What if…?
Some things just aren’t fair. One of them is the fact that tomorrow Zariel and I have to go take our third and hopefully final examination. The studying has gone well over all, and we feel quite confident, but the sciences can be tricky at times. Happily Zar is allowed to work with me quite normally, so memorization of formulas and such isn’t nearly as worrisome. The examiners have their ways of preventing Syms from accessing the Net to keep them from cheating-as if we would cheat! We learned our values well early in life, thanks to the diligence of some faceless child-raiser. Zariel adds that in fact she has been programmed to be incapable of accessing any such material when she enters an examination-type situation. Interesting.
It’s started snowing as usual, but I’m not too worried this time. After all, we have made it perfectly comfortably to the other two examinations… And I just remembered again that we would receive my Language Writing score tomorrow too. Oh dear.
I’ve been feeling very up in the air lately. The stress of not knowing, of wondering if my score will pass or not, is killing me. What happens if I don’t get into the Universitat? What to do with myself? I think that if Zar weren’t here I would probably just lay down and die at the thought of not getting in: but no. No, no, no. We are intelligent enough to get in, and if not-well… We just will, that’s all there is to it. I still have a hard time keeping myself from feeling like it’s actually completely hopeless. My skills are nowhere near the arts or languages, but why should that matter for my ability to enter the Universitat? If I can do what I want to and can learn what I need, why force us to suffer through the humiliation of stumbling through some other horrid exams?
Here’s a thought: what if we didn’t have Syms? I know it’s scary, but try to set aside the idea an analyze it rationally. After all, what are Syms but biomechanical creations melded into our brains to function as protectors (Zar protests this definition and demands I add that Syms also function as companions). Without them, more deaths would occur, yes. But I mean on a personal level how would it feel to be able to be completely and totally alone? To sit alone and think your own thoughts, to be able to do things and have nobody else know? To not have another being mirroring your emotions to some extent and giving away what you feel? Oh it would be so awful-why, you could even KILL yourself if you wanted and nobody would stop you! Oh, Zar, I love you so much, I’m so glad you’re here with me forever.
I ought to go to bed. These thoughts frighten and sadden us, and the examination does begin promptly at 09:00 as usual.
Abbè
It’s started snowing as usual, but I’m not too worried this time. After all, we have made it perfectly comfortably to the other two examinations… And I just remembered again that we would receive my Language Writing score tomorrow too. Oh dear.
I’ve been feeling very up in the air lately. The stress of not knowing, of wondering if my score will pass or not, is killing me. What happens if I don’t get into the Universitat? What to do with myself? I think that if Zar weren’t here I would probably just lay down and die at the thought of not getting in: but no. No, no, no. We are intelligent enough to get in, and if not-well… We just will, that’s all there is to it. I still have a hard time keeping myself from feeling like it’s actually completely hopeless. My skills are nowhere near the arts or languages, but why should that matter for my ability to enter the Universitat? If I can do what I want to and can learn what I need, why force us to suffer through the humiliation of stumbling through some other horrid exams?
Here’s a thought: what if we didn’t have Syms? I know it’s scary, but try to set aside the idea an analyze it rationally. After all, what are Syms but biomechanical creations melded into our brains to function as protectors (Zar protests this definition and demands I add that Syms also function as companions). Without them, more deaths would occur, yes. But I mean on a personal level how would it feel to be able to be completely and totally alone? To sit alone and think your own thoughts, to be able to do things and have nobody else know? To not have another being mirroring your emotions to some extent and giving away what you feel? Oh it would be so awful-why, you could even KILL yourself if you wanted and nobody would stop you! Oh, Zar, I love you so much, I’m so glad you’re here with me forever.
I ought to go to bed. These thoughts frighten and sadden us, and the examination does begin promptly at 09:00 as usual.
Abbè