Rise And Fall

Jul 01, 2009 02:08

Not exactly sure why I'm even posting on here right now. Killing time I guess. Who the fuck knows anymore. I'd have an actual reason to update if I kept up with regular human interaction, but for the past couple years now I've been a shadow. The funny thing about that is, I'm actually kind of used to it now. Not having to impress people is an upside to this. I don't have to be someone I'm not. Hell. the real reason is that I don't have to watch what I say about/to anyone. That's probably the best part of all this. I have, however, learned something from all of this. The people that actually consider me a "friend" are the people I've lost contact with. These are the people that if I bump into in the street or something will say "hi" and start up a brief conversation with me, before continuing on with their routine, yet the people that I actually hung out with on a regular basis are the ones that decided I've "served my purpose" and went on with their lives as if I never even existed.

Why did I even bother with these people? One word, attention. When they hung out with me, they were (for the most-part) forced to pay attention to me. That part of my ego that craved some form of recognition was fulfilled during those times. That same part is now suffering from the lack-of attention. I don't exactly know where I'm going with this entry now as I re-read what I've typed, so I'm just gonna end it here.

-Matt-
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