s okay for me to go back up to Aya and the little psycho,” Yoji said. “Make sure my room doesn’t get destroyed.”
“Are you sure it’s safe for just you? Maybe you should have backup.”
“Aya’s there.”
“You remember that Farfarello is currently Aya’s *boyfriend*, right? I don’t know how much help he’ll actually be.”
Ken had always had less faith in Aya than Yoji did. “Aya won’t let him hurt anyone or seriously break anything here. I’m sure of it.”
“Whatever, man. It’s your funeral. I’m just glad that you’re the one who’s going to have to explain all this to Elena when she comes back, not me.”
Yoji didn’t look forward to that at all. “Coward.”
“They’re usually *your* houseguests so they’re *your* problem.”
“The longer you two argue, the longer he’s upstairs alone with just Aya,” Sasha said. “Look, I’ll lightly monitor things when Yoji gets back there, enough to detect a spike in anger or fear but not enough to invade anyone’s privacy.”
“Smart guy,” Ken answered. “You know, since he came here without an invitation I have no problem with you invading Berserker’s privacy.”
“Too bad that I can’t even if I wanted to. His mind *hurts* me. The only way we’ll find out his motives in coming here will be to ask him. Speaking of which....”
“Yeah, I’m going,” Yoji said as he started walking upstairs.
“Are you sure you don’t want backup?” Sasha asked.
Enough already! “I’m sure!”
“Fine.”
“It was nice knowing you, Yoji,” Ken said. “Well, not really. If things go bad, like they surely will, make sure to give us some advance notice instead of waiting for Farfarello to chop any important pieces off you.”
Fenris just looked worried and shook his head.
“You people have no faith in me!” Yoji yelled down at them. He hoped they weren’t right.
When he opened the door to his bedroom and had a look inside, part of him told him that he shouldn’t be totally surprised by what he saw. While Farfarello had the hots for Aya big time and hardly followed social conventions, Yoji had figured that Farfarello would be far more intent on immediately getting Aya out of enemy territory than putting the moves on him.
Then again, Aya had been worried about Farfarello’s state of mind for his entire visit, so they might not be dealing with Farfarello’s usual state of “normal.”
Aya seemed to be torn between surrendering and fighting Farfarello off, making it harder for Yoji to figure out how to react to all this. Yoji felt this weird... shiver of something while in the room with them. Recognition? Empathy? He didn’t know, and it sounded stupid anyway.
They looked good together, pretty and sexy, *hot*, which made it even more unfair. Yoji’s dick reacted instantly and told him that he wanted to see more. He fully understood why people in New York City would be willing to pay to watch them dance/seduce each other, with knives or without. Farfarello’s scars had detracted and distracted from the natural prettiness of his face, but as he healed more the prettiness became more difficult to overlook. Someone had been dressing him better lately too.
Sometimes Farfarello hated Yoji, sometimes he grudgingly appreciated things Yoji did, sometimes he wanted to have sex with him, and the very last time Yoji had seen him Farfarello had given him a completely unexpected hug. All that unpredictability often made it difficult to deal with him.
If Yoji didn’t intervene, Farfarello could end up having sex with Aya in Yoji’s home, in Yoji’s *bed*. *That* Yoji could predict. Considering how badly Yoji wanted to get Aya away from the little psycho....
“Oi!” Yoji shouted. “Do I need to get a hose?!”
Aya jumped and backed away from Farfarello. Once he collected himself, he looked somewhat relieved. Whatever his feelings for Farfarello, he generally didn’t like to put on a display and be watched as things went on.
Casting a petulant glare in Yoji’s direction, Farfarello said, “You of all people should understand what was going on.”
“Not in my room, not on my *sheets*.”
“You don’t generally seem so fastidious.”
Always with the insults. “You’re such a clever guy. Did you know that Aya would have been leaving here soon, so if you’d had a little more patience you wouldn’t have had to talk to me at all?”
“...I didn’t know that.” But he followed that moment of vulnerability with an attack of “How could I possibly have known that?”
“You could have trusted your partner.” Yoji only stopped himself from smirking through sheer will. It wasn’t easy.
That actually appeared to chasten Farfarello, who turned to Aya and said, “Puisín--”
Still flushed and rumpled, so hot, but under somewhat better self-control, Aya replied, “I *was* leaving soon. I’ll try to look at your appearance here as a reaction to our earlier conversation, not a lack of trust in me. As for the rest, I’ll chalk it up to you being so glad to see me that you disregarded how I’d prefer not to put a show on for Yoji--”
“Unless I’m more intimately involved in it,” Yoji had to say, even though he knew it would tick Aya off a bit.
“Yoji!” Right on cue.
“That’s doable,” Farfarello said immediately.
“*What*?” Aya and Yoji answered.
