I used to waste my time dreaming of being alive...19/?
I grew happier with every moment I spent with him, and it seemed that he did too.
And it was still only Monday, and he seemed high on life itself.
The fact that we could almost be ourselves with each other once again greatly enhanced my happiness. There were only traces of discomfort, times when there was some mention of our time apart.
I think...I think it’s easier - because I never knew the exact reason why - we wouldn’t talk, and I was so willing to be able to talk to him again...it’s made it all the more easy for me at least, I don’t know about him...
I even mentioned the subtle changes in his behaviour, saying as we sat down in the living room, “Y’know, you’re becoming like you were when we first met.”
“How do you mean?” he asked curiously, tapping his fingers rapidly against his jaw as I watched him sprawled out on the couch. Doesn’t that say it all...?
“You’re, uh,” I glanced absent-mindedly at the TV and then back at him, my lips quirking into a grin. “You’re getting hyper again.”
He thought for a moment. “Is that a bad thing?” he wondered out loud. “Because if you think it is, that’s fine, I’ll like, try not to be, I mean, you can just tell me if I’m being annoying -”
I raised his eyebrows at him. You are doing it now...well, it’s not his fault, even if the red bull does contribute somewhat...
“Sorry,” he said, dropping his eyes from mine.
My finger gently pushed his chin up so I could look him in the eye, and I said clearly, “I don’t care what you’re like, as long as you’re not like...y’know.”
Like me.
He stared at me meaningfully, as though he were thinking, please, not this again...
“Oh my god, I am so glad that Jon and Spencer are together now, it was, like, so tedious watching them pretend to not have feelings for each other, and I mean, it was kinda awesome that we caught them in such a compromising position before Jon spilled -”
I sighed, but couldn’t help smiling. “Bren...?”
It was amazing how he could use so many wonderfully intelligent sounding words and say ‘like’ around twenty times in the same sentence.
“Sorry,” he mumbled again, turning to sit with his back poker-straight against the back of the couch, hands clasped in his lap solemnly.
To be honest, I didn’t care. I was simply delighting in being with him and shaking my head slightly, a small smile on my lips, I turned to stare at the TV screen again.
I wouldn’t have been able to concentrate for very long anyway, and the little concentration I had was shattered by the feel of Brendon’s lips at my neck, murmuring, “I still haven’t got my ‘happy birthday’, Ry...”
He is so going to get it...
His hands brushed against the small of my back lightly, and I tried hard not to squeal, but what came out instead sounded worse, it sounded...overtly sexual.
My ticklish spot.
Now is not a good time...
Brendon drew back and looked at me probingly, eyes gleaming. “Ticklish?”
“No -” I choked as he grabbed at my sides, but I managed to stay still.
Oh no...
None of my friends had ever known of my ticklish spot.
Okay, so when I say ‘friends’, I mean Spencer, up until recently, and luckily, he’d never tried.
Brendon, on the other hand...
Listening to the noises that came out of my mouth, you’d have thought I was either pleasuring myself, or somebody was doing it for me.
“I think you are,” he said silkily, his voice so smooth and reassuring that I almost agreed with him...
NO! I’m not ticklish!
It was an agonisingly irritating and intensely pleasurable mixture, each weighed perfectly against each other to become even worse, Brendon leaning over me, his face flushed from laughter at me squirming on the couch, utterly helpless.
Ohhh, Jesus, oh my god...
I whined, and Brendon sat up, well away from me, grinning.
“This is fun!” he laughed, and I squirmed away. As long as I kept my back pressed against the couch...
Oh no...
“Go away!” I yelled, my breath ragged from unwilling laughter and exasperation. At least it didn’t hurt...
He only grinned wider. Why me?
“BRENDON! GET OFF!”
My back arched, and before I could even draw a breath, I heard:
“What the hell are you two doing on my couch?”
Brendon collapsed into giggles as Spencer came to stare at us over the back of the couch, seemingly forgetting that he was annoyed at us in his horror, which wasn’t completely unfounded.
I heard a laugh from the kitchen, and realised in horror that Spencer’s mom was there, listening to everything. I wondered how she felt housing her son, and his best friend, and their boyfriends too. He laughed harder.
