[Fanfic] Let me remember you (2/2)
Let me remember you, Part two
When Ryo has long left the town, Shige’s memory slowly starts returning in his dreams:
When he was four years old his father got transferred to the town he called home from that on.
They moved into an apartment complex near the ocean and the first thing Shige clearly remembered was making friends with his neighbour Koyama Keiichiro. He was seven at that time but still allowed Shige to stroll along.
Koyama managed to get little Shige into a lot of trouble and one day Shige got told to not meet Koyama again.
Of course neither Shige nor Koyama cared much about that and still met up whenever they could.
As years grew on they made friends with Masuda und Tegoshi who lived down the road and were practically glued together on the hip.
The two were a sight even Shige and Koyama laughed about with Tegoshi stomping forward and Masuda strolling behind without even watching where Tegoshi led him.
When Koyama hit puberty their friendship suffered with Koyama dating girls and now hanging around with the cool kids.
But before short or long Koyama found that the cool kids were way too stressful and by the time Masuda started at his school the four of them grew closer again. And even if Shige had no clue why or how, they were suddenly five instead of four with Yamashita completing their circle.
+
When Koyama started going to the town’s university Nishikido Ryo appeared out of nowhere.
As always they met at the café when Yamapi brought a tiny figure with dark bangs and a hard stare along.
“May I introduce? This is Nishikido Ryo. He just moved here from Tokyo and wants to become a musician.” Yamapi happily announced.
Everyone except for Shige looked more than excited and made extra space so Nishikido could sit down.
“And why would someone start in a small town like this and not in Tokyo where you have all the options in the world?” Shige asked more than sceptical.
They stared at each other with strong, cold glares until Koyama patted Shige on the shoulder.
“Ma ma, Shige-chan, he will have his reason, ne, Ryo-chan?” Nishikido raised an eyebrow at that but didn’t say anything. “Welcome to our town and if you need anything you can just come to one of us and ask, okay?”
Nishikido looked a bit shy but nodded before Tegoshi started bombarding him and Yamapi with questions.
Shige found it more than amusing how he treated Nishikido like a lost puppy, with everyone already making plans on what to show him.
Nishikido though stayed reserved, only gave very vague answers but apart from Shige no one really seemed to care.
+
Shige and Nishikido didn’t get along at all. Whenever they met they would throw the ugliest remarks at each other’s heads which always ended up in someone of the others having to get in between before they started something as stupid as a fist fight.
Nishikido complained Shige was boring, had no sense of style and would absolutely throw his complete life away if he kept on hiding behind his books.
Shige on the other hand kept throwing weird theories at Nishikido’s head as to why he didn’t just stay in his stupid Tokyo where arrogant kids like him belonged to and that he would never be able to make a living upon his poor guitar playing skills.
They sat in their café altogether one evening and Shige was in a rather bad mood because of their upcoming mock exams and while there was usually some sense of sarcasm in his voice, he meant it completely serious this time.
When Shige had closed his mouth and started to glare at Nishikido the room went suddenly silent. Usually Nishikido would remark something as sarcastic but the glare he sent Shige back was full of hurt.
“You’ve never heard me play once how can you even think about saying stuff like that?” Nishikido replied after all and suddenly Shige felt more than guilty.
“Alright, then it’s settled. The next time Ryo-chan plays, we will all go and listen to him!” Koyama then announced and everyone except for Shige immediately cheered on.
Nishikido looked a bit embarrassed but with the tension finally easing Shige sensed he didn’t feel like saying anything more about that matter.
+
A couple of days later the five friends met at the bar Nishikido was to play.
Shige really had better things to do but he didn’t really feel like creating weird tension again. And besides, even though he didn’t know why, the hurt look on Nishikido’s face had stung right into his heart.
When Nishikido finally appeared on the small stage, accompanied by only his guitar, Shige suddenly felt like seeing a complete different person.
While Nishikido usually tended to be vague and rough he had the softest of expression on his face while singing ballads and a face lit up with joy when he played faster songs. When their eyes met during a very beautiful, slow song and Nishikido dreamily smiled at him Shige had to fight a lot to not melt just like that.
Usually Nishikido’s smiles were full of mockery and challenge but he was so absorbed into singing that his whole body language adjusted to whatever he was currently singing as if he felt all of that at the exact moment.
Shige hated to admit it but Nishikido was a musician, a true one. And even more so Shige couldn’t help but wonder why Nishikido had decided to play here in small bars where hardly any people listened when he surely could fill the hugest concert halls.
Shige thought it was a bit too mysterious when Koyama and the others suddenly told him they reeeeally had to go home now right after Nishikido finished.
It was more than fishy but before Shige could say anything they were already gone and Shige found it more than impolite to just go and leave Nishikido behind without even congratulating him- or whatever he was supposed to do.
Nishikido looked a bit surprised when he came back from behind the stage to find only Shige waiting for him at the table.
“So…” they both began but ended rather abruptly and if Shige didn’t know better he thought he had landed in some high school romance movie.
“There were… a couple of nice songs.” Shige said and tried not to sound too girly.
Nishikido just laughed.
“Come one, walk me home, Shige.”