“I *need* you, Aya, and I don’t want to wait. Involving the slutkitten isn’t much of a hardship--”
“Thanks ever so much,” Yoji said dryly.
“--and could be part of my apology to you both for the emotional upheaval I caused in Jamaica.”
Yoji couldn’t read Farfarello’s facial expression *at all*, and from the look on Aya’s face it seemed that he had the same problem. Yoji couldn’t resist saying, “You think really highly of yourself.”
“You could ask Aya if I satisfy him.”
Seeing the “urge to kill rising” look on Aya’s face, Yoji replied, with a small smile, “I’d really rather not, especially not right now. You might want to change course yourself if you ever want to get laid again.”
Farfarello turned his head to see Aya’s face again and finally got a look for himself, which apparently knocked some of the cockiness out of him. “...”
“Are you going out of your way to mortify me, Farfarello?” Aya asked, his violet eyes in full death glare mode. He looked like he was about to drag Farfarello out of the building by his ear.
While Yoji firmly approved of Farfarello getting in trouble, he didn’t want Aya to leave yet. Besides, angry Aya was *sexy*.
Aya suddenly raised an angry eyebrow in Yoji’s direction. Crap, had he heard that telepathically? Unfair! Stupid sexy angry *telepathic* Aya....
“Everybody calm down and take a seat,” Yoji said as he walked past them, sat down on his bed, and pulled Aya down to sit beside him. Thankfully, Aya let himself be pulled, sat, and stayed sitting. Obviously surprised and trying to calculate, Farfarello gave them a long look before sitting next to Aya. His position on the bed meant that Yoji and Aya saw the side of his face that still had an eye. Yoji said, “Okay. Good. We’re going to be adults.” Yoji wanted them to get *very* adult but tried to block Aya from possibly reading that by setting up a barrier of more generic but still charged sexy thoughts that should keep him away.
Due to that dream they’d shared in Vienna, Yoji kept half expecting to see Aya’s tail or his own fluffier one waving in the background. How weird was his life?
Annoyed, Farfarello asked, “Now what?”
“I wonder why you keep trying to set up a threesome when Aya shoots it down every time,” Yoji said.
“Probably for the same reason you try to tumble him every time you see him even though you constantly fail.”
*Ouch*. At least Aya looked somewhat amused now instead of just angry.
Unable to figure out something to say to that, Yoji’s brain took a new path of conversation. “Aya, why *are* you so against involving yourself in a threesome? You’ve seen that it doesn’t have to be serious business with major meaning for your relationships, and you’re not freshly grieving anymore.” Shit, did he *want* to stay on Aya’s bad side? But he had Aya and Farfarello’s surprised and full attention. From the look on Farfarello’s face, Yoji might have just earned himself a few points with this.
After about half a minute of stunned silence, Aya replied, “Because it’s not normal.”
Having already put himself out here, he might as well go all the way. Besides, he really wanted to understand. “Your lover is a guy and you live and work with a group of assassins. I’m sorry, but the good ship ‘Normal’ sailed away, leaving you behind, ages ago.”
“That makes having a vestige of normality all the more precious.”
That made a sad sort of sense. “So is it or isn’t it an issue of morality? Considering you’re friends with a lot of people who have them from time to time.” If Aya himself had a threesome, he’d lose a lot of moral high ground.
“It is and it isn’t. I haven’t spent that much time thinking about it.... Most people in most circumstances wouldn’t be asked to defend themselves on it!”
“I don’t mean this as a personal attack, Aya, I really don’t.”
“Somehow that actually makes it worse.” Obviously upset, Aya said, “Society said and I was taught that someday I’d meet someone meant for me. For a long time after my family tragedy I thought that had to be a lie, but the definitions of that relationship remained in my memory: that this person would love me above all others, I would feel the same, we would be faithful and monogamous, and we wouldn’t *need* anyone else. We’d be enough for each other. The first person I do this with might not be The One for life, but changing the conditions.... A threesome breaks that, and giving in to urges to take another person would be giving in to weakness and a betrayal. Sometimes I want you in a lustful way, Yoji, but I don’t *need* you. In a just world, the person I committed myself to wouldn’t need to bring anyone else in either, as naïve as that apparently sounds to everyone I know. I went into my reasoning on this a bit with Farfarello the first time he gave you an invitation.” The look Aya shot at Farfarello actually made him cringe a bit.
Yoji cringed a bit as well. Shit, he was making Aya feel bad. *Really* bad, it sounded like. Also, for a guy who claimed he didn’t want to talk much, Aya could really hit hard with what he did say. “Aya, you don’t have to--”
“I have varying degrees of affection for a lot of people, and I’ve heard that a lot of people think I’m hot, so does that mean I have to give my body to *everyone* to make them happy and less likely to think I’m a stiff-necked prude and buzzkill? Unlike most of the people I know these days, I don’t do casual sex. If I made myself have sex with them, it would mean something very different to me than it does to them. And to you. That’s a horribly lonely feeling.”