“Ryan’s ticklish!” Brendon grinned at Spencer and at Jon, who had appeared next to him, laughing at me.
Jon’s face split into a huge grin, and he lunged at me, grabbing at my sides.
It was only then that I felt the vibration against my ribs, and a shriek ripped from my throat as I tumbled off the couch and onto the floor, gathering my knees to my chest.
“Wha - what was that?” I cracked a high and Jon laughed harder, Brendon bouncing and holding up his phone.
“You - you vibrated your phone against me?” I squeaked, hating my voice. “That’s so wrong!”
And so good...
In truth, my knees were against my chest to hide how hard I was.
And Spencer smiled for the first time that day.
~Brendon~
Watching him writhe on the couch was a turn-on in its own right.
Hearing the noises he made, though, was a whole different matter.
“I think you are,” I said quietly, assaulting him with my fingers again.
It seemed he was not ticklish on his sides, not where people are normally ticklish. It was more around his back, the small of his back, and over his ribs. Either way, I was having great fun.
He moaned then, and I shoved myself away from him, concerned.
He seems okay...I grinned widely, saying loudly, “This is fun!”
He tried to surreptitiously press his back against the couch, which would only remind me of the places he was most ticklish. Silly Ryan...
My whole body seemed to scream in exhilaration, it was so incredible being able to be around him, with none of the uncomfortable silences and glances that we had shared so frequently.
“Go away!” he yelled, his voice cracking from the strain, his breath harsh. “BRENDON! GET OFF!”
“What the hell are you two doing on my couch?” Over the back of the couch I saw Spencer approach with Jon close behind, their hands untwining as they stared at us. I tried to repress a smile, but failed dismally at the sight of them.
I started to giggle uncontrollably at Spencer’s mortified face, and from the kitchen I heard Spencer’s mom join in with my laughter. She’d obviously heard all the noises that Ryan had been making, and clearly knew her son well enough to know that he would be horrified at them.
I beamed at them both. “Ryan’s ticklish!”
Jon leapt over the back of the couch and grabbed at Ryan’s waist, trying to tickle him while Ryan squirmed in discomfort. Spencer pursed his lips, either in disapproval, or from trying not to laugh.
His eyes lit up, as I pulled out my phone in a flash of inspiration. I glanced up at him, mock-questioningly. He nodded, so I pressed my open phone against Ryan’s ribs, just above his waist. I felt it go off in my hand, and the sound I heard next was just so...I don’t even have a word for it.
Hmmm, I need a name for that sound, it should be something like...oh, what is it? Onomatopoeia, I think? Maybe...a - a schcriek? Ooh, I like that -
“What was that?” His voice ripped through an octave and Jon roared with laughter. Ryan was on the floor, his arms wrapped around his knees tightly.
I held up my phone and he glared at it.
“You - you vibrated your phone against me?” he asked. “That’s so wrong!”
“Uh huh,” said Jon, climbing off the couch and putting his arms around Spencer’s waist. Spencer jumped and blushed, tensing for a moment before realising that they were in the house and no outsiders could see them.
He was like Ryan in so many ways, the frigidness at least...
Okay, so I don’t know what they do in their private time, don’t really want to know...
“You did a schcriek!” I yelled and they all looked at me like I was crazy.
Mrs. Spencer appeared in the doorway, a tea towel in her hand and a curious expression on her face.
“What’s a - a schcriek, hun?” she asked, raising her eyebrows curiously.
“Yeah, I wanna hear this,” muttered Spencer disbelievingly, wriggling out of Jon’s arms when his mother smiled at him.
“Well, a schcriek is the noise that Ry just made, a mixture of the words shriek, scream and screech, Mrs. Spencer. Cool, isn’t it?” I said brightly, smiling at her.
She smiled back and went back to whatever she was doing in the kitchen, shutting the door.
Jon’s face was red and he spluttered, “Mrs. Spencer?”
Then he fell on the floor laughing.
“What?” I said. “If I met your mom and dad, I’d call them Mister and Mrs. Jon...”
“Well, actually,” Ryan chimed in, “I think, given the recent circumstances, you, Spencer, would be Mrs. Jon...” I started to laugh wildly again.
