having been gone so long.
so many times i look back at these moments, snap shots i have jotted down. however, sometime after this my entries became an entrapment of love and lust...meeting jacob, thoughts of marriage...and slowly i became to live with rather than without. not that this is in any way negative, more so a change of heart. a change i have not ever fully learned to accept. this defiance in me feels an empty pain for the way life was without, as if i were always meant to live that way. sitting here at one am seeing these thoughts play out on a screen in my basement is in many ways overwhelming. but appreciated. knowing that i can live with a husband, love...a home, responsibility...a business, commitment...and myself, respect. and even still see that i am missing the gracious demeanor that all these things are gifts i must appreciate every day i wake. knowing that i still have so much to learn, so much to integrate, makes me see that life still has many lessons in store for this heart i call my soul. even at five degrees, i thrive. leaving another day still inspired.