fic-DBSK-TQKTIC (Part 1: The Sleeping Mountains; Chapter 4: Shiny)
Title: The Quest for the Key to the Tower of Inspiration and Creativity; Part 1: The Sleeping Mountains; Chapter 4: Shiny
Author: virdant
Length: 1,004; 4/?
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Fantasy AU; Crack; Moderate reference to D&D but not really.
Pairing: None
Summary:
Story Summary: Five bards meet at a bar and go off in search of maidens to rescue, gold, and most importantly, INSPIRATION FOR YOOCHUN’S NEW SONG TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD. Or maybe not.
Chapter Summary: In which Changmin gets a chance to narrate, the party meets Knight-Mares, and Changmin is revealed to be the smartest person in the party.
Warning: Moderate bard-bashing, some references to D&D, slightly satirical voice
Notes: I actually don't like this chapter. For twinny, because she's the one who says it's not horrendous.
Part 1: The Sleeping Mountains: Chapter 1: Ternia / Chapter 2: What Happened- / Chapter 3: Set Up / Chapter 4: Shiny
The Quest for the Key to the Tower of Inspiration and Creativity
or TQKTIC
Part 1: The Sleeping Mountains
Chapter 4: Shiny
From Chapter 3: Set Up
As stated previously, dark evil things were stirring. This was, of course, not very good for our heroic adventurers, with the exception of Yoochun, because Yoochun was very happy he was in an epic.
“I have a bad feeling about this,” Changmin muttered mysteriously, waiting for somebody else to follow up. “I have a bad feeling about this,” Changmin repeated when no reply was forthcoming.
Still sulking over his ruined hairdo, Jaejoong muttered something uncomplimentary. Yoochun kicked him to remind him that at least his hairdos usually didn’t consist of egg-yolk dripping from the ends and Yunho leveled Disapproving Stare No. 32 (I Am Exceedingly Disappointed in Your Conduct as of This Current Moment. Kindly Refrain from Such Ways in My Presence Not Exceedingly Evil Creature™) at him. Junsu was busy humming happy marching songs and grasping at invisible globes of glowing things.
“Yunho?” Changmin questioned warily, discarding the traditional dialogue of epics for the good, solid practicality of adventuring. “Did you…”
Golden eyes stared back at them.
“AHHHHHH,” Changmin shrieked.
“Awww,” Junsu cooed. “Look at the cute little Knight-Mare!”
Said creature was a heavily armored horse equipped with Knightly Accessories. It looked exceedingly adorable.
“It’s so cute!” Jaejoong agreed. “We should pet her!”
Yunho drew out a drum from somewhere in his pack. “Die foul creature of evil!”
Yoochun stared steadily at the Knight-Mare, memorizing its every feature.
“No! You can’t hurt her!” Jaejoong exclaimed. He stared pitifully at Yunho. “She’s so adorable! Look at her!”
Yunho stared at the Knight-Mare. He stared for a very long time, shuddering, muttering phrases along the lines of: must appear manly, must not give in to utterly adorable black shiny eyes and ohhh, she’s just adorable… no! I must appear manly… but she’s utterly adorable with those wide eyes, before he collapsed. “She’s too adorable to resist!” he exclaimed, bawling.
“Isn’t she pretty?” Jaejoong exclaimed to Yoochun. “Look! She’s shiny!”
Indeed, the armor was rather shiny.
“Yeah,” Junsu agreed, looking dazed. “Shiny…” he breathed in awe.
Yoochun agreed. The Knight-Mare was adorable. And shiny. Really shiny. Really really shiny.
Changmin opened his book, studying the diagrams before he looked up. “Hyung…” he started.
The others ignored him.
He repeated, louder, “Hyung.”
The Knight-Mare leveled Disapproving Stare No. 32 (I Am Exceedingly Disappointed in Your Conduct as of This Current Moment. Kindly Refrain from Such Ways in My Presence Not Exceedingly Evil Creature™) at Changmin. Changmin wondered how on Unnamed Planet a Knight-Mare could level a Disapproving Stare No. 32, but refrained from considering such thoughts because: “Hyung, get away from that creature!”
A giant sharp shiny spear protruded from the Knight-Mare’s head and stabbed Yunho’s drum.