Jon’s laughter cut off abruptly. “Shut up.”
“Okaaay,” said Spencer hurriedly, flushing. “Let’s not have this discussion.”
“Yeah, go away maybe?” said Ryan bitterly, staring up at them over the top of his knees.
“Done.” Spencer grabbed Jon’s hand and dragged him swiftly out of the room, pulling the door shut behind them.
Ryan groaned, and he got up, sitting down far away from me on the other end of the couch. When I glanced at him, he turned his face from me, the corners of his mouth turned down.
“Aw, c’mon baby,” I said, testing the final word as I said it. It felt so strange, and still so normal, like I’d been doing it for years.
He looked towards me suddenly, somewhat shocked at the endearment I’d used, and I moved over, wrapping my arms lightly about his waist.
He shrank away, as though he thought I was about to tickle him again, but I wasn’t that cruel. He reached into his own pocket and got out his phone; he flicked through everything for a bit, and then gasped, his face turning pink before he laughed.
“What?” I asked, pulling him against me as I tried to get a better look.
The footage of Jon dancing around naked was on the screen, the film that I’d taken. It seemed so long ago...
“Oh my god...” Ryan smiled up at me. “I’d forgotten about this!”
I smiled back, loving the way that his face was less angular and unhealthily thin looking when he smiled. “Spencer would love to have this,” I said, softly pulling my fingers through his hair.
He nodded, his eyelashes brushing his cheekbones as he closed his eyes, leaning into me.
“I like this,” he murmured quietly. “The way everything just went back to being so normal. I didn’t expect it to be this easy, y’know?”
I didn’t like to hear any sort of discouraged, pessimistic talk from anyone, least of all Ryan. It reminded me of the long weeks in which I’d felt much the same.
He twisted around and kissed me, a different sort of smile curving over his lips. How anybody’s skin, lips, everything could be so soft, so pliant, and yet so enduring, would never cease to amaze me.
I’d endure it.
Okay, I hate school. My chapters are getting to be rubbish, it's showing, I won't deny it. So please, if you have anything nice to say at all about this, say it now, while I still haven't given up.
And it was still only Monday, and he seemed high on life itself.
The fact that we could almost be ourselves with each other once again greatly enhanced my happiness. There were only traces of discomfort, times when there was some mention of our time apart.
I think...I think it’s easier - because I never knew the exact reason why - we wouldn’t talk, and I was so willing to be able to talk to him again...it’s made it all the more easy for me at least, I don’t know about him...
I even mentioned the subtle changes in his behaviour, saying as we sat down in the living room, “Y’know, you’re becoming like you were when we first met.”
“How do you mean?” he asked curiously, tapping his fingers rapidly against his jaw as I watched him sprawled out on the couch. Doesn’t that say it all...?
“You’re, uh,” I glanced absent-mindedly at the TV and then back at him, my lips quirking into a grin. “You’re getting hyper again.”
He thought for a moment. “Is that a bad thing?” he wondered out loud. “Because if you think it is, that’s fine, I’ll like, try not to be, I mean, you can just tell me if I’m being annoying -”
I raised his eyebrows at him. You are doing it now...well, it’s not his fault, even if the red bull does contribute somewhat...
“Sorry,” he said, dropping his eyes from mine.
My finger gently pushed his chin up so I could look him in the eye, and I said clearly, “I don’t care what you’re like, as long as you’re not like...y’know.”
Like me.
He stared at me meaningfully, as though he were thinking, please, not this again...
“Oh my god, I am so glad that Jon and Spencer are together now, it was, like, so tedious watching them pretend to not have feelings for each other, and I mean, it was kinda awesome that we caught them in such a compromising position before Jon spilled -”
I sighed, but couldn’t help smiling. “Bren...?”
It was amazing how he could use so many wonderfully intelligent sounding words and say ‘like’ around twenty times in the same sentence.
“Sorry,” he mumbled again, turning to sit with his back poker-straight against the back of the couch, hands clasped in his lap solemnly.
To be honest, I didn’t care. I was simply delighting in being with him and shaking my head slightly, a small smile on my lips, I turned to stare at the TV screen again.
