I used to waste my time dreaming of being alive...18/?
Come off it, we know what we saw. They just won’t admit that we’re right...
Jon’s lips quirked into a small smile, like he was telling me silently, Come on Bren, you know you’re right, just say it...
Honestly? They couldn’t keep it secret if they’d tried.
If I had been more observant over the last month, I would’ve noticed it sooner, but no, I’d been too wrapped up in my own problems. Idiot child.
“Why didn’t you just tell us, guys?” I asked. “Did you think we’d mind?”
Ryan was watching me, but I found his expression difficult to understand. Tender? I wasn’t sure, but it made him look so much more beautiful.
I wondered why they hadn’t confronted us yet, I mean, Jon suspected, he was Jon, and Spencer, well...Spencer. He had gone and got us into this damn mess, with the intention of getting us together. I couldn’t understand why they just didn’t ask us outright, instead of...
Maybe that’s it; maybe they don’t expect us to admit it...maybe they’re waiting for us to let it slip? I don’t know.
And yet...I was a bit concerned about telling people, because, I mean, honestly I didn’t give a damn how I was treated, I always laughed it off. It was Ryan I was worried about.
Spencer merely glowered, and Ryan interrupted with, “Okay, I’m going to bed, if you lot are done bitching...?”
“Yup!” said Jon and leaped onto the bed, shunting Spencer off onto the floor and beaming at him. Spencer did not look very happy, I must admit, and I climbed into the other bed, ignoring everybody else.
Ryan could sleep on the floor if he wanted...
I didn’t think it’d go down well, though.
Ryan climbed into bed beside me, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, and said, “Spencer, can you turn off the light?”
A very weird end to a strangely eventful day.
----
In the end, we didn’t tell them that we were, well, together, I guess you could put it that way, everything had been made far too uncomfortable, and it would be a lie if I said that Ryan and I didn’t cause a stir wherever we went on Monday morning.
“You’d think they’ve got nothing else to talk about,” Ryan grumbled as we made our way over to ‘our’ lunch table.
Glares absolutely everywhere. I’d never seen so many variations on the bitch-face.
And it wasn’t even like we’d done anything worse than a hug.
Seems not everybody’s over him yet...
It was interesting to see everyone’s expressions; many of the girls’, and quite a few of the boys’. I felt quite smug, really, which was unusual for me.
The girls’ faces were like a cross between a pout, a death glare, and someone sucking on a lemon. And the guys’...well, they were basically the same.
He shook his head in exasperation when we caught sight of Jon and Spencer sitting as far from each other as could be considered ‘normal’.
Jon had an extremely bitter look on his face, and I knew why.
“They’re probably holding hands under the table,” I giggled, and they both looked at me as though they’d heard exactly what I’d said.
Jon raised his eyebrows at me as I jumped over and hugged them, before Ryan and I both sat down close to each other.
I guess it was a bit hypocritical, us telling them to come out, when we hadn’t told anyone.
And then -
“For god’s sake, why won’t you stop hiding and just admit that you’re in love?” Spencer’s voice broke through my thoughts, and I looked up at him, astonished, before turning to Ryan, who stared back at me, his golden eyes widening as I raised an eyebrow at him. I could hear Jon trying to stifle his laughter.
“If you don’t, I’ll get up on this table here and now, and yell to the entire school that you two are dating!” Spencer threatened, starting to get up.
My mouth fell open in shock.
If he dares...
“No!” Ryan blurted, reaching his hand out to pull him down, and Spencer smirked.
“Look, fine,” I mumbled, squeezing Ryan’s fingers. “We are. It’s not like you didn’t know though, Jesus, we just didn’t want to say.”
“Finally,” sighed Jon, sitting back lazily, “because it was getting really boring watching you being so frigid this weekend.”
I scooted closer to Ryan, who looked pissed off beyond belief, and slung my arm around his waist, glaring at the other two.
At least this gave us an excuse, however unwillingly it had been accepted.
“Bitches,” Ryan muttered sourly.
“You know what, I’m going to tell the entire school anyway,” said Spencer thoughtfully, starting to get onto the table again.
“Spencer, stop it!” I said furiously, kicking him under the table.
He swore and muttered, “If I can’t, then I’ll make you do it.”
“Don’t be an asshole, Spencer,” Jon said, scowling at him. “It’s a personal choice, and since you stuffed it up for them in the first place, you might just show a little respect.”
My gratitude for Jon swelled immensely, and I flashed him a quick grin.
I knew what I knew, and now he knew something too, so it was even.