“My drum!”
The Knight-Mare trotted away.
“Did you see how adorable that Knight-Mare was? She picked up Yunho’s drum! Oh, we should totally follow her and coo over her cuteness.”
“Yeah!”
“That’s a great idea!”
Changmin wondered if he was the only person with brains in the entire group.
Was he really the only person who knew that Knight-Mares were evil?
*
“They’re just misunderstood!” Yunho protested as Changmin tried, for the seventh time, to tell the others that the next time they saw a Knight-Mare, they should engage said Knight-Mare in combat, not coo over its cuteness.
“Her!” Yoochun protested, looking slightly teary at the thought of how adorable said Knight-Mare was. “Don’t discriminate!”
Junsu giggled. “She’s adorable!”
Jaejoong cooed nonsense.
Changmin tossed his arms up in the air and groaned. “Why am I always stuck with the retarded ones?”
“Don’t discriminate!”
Changmin leveled a dry look at Yunho. “Why am I always stuck with the Mentally Misunderstood Ones,” he said dryly. “And Mentally Misunderstood Ones is trademarked, yes?”
Yunho nodded, beaming. “I’m so proud of you, Minnie! You’re growing into a big boy now!”
Changmin started bashing his head against a tree. Sometimes it just sucked to be the only genius in the party.
*
Changmin’s inevitable decent into stupidity was stopped by the appearance of an exceedingly adorable and shiny Knight-Mare. Followed by four more.
“They’re shiny!” Junsu exclaimed gleefully.
“Shiny…” Jaejoong murmured.
Yoochun started rummaging through his pack for food to feed them.
Changmin sighed before he pointed straight at the Knight-Mares. “You won’t get away with this!” he shouted as quickly as he could, resenting the fact that all battles had to involve cheesy dialogue. Damn epics and their horrible dialogue. “Even if you’ve enraptured the others with your adorableness, I am strong! I will resist the lure of your black woeful eyes and shiny armor and will persevere for the glory of [insert name of hometown here].”
It also sucked that not having a hometown meant that he was stuck saying the words “insert name of hometown here” every time he had to attack a creature.
He waited two chords for the others to join in, but they seemed preoccupied with cooing and petting said Knight-Mares.
“I think it’s your turn to say something,” Changmin informed the lead Knight-Mare.
The Knight-Mare cocked her head and huffed softly.
“I’ll take that as an approximation of ‘bring it on, my evil will conquer the world,’” Changmin said decidedly. “Can you do the evil laughter?”
The Knight-Mare whinnied.
“Close enough. Alright.” Changmin let out a cackle. “DIE!”
Nothing happened.
The Knight-Mare whinnied more.
And then a giant fireball descended from the heavens to eradicate evil.
*
Ten minutes later, the Forest of Knight-Mares crackling cheerfully, Jaejoong and Junsu danced around as sparks lifted to the sky. “It’s fire!” they exclaimed gleefully, ignoring the fact that that meant that the Knight-Mares were probably dead.
Changmin cackled. “I’m a genius!”
Yunho frowned. “Changmin, that is not proper behavior for Upholders of Justice and Honor™.”
Changmin sighed. This was what he got for defeating evil creatures. Okay, fine, they were shiny, but still.
Yoochun sobbed. “My Knight-Mares…”
Changmin directed a not very clean look towards Yoochun, saying: “I’m certain that this is for the best…” a quick glance at Yunho had Changmin quickly adding, “O Fellow Upholder of Justice and Honor™.” Yunho nodded approvingly. Changmin resisted the urge to stick fingers down his throat.
Jaejoong actually did mime throwing up.
Junsu giggled.
Yoochun mourned.
Yunho remained oblivious to it all.
And thus the party of five cleared the Forest of the Knight-Mares and continued on their quest to rescue Ternia from evil crocodile things.
Changmin shoved fingers into his ears as Junsu and Jaejoong started singing celebratory ditties, all the while dancing in a circle chanting “FIRE FIRE FIRE” gleefully.
How they managed to sing and chant at the same time was beyond Changmin.
Damn shiny Knight-Mares.
If only they weren’t shiny.
TBC.