I wouldn’t have been able to concentrate for very long anyway, and the little concentration I had was shattered by the feel of Brendon’s lips at my neck, murmuring, “I still haven’t got my ‘happy birthday’, Ry...”
He is so going to get it...
His hands brushed against the small of my back lightly, and I tried hard not to squeal, but what came out instead sounded worse, it sounded...overtly sexual.
My ticklish spot.
Now is not a good time...
Brendon drew back and looked at me probingly, eyes gleaming. “Ticklish?”
“No -” I choked as he grabbed at my sides, but I managed to stay still.
Oh no...
None of my friends had ever known of my ticklish spot.
Okay, so when I say ‘friends’, I mean Spencer, up until recently, and luckily, he’d never tried.
Brendon, on the other hand...
Listening to the noises that came out of my mouth, you’d have thought I was either pleasuring myself, or somebody was doing it for me.
“I think you are,” he said silkily, his voice so smooth and reassuring that I almost agreed with him...
NO! I’m not ticklish!
It was an agonisingly irritating and intensely pleasurable mixture, each weighed perfectly against each other to become even worse, Brendon leaning over me, his face flushed from laughter at me squirming on the couch, utterly helpless.
Ohhh, Jesus, oh my god...
I whined, and Brendon sat up, well away from me, grinning.
“This is fun!” he laughed, and I squirmed away. As long as I kept my back pressed against the couch...
Oh no...
“Go away!” I yelled, my breath ragged from unwilling laughter and exasperation. At least it didn’t hurt...
He only grinned wider. Why me?
“BRENDON! GET OFF!”
My back arched, and before I could even draw a breath, I heard:
“What the hell are you two doing on my couch?”
Brendon collapsed into giggles as Spencer came to stare at us over the back of the couch, seemingly forgetting that he was annoyed at us in his horror, which wasn’t completely unfounded.
I heard a laugh from the kitchen, and realised in horror that Spencer’s mom was there, listening to everything. I wondered how she felt housing her son, and his best friend, and their boyfriends too. He laughed harder.
“Ryan’s ticklish!” Brendon grinned at Spencer and at Jon, who had appeared next to him, laughing at me.
Jon’s face split into a huge grin, and he lunged at me, grabbing at my sides.
It was only then that I felt the vibration against my ribs, and a shriek ripped from my throat as I tumbled off the couch and onto the floor, gathering my knees to my chest.
“Wha - what was that?” I cracked a high and Jon laughed harder, Brendon bouncing and holding up his phone.
“You - you vibrated your phone against me?” I squeaked, hating my voice. “That’s so wrong!”
And so good...
In truth, my knees were against my chest to hide how hard I was.
And Spencer smiled for the first time that day.
~Brendon~
Watching him writhe on the couch was a turn-on in its own right.
Hearing the noises he made, though, was a whole different matter.
“I think you are,” I said quietly, assaulting him with my fingers again.
It seemed he was not ticklish on his sides, not where people are normally ticklish. It was more around his back, the small of his back, and over his ribs. Either way, I was having great fun.
He moaned then, and I shoved myself away from him, concerned.
He seems okay...I grinned widely, saying loudly, “This is fun!”
He tried to surreptitiously press his back against the couch, which would only remind me of the places he was most ticklish. Silly Ryan...
My whole body seemed to scream in exhilaration, it was so incredible being able to be around him, with none of the uncomfortable silences and glances that we had shared so frequently.
“Go away!” he yelled, his voice cracking from the strain, his breath harsh. “BRENDON! GET OFF!”
“What the hell are you two doing on my couch?” Over the back of the couch I saw Spencer approach with Jon close behind, their hands untwining as they stared at us. I tried to repress a smile, but failed dismally at the sight of them.
I started to giggle uncontrollably at Spencer’s mortified face, and from the kitchen I heard Spencer’s mom join in with my laughter. She’d obviously heard all the noises that Ryan had been making, and clearly knew her son well enough to know that he would be horrified at them.
I beamed at them both. “Ryan’s ticklish!”
Jon leapt over the back of the couch and grabbed at Ryan’s waist, trying to tickle him while Ryan squirmed in discomfort. Spencer pursed his lips, either in disapproval, or from trying not to laugh.
