Angst ahead..
So I can't remember the last time I posted. I've been overwhelmed with baby stuff and new job (did I mention I moved to a much more challenging school where I'm kind of starting from scratch?) I'm in a kinda long dark teatime of the soul place right now so of course I'm posting just to get it off my chest.
Good news...
It's a girl fetus.
I've got about seven more weeks to go.
I've got a terrific, supportive hubby.
I have my doula, midwife, ob, hospital lined up.
I may have childcare but that's all on again off again.
That said...
Last night I got back from my family shower, which was packed with family and friends of the family. A friend of the family that had stopped speaking to my mom for nearly two years came and made up and I was so happy to see her. She looks fabulous, she had dropped forty pounds and was the happiest I'd seen her in years.
That was the highlight of the shower for me. Don't get me wrong, the presents were cute, but I have a strangely apathetic attitude towards presents unless they have special meaning. Presents for presents sake, never really float my boat. Something handmade or bought just because they saw something and thought of me, make me cry though, and there were a couple of those, which made the whole awkward sitting there for an hour and opening presents more bearable.
The whole shower as nice as it ultimately was, has been a struggle for me. I didn't really want to be involved, as I had enough stress. It's not that I was ungrateful, but the woman who declared she was throwing it for me, made the whole process miserable as possible. First she wanted to have it at her place in long island - two hours away for everyone except my sister, her and a couple of my cousins. Then we could have it in NYC but we could only invite 20 people, which pretty much meant none of my friends could come(so we wound up scheduling a seperate friends shower). Ultimately it was held at my mothers and food was ordered - wraps with deli meat. None of which I am allowed to eat due to possible listeria, so I was given a bagel and cream cheese. As an afterthought. The person who threw me the shower denigrates my mom's very nice baking instisted on getting me a cake from a proper bakery (and seriously she was rude about it) actually forgot the cake. Which made all of us laugh for about 30 minutes. When my mom asked me to thank her about 6 days into the planning process when all I wanted to do is kill her and cancel the shower, I said it was like thanking someone for the honey when they give you a beehive. Andre stepped in and tried to be the buffer but she treated him HORRIBLY. That said she was on her best behavior yesterday, with the exception of some snarky comments about whether Andre and I wore what we were wearing to work. I was wearing a low cut dress (of course I don't) and Andre was wearing jeans and a casual shirt (of course he doesn't).
All this venting and the truth is I'm actually just sad and pissed off at my parents. My mom made no effort to get me out of having to deal with this woman who is a friend of hers, even though she knows she is awful. My parents have shown no outward enthusiasm for this baby although my mom has been applying pressure for years. I confronted her about it a couple of weeks ago, and was told that she is of course delighted but is holding her breath in case something goes wrong and that she's tried to talk to me about the baby. For the record, she talks about names, wills, guardians and insurance. None of which is currently any of her business. She honestly doesn't know how to talk about anything that isn't practical. She is setting up a 429 for the kid, which don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for, but it would have been nice to get a token onsie and a card from her yesterday. I think I got a white recieving blanket and a sheet protector. Unwrapped with some ribbon around it and no note to indicate it was from her. My baby is due around Christmas, and she's going ahead with her usual elaborate dinner plans, with no thought to how to include us, or having to cancel if the baby is born. Actually she assumes we'll be there, even if I'm a week overdue or have a newborn infant. If the baby is born on Christmas, they'll just finish the dinner and head over to the hospital that night. I asked them flat out if they were prepared to miss the birth of their first grandchild and my dad said yes. Last night my mom gave a toast, and VB and I thought they were going to toast the baby, and instead she gave her usual "May we all be here next year." Someone piped up "Plus one" and you could have heard crickets chirping.
My inlaws have been great. Helping us out with storage, and painting and offering to work the holidays around us. They are appalled at my parents behavior and VB is livid and I'm just really, really sad. I told my mom how I felt a couple of weeks ago, and explained I'd like to bond with her over the baby and not about wills and guardianship, but about you know every day baby stuff. She said she just doesn't know how to talk about that stuff, but next time I should initiate the conversation. The sad thing is I've tried, but all I get is crickets and a change of subject.
Sorry my first post in months is a whine about my parents but I hope that by getting it out to someone besides VB I can let it go and accept my parents for the reserved people that they are and accept that my emotional support is going to have to come from VB, his family and my friends. And sometimes my sister, although most of the time she takes Mom's side, unless she's looking for support about her dealings with Mom. Ahh the irony.
