This isn't Lauren, she's in a coma right now
Today is the start of my two week fast. I must force myself to stay away from the people who have made me forget who I used to be. The real me. I've taken a lot of shit over the past week. A whole lotta shit. I'm the closest to depression that I've been in 4 years. It's tough to quit cold-turkey. Especially when it's a person you see and talk to and spend 80% of your time with every day. Because then you're just doing nothing and you think, now what? And the more you do nothing, the more picking up that phone looks good. Because you have nothing else to do but wallow in your own misery and hope to find someone to share it with. But then you realize you only have one person to share it with. The person you quit. Because your addiction to that person was so strong that you neglected all the other people that used to be in your life. It's a catch-22. For real. And I apologize for being so cryptic and perhaps I will explain it all to you some day it's just that as of now I am struggling my hardest to remain above depression and if I run the scenarios through my mind all over again I will become too emotional. God, I am beginning to worry about myself. Just look at how I'm writing. Do you see how I've changed? It's like I'm emo and on drugs now. Or something. You can hardly understand what I'm saying. This entry is so uninteresting. You guys, please help me go back to who I was when you knew me. The chick I am now is such a zombie. I got drunk the other day and now the liquor cabinet is becoming more tempting with each day. And I don't drink. But I really feel like starting. God, why can't life have a peer resource?
A piece of my soul is dead. For real. Can't you see, this isn't me???? I don't even usually talk like this. If you didn't know it was me and you just read this random entry you would have never guessed this was me. It's really bad. I want myself back. Please help me with my fast. I need something to do, someone to talk to all the time so I quit looking at that phone.
This is serious. I feel like I'm almost retarded a little. Like a piece of my brain is missing. Like that piece of my soul died and the part of my brain that controlled it had nothing to do so it just rotted away as well.
Shit, I'm a druggie and I don't even do drugs. So artificial, completely out of touch with myself. I don't feel decent unless I'm under the influence of something. This is borderline insanity. For real. Other people say they're going insane but I swear to god this is real. Just look at what I'm saying, how I'm talking! LOOOOKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!..............
A piece of my soul is dead. For real. Can't you see, this isn't me???? I don't even usually talk like this. If you didn't know it was me and you just read this random entry you would have never guessed this was me. It's really bad. I want myself back. Please help me with my fast. I need something to do, someone to talk to all the time so I quit looking at that phone.
This is serious. I feel like I'm almost retarded a little. Like a piece of my brain is missing. Like that piece of my soul died and the part of my brain that controlled it had nothing to do so it just rotted away as well.
Shit, I'm a druggie and I don't even do drugs. So artificial, completely out of touch with myself. I don't feel decent unless I'm under the influence of something. This is borderline insanity. For real. Other people say they're going insane but I swear to god this is real. Just look at what I'm saying, how I'm talking! LOOOOKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!..............