His eyes lit up, as I pulled out my phone in a flash of inspiration. I glanced up at him, mock-questioningly. He nodded, so I pressed my open phone against Ryan’s ribs, just above his waist. I felt it go off in my hand, and the sound I heard next was just so...I don’t even have a word for it.
Hmmm, I need a name for that sound, it should be something like...oh, what is it? Onomatopoeia, I think? Maybe...a - a schcriek? Ooh, I like that -
“What was that?” His voice ripped through an octave and Jon roared with laughter. Ryan was on the floor, his arms wrapped around his knees tightly.
I held up my phone and he glared at it.
“You - you vibrated your phone against me?” he asked. “That’s so wrong!”
“Uh huh,” said Jon, climbing off the couch and putting his arms around Spencer’s waist. Spencer jumped and blushed, tensing for a moment before realising that they were in the house and no outsiders could see them.
He was like Ryan in so many ways, the frigidness at least...
Okay, so I don’t know what they do in their private time, don’t really want to know...
“You did a schcriek!” I yelled and they all looked at me like I was crazy.
Mrs. Spencer appeared in the doorway, a tea towel in her hand and a curious expression on her face.
“What’s a - a schcriek, hun?” she asked, raising her eyebrows curiously.
“Yeah, I wanna hear this,” muttered Spencer disbelievingly, wriggling out of Jon’s arms when his mother smiled at him.
“Well, a schcriek is the noise that Ry just made, a mixture of the words shriek, scream and screech, Mrs. Spencer. Cool, isn’t it?” I said brightly, smiling at her.
She smiled back and went back to whatever she was doing in the kitchen, shutting the door.
Jon’s face was red and he spluttered, “Mrs. Spencer?”
Then he fell on the floor laughing.
“What?” I said. “If I met your mom and dad, I’d call them Mister and Mrs. Jon...”
“Well, actually,” Ryan chimed in, “I think, given the recent circumstances, you, Spencer, would be Mrs. Jon...” I started to laugh wildly again.
Jon’s laughter cut off abruptly. “Shut up.”
“Okaaay,” said Spencer hurriedly, flushing. “Let’s not have this discussion.”
“Yeah, go away maybe?” said Ryan bitterly, staring up at them over the top of his knees.
“Done.” Spencer grabbed Jon’s hand and dragged him swiftly out of the room, pulling the door shut behind them.
Ryan groaned, and he got up, sitting down far away from me on the other end of the couch. When I glanced at him, he turned his face from me, the corners of his mouth turned down.
“Aw, c’mon baby,” I said, testing the final word as I said it. It felt so strange, and still so normal, like I’d been doing it for years.
He looked towards me suddenly, somewhat shocked at the endearment I’d used, and I moved over, wrapping my arms lightly about his waist.
He shrank away, as though he thought I was about to tickle him again, but I wasn’t that cruel. He reached into his own pocket and got out his phone; he flicked through everything for a bit, and then gasped, his face turning pink before he laughed.
“What?” I asked, pulling him against me as I tried to get a better look.
The footage of Jon dancing around naked was on the screen, the film that I’d taken. It seemed so long ago...
“Oh my god...” Ryan smiled up at me. “I’d forgotten about this!”
I smiled back, loving the way that his face was less angular and unhealthily thin looking when he smiled. “Spencer would love to have this,” I said, softly pulling my fingers through his hair.
He nodded, his eyelashes brushing his cheekbones as he closed his eyes, leaning into me.
“I like this,” he murmured quietly. “The way everything just went back to being so normal. I didn’t expect it to be this easy, y’know?”
I didn’t like to hear any sort of discouraged, pessimistic talk from anyone, least of all Ryan. It reminded me of the long weeks in which I’d felt much the same.
He twisted around and kissed me, a different sort of smile curving over his lips. How anybody’s skin, lips, everything could be so soft, so pliant, and yet so enduring, would never cease to amaze me.
I’d endure it.
Okay, I hate school. My chapters are getting to be rubbish, it's showing, I won't deny it. So please, if you have anything nice to say at all about this, say it now, while I still haven't given up.