(no subject)
So, was just reading an entry from the lovely cut_paste and was reminded of a story told to me recently by a very dear friend ... she is a little on the wacky side, but ...
C has recently moved in with her girlfriend and while unpacking came across a bunch of her old diaries. Intrigued, as we often are by these things, she sat in amongst her boxes to 'browse'. She opened the first diary to find recounts of her last relationship with a woman (a few years back) and was surprised to find that her memory of the amicable breakup was somewhat skewed. In fact, according to her diary it was a pretty fucked up time ... she had blanked the bad parts, natural yeah?
She read a few entries earlier to discover she had written about some woman (we'll call her Julia) who she had apparently dated for a couple of months. She had absolutely no idea who this woman was! No memory. Who the fuck was Julia? She has since searched the darkest recesses of her mind to find that she vaguely remembers this chick, but a couple of months worth of relationship had effectively been wiped! OK, so that's a little weird.
She delved further into her past to find written truths about an old friendship. I remember this guy and remember when he moved out of their flat. I remember seeing him a few times afterwards and eventually hearing that he'd gone overseas to 'find himself' (as you do when you're drug-fucked and come into some cash). C remembers him moving out of the flat and going to India, leaving her a sweet farewell note.
Truth, as told in her diary, he didn't go to India. He in fact moved around the corner from their place and lived there for a year or so. He left her a nasty, sarcastic note. She moved and eventually he visited her a number of times before heading to Darwin where he has been ever since. She remembers him happily heading overseas. The diary tells otherwise. Another couple of years of memory wiped.
The clincher? When she was nursing in a smallish town down south, she had been unfortunate enough to witness a guy accidentally setting himself on fire ... She had rolled him on the ground, called emergency and he went off to intensive care. She remembers the year he spent there, his eventual recovery (after learning to walk again and so on) and has had occasion to wonder how he's doing. Her diary remembers that the hospital called early the next morning to say that he'd died.
Now, her approach to trauma is obviously to reinvent it. Possibly not the best way to approach things, but she's rarely depressed!
Is reading her diary a good or bad thing for her? She said she totally freaked out for a while thinking her entire life has been a big lie. I assured her that it hasn't, but perhaps her re-memory just adds gloss where gloss is missing.
She is determined to read all her old diaries now ... I wonder if she should?!
C has recently moved in with her girlfriend and while unpacking came across a bunch of her old diaries. Intrigued, as we often are by these things, she sat in amongst her boxes to 'browse'. She opened the first diary to find recounts of her last relationship with a woman (a few years back) and was surprised to find that her memory of the amicable breakup was somewhat skewed. In fact, according to her diary it was a pretty fucked up time ... she had blanked the bad parts, natural yeah?
She read a few entries earlier to discover she had written about some woman (we'll call her Julia) who she had apparently dated for a couple of months. She had absolutely no idea who this woman was! No memory. Who the fuck was Julia? She has since searched the darkest recesses of her mind to find that she vaguely remembers this chick, but a couple of months worth of relationship had effectively been wiped! OK, so that's a little weird.
She delved further into her past to find written truths about an old friendship. I remember this guy and remember when he moved out of their flat. I remember seeing him a few times afterwards and eventually hearing that he'd gone overseas to 'find himself' (as you do when you're drug-fucked and come into some cash). C remembers him moving out of the flat and going to India, leaving her a sweet farewell note.
Truth, as told in her diary, he didn't go to India. He in fact moved around the corner from their place and lived there for a year or so. He left her a nasty, sarcastic note. She moved and eventually he visited her a number of times before heading to Darwin where he has been ever since. She remembers him happily heading overseas. The diary tells otherwise. Another couple of years of memory wiped.
The clincher? When she was nursing in a smallish town down south, she had been unfortunate enough to witness a guy accidentally setting himself on fire ... She had rolled him on the ground, called emergency and he went off to intensive care. She remembers the year he spent there, his eventual recovery (after learning to walk again and so on) and has had occasion to wonder how he's doing. Her diary remembers that the hospital called early the next morning to say that he'd died.
Now, her approach to trauma is obviously to reinvent it. Possibly not the best way to approach things, but she's rarely depressed!
Is reading her diary a good or bad thing for her? She said she totally freaked out for a while thinking her entire life has been a big lie. I assured her that it hasn't, but perhaps her re-memory just adds gloss where gloss is missing.
She is determined to read all her old diaries now ... I wonder if she should?!