Spencer looked like he’d been slapped in the face.
They’d known for ages anyway, we just hadn’t wanted to say anything.
Basically, what we’d attempted to do had failed miserably.
Ryan exhaled his breath hurriedly. I think he’d been holding it for quite a while.
“Epic fail, Spence,” he said, looking at him evilly. I rested my chin on Ryan’s shoulder and stuck my tongue out at Spencer.
People walking past gave us funny looks, and I stuck my tongue out even further. Ryan was radiating annoyance, but I, despite being irritated at having to reveal myself so soon, actually felt quite pleased, a feeling which increased every time someone went past glaring.
Ryan wriggled ever so slightly out of my grasp, and I remembered where I was. He stared at me for a moment, pressing his hand into mine surreptitiously but not yielding.
Well, it’s not like we didn’t do this before...
But I understood where he was coming from.
Be normal, just not what is normal for us now.
~Ryan~
“I need food,” said Brendon decisively, as though we hadn’t just revealed all that, and I blushed as his ass swayed all the way over to the cafeteria line.
I have no idea how I’d made it through those weeks without him.
I just wanted to touch him and hold him and claim him as my own right then and there in the cafeteria, without a thought of anyone else, which, bound by my fears as I was, I couldn’t do.
Oh, who gives a shit anyway, the whole school will probably know within a week.
I fixed a glare on Spencer, who was muttering curses under his breath.
I wasn’t at all sorry that he was in pain; not in the slightest. He deserved it.
I smiled at Jon, who had known basically from the start (and who I liked, well, a lot more at that moment), and said, “So...?” glancing at Spencer questioningly.
I didn’t really know him well enough, at least not that well, to know if he’d answer me.
“Of course we are Ry, weren’t you listening to Brendon psych out at me on Sunday? If it weren’t for this one -” He jerked his thumb at Spencer who looked at him, mortified into silence “- I would’ve told you ages ago, it was only when Brendon yelled for the entire house to hear -” Spencer’s jaw dropped in sheer horror “- oh, yeah, your mom knows now by the way -”
“MY MOM KNOWS?” Spencer shrieked and started hitting Jon wherever he could reach him. I grinned as the many people in the vicinity turned around to look at them after hearing Spencer’s high-pitched screech.
Jon ran away from Spencer to sit next to me, and he clung to me while Spencer glowered at us from the other side of the table.
“She totally overheard our entire conversation,” Jon grinned sheepishly at him across the table. “Maybe you guys were out...Brendon was practically yelling accusations at me, god, I was being persecuted, and - well, she couldn’t really not hear us. She actually came in and said something about it all.”
I’ve never actually seen Spencer look so angry and mortified at the same time, in all my life.
“What’s all this about? Spencer’s mom?”
I couldn’t really help but watch as Brendon came and sat down again with a tray loaded with food, his, um, very tight jeans around his, ah, amazing ass.
Just looking at him made my insides go all fuzzy and warm and melty.
“Stop molestering my boyfriend, Jon,” he added, glancing at him.
My cheeks grew hot at the term he’d used, so I picked at the food he’d brought over as a distraction and he smiled sideways at me.
“Yeah, what was it that she said - oh yeah, something about, oh, she’s known all her life - I’m joking,” he said hurriedly, seeing Spencer’s face.
“What was the word she used? - good,” he smiled at Spencer who looked stunned.
“Jesus,” he whispered, casting his blue eyes down at his hands which he was twisting furiously in his lap.
Wow...he took it worse than I did, and that’s saying something.
----
Truly, all was not happy slappy like it normally was, if it was ever like that with me, because, don’t get me wrong, I knew how shitty my moods could be, and how Spencer had always made me feel so much better, or at least tried to.
And now...I had absolutely no idea what to do.
Everything is so damn melodramatic, ooh, two confessions in one day, that sort of thing doesn’t even happen in the movies, dammit. Okay, so maybe it was Spencer’s fault for both of them, and now he’s...I don’t know what to do!
He glared. And bitch-faced. And glared.
It was actually really, really boring.
It would’ve been extremely hypocritical of me to tell him to get over himself, that it didn’t matter, that he didn’t have anything to worry about, but he had threatened to tell everyone about us, so I would’ve been justified in doing so.
And I couldn’t help remembering that it was he who had messed with my mental health by pretending to like me.
That would screw with anyone’s head, no matter how good their intentions were.
I relished, in a way, my new-found freedom with Brendon, and yet I still didn’t feel completely comfortable.
My head pounded just trying to work out what I felt.