“What?” Shige asked baffled.
“You told me I was no musician with such fervor I was sure you must be a real musician. So you have to show me what you got now.” Nishikido explained, eyes twinkling mischievous.
Shige sighed and mentally said goodbye to his much needed study hours.
“I’m not really-“
“Ah really. So you’re all talk and no action?” Nishikido grinned now winningly.
Shige huffed and finally got up.
“I’m not all talk.”
Nishikido playfully patted his shoulder and the short touch lingered hotly on the skin beneath his thin shirt. Shige’s heart jumped.
“Then prove it!”
+
When Koyama had been off with the school kids and Shige had sat alone during long afternoon hours his parents had recommended him learning an instrument. And so he went to take up guitar lessons. They only lasted one summer because when Koyama turned back to him he demanded too much of his time.
But Shige had come to like playing guitar and sometimes, when he needed a break from studying, he would thoughtlessly be strumming some cords until they became a melody. Sometimes he recognized the song and would be softly humming the melody, sometimes he would create a new melody and hum some words that never really made sense in the end.
When he sat down on Nishikido’s rather comfortable sofa with one of his guitars on his lap he felt rather nervous though.
The only one who had ever heard him play had been his teacher and maybe his parents but not even Koyama was allowed to listen to him.
The guitar felt odd and strange in his hands and the first few chords were played shyly but then Shige took a deep breath and tried to remember the song he had just been playing yesterday.
He got so immersed into playing that he forgot Nishikido being there until the guitar suddenly got yanked out of his hands and Nishikido’s face came into focus.
Shige had exactly two seconds to look surprised until Nishikido leant in and kissed him. Just like that. Baffled Shige froze and almost jumped when Nishikido’s hands slowly cupped his face.
Shige’s mind screamed at him, told him to break away because this was definitely not allowed but his body didn’t seem to care and instead of breaking away Shige slightly tilted his head and that was enough Nishikido needed to deepen the kiss.
Nishikido pulled away way too soon with a smirk, a complete contradiction to his thumbs softly brushing over Shige’s cheeks.
“For your first kiss this was pretty good.”
Shige spluttered but couldn’t fight his blush.
“This was not my first kiss.” He tried to glare.
He wanted to yank away Nishikido’s hands but he didn’t even come as far as moving before Nishikido pulled him closer again and when their lips melted into a much more passionate kiss Shige didn’t protest.
+
They met secretly from that one. Stolen glances when they thought no one was looking, quick, intensive make out sessions in public toilets or bathrooms and when that wasn’t enough anymore Shige slipped out of his home in the middle of the night to go to Ryo’s place but he made sure to be back home before his parents were up.
Sometimes he told them he was staying over at a friend’s and thankfully his parents didn’t ask. But the nights were short and the burn of their touches didn’t linger long enough. But Ryo told him not to tell anyone, not even Koyama and it almost killed Shige.
“What we have is special, Shige.” Ryo kept telling him, breathing into his ear, grip tight. “It’s not for others to see.”
And Shige nodded, digging his nails into Ryo’s skin, wanted to feel him deep inside of him, wanted to melt with him, close, closer.
They were able to keep it a secret until Shige and Tegoshi were in their second year of university. It was long more than just sex and even if Ryo never told him, Shige knew that this was love. His first and for the longest time he thought it also would be his last.
When Shige stayed over on still rare occasions it tended to consist more of snuggling up against each other, being close to each other rather than to reach a quick satisfaction.
And Shige was happy now, honestly happy that Ryo chose exactly this town to start his musical career- even though Ryo still only played in dark, small bars and had part-time jobs to pay his rent. And Shige didn’t care about Ryo’s reasons anymore, didn’t care when Ryo never talked about his family or the life he had lived before.
“I am here now and for me, that’s all that matters.” Ryo had once told him and Shige had just smiled at him.
It was on a bright, sunshiny, very normal day when Tegoshi and Shige used the rare occurrence of matching schedules and went to have lunch together at the university’s cafeteria.
“Ne, Shige. Something’s been odd.” Tegoshi had started casually.
“About what?” Shige was way too deep in his thoughts about how to get to Ryo today without getting caught to be aware of any danger.
“About you. Like, I haven’t seen Shige with a girlfriend for a long time and since Shige is a very nice looking guy girls surely like, I was wondering.” Shige had time to blink before Tegoshi continued with his monologue in the most casual, innocent voice. “But then I also never saw Ryo-chan having a girlfriend even though I know the girls really like him.”
And when Tegoshi shifted his eyes over to finally face Shige with the shiniest smile, Shige actually gulped.
“Ne, Shige. Are you together with Ryo-chan?”
Shige’s jaw dropped. Not only because of Tegoshi’s very, very innocent smile but also because he had not the tiniest clue how Tegoshi pieced the puzzle together out of something seemingly unrelated.
Alarmed he tried to remember whether he had let something slip or whether someone might have caught them after all but really, Shige couldn’t come to a conclusion as to why Tegoshi would think that.
And so Shige laughed nervously and tried to shrug it off.
“I have no clue what you’re talking about. Besides I’m way too busy for a girlfriend and really, who would be suicidal enough to jump into a relationship with R- erm- Nishikido?”