It could get worse. Yoji hadn’t believed that possible. “Aya, what I feel for you isn’t just lust. I really care about you and like being around you. I don’t want anything as loveless and... sordid as what you seem to be describing.”
After briefly shooting Yoji an annoyed look, Farfarello put one hand atop one of Aya’s and said, “I would never want you to do something that would break your spirit. Never. I also don’t expect you to have sex with anyone and everyone who asks, and you should already know that.”
Yoji cut in with “Aya, I would never suggest you have a go with *everybody*.”
“Really, Farfarello?” Aya asked. “Because you’ve been unpredictable on whether we’re monogamous together or not, and *you* know *that*. On Yoji alone, I’m not sure moment by moment with you how, in your opinion, I’m allowed to feel towards him and what I’m allowed to do. Besides, I often feel like I’m being gradually backed into a corner with all the compromises and concessions I’m making, so how *can* I know how far it’ll go? Like with Yoji and Schwarz. At one point he never had sex with men, then he had sex once with Schuldig, then he had sex with Schuldig a few times, then he had sex with other men, and now there are *lots* of men. Given his example, I can’t help worrying where I’ll end up if I give in. Are you okay, Yoji?”
“Don’t mind me, I’m just feeling like I got punched in the gut,” Yoji replied. Because Aya was so horribly right, and at times Yoji missed being straight.
“His case isn’t your case, puisín,” Farfarello said. “The slutkitten doesn’t have the same views as you on relationships, sexual and otherwise, and I am *not* the mindbreaker. They’re each far more libidinous and casual about it than you and I. My intentions for you aren’t his for Yoji.”
“And now I feel nauseous,” Yoji said. While he’d figured Farfarello being here wouldn’t go well, he hadn’t expected it to go like this. It rankled even more that he had himself to blame for the conversation ending up in this direction.
“Since you keep mentioning the idea of a threesome with Yoji at random moments, Farfarello, I’ll lay out my thoughts on the situation for you,” Aya said. “If you see him more as a sex toy than a human being, I won’t go along with it because I care about him as a person and don’t want to see him *used*. If you do see him as a human being and feel lust but no affection for him, I’ll find it disturbing and confusing that you want to bring him into our love relationship and refuse. If you do feel affection for him, I’ll be less disturbed but more confused.”
“Is the slutkitten so unlovable?” Farfarello asked with a bit of a smirk.
“Hardly. I’m just thinking of your past relations with him.”
“But if I did feel affection for him you might consider a threesome?”
How much further could he and Farfarello push Aya in one conversation? Yoji had already decided to lay low a bit.
“I already mentioned that I’d find it confusing.”
“Would you feel jealous?”
Yoji now had proof that looks couldn’t kill, because if they could Farfarello would be a smoldering pile of ashes. Yoji didn’t even want to be in the same room with them right now but was afraid to leave and wondered if Sasha might be suffering downstairs just from lightly monitoring the emotions and thoughts in this bedroom. Poor kid.
Poor Yoji.
“Jealous from you splitting your attention? Perhaps a little. Certainly not jealous of the way you treat him. Then again, sometimes you seem to *want* me to be jealous,” Aya answered, his hot rage apparently turning ice cold, to the point that Yoji could almost feel the angry chill across his skin. “I’m not happy with the way I’m being treated myself. I’m done with this conversation and having you here. Yoji, if he refuses to leave I give you full permission to have your telekinetic throw him out.”
Farfarello obviously didn’t get it yet. “You wouldn’t. We just moved in together besides.”
“This is *your* shit timing. I’d be even more upset with you if I didn’t know you were already having problems today that might be making you more snappish. I need a break from you before I do anything I might regret. Leave. Go home. Eventually I’ll head there too.”
“While you stay here?”
“For now. The weather is cutting down on my options. Don’t worry about me having sex with Yoji. I won’t do it today whether you’re having him with me or not.”
“*Today*?”
“You’re the one who keeps trying to get me to do it, so you shouldn’t have cause to complain. Go home.”
Farfarello suddenly had a knife in his hand, but so did Aya, who immediately shoved Yoji away from them to a safer position. Yoji didn’t want anyone stabbed or slashed to death on his bed! Bare-handed, Yoji couldn’t safely use his wire, but maybe his telekinesis could.... At that moment the door to Yoji’s bedroom swung open to reveal Sasha with his gun out, a very happy Ken with his claws on, and Fenris wiggling his fingers.
“Leave with dignity, Farfarello,” Aya said.