An alternate version of my favorite toast to the occasion
Here's to the ones we love
Here's to the ones who love us
To the one's we love who can't show us they love us
Fuck them and here's to us.
Good news...
It's a girl fetus.
I've got about seven more weeks to go.
I've got a terrific, supportive hubby.
I have my doula, midwife, ob, hospital lined up.
I may have childcare but that's all on again off again.
That said...
Last night I got back from my family shower, which was packed with family and friends of the family. A friend of the family that had stopped speaking to my mom for nearly two years came and made up and I was so happy to see her. She looks fabulous, she had dropped forty pounds and was the happiest I'd seen her in years.
That was the highlight of the shower for me. Don't get me wrong, the presents were cute, but I have a strangely apathetic attitude towards presents unless they have special meaning. Presents for presents sake, never really float my boat. Something handmade or bought just because they saw something and thought of me, make me cry though, and there were a couple of those, which made the whole awkward sitting there for an hour and opening presents more bearable.
The whole shower as nice as it ultimately was, has been a struggle for me. I didn't really want to be involved, as I had enough stress. It's not that I was ungrateful, but the woman who declared she was throwing it for me, made the whole process miserable as possible. First she wanted to have it at her place in long island - two hours away for everyone except my sister, her and a couple of my cousins. Then we could have it in NYC but we could only invite 20 people, which pretty much meant none of my friends could come(so we wound up scheduling a seperate friends shower). Ultimately it was held at my mothers and food was ordered - wraps with deli meat. None of which I am allowed to eat due to possible listeria, so I was given a bagel and cream cheese. As an afterthought. The person who threw me the shower denigrates my mom's very nice baking instisted on getting me a cake from a proper bakery (and seriously she was rude about it) actually forgot the cake. Which made all of us laugh for about 30 minutes. When my mom asked me to thank her about 6 days into the planning process when all I wanted to do is kill her and cancel the shower, I said it was like thanking someone for the honey when they give you a beehive. Andre stepped in and tried to be the buffer but she treated him HORRIBLY. That said she was on her best behavior yesterday, with the exception of some snarky comments about whether Andre and I wore what we were wearing to work. I was wearing a low cut dress (of course I don't) and Andre was wearing jeans and a casual shirt (of course he doesn't).
All this venting and the truth is I'm actually just sad and pissed off at my parents. My mom made no effort to get me out of having to deal with this woman who is a friend of hers, even though she knows she is awful. My parents have shown no outward enthusiasm for this baby although my mom has been applying pressure for years. I confronted her about it a couple of weeks ago, and was told that she is of course delighted but is holding her breath in case something goes wrong and that she's tried to talk to me about the baby. For the record, she talks about names, wills, guardians and insurance. None of which is currently any of her business. She honestly doesn't know how to talk about anything that isn't practical. She is setting up a 429 for the kid, which don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for, but it would have been nice to get a token onsie and a card from her yesterday. I think I got a white recieving blanket and a sheet protector. Unwrapped with some ribbon around it and no note to indicate it was from her. My baby is due around Christmas, and she's going ahead with her usual elaborate dinner plans, with no thought to how to include us, or having to cancel if the baby is born. Actually she assumes we'll be there, even if I'm a week overdue or have a newborn infant. If the baby is born on Christmas, they'll just finish the dinner and head over to the hospital that night. I asked them flat out if they were prepared to miss the birth of their first grandchild and my dad said yes. Last night my mom gave a toast, and VB and I thought they were going to toast the baby, and instead she gave her usual "May we all be here next year." Someone piped up "Plus one" and you could have heard crickets chirping.
My inlaws have been great. Helping us out with storage, and painting and offering to work the holidays around us. They are appalled at my parents behavior and VB is livid and I'm just really, really sad. I told my mom how I felt a couple of weeks ago, and explained I'd like to bond with her over the baby and not about wills and guardianship, but about you know every day baby stuff. She said she just doesn't know how to talk about that stuff, but next time I should initiate the conversation. The sad thing is I've tried, but all I get is crickets and a change of subject.
Sorry my first post in months is a whine about my parents but I hope that by getting it out to someone besides VB I can let it go and accept my parents for the reserved people that they are and accept that my emotional support is going to have to come from VB, his family and my friends. And sometimes my sister, although most of the time she takes Mom's side, unless she's looking for support about her dealings with Mom. Ahh the irony.
An alternate version of my favorite toast to the occasion
Here's to the ones we love
Here's to the ones who love us
To the one's we love who can't show us they love us
Fuck them and here's to us.