Tegoshi eyed him intensely and Shige had to learn that Tegoshi’s gaze was better than any lie detector could ever be.
When Shige realized that he slumped down defeated which only made Tegoshi light up even more.
“Oh God Shige, I am so happy for you. You really do fit together so well and we were all already wondering because you kept being so friendly to each other. For how long?”
Shige sighed and hoped Ryo wouldn’t kill him later.
“A couple of months?” he said carefully.
Tegoshi looked honestly shocked.
“You were able to keep it from us for so long?”
Shige shrugged and then sighed.
“Just, don’t tell Koyama. Or Massu... or- just… no one.”
“But why? If you are together and love each other why not making it official?” Tegoshi asked puzzled.
Shige had no real answer to that but then thought about how his mother kept dreaming about a house full of grandchildren.
“Just. Don’t.”
Tegoshi looked disappointed but nodded.
+
Koyama acted pretty fishy during the next couple of days. True to his words Tegoshi had said nothing but Shige guessed that as a human science student, Tegoshi knew other ways to tell people things. And even though Koyama tended to be pretty stupid and slow minded, his weird grin he wore every time Ryo and Shige shared the same air in his presence said more than thousand words.
And once Koyama knew, it was only a short matter of time until Massu and Yamapi knew as well. Ryo was more than pissed at first but if Shige was honest he was actually glad that he finally had someone to talk to about all his concerns, hopes, dreams and wishes. It had been agonizing not to be able to tell Koyama anything about it.
Koyama was not so pleased about not having been the first one to know but eventually curiosity and the deep bond of their friendship won and he would ask Shige all kinds of weird and embarrassing questions.
“I am happy for you, Shige.” Koyama then said, a soft smile on his lips. “I’ve never seen you that alive and happy before. And I think Ryo-chan is really good for you.”
Shige just snorted and remembered how he almost failed one particular class because Ryo had kept on distracting him instead of letting him study.
“But if you think about it, we aren’t to be.” Shige answered almost bitterly.
“Why? If you are not the perfect couple than who is?”
Shige sighed.
“But we can’t be a couple. Not really. Society is not ready for that. We are to hide as to not let anyone know. What do you think would happen if anyone saw us? In a small town like this? And what about my mother? She always wanted to have grandchildren and I just couldn’t handle disappointing her.”
Koyama gave him a puzzled look that turned into a bright, happy grin only moments later.
“You really do love him, right?”
“What?”
“You are talking about the future, Shige. A future with him. You wouldn’t talk about that if you didn’t want to spend your life with him. Oh God Shige, that is sooo romantic.” Koyama squealed and before Shige could protest he got pulled into a tight hug.
Shige spluttered, tried to shrug it off but later, when he thought about it, he had to admit that whenever he thought about the future, Ryo would always be a part of it.
+
Shige’s world tumbled into tiny little pieces on the day of his 22nd birthday. There was a special event in the bar they had started to frequent once both Tegoshi and Shige had been old enough for alcohol.
And since Shige didn’t really feel like throwing some stupid birthday party they had decided to just go there altogether. Koyama had suggested meeting up at the bar later and Shige was very glad for that.
He actually had wanted to spend the birthday alone with Ryo but he knew he just couldn’t leave his best friends out of the game. And besides, Ryo and Shige still had a lot of time they could spend together, right?
Shige was currently waiting in the small restaurant for the ordered food to get finished. His eyes moved to the small TV in the corner. He could hardly hear the announcer speaking but it was enough to make him freeze:
“Nishikido-san, headquarter of the Nishikido credit company announced the upcoming marriage of his son Nishikido Ryo with Tokomoto Yukiko this morning. Tokomoto Yukiko is the daughter of Tokomoto Hiro-san, headquarter of the Tokomoto group. The marriage of these two will bind the two groups together.
Nishikido Ryo, who could not attend the press conference held this morning, will be marrying Tokomoto Yukiko on his 25th birthday. Insiders are already handling their wedding as the biggest in this century.
Nishikido Ryo will take over the Nishikido credit company once he’s back from his studies in America.”
Shige gulped. Deep.
“Kato-san, is everything okay?” the shop owner asked him and only when she repeated it thrice did Shige finally switch out of his state.
“Erm, yes. Thank you.” He forced a smile and paid.
“It’s your birthday today, right? I hope you will have a nice day with whoever you are celebrating it.” She winked at him and pointed at the bag with the two udon dishes.
+
When Shige arrived at Ryo’s apartment the older was currently on the phone and didn’t even notice Shige standing awkwardly in the floor. He was busy yelling into the phone and when Shige drew closer he could see the TV sending the news he had heard before.
When Ryo turned around he suddenly froze and Shige knew in an instant that it was true. A small part of him had hoped that maybe, just maybe it wasn’t him the news talked about but the look Ryo gave him admitted of no doubt.
“I’ll call back.” Ryo muttered into the phone and proceeded to walk over to Shige while hanging up.
“Shige…” he whispered, a lot softer now and when he pulled Shige into a suffocating hug, Shige didn’t move.
“You lied.” Was all Shige could say, hurt, sad, disappointed.
