So what do you know......
Today it occurred to me...I mean *really* occurred to me that I will be 28 in under 3 months. In my head, I am already 28. This is fine and nothing to speak of except that I had a slight freak out moment all to myself. I thought about how I really take my youth for granted. It is all well and good to be single at 28, but before I know it, I'll be 42 and how will I feel about still being single, then?! Right now I have that " I can do anything" thought in my head. Not that 42 is old, but I think a lot of my thinking is associated with my youth. I have a feeling when I reach midlife, I'm going to have one hell of a crisis. This all started because I was having a discussion with Glenna about the term "life partner". I told her that I don't think I'll ever have a "life partner" again. This follows with her saying the usual "well you have to look" and "you're still young" and "you never know". But somehow, I feel in my heart that I'm just going to be single for the rest of my life. Maybe there will be a boyfriend here and there, but as far as real, deep and romantic love....I don't see it. It was miraculous that it happened the first time. I can't imagine it happening again. Someone so extraordinary can't exist twice, not even in a slightly lesser form. It's kind of sad and rather depressing. I think this October is gearing up to be a more difficult one than last year. Someone mentioned 2 going on 3 is worse, and now I am believe that person, whoever that was.
You know, I think I would be ok with never falling in love again except for the fact that I have so much romantic love to give. It's just almost exploding out of me. I divert it to my other relationships- my friends who I love so much and dearly...but it's not the same. Rarely can they give me the kind of emotions and such that I require, need, and demand, even as friends. I try not to fault them for this, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. I am spilling over with devotion, and it is drowning me because there is no one to give it to who will give me the same in return.
Other than that, I love September and October. Pumpkin everything!!!! School starts in a week! I made sure I got nice and tipsy tonight. Fun.
You know, I think I would be ok with never falling in love again except for the fact that I have so much romantic love to give. It's just almost exploding out of me. I divert it to my other relationships- my friends who I love so much and dearly...but it's not the same. Rarely can they give me the kind of emotions and such that I require, need, and demand, even as friends. I try not to fault them for this, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. I am spilling over with devotion, and it is drowning me because there is no one to give it to who will give me the same in return.
Other than that, I love September and October. Pumpkin everything!!!! School starts in a week! I made sure I got nice and tipsy tonight. Fun.