We were able to be ourselves again around Jon and Spencer, which...was actually how we’d acted anyway from the start, I realised with a jolt.
I was loving it.
I'm so, so sorry for the delay, my rentals banned me from the computer last Sunday, so I haven't been on for a week. FEEDBACK!!
Jon’s lips quirked into a small smile, like he was telling me silently, Come on Bren, you know you’re right, just say it...
Honestly? They couldn’t keep it secret if they’d tried.
If I had been more observant over the last month, I would’ve noticed it sooner, but no, I’d been too wrapped up in my own problems. Idiot child.
“Why didn’t you just tell us, guys?” I asked. “Did you think we’d mind?”
Ryan was watching me, but I found his expression difficult to understand. Tender? I wasn’t sure, but it made him look so much more beautiful.
I wondered why they hadn’t confronted us yet, I mean, Jon suspected, he was Jon, and Spencer, well...Spencer. He had gone and got us into this damn mess, with the intention of getting us together. I couldn’t understand why they just didn’t ask us outright, instead of...
Maybe that’s it; maybe they don’t expect us to admit it...maybe they’re waiting for us to let it slip? I don’t know.
And yet...I was a bit concerned about telling people, because, I mean, honestly I didn’t give a damn how I was treated, I always laughed it off. It was Ryan I was worried about.
Spencer merely glowered, and Ryan interrupted with, “Okay, I’m going to bed, if you lot are done bitching...?”
“Yup!” said Jon and leaped onto the bed, shunting Spencer off onto the floor and beaming at him. Spencer did not look very happy, I must admit, and I climbed into the other bed, ignoring everybody else.
Ryan could sleep on the floor if he wanted...
I didn’t think it’d go down well, though.
Ryan climbed into bed beside me, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, and said, “Spencer, can you turn off the light?”
A very weird end to a strangely eventful day.
----
In the end, we didn’t tell them that we were, well, together, I guess you could put it that way, everything had been made far too uncomfortable, and it would be a lie if I said that Ryan and I didn’t cause a stir wherever we went on Monday morning.
“You’d think they’ve got nothing else to talk about,” Ryan grumbled as we made our way over to ‘our’ lunch table.
Glares absolutely everywhere. I’d never seen so many variations on the bitch-face.
And it wasn’t even like we’d done anything worse than a hug.
Seems not everybody’s over him yet...
It was interesting to see everyone’s expressions; many of the girls’, and quite a few of the boys’. I felt quite smug, really, which was unusual for me.
The girls’ faces were like a cross between a pout, a death glare, and someone sucking on a lemon. And the guys’...well, they were basically the same.
He shook his head in exasperation when we caught sight of Jon and Spencer sitting as far from each other as could be considered ‘normal’.
Jon had an extremely bitter look on his face, and I knew why.
“They’re probably holding hands under the table,” I giggled, and they both looked at me as though they’d heard exactly what I’d said.
Jon raised his eyebrows at me as I jumped over and hugged them, before Ryan and I both sat down close to each other.
I guess it was a bit hypocritical, us telling them to come out, when we hadn’t told anyone.
And then -
“For god’s sake, why won’t you stop hiding and just admit that you’re in love?” Spencer’s voice broke through my thoughts, and I looked up at him, astonished, before turning to Ryan, who stared back at me, his golden eyes widening as I raised an eyebrow at him. I could hear Jon trying to stifle his laughter.
“If you don’t, I’ll get up on this table here and now, and yell to the entire school that you two are dating!” Spencer threatened, starting to get up.
My mouth fell open in shock.
If he dares...
“No!” Ryan blurted, reaching his hand out to pull him down, and Spencer smirked.
“Look, fine,” I mumbled, squeezing Ryan’s fingers. “We are. It’s not like you didn’t know though, Jesus, we just didn’t want to say.”
“Finally,” sighed Jon, sitting back lazily, “because it was getting really boring watching you being so frigid this weekend.”
I scooted closer to Ryan, who looked pissed off beyond belief, and slung my arm around his waist, glaring at the other two.
At least this gave us an excuse, however unwillingly it had been accepted.
“Bitches,” Ryan muttered sourly.
“You know what, I’m going to tell the entire school anyway,” said Spencer thoughtfully, starting to get onto the table again.
“Spencer, stop it!” I said furiously, kicking him under the table.
He swore and muttered, “If I can’t, then I’ll make you do it.”
“Don’t be an asshole, Spencer,” Jon said, scowling at him. “It’s a personal choice, and since you stuffed it up for them in the first place, you might just show a little respect.”