“I’m sorry.” Ryo whispered, pulling him even closer.
“Is this your birthday present? Leaving me?” Shige finally asked, pulling away.
“Shige… I’m not going anywhere, promised. I would never leave you.” Ryo answered and Shige could see he was struggling. With what Shige couldn’t tell.
“But the news s-“
“Fuck the news. Fuck, Shige, I never wanted this. I don’t even know her. How could I possibly leave you and marry someone I don’t even know- or love?” Ryo cursed, brushing his hand through his hair.
Shige stayed indifferent.
“But if you inherit the company-“
“I’m not going to take over the company. I never planned to and I never will.”
Ryo stepped closer again.
“I’m not going to go away from here. Promised.” Ryo whispered and Shige believed him.
“Promised?”
“Promised.”
And when they kissed Shige felt a little bit at ease again.
+
The rest instantly knew that something was going on when Ryo and Shige met them. Tegoshi had seen it on the news as well but when Ryo told them his old father was just trying to provoke him, they let the matter drop. But Shige really didn’t feel like celebrating his birthday anymore.
He faked smiles for the whole evening and drank far more he could handle, if only to swallow down the bitter taste in his mouth that just didn’t want to go away.
“I want to show you something.” Ryo whispered into his ear later that night and Shige just nodded and let himself getting pulled out to Ryo’s car.
Shige had no clue whether Ryo was even able to still drive a car but he was so deep in his thoughts he didn’t care.
He knew it was true. He knew that this announcement wasn’t made of pure provocation. And it made sense, slowly made sense to Shige. Arranged marriages weren’t odd between big companies even nowadays and if Ryo’s father wanted to ensure the future of the company he would have to team up with other companies. Marriages were still a common way of bonding.
It had started to rain and while the dark world outside rolled by all Shige wanted to do was cry with the rain.
“You can’t keep your promise in the end, right?” Shige heard himself whisper over the silence in the car.
Ryo said nothing and that was enough Shige needed to hear. He tried, tried really hard to suppress the sob but couldn’t and soon his vision became blurry.
“Shige, God Shige, don’t cry, please.” Ryo begged, blindly grabbing for Shige’s hand but when Shige pulled away Ryo turned around to face him.
“Shige I lo-“ was all Ryo could say before Shige shrieked:
“Ryo watch out! The road!”
But it was too late already….
The sun shines brightly into his room and from his position he can see the blue sky. Birds are chirping peacefully and announce another beautiful day.
Shige finds it hard to breathe, wishes desperately it had been a nightmare but he knows it isn’t. And he understands now what Ryo said before they parted. It was easier when Shige didn’t know what had happened.
+
Later that day Shige stands on the beach, watches the endless water and breathes in the familiar, salty taste of the ocean. A part of him feels like being ripped out of his body and he feels betrayed. Even though he can finally remember, it seems like this is all he will be having of Ryo. Just memories. He can only imagine how it was with Ryo, can only see it as a dream.
He sighs and turns around to walk back to his car. When he’s there he pulls out the piece of paper with an address scribbled on it.
Koyama had given it to him earlier after Shige had asked whether Koyama knew where Ryo had wanted to take him to. Koyama hadn’t said much, had smiled at him, a sad but dreamy one, and given him the address.
Shige punches the address into his navigation system and follows the road, passes by the location of the accident, drives up a winding and small road he’s never been to before and finally reaches a small parking lot in the middle of the forest.
He follows the small path until he stands in front of a house. An empty house he soon realizes.
He rechecks the address but finds he must be right.
“It has two bedrooms as a cover up. The old lately who live here before had passed away. I bought it a couple of weeks before your birthday.” A voice suddenly jolts Shige out of his thoughts.
Surprised he turns around to find none other than Ryo standing behind him dangling with some keys, a cocky grin on his lips.
“Ryo” Shige breathes out shocked as if he just saw a ghost.
Ryo steps closer, lets his gaze shift over the front side of the house.
“Wha- why?” Shige stutters and is a bit too scared to touch Ryo in case he might just disappear into thin air.
“Do you not read newspapers?” Ryo smirks, faces him.
“I was too scared of what I would find, to be honest.” Shige admits and Ryo laughs.
Ryo then stretches his body lazily and Shige feels like flying.
“The marriage never happened in the end. She was already in love with someone else and it seems her father loves her more than mine does me. My old father was pretty pissed.” Ryo laughs.
“It’s been a year…” Shige begins, suddenly a bit angry.
“I had a couple of things to handle and a lot of fights to fight. I didn’t want to come back unless it was for forever.”
“The company?”
Ryo rolls his eyes and finally turns around completely, pulls Shige into a tight hug.
“I promised, right? To never leave you.” Ryo whispers and Shige can do nothing but nod.
He takes a deep breath, takes in Ryo’s scent and clings onto him as if Ryo would leave after all if he didn’t hold on tight enough.
“Now let’s go in. We have a lot to catch up to.” Ryo smirks and pulls Shige inside right after fumbling with the keys.
They hardly manage it through the door and Shige only gets to examine the small house a day later when Ryo is off to buy some food.
And finally Shige feels like having woken up.
