(no subject)
im goin up to greensboro for a short tour tomorrow with my sister..we are gonna go to the uncg campus and check it out..im gonna try to transfer up there..they pretty much gotta accept u if youre an adult transfer..shit..its funny to think of myself as an "adult transfer"..to be honest with u i never really think of myself as an "adult"..maybe its cuz i feel like im 17..i guess im in the mind frame of one since i started T a few years ago..anyways..its cool to know my options are open..i applied to target today..i wanna work to full time jobs for the next couple months to pay off debt..i need about 3 g's to be clear of 2 cards..the other card is another story..but with 2 off my back i will feel good..i am gonna apply for a loan for top soon..with me things always take longer..but they get done..its just a matter of me cleanin up little things first..i figure with a 10 or 15 g loan i can handle my top and the other card..i will have to pay that fuckin thing off for a couple years unfortunetly..but its gonna be done and id rather only have one bill to worry about rather than 6 or so..it feels good to think about gettin my life together..i always talk about it or think about it..but to actually have a plan is beautiful..it took me just sittin down and workin shit out on paper..just a few pages of notes and my seems to look better..i just hope that its that easy and im strong enough to follow thru..plus bein in school opens me up to new people..i can actually enjoy things..i would like to get my top done before i go to school..i hope i can..i need to..we will see..i just wanna fuckin wear shirts that i like..and not hunch over..and hold my head high without arhcing my back..and make love to amanda and not worry about shit..go to the beach next summer with amanda and be able to swim without my shirt on and ten other layers..skeep with my shirt off and feel the cool sheets on my body..get out of the shower and just air dry and take my damn sweet time without havin to put on a binder before i dry off..i know that shit was mad random..just had it on my melon..aiight..so i need another job..the target thing hopefully will work out from 5-11 pm and ill keep media play from 9-4pm..just take wenesday and tuesday off from both hopefully..we will see..igot a few other places i know i can work out..but i want to target cuz its so close to my other job and its a fuckin cake walk from what my boy tells me..i will be tired as hell but i know that with that hard work i can get shit done that will otherwise take me fuckin months..so its gonna be good..i havent seen amanda much lately..shes really pissed..our sex life is pretty non existence..well a week now..but to her its really a big deal..to me i honestly dont give a shit..i love sex..but its somthin that im really not too concerned with right at this moment..its hard to focus on life when u got aomeone else life to focus on..she doesnt want me to go away for school..but i told her if she lvoes me she will want me to do well..she agreed today when we spoke..just like i know she needs to go to school..my sister is workin for her mother right now..so even if amanda and i split..we still got a connection..which is ruff..but my sister needed a job and amandas mom needed help..so whatever..i need to cut back on my food and start workin out..i wanna get down to at least 130..im like 140 now..it will only take me a week to get to 130..its weird but i go from 130 to 140 all the time..its weird..not just on my scale..on other scales too..i just wanna work out..not just lose weight..i wanna get buff..not really buff..but just hard..no fat..or very little of it..plus for top it will help if im in shape..oh well..i need to get off here..peace