chatter box in need...
Joan of Arcadia is such an emotional tv show ...my Goddess!
It really makes me feel so weird, and want to cry...
I've just saw the last episode of the first season and it made me think so much that I want to write down in my jrnl for Embodiment community project about Consolation versus Desolation...
I want ,no I really Need to feel God/Goddess on my side so close like before!
I need that,I need to see signs, I need to understand and feel something higher...
Sebastien and I really found ourselves closer in the late december, he has been so kind and sweet to me!
I keep on telling him " wow you are so kind at the moment, it's weird, will you stay this way for a long time?"
Alas I guess he was maybe only kind of jealous because of my late fascination on a soul who loves philosophy and beautiful language, a real artistic,witty,poetic and intelligent man...
But of course it was only a fascination!
I mean I fall in love with books,with authors,with painters,with people's souls,words and empathy,compassion what they have to give to this world you know!!
But the most important remains a real humility behind this!
I am the most narcissistic elitist bitch I've ever known but sincerely I am trully humble and never claim to be oh so superior or the best whatever...I really know I am small and a mere human being in spite of the magic and passion in my heart.
Besides my lack of self confidence and my constant self doubting shows my weakness and the fact I still need to balance my narcissism and hate for myself, it's rather an anger than a real hatred I guess...well I dont know...
I have found a name for the stray kitty but sebastien still doesn't think it's a good idea to keep it...I miss it!
I have had an apointment for a job yesterday and it turned out to be rather okay...I dont know...I got even the very very strange impression they will employ me!
Yes I should be happy,I need a job,I need money and I can t say no
But honestly I lied,I am not motivated AT ALL for such a job,it sounds compicated ,I am not sure to have the skills...I am not really commercial
I'm not that good at computers etc...and I dont have logic so when I'll have to work with big financial numbers and make tables ,Goddess help me out!!!!
I fear they will fire me:((((
Okay see how pathetic I am...I am so scared!
But working in a very small entreprises 39hours per week in an office with only three or four man ,rather really older than me,It's gonna be real fun!
wow Gosh hope they won't ask me for conversations!!!I really don't know what I could talk about with fourty something men:// argh
I feel very stressed and bad about it and the pathetic me would be relieved if they say no we can't employ you...as usual...guess we really get used to everything
NO trully I am just a dreamer,I want a nice job in an office with young people where I could have nice colleagues,maybe make friends?
a job for some entreprises that interests me a little at least like candies,chocolate,clothes,make up ,creative stuff...but not for some oil thing petrol whatever...this scares me!!
Besides they said that there would be a week of training in Metz so away from here and I have to be sincere I said I wasn t scared at all, I was fine...I am such a great Liar!
But I really would feel insecure!
I haven t been away for so long,I haven t been alone elsewhere for so long
I know i can do it but it's scary to be in a city you don't know at all...and worse ,if they want me to take the plane!!!!!Goddess
I cannot go through this recent fear I really can't I dont want to have anxiety crises or panic attack...
I am so weak!This pisses me off!
I wish I could impress myself again!
I would like a job meant for me where I could evolve ,where I could feel at my place with a nice schedule,a good wage,not working on weekends...not feeling lost and not feeling totally bored...
I feel this job will bore me to death and that I won't have time for everything else and that it'll tire me emotionnally...argh
Maybe I am unrealistic and too pessimistic?
Okay let's see what happen, they say they would call me next week...Guess things happen for a reason,so may happen what has to happen...
I was thinking about creating my online shop for creative material like rubber stamps and all beautiful papers etc,but the biggest problem is to create the website and the money you need to get such a thing work!
To come back to my fascination it's less passionate now as this man is too arrogant and I dont trust him at all...
When I think about Passion and love I feel the most magic of it all is the Inspiration!
and for this Sheri you were right!
I think maybe the higher blessings is Inspiration!
all this enthusiasm and so forth...going to developpe this in my paper jrnl for sure!
I need to talk but I also need to share and want to write letters but alas my hand hurts when I write so I cant do it for a long time...
I have a huge list of things to do,I am busy,late and I just would like to feel some sweetness,some beauty...
We are searching for a new appart and we have already visited one which was bigger but not really interesting...I want a two bedrooms appartment with a kitchen ,a bathroom with a bath:p and a living room...here in Cambrai it's between 520 and 750 euros for that kind of appartment sometimes even more...
I think it's very expensive!