-----------------------
I hope your happy now :)
When Ryo has long left the town, Shige’s memory slowly starts returning in his dreams:
When he was four years old his father got transferred to the town he called home from that on.
They moved into an apartment complex near the ocean and the first thing Shige clearly remembered was making friends with his neighbour Koyama Keiichiro. He was seven at that time but still allowed Shige to stroll along.
Koyama managed to get little Shige into a lot of trouble and one day Shige got told to not meet Koyama again.
Of course neither Shige nor Koyama cared much about that and still met up whenever they could.
As years grew on they made friends with Masuda und Tegoshi who lived down the road and were practically glued together on the hip.
The two were a sight even Shige and Koyama laughed about with Tegoshi stomping forward and Masuda strolling behind without even watching where Tegoshi led him.
When Koyama hit puberty their friendship suffered with Koyama dating girls and now hanging around with the cool kids.
But before short or long Koyama found that the cool kids were way too stressful and by the time Masuda started at his school the four of them grew closer again. And even if Shige had no clue why or how, they were suddenly five instead of four with Yamashita completing their circle.
+
When Koyama started going to the town’s university Nishikido Ryo appeared out of nowhere.
As always they met at the café when Yamapi brought a tiny figure with dark bangs and a hard stare along.
“May I introduce? This is Nishikido Ryo. He just moved here from Tokyo and wants to become a musician.” Yamapi happily announced.
Everyone except for Shige looked more than excited and made extra space so Nishikido could sit down.
“And why would someone start in a small town like this and not in Tokyo where you have all the options in the world?” Shige asked more than sceptical.
They stared at each other with strong, cold glares until Koyama patted Shige on the shoulder.
“Ma ma, Shige-chan, he will have his reason, ne, Ryo-chan?” Nishikido raised an eyebrow at that but didn’t say anything. “Welcome to our town and if you need anything you can just come to one of us and ask, okay?”
Nishikido looked a bit shy but nodded before Tegoshi started bombarding him and Yamapi with questions.
Shige found it more than amusing how he treated Nishikido like a lost puppy, with everyone already making plans on what to show him.
Nishikido though stayed reserved, only gave very vague answers but apart from Shige no one really seemed to care.
+
Shige and Nishikido didn’t get along at all. Whenever they met they would throw the ugliest remarks at each other’s heads which always ended up in someone of the others having to get in between before they started something as stupid as a fist fight.
Nishikido complained Shige was boring, had no sense of style and would absolutely throw his complete life away if he kept on hiding behind his books.
Shige on the other hand kept throwing weird theories at Nishikido’s head as to why he didn’t just stay in his stupid Tokyo where arrogant kids like him belonged to and that he would never be able to make a living upon his poor guitar playing skills.
They sat in their café altogether one evening and Shige was in a rather bad mood because of their upcoming mock exams and while there was usually some sense of sarcasm in his voice, he meant it completely serious this time.
When Shige had closed his mouth and started to glare at Nishikido the room went suddenly silent. Usually Nishikido would remark something as sarcastic but the glare he sent Shige back was full of hurt.
“You’ve never heard me play once how can you even think about saying stuff like that?” Nishikido replied after all and suddenly Shige felt more than guilty.
“Alright, then it’s settled. The next time Ryo-chan plays, we will all go and listen to him!” Koyama then announced and everyone except for Shige immediately cheered on.
Nishikido looked a bit embarrassed but with the tension finally easing Shige sensed he didn’t feel like saying anything more about that matter.
+
A couple of days later the five friends met at the bar Nishikido was to play.
Shige really had better things to do but he didn’t really feel like creating weird tension again. And besides, even though he didn’t know why, the hurt look on Nishikido’s face had stung right into his heart.
When Nishikido finally appeared on the small stage, accompanied by only his guitar, Shige suddenly felt like seeing a complete different person.
While Nishikido usually tended to be vague and rough he had the softest of expression on his face while singing ballads and a face lit up with joy when he played faster songs. When their eyes met during a very beautiful, slow song and Nishikido dreamily smiled at him Shige had to fight a lot to not melt just like that.
Usually Nishikido’s smiles were full of mockery and challenge but he was so absorbed into singing that his whole body language adjusted to whatever he was currently singing as if he felt all of that at the exact moment.
Shige hated to admit it but Nishikido was a musician, a true one. And even more so Shige couldn’t help but wonder why Nishikido had decided to play here in small bars where hardly any people listened when he surely could fill the hugest concert halls.
Shige thought it was a bit too mysterious when Koyama and the others suddenly told him they reeeeally had to go home now right after Nishikido finished.
It was more than fishy but before Shige could say anything they were already gone and Shige found it more than impolite to just go and leave Nishikido behind without even congratulating him- or whatever he was supposed to do.
Nishikido looked a bit surprised when he came back from behind the stage to find only Shige waiting for him at the table.
“So…” they both began but ended rather abruptly and if Shige didn’t know better he thought he had landed in some high school romance movie.
“There were… a couple of nice songs.” Shige said and tried not to sound too girly.
Nishikido just laughed.
“Come one, walk me home, Shige.”
“What?” Shige asked baffled.
