disconnected.
People are strange creatures. They really are.
Aside from that. Life has been interesting. It occured to me today that I don't like relationships. They require too much work. I like it when I'm single, it allows the ability to have three people on the go without the heartache and care.
I've been going through the notions of how I'm feeling at the moment with James. I do like him, don't get me wrong. I just still don't know if I actually want to go into a relationship.
It's like. I get myself hyped on and how good it would be to have a relationship, to be wanted and needed by another person and then when it happens or comes close, I freak and back away. It's like, I think: Wait--no, I'm not done being on my own yet! I spent 18 months with Sean, it has been nine months since we split and I think I'm still in party-mode. I guess I feel because I'm young, it's important to be completely unattached, to just have fun. I felt trapped with Sean because I was young and we were attached to the hip and were going to spend the rest of our lives together.
I think I want the commitment without having the commitment. I want to be able to go out and have fun without the guilt, yet at the same time, I don't want to be someone's toy.
I guess I'm thinking about James and I and feel like I'm not sure about it because he talks about "us" in a long-term way. Like, he suggests things for us that are all next year or the next few. Such as, "We should head to the Whitsundays together next year"
*coughsplatterchoke*
I don't have a problem with it, I don't, I just wonder how long he expects us to stay together. Like, does he want a long-term thing, a fling, something purely casual, what? I intend to ask. I remember on our first date. First date he suggested we should go to the Sunshine Coast later this year. That was seven months ago. I don't know. Its just little things he says and its like, "Are you looking at this as a long-term proposition?"
I also realised tonight that I really, really don't know what I want anymore. Like everything I thought I wanted, I don't anymore. I'm so clueless about it all. I don't know what I want. I thought I did. Now I'm just... I just don't know. I don't like not knowing.
Well, I can't say my life is never dull!
It is a truth universally acknowledged that when one part of your life starts going okay, another falls spectacularly to pieces.
Aside from that. Life has been interesting. It occured to me today that I don't like relationships. They require too much work. I like it when I'm single, it allows the ability to have three people on the go without the heartache and care.
I've been going through the notions of how I'm feeling at the moment with James. I do like him, don't get me wrong. I just still don't know if I actually want to go into a relationship.
It's like. I get myself hyped on and how good it would be to have a relationship, to be wanted and needed by another person and then when it happens or comes close, I freak and back away. It's like, I think: Wait--no, I'm not done being on my own yet! I spent 18 months with Sean, it has been nine months since we split and I think I'm still in party-mode. I guess I feel because I'm young, it's important to be completely unattached, to just have fun. I felt trapped with Sean because I was young and we were attached to the hip and were going to spend the rest of our lives together.
I think I want the commitment without having the commitment. I want to be able to go out and have fun without the guilt, yet at the same time, I don't want to be someone's toy.
I guess I'm thinking about James and I and feel like I'm not sure about it because he talks about "us" in a long-term way. Like, he suggests things for us that are all next year or the next few. Such as, "We should head to the Whitsundays together next year"
*coughsplatterchoke*
I don't have a problem with it, I don't, I just wonder how long he expects us to stay together. Like, does he want a long-term thing, a fling, something purely casual, what? I intend to ask. I remember on our first date. First date he suggested we should go to the Sunshine Coast later this year. That was seven months ago. I don't know. Its just little things he says and its like, "Are you looking at this as a long-term proposition?"
I also realised tonight that I really, really don't know what I want anymore. Like everything I thought I wanted, I don't anymore. I'm so clueless about it all. I don't know what I want. I thought I did. Now I'm just... I just don't know. I don't like not knowing.
Well, I can't say my life is never dull!
It is a truth universally acknowledged that when one part of your life starts going okay, another falls spectacularly to pieces.