Could you tell me how much would it be in your country/city for such an appartment just to compare?
thank you!
It really makes me feel so weird, and want to cry...
I've just saw the last episode of the first season and it made me think so much that I want to write down in my jrnl for Embodiment community project about Consolation versus Desolation...
I want ,no I really Need to feel God/Goddess on my side so close like before!
I need that,I need to see signs, I need to understand and feel something higher...
Sebastien and I really found ourselves closer in the late december, he has been so kind and sweet to me!
I keep on telling him " wow you are so kind at the moment, it's weird, will you stay this way for a long time?"
Alas I guess he was maybe only kind of jealous because of my late fascination on a soul who loves philosophy and beautiful language, a real artistic,witty,poetic and intelligent man...
But of course it was only a fascination!
I mean I fall in love with books,with authors,with painters,with people's souls,words and empathy,compassion what they have to give to this world you know!!
But the most important remains a real humility behind this!
I am the most narcissistic elitist bitch I've ever known but sincerely I am trully humble and never claim to be oh so superior or the best whatever...I really know I am small and a mere human being in spite of the magic and passion in my heart.
Besides my lack of self confidence and my constant self doubting shows my weakness and the fact I still need to balance my narcissism and hate for myself, it's rather an anger than a real hatred I guess...well I dont know...
I have found a name for the stray kitty but sebastien still doesn't think it's a good idea to keep it...I miss it!
I have had an apointment for a job yesterday and it turned out to be rather okay...I dont know...I got even the very very strange impression they will employ me!
Yes I should be happy,I need a job,I need money and I can t say no
But honestly I lied,I am not motivated AT ALL for such a job,it sounds compicated ,I am not sure to have the skills...I am not really commercial
I'm not that good at computers etc...and I dont have logic so when I'll have to work with big financial numbers and make tables ,Goddess help me out!!!!
I fear they will fire me:((((
Okay see how pathetic I am...I am so scared!
But working in a very small entreprises 39hours per week in an office with only three or four man ,rather really older than me,It's gonna be real fun!
wow Gosh hope they won't ask me for conversations!!!I really don't know what I could talk about with fourty something men:// argh
I feel very stressed and bad about it and the pathetic me would be relieved if they say no we can't employ you...as usual...guess we really get used to everything
NO trully I am just a dreamer,I want a nice job in an office with young people where I could have nice colleagues,maybe make friends?
a job for some entreprises that interests me a little at least like candies,chocolate,clothes,make up ,creative stuff...but not for some oil thing petrol whatever...this scares me!!
Besides they said that there would be a week of training in Metz so away from here and I have to be sincere I said I wasn t scared at all, I was fine...I am such a great Liar!
But I really would feel insecure!
I haven t been away for so long,I haven t been alone elsewhere for so long
I know i can do it but it's scary to be in a city you don't know at all...and worse ,if they want me to take the plane!!!!!Goddess
I cannot go through this recent fear I really can't I dont want to have anxiety crises or panic attack...
I am so weak!This pisses me off!
I wish I could impress myself again!
I would like a job meant for me where I could evolve ,where I could feel at my place with a nice schedule,a good wage,not working on weekends...not feeling lost and not feeling totally bored...
I feel this job will bore me to death and that I won't have time for everything else and that it'll tire me emotionnally...argh
Maybe I am unrealistic and too pessimistic?
Okay let's see what happen, they say they would call me next week...Guess things happen for a reason,so may happen what has to happen...
I was thinking about creating my online shop for creative material like rubber stamps and all beautiful papers etc,but the biggest problem is to create the website and the money you need to get such a thing work!
To come back to my fascination it's less passionate now as this man is too arrogant and I dont trust him at all...
When I think about Passion and love I feel the most magic of it all is the Inspiration!
and for this Sheri you were right!
I think maybe the higher blessings is Inspiration!
all this enthusiasm and so forth...going to developpe this in my paper jrnl for sure!
I need to talk but I also need to share and want to write letters but alas my hand hurts when I write so I cant do it for a long time...
I have a huge list of things to do,I am busy,late and I just would like to feel some sweetness,some beauty...
We are searching for a new appart and we have already visited one which was bigger but not really interesting...I want a two bedrooms appartment with a kitchen ,a bathroom with a bath:p and a living room...here in Cambrai it's between 520 and 750 euros for that kind of appartment sometimes even more...
I think it's very expensive!
Could you tell me how much would it be in your country/city for such an appartment just to compare?
thank you!