“You told me I was no musician with such fervor I was sure you must be a real musician. So you have to show me what you got now.” Nishikido explained, eyes twinkling mischievous.
Shige sighed and mentally said goodbye to his much needed study hours.
“I’m not really-“
“Ah really. So you’re all talk and no action?” Nishikido grinned now winningly.
Shige huffed and finally got up.
“I’m not all talk.”
Nishikido playfully patted his shoulder and the short touch lingered hotly on the skin beneath his thin shirt. Shige’s heart jumped.
“Then prove it!”
+
When Koyama had been off with the school kids and Shige had sat alone during long afternoon hours his parents had recommended him learning an instrument. And so he went to take up guitar lessons. They only lasted one summer because when Koyama turned back to him he demanded too much of his time.
But Shige had come to like playing guitar and sometimes, when he needed a break from studying, he would thoughtlessly be strumming some cords until they became a melody. Sometimes he recognized the song and would be softly humming the melody, sometimes he would create a new melody and hum some words that never really made sense in the end.
When he sat down on Nishikido’s rather comfortable sofa with one of his guitars on his lap he felt rather nervous though.
The only one who had ever heard him play had been his teacher and maybe his parents but not even Koyama was allowed to listen to him.
The guitar felt odd and strange in his hands and the first few chords were played shyly but then Shige took a deep breath and tried to remember the song he had just been playing yesterday.
He got so immersed into playing that he forgot Nishikido being there until the guitar suddenly got yanked out of his hands and Nishikido’s face came into focus.
Shige had exactly two seconds to look surprised until Nishikido leant in and kissed him. Just like that. Baffled Shige froze and almost jumped when Nishikido’s hands slowly cupped his face.
Shige’s mind screamed at him, told him to break away because this was definitely not allowed but his body didn’t seem to care and instead of breaking away Shige slightly tilted his head and that was enough Nishikido needed to deepen the kiss.
Nishikido pulled away way too soon with a smirk, a complete contradiction to his thumbs softly brushing over Shige’s cheeks.
“For your first kiss this was pretty good.”
Shige spluttered but couldn’t fight his blush.
“This was not my first kiss.” He tried to glare.
He wanted to yank away Nishikido’s hands but he didn’t even come as far as moving before Nishikido pulled him closer again and when their lips melted into a much more passionate kiss Shige didn’t protest.
+
They met secretly from that one. Stolen glances when they thought no one was looking, quick, intensive make out sessions in public toilets or bathrooms and when that wasn’t enough anymore Shige slipped out of his home in the middle of the night to go to Ryo’s place but he made sure to be back home before his parents were up.
Sometimes he told them he was staying over at a friend’s and thankfully his parents didn’t ask. But the nights were short and the burn of their touches didn’t linger long enough. But Ryo told him not to tell anyone, not even Koyama and it almost killed Shige.
“What we have is special, Shige.” Ryo kept telling him, breathing into his ear, grip tight. “It’s not for others to see.”
And Shige nodded, digging his nails into Ryo’s skin, wanted to feel him deep inside of him, wanted to melt with him, close, closer.
They were able to keep it a secret until Shige and Tegoshi were in their second year of university. It was long more than just sex and even if Ryo never told him, Shige knew that this was love. His first and for the longest time he thought it also would be his last.
When Shige stayed over on still rare occasions it tended to consist more of snuggling up against each other, being close to each other rather than to reach a quick satisfaction.
And Shige was happy now, honestly happy that Ryo chose exactly this town to start his musical career- even though Ryo still only played in dark, small bars and had part-time jobs to pay his rent. And Shige didn’t care about Ryo’s reasons anymore, didn’t care when Ryo never talked about his family or the life he had lived before.
“I am here now and for me, that’s all that matters.” Ryo had once told him and Shige had just smiled at him.
It was on a bright, sunshiny, very normal day when Tegoshi and Shige used the rare occurrence of matching schedules and went to have lunch together at the university’s cafeteria.
“Ne, Shige. Something’s been odd.” Tegoshi had started casually.
“About what?” Shige was way too deep in his thoughts about how to get to Ryo today without getting caught to be aware of any danger.
“About you. Like, I haven’t seen Shige with a girlfriend for a long time and since Shige is a very nice looking guy girls surely like, I was wondering.” Shige had time to blink before Tegoshi continued with his monologue in the most casual, innocent voice. “But then I also never saw Ryo-chan having a girlfriend even though I know the girls really like him.”
And when Tegoshi shifted his eyes over to finally face Shige with the shiniest smile, Shige actually gulped.
“Ne, Shige. Are you together with Ryo-chan?”
Shige’s jaw dropped. Not only because of Tegoshi’s very, very innocent smile but also because he had not the tiniest clue how Tegoshi pieced the puzzle together out of something seemingly unrelated.
Alarmed he tried to remember whether he had let something slip or whether someone might have caught them after all but really, Shige couldn’t come to a conclusion as to why Tegoshi would think that.
And so Shige laughed nervously and tried to shrug it off.
“I have no clue what you’re talking about. Besides I’m way too busy for a girlfriend and really, who would be suicidal enough to jump into a relationship with R- erm- Nishikido?”