“There will be a reckoning later.”
“I know, and I’m not looking forward to it, but that’s later, when I get home. And don’t you dare kill someone random and try to excuse it on this argument we’re having, because I won’t tolerate it and Crawford wouldn’t either.”
This should be Yoji’s dream come true, but somehow he felt uneasy as hell about the situation.
His movements jerky with anger, Farfarello sheathed his knife, stood, and put on his boots. Aya stood as well, vigilant and ready to go on the offensive if he had to. When Farfarello reached the door and the three Weiß members standing there, he bared his teeth at them threateningly. Ken grinned back, marginally less threatening, and said, “We’ll escort you outside to make sure you don’t get lost.”
Casting one last reproachful look back at Aya, he stomped out of Yoji’s bedroom with Ken, Sasha, and Fenris trailing him. Aya’s stiff body didn’t relax until he heard the building’s front door loudly close. Then he went nearly limp, tired, his anger snuffed out like a candle. “I’m sorry, Yoji.”
Oh, Aya. Yoji replied, “I won’t lie to you and say that was fun, but you did what you had to do. In fact, you should defend *your* honor with him as strongly as you did mine.”
“Please. Not now.”
When Ken returned to Yoji’s bedroom in a rush, he gave Aya an enthusiastic hug. “That’s the Aya I know. That was great! So glad to have you back!”
Obviously thrown for a loop, Aya didn’t hug back or try to free himself. “...thank you? But I’m not returning to the team.”
Ken slapped his back, friendly, and stepped away, still smiling. “It’s okay. You’re one of us, Aya. We’ll always have your back. And any time you want Farfarello thrown out of a place, feel especially free to call me.”
“Thanks, Ken,” Aya said softly.
“It’s dinner time soon. Will you be staying for that?”
“Maybe? But I’m not hungry at the moment.”
“We’ll make a bit extra, and if you don’t eat we’ll have them as leftovers. See you in a bit, Yoji.” Ken closed the door when he left.
Yoji could’ve kissed him. But not really.
Since Aya looked stunned, tired, and somewhat directionless, Yoji patted the bed next to him and said, “Get back here.” After a moment of balking, Aya sat near him. Yoji promptly put an arm around him and pulled him in close to show support. After a few shaky exhales, Aya let him and even rested his head against Yoji’s shoulder, which left some of his soft red hair stroking against Yoji’s bare neck. Altogether, it gave Yoji such a warm feeling. It wasn’t sex with Aya or a threesome including Aya, but it felt good to be seen as a helpful, calming presence and have Aya trusting him enough to act vulnerable around him.
He wished that Aya would accept his earlier offer to rejoin Weiß but didn’t have much hope there.
“...that really sucked,” Aya said softly. “He’s not often like that. Today messed him up....”
“I don’t understand your relationship.”
“At times, neither do I.”
“Will you be safe going back there? Tell me the truth.”
“Yeah, I will. We’ll argue, but even if we come to blows I’ll be all right. Besides, Schwarz has my back too.”
“That is so damned weird.”
“Schwarz liking me for myself?”
“Nah. Schwarz not being a pain in the ass about something. You know that if you *do* need help, you can call us. By phone or--”
“I doubt it’ll be necessary, but thanks.”
“When you go home, make sure he realizes that everything would’ve worked out much better for him with you if he hadn’t come here, pushed too hard, and been such an asshole.”
“I’ll make certain he understands that.”
With Schwarz in town, close, Yoji would have more of an opportunity to look out for Aya and his wellbeing. It also had to change something in Aya’s thinking, at least a little bit, knowing that if things blew up with Farfarello and/or Schwarz he had people and a place to go to. With luck, Schwarz and Farfarello might treat Aya better knowing that too.
Though in some ways Schwarz and Farfarello treating Aya better would suck, since it would lessen the chances of Aya coming to his senses and returning to Weiß.
"Glass Houses" part 277/?
By Viridian5
4/2003 - present
RATING: R. If m/m interaction bothers you, pass this by. AU.
SPOILERS: Glühen.
SUMMARY: After Aya's sister dies, Schwarz tries to save themselves and Aya from the mistakes of the Dramatic CDs and Glühen Schwarz tries to save him from himself--for their own reasons, of course--and neither they nor Weiß are ever the same again.
ARCHIVAL/DISTRIBUTION: No, not yet. This is a trial run of a piece of an unfinished fic.
DISCLAIMERS: All things Weiß Kreuz belong to Koyasu Takehito, Project Weiß, Polygram k.k., and Animate Film. No infringement intended.
