[fan fic] The "Buggre All This" Bible
Title: The "Buggre All This" Bible
Characters/Parings: England, Mr. A. Ziraphale for a bitty cameo.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Language, as if the title didn't give it away. Oh and cross-over.
Summary: England gets drunk and rambles in a particular Bible.
Notes: Okay, first of all, this is Hetalia/Good Omens, secondly, some historical context. In order to make ink stick to paper in the original printing presses, you needed a chemical found in urine. And since Middle Ages water was some of the most unsafe water ever, most people got fluids through beer. You can probably see where this is going.
A little too much beer and being a disgruntled worker did not suit England well at all. He was already a dangerous sort of drunk, prone to declaring war on France for fun or otherwise causing havoc for the rest of Europe.
Normally he was up with the royal family, who could be so dangerously off-kilter themselves he seemed positively normal in comparison. But whoever was ruling him at that point in time was not going to tolerate his antics and he told him, in their best regal voice, to basically go bugger off for a while and do something bloody useful for a change. England had protested vehemently, but finally went down to a little village and got a job as a type-setter. He hated it, except for the fact he could get as drunk as he wanted and as long as his type-setting wasn’t too terrible it wouldn’t matter. (Even if it was really bad, he could always redo it when he was sober or count on the friendly Mr. Ziraphale, who ran the bookshop down the way and had excellent proof-reading abilities.)
Of course, there were some distinct disadvantages to the job. For one, he was shut up in the workshop all day, no matter how beautiful it was outside or how much he wanted to stretch a little. So England frequently got drunken and surly on the job, and he grew to hate it almost as much as he hated France.
And, of course, he had to vent somehow. So, while he was type-setting a Bible (Ezekiel, chapter 48, verse 5) he decided to rant.
“2. And bye the border of Dan, fromme the east side to the west side, a portion for Afher.
3. And bye the border of Afhter, fromme the east side even untoe the west side, a portion for Naphtali.
4. And bye the border of Naphtali, from the east side untoe the west side, a portion for Manaffeh.
5. Buggre all this for a Larke. I amme sick to mye Hart of typefettinge. Master Biltonn if no Gentelmann, and Master Scagges noe more than a tighte fisted Southwarke Knobbefticke. I telle you, onne a daye laike thif Ennywone half an oz. of Sense should bee oute in the Sunneshain, ane nott Stucke here alle the liuelong daie inn thif mowldey olde By-Our-Lady Workefhoppe. @*Æ@;!*
6 And bye the border of Ephraim, from the east fide even untoe the west fide, a portion for Reuben.”
Thus relieved of his stress, he continued normally. No one really seemed to notice his curious little outburst, probably because most of them skimmed Ezekiel anyways. When Mr. Ziraphale from down the way read it, he only smiled in amusement and went on his way.
Characters/Parings: England, Mr. A. Ziraphale for a bitty cameo.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Language, as if the title didn't give it away. Oh and cross-over.
Summary: England gets drunk and rambles in a particular Bible.
Notes: Okay, first of all, this is Hetalia/Good Omens, secondly, some historical context. In order to make ink stick to paper in the original printing presses, you needed a chemical found in urine. And since Middle Ages water was some of the most unsafe water ever, most people got fluids through beer. You can probably see where this is going.
A little too much beer and being a disgruntled worker did not suit England well at all. He was already a dangerous sort of drunk, prone to declaring war on France for fun or otherwise causing havoc for the rest of Europe.
Normally he was up with the royal family, who could be so dangerously off-kilter themselves he seemed positively normal in comparison. But whoever was ruling him at that point in time was not going to tolerate his antics and he told him, in their best regal voice, to basically go bugger off for a while and do something bloody useful for a change. England had protested vehemently, but finally went down to a little village and got a job as a type-setter. He hated it, except for the fact he could get as drunk as he wanted and as long as his type-setting wasn’t too terrible it wouldn’t matter. (Even if it was really bad, he could always redo it when he was sober or count on the friendly Mr. Ziraphale, who ran the bookshop down the way and had excellent proof-reading abilities.)
Of course, there were some distinct disadvantages to the job. For one, he was shut up in the workshop all day, no matter how beautiful it was outside or how much he wanted to stretch a little. So England frequently got drunken and surly on the job, and he grew to hate it almost as much as he hated France.
And, of course, he had to vent somehow. So, while he was type-setting a Bible (Ezekiel, chapter 48, verse 5) he decided to rant.
“2. And bye the border of Dan, fromme the east side to the west side, a portion for Afher.
3. And bye the border of Afhter, fromme the east side even untoe the west side, a portion for Naphtali.
4. And bye the border of Naphtali, from the east side untoe the west side, a portion for Manaffeh.
5. Buggre all this for a Larke. I amme sick to mye Hart of typefettinge. Master Biltonn if no Gentelmann, and Master Scagges noe more than a tighte fisted Southwarke Knobbefticke. I telle you, onne a daye laike thif Ennywone half an oz. of Sense should bee oute in the Sunneshain, ane nott Stucke here alle the liuelong daie inn thif mowldey olde By-Our-Lady Workefhoppe. @*Æ@;!*
6 And bye the border of Ephraim, from the east fide even untoe the west fide, a portion for Reuben.”
Thus relieved of his stress, he continued normally. No one really seemed to notice his curious little outburst, probably because most of them skimmed Ezekiel anyways. When Mr. Ziraphale from down the way read it, he only smiled in amusement and went on his way.