Ahem. Comments are love. Additionally, this was probably the strangest chapter I've ever written... Seriously. This was no doubt inspired by this video, which I have been watching on repeat. * sighs *
Author: virdant
Length: 1,004; 4/?
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Fantasy AU; Crack; Moderate reference to D&D but not really.
Pairing: None
Summary:
Story Summary: Five bards meet at a bar and go off in search of maidens to rescue, gold, and most importantly, INSPIRATION FOR YOOCHUN’S NEW SONG TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD. Or maybe not.
Chapter Summary: In which Changmin gets a chance to narrate, the party meets Knight-Mares, and Changmin is revealed to be the smartest person in the party.
Warning: Moderate bard-bashing, some references to D&D, slightly satirical voice
Notes: I actually don't like this chapter. For twinny, because she's the one who says it's not horrendous.
Part 1: The Sleeping Mountains: Chapter 1: Ternia / Chapter 2: What Happened- / Chapter 3: Set Up / Chapter 4: Shiny
The Quest for the Key to the Tower of Inspiration and Creativity
or TQKTIC
Part 1: The Sleeping Mountains
Chapter 4: Shiny
From Chapter 3: Set Up
As stated previously, dark evil things were stirring. This was, of course, not very good for our heroic adventurers, with the exception of Yoochun, because Yoochun was very happy he was in an epic.
“I have a bad feeling about this,” Changmin muttered mysteriously, waiting for somebody else to follow up. “I have a bad feeling about this,” Changmin repeated when no reply was forthcoming.
Still sulking over his ruined hairdo, Jaejoong muttered something uncomplimentary. Yoochun kicked him to remind him that at least his hairdos usually didn’t consist of egg-yolk dripping from the ends and Yunho leveled Disapproving Stare No. 32 (I Am Exceedingly Disappointed in Your Conduct as of This Current Moment. Kindly Refrain from Such Ways in My Presence Not Exceedingly Evil Creature™) at him. Junsu was busy humming happy marching songs and grasping at invisible globes of glowing things.
“Yunho?” Changmin questioned warily, discarding the traditional dialogue of epics for the good, solid practicality of adventuring. “Did you…”
Golden eyes stared back at them.
“AHHHHHH,” Changmin shrieked.
“Awww,” Junsu cooed. “Look at the cute little Knight-Mare!”
Said creature was a heavily armored horse equipped with Knightly Accessories. It looked exceedingly adorable.
“It’s so cute!” Jaejoong agreed. “We should pet her!”
Yunho drew out a drum from somewhere in his pack. “Die foul creature of evil!”
Yoochun stared steadily at the Knight-Mare, memorizing its every feature.
“No! You can’t hurt her!” Jaejoong exclaimed. He stared pitifully at Yunho. “She’s so adorable! Look at her!”
Yunho stared at the Knight-Mare. He stared for a very long time, shuddering, muttering phrases along the lines of: must appear manly, must not give in to utterly adorable black shiny eyes and ohhh, she’s just adorable… no! I must appear manly… but she’s utterly adorable with those wide eyes, before he collapsed. “She’s too adorable to resist!” he exclaimed, bawling.
“Isn’t she pretty?” Jaejoong exclaimed to Yoochun. “Look! She’s shiny!”
Indeed, the armor was rather shiny.
“Yeah,” Junsu agreed, looking dazed. “Shiny…” he breathed in awe.
Yoochun agreed. The Knight-Mare was adorable. And shiny. Really shiny. Really really shiny.
Changmin opened his book, studying the diagrams before he looked up. “Hyung…” he started.
The others ignored him.
He repeated, louder, “Hyung.”
The Knight-Mare leveled Disapproving Stare No. 32 (I Am Exceedingly Disappointed in Your Conduct as of This Current Moment. Kindly Refrain from Such Ways in My Presence Not Exceedingly Evil Creature™) at Changmin. Changmin wondered how on Unnamed Planet a Knight-Mare could level a Disapproving Stare No. 32, but refrained from considering such thoughts because: “Hyung, get away from that creature!”
A giant sharp shiny spear protruded from the Knight-Mare’s head and stabbed Yunho’s drum.
“My drum!”
The Knight-Mare trotted away.