NOTES: Thanks to rosaleendhu and red_squared for audiencing, typo-watch, and encouragement. Thanks to 'nat for "puisín," which she says probably sounds like "pu-sheen." Inspirational music includes Covenant's United States of Mind, mayatawi's V Mix the Second CD (Jane Jensen, Kidneythieves, Poe's rock version of "Hello," Kristen Barry's "Ordinary Life," Lacuna Coil), Linkin Park's Meteora, A Perfect Circle's Thirteenth Step, Pigface's Easy Listening..., Shriekback's "The Bastard Sons of Enoch," Zeromancer's Eurotrash, and Neuroticfish's Les Chansons Neurotiques.
I am not responsible for any therapy bills incurred as a result of trauma from doing research on things mentioned in this story. If you look up, say, "butter dog porn" on your own, I refuse to take the blame. I've been told that it's a bad idea to eat soup or drink while reading "Glass Houses."
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"Glass Houses" part 277
By Viridian5
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“There’s nobody else invading,” Ken said. “We checked in person and with Sasha’s telepathy.”
“I guess it’s okay for me to go back up to Aya and the little psycho,” Yoji said. “Make sure my room doesn’t get destroyed.”
“Are you sure it’s safe for just you? Maybe you should have backup.”
“Aya’s there.”
“You remember that Farfarello is currently Aya’s *boyfriend*, right? I don’t know how much help he’ll actually be.”
Ken had always had less faith in Aya than Yoji did. “Aya won’t let him hurt anyone or seriously break anything here. I’m sure of it.”
“Whatever, man. It’s your funeral. I’m just glad that you’re the one who’s going to have to explain all this to Elena when she comes back, not me.”
Yoji didn’t look forward to that at all. “Coward.”
“They’re usually *your* houseguests so they’re *your* problem.”
“The longer you two argue, the longer he’s upstairs alone with just Aya,” Sasha said. “Look, I’ll lightly monitor things when Yoji gets back there, enough to detect a spike in anger or fear but not enough to invade anyone’s privacy.”
“Smart guy,” Ken answered. “You know, since he came here without an invitation I have no problem with you invading Berserker’s privacy.”
“Too bad that I can’t even if I wanted to. His mind *hurts* me. The only way we’ll find out his motives in coming here will be to ask him. Speaking of which....”
“Yeah, I’m going,” Yoji said as he started walking upstairs.
“Are you sure you don’t want backup?” Sasha asked.
Enough already! “I’m sure!”
“Fine.”
“It was nice knowing you, Yoji,” Ken said. “Well, not really. If things go bad, like they surely will, make sure to give us some advance notice instead of waiting for Farfarello to chop any important pieces off you.”
Fenris just looked worried and shook his head.
“You people have no faith in me!” Yoji yelled down at them. He hoped they weren’t right.
When he opened the door to his bedroom and had a look inside, part of him told him that he shouldn’t be totally surprised by what he saw. While Farfarello had the hots for Aya big time and hardly followed social conventions, Yoji had figured that Farfarello would be far more intent on immediately getting Aya out of enemy territory than putting the moves on him.
Then again, Aya had been worried about Farfarello’s state of mind for his entire visit, so they might not be dealing with Farfarello’s usual state of “normal.”
Aya seemed to be torn between surrendering and fighting Farfarello off, making it harder for Yoji to figure out how to react to all this. Yoji felt this weird... shiver of something while in the room with them. Recognition? Empathy? He didn’t know, and it sounded stupid anyway.
They looked good together, pretty and sexy, *hot*, which made it even more unfair. Yoji’s dick reacted instantly and told him that he wanted to see more. He fully understood why people in New York City would be willing to pay to watch them dance/seduce each other, with knives or without. Farfarello’s scars had detracted and distracted from the natural prettiness of his face, but as he healed more the prettiness became more difficult to overlook. Someone had been dressing him better lately too.
Sometimes Farfarello hated Yoji, sometimes he grudgingly appreciated things Yoji did, sometimes he wanted to have sex with him, and the very last time Yoji had seen him Farfarello had given him a completely unexpected hug. All that unpredictability often made it difficult to deal with him.
If Yoji didn’t intervene, Farfarello could end up having sex with Aya in Yoji’s home, in Yoji’s *bed*. *That* Yoji could predict. Considering how badly Yoji wanted to get Aya away from the little psycho....
“Oi!” Yoji shouted. “Do I need to get a hose?!”
Aya jumped and backed away from Farfarello. Once he collected himself, he looked somewhat relieved. Whatever his feelings for Farfarello, he generally didn’t like to put on a display and be watched as things went on.
Casting a petulant glare in Yoji’s direction, Farfarello said, “You of all people should understand what was going on.”
“Not in my room, not on my *sheets*.”
“You don’t generally seem so fastidious.”
Always with the insults. “You’re such a clever guy. Did you know that Aya would have been leaving here soon, so if you’d had a little more patience you wouldn’t have had to talk to me at all?”
