Resolution of sorts
So, normally I'm not into New Year's Resolutions. To me, it's a silly tradition. No one takes it seriously. Resolutions are made to be broken! I can't remember the last time someone I knew made one and actually followed through. Sure, they mean it when they say it. "I will lose weight!" But for the most part, I stay away.
However, I realized that I've been lax in my journaling this past year. The whole of 2010 fits on my front page, with room to spare for entries from 2009! Sometimes I like to go back and reread my journal, see where I was compared to where I am, relive the little things and laugh at my minor frustrations. I can't really do that with 2010. So I'm going to try and write in a journal at least once a day, even if it's just to say, "Went to work, came home, played with the pets." I realize the irony in skipping the very first day, since I didn't blog yesterday, but I did write in my paper journal, so I'll count it. I have this gorgeous journal that Josh got me at the Ren Fest, and I've hardly ever used it.
But for Christmas he also got me a pen set, complete with fountain pen, because he says a journal like that is too good for a regular old ball point pen. *grins* He's so silly.
So... now the problem is, where do I start? I've been so stressed out lately, so much has been going on, but I haven't been letting it out at all, and now I don't even know where to begin. I guess the problem is not so much that there's SO MUCH going on right now, but that so much has happened over the past few months that would need explaining.
-Ben *Josh's brother, our roommate* lost his job in either September or October, I don't really remember which. He was on probation for driving drunk in 2009, and got caught driving high while on a trip for his job. So, we haven't seen a dime in rent and he's making absolutely NO effort to find a job. hell, even when we've pointed out job opportunities or HANDED HIM APPLICATIONS, he brushed it off. He wanted to wait and see if he got unemployment, and then when he got denied he decided to meet with an Air Force recruiter. Yeah, he decided not to do that either. Josh keeps talking about maybe kicking him out, and we've had a few arguments about it, but he keeps wanting to "see what happens." "Why don't we wait and see if we're really struggling?" I don't fucking CARE! Of course we're struggling! But even if we were FINE, I'm not going to support a jobless pothead! I'd have a lot more sympathy if he was at least TRYING to find a job, it's hard!
-Josh's friend gave us almost $2k a few years ago to get our first place. Money has always been so tight that in the last almost 3 years, we've given him MAYBE $500. Now he wants us to start making monthly payments, because his wife is nagging him. Now, I'm not UPSET about this, because he's been more than fair and extremely patient. It still makes things that much harder.
-I hate my job. I hate the company, I hate the customers, I just hate it. And this month, I have five days for the entire month. I can't live on that.
-Josh and I decided to ask his sister to stay with us for a little while. It's a decision I hate. I cannot stress it enough how much I hate having to do that. I like her, but I've been wanting my house to be MY house, without extra people. I didn't want to add more. But I can't cry about money and then refuse the only option I have right now. But she's been here for like a week, and already she's bringing home all kinds of random people, like Ben does. She insists on sleeping on the couch, her clothes all over the living room, even though we TOLD her to use Steph's room. It's not ideal, and I hate that, but Steph is only here every couple of weeks for a weekend. But no, Anna seems to think my living room is her bedroom. She's taken over one of my favorite blankets, which I'll never get the cigarette and weed smell out of. I can't even put it away because she goes and finds it. Even in my BEDROOM. Hell, the other she went in my room and took my heating pad. Didn't even TELL me she did so! So it's only been since Christmas and she's already made us have to bitch at her multiple times.
*deep breath* I'm stopping there. I could go on and on and on.
I think this week I'm going to go to Labor Ready. My CNA class doesn't start until March, and who knows how long it will be until I can find a job after that? And I can't rely on the one I have now. Hopefully something will come along so I can kick the drunken potheads to the curb, and be able to ENJOY living in my house!
Come on, 2011. I've been working so hard to make my life better, please be good to me.
However, I realized that I've been lax in my journaling this past year. The whole of 2010 fits on my front page, with room to spare for entries from 2009! Sometimes I like to go back and reread my journal, see where I was compared to where I am, relive the little things and laugh at my minor frustrations. I can't really do that with 2010. So I'm going to try and write in a journal at least once a day, even if it's just to say, "Went to work, came home, played with the pets." I realize the irony in skipping the very first day, since I didn't blog yesterday, but I did write in my paper journal, so I'll count it. I have this gorgeous journal that Josh got me at the Ren Fest, and I've hardly ever used it.
But for Christmas he also got me a pen set, complete with fountain pen, because he says a journal like that is too good for a regular old ball point pen. *grins* He's so silly.
So... now the problem is, where do I start? I've been so stressed out lately, so much has been going on, but I haven't been letting it out at all, and now I don't even know where to begin. I guess the problem is not so much that there's SO MUCH going on right now, but that so much has happened over the past few months that would need explaining.
-Ben *Josh's brother, our roommate* lost his job in either September or October, I don't really remember which. He was on probation for driving drunk in 2009, and got caught driving high while on a trip for his job. So, we haven't seen a dime in rent and he's making absolutely NO effort to find a job. hell, even when we've pointed out job opportunities or HANDED HIM APPLICATIONS, he brushed it off. He wanted to wait and see if he got unemployment, and then when he got denied he decided to meet with an Air Force recruiter. Yeah, he decided not to do that either. Josh keeps talking about maybe kicking him out, and we've had a few arguments about it, but he keeps wanting to "see what happens." "Why don't we wait and see if we're really struggling?" I don't fucking CARE! Of course we're struggling! But even if we were FINE, I'm not going to support a jobless pothead! I'd have a lot more sympathy if he was at least TRYING to find a job, it's hard!
-Josh's friend gave us almost $2k a few years ago to get our first place. Money has always been so tight that in the last almost 3 years, we've given him MAYBE $500. Now he wants us to start making monthly payments, because his wife is nagging him. Now, I'm not UPSET about this, because he's been more than fair and extremely patient. It still makes things that much harder.
-I hate my job. I hate the company, I hate the customers, I just hate it. And this month, I have five days for the entire month. I can't live on that.
-Josh and I decided to ask his sister to stay with us for a little while. It's a decision I hate. I cannot stress it enough how much I hate having to do that. I like her, but I've been wanting my house to be MY house, without extra people. I didn't want to add more. But I can't cry about money and then refuse the only option I have right now. But she's been here for like a week, and already she's bringing home all kinds of random people, like Ben does. She insists on sleeping on the couch, her clothes all over the living room, even though we TOLD her to use Steph's room. It's not ideal, and I hate that, but Steph is only here every couple of weeks for a weekend. But no, Anna seems to think my living room is her bedroom. She's taken over one of my favorite blankets, which I'll never get the cigarette and weed smell out of. I can't even put it away because she goes and finds it. Even in my BEDROOM. Hell, the other she went in my room and took my heating pad. Didn't even TELL me she did so! So it's only been since Christmas and she's already made us have to bitch at her multiple times.
*deep breath* I'm stopping there. I could go on and on and on.
I think this week I'm going to go to Labor Ready. My CNA class doesn't start until March, and who knows how long it will be until I can find a job after that? And I can't rely on the one I have now. Hopefully something will come along so I can kick the drunken potheads to the curb, and be able to ENJOY living in my house!
Come on, 2011. I've been working so hard to make my life better, please be good to me.