“Did you see how adorable that Knight-Mare was? She picked up Yunho’s drum! Oh, we should totally follow her and coo over her cuteness.”
“Yeah!”
“That’s a great idea!”
Changmin wondered if he was the only person with brains in the entire group.
Was he really the only person who knew that Knight-Mares were evil?
*
“They’re just misunderstood!” Yunho protested as Changmin tried, for the seventh time, to tell the others that the next time they saw a Knight-Mare, they should engage said Knight-Mare in combat, not coo over its cuteness.
“Her!” Yoochun protested, looking slightly teary at the thought of how adorable said Knight-Mare was. “Don’t discriminate!”
Junsu giggled. “She’s adorable!”
Jaejoong cooed nonsense.
Changmin tossed his arms up in the air and groaned. “Why am I always stuck with the retarded ones?”
“Don’t discriminate!”
Changmin leveled a dry look at Yunho. “Why am I always stuck with the Mentally Misunderstood Ones,” he said dryly. “And Mentally Misunderstood Ones is trademarked, yes?”
Yunho nodded, beaming. “I’m so proud of you, Minnie! You’re growing into a big boy now!”
Changmin started bashing his head against a tree. Sometimes it just sucked to be the only genius in the party.
*
Changmin’s inevitable decent into stupidity was stopped by the appearance of an exceedingly adorable and shiny Knight-Mare. Followed by four more.
“They’re shiny!” Junsu exclaimed gleefully.
“Shiny…” Jaejoong murmured.
Yoochun started rummaging through his pack for food to feed them.
Changmin sighed before he pointed straight at the Knight-Mares. “You won’t get away with this!” he shouted as quickly as he could, resenting the fact that all battles had to involve cheesy dialogue. Damn epics and their horrible dialogue. “Even if you’ve enraptured the others with your adorableness, I am strong! I will resist the lure of your black woeful eyes and shiny armor and will persevere for the glory of [insert name of hometown here].”
It also sucked that not having a hometown meant that he was stuck saying the words “insert name of hometown here” every time he had to attack a creature.
He waited two chords for the others to join in, but they seemed preoccupied with cooing and petting said Knight-Mares.
“I think it’s your turn to say something,” Changmin informed the lead Knight-Mare.
The Knight-Mare cocked her head and huffed softly.
“I’ll take that as an approximation of ‘bring it on, my evil will conquer the world,’” Changmin said decidedly. “Can you do the evil laughter?”
The Knight-Mare whinnied.
“Close enough. Alright.” Changmin let out a cackle. “DIE!”
Nothing happened.
The Knight-Mare whinnied more.
And then a giant fireball descended from the heavens to eradicate evil.
*
Ten minutes later, the Forest of Knight-Mares crackling cheerfully, Jaejoong and Junsu danced around as sparks lifted to the sky. “It’s fire!” they exclaimed gleefully, ignoring the fact that that meant that the Knight-Mares were probably dead.
Changmin cackled. “I’m a genius!”
Yunho frowned. “Changmin, that is not proper behavior for Upholders of Justice and Honor™.”
Changmin sighed. This was what he got for defeating evil creatures. Okay, fine, they were shiny, but still.
Yoochun sobbed. “My Knight-Mares…”
Changmin directed a not very clean look towards Yoochun, saying: “I’m certain that this is for the best…” a quick glance at Yunho had Changmin quickly adding, “O Fellow Upholder of Justice and Honor™.” Yunho nodded approvingly. Changmin resisted the urge to stick fingers down his throat.
Jaejoong actually did mime throwing up.
Junsu giggled.
Yoochun mourned.
Yunho remained oblivious to it all.
And thus the party of five cleared the Forest of the Knight-Mares and continued on their quest to rescue Ternia from evil crocodile things.
Changmin shoved fingers into his ears as Junsu and Jaejoong started singing celebratory ditties, all the while dancing in a circle chanting “FIRE FIRE FIRE” gleefully.
How they managed to sing and chant at the same time was beyond Changmin.
Damn shiny Knight-Mares.
If only they weren’t shiny.
TBC.
Ahem. Comments are love. Additionally, this was probably the strangest chapter I've ever written... Seriously. This was no doubt inspired by this video, which I have been watching on repeat. * sighs *