Tegoshi eyed him intensely and Shige had to learn that Tegoshi’s gaze was better than any lie detector could ever be.
When Shige realized that he slumped down defeated which only made Tegoshi light up even more.
“Oh God Shige, I am so happy for you. You really do fit together so well and we were all already wondering because you kept being so friendly to each other. For how long?”
Shige sighed and hoped Ryo wouldn’t kill him later.
“A couple of months?” he said carefully.
Tegoshi looked honestly shocked.
“You were able to keep it from us for so long?”
Shige shrugged and then sighed.
“Just, don’t tell Koyama. Or Massu... or- just… no one.”
“But why? If you are together and love each other why not making it official?” Tegoshi asked puzzled.
Shige had no real answer to that but then thought about how his mother kept dreaming about a house full of grandchildren.
“Just. Don’t.”
Tegoshi looked disappointed but nodded.
+
Koyama acted pretty fishy during the next couple of days. True to his words Tegoshi had said nothing but Shige guessed that as a human science student, Tegoshi knew other ways to tell people things. And even though Koyama tended to be pretty stupid and slow minded, his weird grin he wore every time Ryo and Shige shared the same air in his presence said more than thousand words.
And once Koyama knew, it was only a short matter of time until Massu and Yamapi knew as well. Ryo was more than pissed at first but if Shige was honest he was actually glad that he finally had someone to talk to about all his concerns, hopes, dreams and wishes. It had been agonizing not to be able to tell Koyama anything about it.
Koyama was not so pleased about not having been the first one to know but eventually curiosity and the deep bond of their friendship won and he would ask Shige all kinds of weird and embarrassing questions.
“I am happy for you, Shige.” Koyama then said, a soft smile on his lips. “I’ve never seen you that alive and happy before. And I think Ryo-chan is really good for you.”
Shige just snorted and remembered how he almost failed one particular class because Ryo had kept on distracting him instead of letting him study.
“But if you think about it, we aren’t to be.” Shige answered almost bitterly.
“Why? If you are not the perfect couple than who is?”
Shige sighed.
“But we can’t be a couple. Not really. Society is not ready for that. We are to hide as to not let anyone know. What do you think would happen if anyone saw us? In a small town like this? And what about my mother? She always wanted to have grandchildren and I just couldn’t handle disappointing her.”
Koyama gave him a puzzled look that turned into a bright, happy grin only moments later.
“You really do love him, right?”
“What?”
“You are talking about the future, Shige. A future with him. You wouldn’t talk about that if you didn’t want to spend your life with him. Oh God Shige, that is sooo romantic.” Koyama squealed and before Shige could protest he got pulled into a tight hug.
Shige spluttered, tried to shrug it off but later, when he thought about it, he had to admit that whenever he thought about the future, Ryo would always be a part of it.
+
Shige’s world tumbled into tiny little pieces on the day of his 22nd birthday. There was a special event in the bar they had started to frequent once both Tegoshi and Shige had been old enough for alcohol.
And since Shige didn’t really feel like throwing some stupid birthday party they had decided to just go there altogether. Koyama had suggested meeting up at the bar later and Shige was very glad for that.
He actually had wanted to spend the birthday alone with Ryo but he knew he just couldn’t leave his best friends out of the game. And besides, Ryo and Shige still had a lot of time they could spend together, right?
Shige was currently waiting in the small restaurant for the ordered food to get finished. His eyes moved to the small TV in the corner. He could hardly hear the announcer speaking but it was enough to make him freeze:
“Nishikido-san, headquarter of the Nishikido credit company announced the upcoming marriage of his son Nishikido Ryo with Tokomoto Yukiko this morning. Tokomoto Yukiko is the daughter of Tokomoto Hiro-san, headquarter of the Tokomoto group. The marriage of these two will bind the two groups together.
Nishikido Ryo, who could not attend the press conference held this morning, will be marrying Tokomoto Yukiko on his 25th birthday. Insiders are already handling their wedding as the biggest in this century.
Nishikido Ryo will take over the Nishikido credit company once he’s back from his studies in America.”
Shige gulped. Deep.
“Kato-san, is everything okay?” the shop owner asked him and only when she repeated it thrice did Shige finally switch out of his state.
“Erm, yes. Thank you.” He forced a smile and paid.
“It’s your birthday today, right? I hope you will have a nice day with whoever you are celebrating it.” She winked at him and pointed at the bag with the two udon dishes.
+
When Shige arrived at Ryo’s apartment the older was currently on the phone and didn’t even notice Shige standing awkwardly in the floor. He was busy yelling into the phone and when Shige drew closer he could see the TV sending the news he had heard before.
When Ryo turned around he suddenly froze and Shige knew in an instant that it was true. A small part of him had hoped that maybe, just maybe it wasn’t him the news talked about but the look Ryo gave him admitted of no doubt.
“I’ll call back.” Ryo muttered into the phone and proceeded to walk over to Shige while hanging up.
“Shige…” he whispered, a lot softer now and when he pulled Shige into a suffocating hug, Shige didn’t move.
“You lied.” Was all Shige could say, hurt, sad, disappointed.