“...I didn’t know that.” But he followed that moment of vulnerability with an attack of “How could I possibly have known that?”
“You could have trusted your partner.” Yoji only stopped himself from smirking through sheer will. It wasn’t easy.
That actually appeared to chasten Farfarello, who turned to Aya and said, “Puisín--”
Still flushed and rumpled, so hot, but under somewhat better self-control, Aya replied, “I *was* leaving soon. I’ll try to look at your appearance here as a reaction to our earlier conversation, not a lack of trust in me. As for the rest, I’ll chalk it up to you being so glad to see me that you disregarded how I’d prefer not to put a show on for Yoji--”
“Unless I’m more intimately involved in it,” Yoji had to say, even though he knew it would tick Aya off a bit.
“Yoji!” Right on cue.
“That’s doable,” Farfarello said immediately.
“*What*?” Aya and Yoji answered.
“I *need* you, Aya, and I don’t want to wait. Involving the slutkitten isn’t much of a hardship--”
“Thanks ever so much,” Yoji said dryly.
“--and could be part of my apology to you both for the emotional upheaval I caused in Jamaica.”
Yoji couldn’t read Farfarello’s facial expression *at all*, and from the look on Aya’s face it seemed that he had the same problem. Yoji couldn’t resist saying, “You think really highly of yourself.”
“You could ask Aya if I satisfy him.”
Seeing the “urge to kill rising” look on Aya’s face, Yoji replied, with a small smile, “I’d really rather not, especially not right now. You might want to change course yourself if you ever want to get laid again.”
Farfarello turned his head to see Aya’s face again and finally got a look for himself, which apparently knocked some of the cockiness out of him. “...”
“Are you going out of your way to mortify me, Farfarello?” Aya asked, his violet eyes in full death glare mode. He looked like he was about to drag Farfarello out of the building by his ear.
While Yoji firmly approved of Farfarello getting in trouble, he didn’t want Aya to leave yet. Besides, angry Aya was *sexy*.
Aya suddenly raised an angry eyebrow in Yoji’s direction. Crap, had he heard that telepathically? Unfair! Stupid sexy angry *telepathic* Aya....
“Everybody calm down and take a seat,” Yoji said as he walked past them, sat down on his bed, and pulled Aya down to sit beside him. Thankfully, Aya let himself be pulled, sat, and stayed sitting. Obviously surprised and trying to calculate, Farfarello gave them a long look before sitting next to Aya. His position on the bed meant that Yoji and Aya saw the side of his face that still had an eye. Yoji said, “Okay. Good. We’re going to be adults.” Yoji wanted them to get *very* adult but tried to block Aya from possibly reading that by setting up a barrier of more generic but still charged sexy thoughts that should keep him away.
Due to that dream they’d shared in Vienna, Yoji kept half expecting to see Aya’s tail or his own fluffier one waving in the background. How weird was his life?
Annoyed, Farfarello asked, “Now what?”
“I wonder why you keep trying to set up a threesome when Aya shoots it down every time,” Yoji said.
“Probably for the same reason you try to tumble him every time you see him even though you constantly fail.”
*Ouch*. At least Aya looked somewhat amused now instead of just angry.
Unable to figure out something to say to that, Yoji’s brain took a new path of conversation. “Aya, why *are* you so against involving yourself in a threesome? You’ve seen that it doesn’t have to be serious business with major meaning for your relationships, and you’re not freshly grieving anymore.” Shit, did he *want* to stay on Aya’s bad side? But he had Aya and Farfarello’s surprised and full attention. From the look on Farfarello’s face, Yoji might have just earned himself a few points with this.
After about half a minute of stunned silence, Aya replied, “Because it’s not normal.”
Having already put himself out here, he might as well go all the way. Besides, he really wanted to understand. “Your lover is a guy and you live and work with a group of assassins. I’m sorry, but the good ship ‘Normal’ sailed away, leaving you behind, ages ago.”
“That makes having a vestige of normality all the more precious.”
That made a sad sort of sense. “So is it or isn’t it an issue of morality? Considering you’re friends with a lot of people who have them from time to time.” If Aya himself had a threesome, he’d lose a lot of moral high ground.
“It is and it isn’t. I haven’t spent that much time thinking about it.... Most people in most circumstances wouldn’t be asked to defend themselves on it!”
“I don’t mean this as a personal attack, Aya, I really don’t.”
