march 15, 2006
i cant explain but i cant shake this terribly depressed feeling. it probably doesnt help that daniel leaves in like a little over a month and im going to DIE without him. honestly. i have no other real friends, and plus hes my best friend anyway. i just get so unbelievably sad, like im frozen. i cant find the energy to get up, to think, to move at all. i feel like im paused, and only after he leaves and comes back, will i be ok again. i wanyt to go on a fun road trip with him, but if we wait til its closer to his time to leave, i know ill spend the whole time being all miserable, and "im going to miss you", "please dont break up with me", "pleasedont forget im alive after you leave" and all that. ugh. and what sucks most about this whole depressed thing makes me so impatient with him. like i gte so mad at him easily. i hate it. i feel so horrible about being so mean, but its like i feel like i cant explain to him how i really feel. not cause i dont want to tell him, but i just cant find the right words i guess. i just know ill be in really bad shape when he leaves. i mean really bad. i doubt ill be able to tlak to anyone. ugh. soo not looking forward to that.
i guess on a slightly better note, i spent $71 at the newly opened barnes and noble. totally awesome. i got:
women who kill: a book about crazy women whove killed people (hey! it was on clearance!)
angels in america by tony kushner
lullaby by chuck palahniuk
an empty leather sketchbook
a book weight
a dorothy bookmark
little magnetics pageholder thingies that look like kitties
and sellevision by augusten burroughs
i will try to post some little reviews on those books as i read them. im currently reading the godfather for the 3rd time, so when im done with that, ill tackle these babies.
so orientation at target, yeah? it was ok, kinda boring. but i did get a real name tag cause htye had my name in the drawer. so now i can start work with a real tag in stead of "new team member". hah i feel awesome. i also got my nails done today after i spent 2 hours taking a nice long nap with daniel. its so nice to sleep next to him. like, i sleep so heavy. normally at my house, im a really light sleeper, like i have trouble staying asleep. go ahead and barf all you want, but i feel protected laying next to him, and so im just more comfortable. damn i miss him right now. i was tryin to have a conversation with him but my phone decided to shut off. piece o shit.
yeah, whatever.
i guess on a slightly better note, i spent $71 at the newly opened barnes and noble. totally awesome. i got:
women who kill: a book about crazy women whove killed people (hey! it was on clearance!)
angels in america by tony kushner
lullaby by chuck palahniuk
an empty leather sketchbook
a book weight
a dorothy bookmark
little magnetics pageholder thingies that look like kitties
and sellevision by augusten burroughs
i will try to post some little reviews on those books as i read them. im currently reading the godfather for the 3rd time, so when im done with that, ill tackle these babies.
so orientation at target, yeah? it was ok, kinda boring. but i did get a real name tag cause htye had my name in the drawer. so now i can start work with a real tag in stead of "new team member". hah i feel awesome. i also got my nails done today after i spent 2 hours taking a nice long nap with daniel. its so nice to sleep next to him. like, i sleep so heavy. normally at my house, im a really light sleeper, like i have trouble staying asleep. go ahead and barf all you want, but i feel protected laying next to him, and so im just more comfortable. damn i miss him right now. i was tryin to have a conversation with him but my phone decided to shut off. piece o shit.
yeah, whatever.