“I’m sorry.” Ryo whispered, pulling him even closer.
“Is this your birthday present? Leaving me?” Shige finally asked, pulling away.
“Shige… I’m not going anywhere, promised. I would never leave you.” Ryo answered and Shige could see he was struggling. With what Shige couldn’t tell.
“But the news s-“
“Fuck the news. Fuck, Shige, I never wanted this. I don’t even know her. How could I possibly leave you and marry someone I don’t even know- or love?” Ryo cursed, brushing his hand through his hair.
Shige stayed indifferent.
“But if you inherit the company-“
“I’m not going to take over the company. I never planned to and I never will.”
Ryo stepped closer again.
“I’m not going to go away from here. Promised.” Ryo whispered and Shige believed him.
“Promised?”
“Promised.”
And when they kissed Shige felt a little bit at ease again.
+
The rest instantly knew that something was going on when Ryo and Shige met them. Tegoshi had seen it on the news as well but when Ryo told them his old father was just trying to provoke him, they let the matter drop. But Shige really didn’t feel like celebrating his birthday anymore.
He faked smiles for the whole evening and drank far more he could handle, if only to swallow down the bitter taste in his mouth that just didn’t want to go away.
“I want to show you something.” Ryo whispered into his ear later that night and Shige just nodded and let himself getting pulled out to Ryo’s car.
Shige had no clue whether Ryo was even able to still drive a car but he was so deep in his thoughts he didn’t care.
He knew it was true. He knew that this announcement wasn’t made of pure provocation. And it made sense, slowly made sense to Shige. Arranged marriages weren’t odd between big companies even nowadays and if Ryo’s father wanted to ensure the future of the company he would have to team up with other companies. Marriages were still a common way of bonding.
It had started to rain and while the dark world outside rolled by all Shige wanted to do was cry with the rain.
“You can’t keep your promise in the end, right?” Shige heard himself whisper over the silence in the car.
Ryo said nothing and that was enough Shige needed to hear. He tried, tried really hard to suppress the sob but couldn’t and soon his vision became blurry.
“Shige, God Shige, don’t cry, please.” Ryo begged, blindly grabbing for Shige’s hand but when Shige pulled away Ryo turned around to face him.
“Shige I lo-“ was all Ryo could say before Shige shrieked:
“Ryo watch out! The road!”
But it was too late already….
The sun shines brightly into his room and from his position he can see the blue sky. Birds are chirping peacefully and announce another beautiful day.
Shige finds it hard to breathe, wishes desperately it had been a nightmare but he knows it isn’t. And he understands now what Ryo said before they parted. It was easier when Shige didn’t know what had happened.
+
Later that day Shige stands on the beach, watches the endless water and breathes in the familiar, salty taste of the ocean. A part of him feels like being ripped out of his body and he feels betrayed. Even though he can finally remember, it seems like this is all he will be having of Ryo. Just memories. He can only imagine how it was with Ryo, can only see it as a dream.
He sighs and turns around to walk back to his car. When he’s there he pulls out the piece of paper with an address scribbled on it.
Koyama had given it to him earlier after Shige had asked whether Koyama knew where Ryo had wanted to take him to. Koyama hadn’t said much, had smiled at him, a sad but dreamy one, and given him the address.
Shige punches the address into his navigation system and follows the road, passes by the location of the accident, drives up a winding and small road he’s never been to before and finally reaches a small parking lot in the middle of the forest.
He follows the small path until he stands in front of a house. An empty house he soon realizes.
He rechecks the address but finds he must be right.
“It has two bedrooms as a cover up. The old lately who live here before had passed away. I bought it a couple of weeks before your birthday.” A voice suddenly jolts Shige out of his thoughts.
Surprised he turns around to find none other than Ryo standing behind him dangling with some keys, a cocky grin on his lips.
“Ryo” Shige breathes out shocked as if he just saw a ghost.
Ryo steps closer, lets his gaze shift over the front side of the house.
“Wha- why?” Shige stutters and is a bit too scared to touch Ryo in case he might just disappear into thin air.
“Do you not read newspapers?” Ryo smirks, faces him.
“I was too scared of what I would find, to be honest.” Shige admits and Ryo laughs.
Ryo then stretches his body lazily and Shige feels like flying.
“The marriage never happened in the end. She was already in love with someone else and it seems her father loves her more than mine does me. My old father was pretty pissed.” Ryo laughs.
“It’s been a year…” Shige begins, suddenly a bit angry.
“I had a couple of things to handle and a lot of fights to fight. I didn’t want to come back unless it was for forever.”
“The company?”
Ryo rolls his eyes and finally turns around completely, pulls Shige into a tight hug.
“I promised, right? To never leave you.” Ryo whispers and Shige can do nothing but nod.
He takes a deep breath, takes in Ryo’s scent and clings onto him as if Ryo would leave after all if he didn’t hold on tight enough.
“Now let’s go in. We have a lot to catch up to.” Ryo smirks and pulls Shige inside right after fumbling with the keys.
They hardly manage it through the door and Shige only gets to examine the small house a day later when Ryo is off to buy some food.
And finally Shige feels like having woken up.
-----------------------
I hope your happy now :)