“Somehow that actually makes it worse.” Obviously upset, Aya said, “Society said and I was taught that someday I’d meet someone meant for me. For a long time after my family tragedy I thought that had to be a lie, but the definitions of that relationship remained in my memory: that this person would love me above all others, I would feel the same, we would be faithful and monogamous, and we wouldn’t *need* anyone else. We’d be enough for each other. The first person I do this with might not be The One for life, but changing the conditions.... A threesome breaks that, and giving in to urges to take another person would be giving in to weakness and a betrayal. Sometimes I want you in a lustful way, Yoji, but I don’t *need* you. In a just world, the person I committed myself to wouldn’t need to bring anyone else in either, as naïve as that apparently sounds to everyone I know. I went into my reasoning on this a bit with Farfarello the first time he gave you an invitation.” The look Aya shot at Farfarello actually made him cringe a bit.
Yoji cringed a bit as well. Shit, he was making Aya feel bad. *Really* bad, it sounded like. Also, for a guy who claimed he didn’t want to talk much, Aya could really hit hard with what he did say. “Aya, you don’t have to--”
“I have varying degrees of affection for a lot of people, and I’ve heard that a lot of people think I’m hot, so does that mean I have to give my body to *everyone* to make them happy and less likely to think I’m a stiff-necked prude and buzzkill? Unlike most of the people I know these days, I don’t do casual sex. If I made myself have sex with them, it would mean something very different to me than it does to them. And to you. That’s a horribly lonely feeling.”
It could get worse. Yoji hadn’t believed that possible. “Aya, what I feel for you isn’t just lust. I really care about you and like being around you. I don’t want anything as loveless and... sordid as what you seem to be describing.”
After briefly shooting Yoji an annoyed look, Farfarello put one hand atop one of Aya’s and said, “I would never want you to do something that would break your spirit. Never. I also don’t expect you to have sex with anyone and everyone who asks, and you should already know that.”
Yoji cut in with “Aya, I would never suggest you have a go with *everybody*.”
“Really, Farfarello?” Aya asked. “Because you’ve been unpredictable on whether we’re monogamous together or not, and *you* know *that*. On Yoji alone, I’m not sure moment by moment with you how, in your opinion, I’m allowed to feel towards him and what I’m allowed to do. Besides, I often feel like I’m being gradually backed into a corner with all the compromises and concessions I’m making, so how *can* I know how far it’ll go? Like with Yoji and Schwarz. At one point he never had sex with men, then he had sex once with Schuldig, then he had sex with Schuldig a few times, then he had sex with other men, and now there are *lots* of men. Given his example, I can’t help worrying where I’ll end up if I give in. Are you okay, Yoji?”
“Don’t mind me, I’m just feeling like I got punched in the gut,” Yoji replied. Because Aya was so horribly right, and at times Yoji missed being straight.
“His case isn’t your case, puisín,” Farfarello said. “The slutkitten doesn’t have the same views as you on relationships, sexual and otherwise, and I am *not* the mindbreaker. They’re each far more libidinous and casual about it than you and I. My intentions for you aren’t his for Yoji.”
“And now I feel nauseous,” Yoji said. While he’d figured Farfarello being here wouldn’t go well, he hadn’t expected it to go like this. It rankled even more that he had himself to blame for the conversation ending up in this direction.
“Since you keep mentioning the idea of a threesome with Yoji at random moments, Farfarello, I’ll lay out my thoughts on the situation for you,” Aya said. “If you see him more as a sex toy than a human being, I won’t go along with it because I care about him as a person and don’t want to see him *used*. If you do see him as a human being and feel lust but no affection for him, I’ll find it disturbing and confusing that you want to bring him into our love relationship and refuse. If you do feel affection for him, I’ll be less disturbed but more confused.”
“Is the slutkitten so unlovable?” Farfarello asked with a bit of a smirk.
“Hardly. I’m just thinking of your past relations with him.”
“But if I did feel affection for him you might consider a threesome?”
How much further could he and Farfarello push Aya in one conversation? Yoji had already decided to lay low a bit.
“I already mentioned that I’d find it confusing.”
“Would you feel jealous?”
Yoji now had proof that looks couldn’t kill, because if they could Farfarello would be a smoldering pile of ashes. Yoji didn’t even want to be in the same room with them right now but was afraid to leave and wondered if Sasha might be suffering downstairs just from lightly monitoring the emotions and thoughts in this bedroom. Poor kid.
Poor Yoji.
“Jealous from you splitting your attention? Perhaps a little. Certainly not jealous of the way you treat him. Then again, sometimes you seem to *want* me to be jealous,” Aya answered, his hot rage apparently turning ice cold, to the point that Yoji could almost feel the angry chill across his skin. “I’m not happy with the way I’m being treated myself. I’m done with this conversation and having you here. Yoji, if he refuses to leave I give you full permission to have your telekinetic throw him out.”
Farfarello obviously didn’t get it yet. “You wouldn’t. We just moved in together besides.”
