Personal Growth
Over the last year I have endured a lot of personal growth. It has not been easy, but in fact, rather painful. Facing up to your truth is hard. Objectively taking a look at yourself is painful. You realize you were not quite what you thought you were. Maybe you were projecting something completely opposite of what you intended. Listening to psychotherapists tell you that maybe your parents are alcoholics is not an easy thing to do. "oh you mean my dad? He just drinks beer nonstop, he's always done that, that's normal."
No, it's not.
You mean crying is okay?
Yes.
I have done a lot of crying, and still have a lot left to do. I've bottled it up for my entire life.
My parents are completely pissed at me right now. I learned what my role was with them and I'm not playing into it anymore. Now all I get is guilt from their side. Sorry, but I am not going to be their rescuer. They have to help themselves. I will not help someone who won't help themselves. According to my dad, I'm supposed to "help" my mom become happier. I should go out with her and do things. What about him? He's the one who's married to her.
They don't love themselves. No matter what I do, it will never be enough for them. I will never be able to spend enough time with them, go over to their house enough, buy them enough gifts, talk to them enough, etc. I am not their happiness. They need to be happy with themselves first.
They are dissappointed in me. I'm 28 and not married. I don't have any kids. I live in an apartment. I should be married by now so that I can give them grandchildren to distract them from their unhappiness. Isn't that why they had me in the first place?
But yet again, my present boyfriend isn't "good enough". No one will ever be good enough.
Anyway enough focusing on their crap.
My life is going great.
I have a great boyfriend, good health, a nice kick ass apartment, a passion I love that is my job, independence from them, a lake and ducks!
No, it's not.
You mean crying is okay?
Yes.
I have done a lot of crying, and still have a lot left to do. I've bottled it up for my entire life.
My parents are completely pissed at me right now. I learned what my role was with them and I'm not playing into it anymore. Now all I get is guilt from their side. Sorry, but I am not going to be their rescuer. They have to help themselves. I will not help someone who won't help themselves. According to my dad, I'm supposed to "help" my mom become happier. I should go out with her and do things. What about him? He's the one who's married to her.
They don't love themselves. No matter what I do, it will never be enough for them. I will never be able to spend enough time with them, go over to their house enough, buy them enough gifts, talk to them enough, etc. I am not their happiness. They need to be happy with themselves first.
They are dissappointed in me. I'm 28 and not married. I don't have any kids. I live in an apartment. I should be married by now so that I can give them grandchildren to distract them from their unhappiness. Isn't that why they had me in the first place?
But yet again, my present boyfriend isn't "good enough". No one will ever be good enough.
Anyway enough focusing on their crap.
My life is going great.
I have a great boyfriend, good health, a nice kick ass apartment, a passion I love that is my job, independence from them, a lake and ducks!