“This is *your* shit timing. I’d be even more upset with you if I didn’t know you were already having problems today that might be making you more snappish. I need a break from you before I do anything I might regret. Leave. Go home. Eventually I’ll head there too.”
“While you stay here?”
“For now. The weather is cutting down on my options. Don’t worry about me having sex with Yoji. I won’t do it today whether you’re having him with me or not.”
“*Today*?”
“You’re the one who keeps trying to get me to do it, so you shouldn’t have cause to complain. Go home.”
Farfarello suddenly had a knife in his hand, but so did Aya, who immediately shoved Yoji away from them to a safer position. Yoji didn’t want anyone stabbed or slashed to death on his bed! Bare-handed, Yoji couldn’t safely use his wire, but maybe his telekinesis could.... At that moment the door to Yoji’s bedroom swung open to reveal Sasha with his gun out, a very happy Ken with his claws on, and Fenris wiggling his fingers.
“Leave with dignity, Farfarello,” Aya said.
“There will be a reckoning later.”
“I know, and I’m not looking forward to it, but that’s later, when I get home. And don’t you dare kill someone random and try to excuse it on this argument we’re having, because I won’t tolerate it and Crawford wouldn’t either.”
This should be Yoji’s dream come true, but somehow he felt uneasy as hell about the situation.
His movements jerky with anger, Farfarello sheathed his knife, stood, and put on his boots. Aya stood as well, vigilant and ready to go on the offensive if he had to. When Farfarello reached the door and the three Weiß members standing there, he bared his teeth at them threateningly. Ken grinned back, marginally less threatening, and said, “We’ll escort you outside to make sure you don’t get lost.”
Casting one last reproachful look back at Aya, he stomped out of Yoji’s bedroom with Ken, Sasha, and Fenris trailing him. Aya’s stiff body didn’t relax until he heard the building’s front door loudly close. Then he went nearly limp, tired, his anger snuffed out like a candle. “I’m sorry, Yoji.”
Oh, Aya. Yoji replied, “I won’t lie to you and say that was fun, but you did what you had to do. In fact, you should defend *your* honor with him as strongly as you did mine.”
“Please. Not now.”
When Ken returned to Yoji’s bedroom in a rush, he gave Aya an enthusiastic hug. “That’s the Aya I know. That was great! So glad to have you back!”
Obviously thrown for a loop, Aya didn’t hug back or try to free himself. “...thank you? But I’m not returning to the team.”
Ken slapped his back, friendly, and stepped away, still smiling. “It’s okay. You’re one of us, Aya. We’ll always have your back. And any time you want Farfarello thrown out of a place, feel especially free to call me.”
“Thanks, Ken,” Aya said softly.
“It’s dinner time soon. Will you be staying for that?”
“Maybe? But I’m not hungry at the moment.”
“We’ll make a bit extra, and if you don’t eat we’ll have them as leftovers. See you in a bit, Yoji.” Ken closed the door when he left.
Yoji could’ve kissed him. But not really.
Since Aya looked stunned, tired, and somewhat directionless, Yoji patted the bed next to him and said, “Get back here.” After a moment of balking, Aya sat near him. Yoji promptly put an arm around him and pulled him in close to show support. After a few shaky exhales, Aya let him and even rested his head against Yoji’s shoulder, which left some of his soft red hair stroking against Yoji’s bare neck. Altogether, it gave Yoji such a warm feeling. It wasn’t sex with Aya or a threesome including Aya, but it felt good to be seen as a helpful, calming presence and have Aya trusting him enough to act vulnerable around him.
He wished that Aya would accept his earlier offer to rejoin Weiß but didn’t have much hope there.
“...that really sucked,” Aya said softly. “He’s not often like that. Today messed him up....”
“I don’t understand your relationship.”
“At times, neither do I.”
“Will you be safe going back there? Tell me the truth.”
“Yeah, I will. We’ll argue, but even if we come to blows I’ll be all right. Besides, Schwarz has my back too.”
“That is so damned weird.”
“Schwarz liking me for myself?”
“Nah. Schwarz not being a pain in the ass about something. You know that if you *do* need help, you can call us. By phone or--”
“I doubt it’ll be necessary, but thanks.”
“When you go home, make sure he realizes that everything would’ve worked out much better for him with you if he hadn’t come here, pushed too hard, and been such an asshole.”
“I’ll make certain he understands that.”
With Schwarz in town, close, Yoji would have more of an opportunity to look out for Aya and his wellbeing. It also had to change something in Aya’s thinking, at least a little bit, knowing that if things blew up with Farfarello and/or Schwarz he had people and a place to go to. With luck, Schwarz and Farfarello might treat Aya better knowing that too.
Though in some ways Schwarz and Farfarello treating Aya better would suck, since it would lessen the chances of Aya coming to his senses and returning to Weiß.