My gratitude for Jon swelled immensely, and I flashed him a quick grin.
I knew what I knew, and now he knew something too, so it was even.
Spencer looked like he’d been slapped in the face.
They’d known for ages anyway, we just hadn’t wanted to say anything.
Basically, what we’d attempted to do had failed miserably.
Ryan exhaled his breath hurriedly. I think he’d been holding it for quite a while.
“Epic fail, Spence,” he said, looking at him evilly. I rested my chin on Ryan’s shoulder and stuck my tongue out at Spencer.
People walking past gave us funny looks, and I stuck my tongue out even further. Ryan was radiating annoyance, but I, despite being irritated at having to reveal myself so soon, actually felt quite pleased, a feeling which increased every time someone went past glaring.
Ryan wriggled ever so slightly out of my grasp, and I remembered where I was. He stared at me for a moment, pressing his hand into mine surreptitiously but not yielding.
Well, it’s not like we didn’t do this before...
But I understood where he was coming from.
Be normal, just not what is normal for us now.
~Ryan~
“I need food,” said Brendon decisively, as though we hadn’t just revealed all that, and I blushed as his ass swayed all the way over to the cafeteria line.
I have no idea how I’d made it through those weeks without him.
I just wanted to touch him and hold him and claim him as my own right then and there in the cafeteria, without a thought of anyone else, which, bound by my fears as I was, I couldn’t do.
Oh, who gives a shit anyway, the whole school will probably know within a week.
I fixed a glare on Spencer, who was muttering curses under his breath.
I wasn’t at all sorry that he was in pain; not in the slightest. He deserved it.
I smiled at Jon, who had known basically from the start (and who I liked, well, a lot more at that moment), and said, “So...?” glancing at Spencer questioningly.
I didn’t really know him well enough, at least not that well, to know if he’d answer me.
“Of course we are Ry, weren’t you listening to Brendon psych out at me on Sunday? If it weren’t for this one -” He jerked his thumb at Spencer who looked at him, mortified into silence “- I would’ve told you ages ago, it was only when Brendon yelled for the entire house to hear -” Spencer’s jaw dropped in sheer horror “- oh, yeah, your mom knows now by the way -”
“MY MOM KNOWS?” Spencer shrieked and started hitting Jon wherever he could reach him. I grinned as the many people in the vicinity turned around to look at them after hearing Spencer’s high-pitched screech.
Jon ran away from Spencer to sit next to me, and he clung to me while Spencer glowered at us from the other side of the table.
“She totally overheard our entire conversation,” Jon grinned sheepishly at him across the table. “Maybe you guys were out...Brendon was practically yelling accusations at me, god, I was being persecuted, and - well, she couldn’t really not hear us. She actually came in and said something about it all.”
I’ve never actually seen Spencer look so angry and mortified at the same time, in all my life.
“What’s all this about? Spencer’s mom?”
I couldn’t really help but watch as Brendon came and sat down again with a tray loaded with food, his, um, very tight jeans around his, ah, amazing ass.
Just looking at him made my insides go all fuzzy and warm and melty.
“Stop molestering my boyfriend, Jon,” he added, glancing at him.
My cheeks grew hot at the term he’d used, so I picked at the food he’d brought over as a distraction and he smiled sideways at me.
“Yeah, what was it that she said - oh yeah, something about, oh, she’s known all her life - I’m joking,” he said hurriedly, seeing Spencer’s face.
“What was the word she used? - good,” he smiled at Spencer who looked stunned.
“Jesus,” he whispered, casting his blue eyes down at his hands which he was twisting furiously in his lap.
Wow...he took it worse than I did, and that’s saying something.
----
Truly, all was not happy slappy like it normally was, if it was ever like that with me, because, don’t get me wrong, I knew how shitty my moods could be, and how Spencer had always made me feel so much better, or at least tried to.
And now...I had absolutely no idea what to do.
Everything is so damn melodramatic, ooh, two confessions in one day, that sort of thing doesn’t even happen in the movies, dammit. Okay, so maybe it was Spencer’s fault for both of them, and now he’s...I don’t know what to do!
He glared. And bitch-faced. And glared.
It was actually really, really boring.
It would’ve been extremely hypocritical of me to tell him to get over himself, that it didn’t matter, that he didn’t have anything to worry about, but he had threatened to tell everyone about us, so I would’ve been justified in doing so.
And I couldn’t help remembering that it was he who had messed with my mental health by pretending to like me.
That would screw with anyone’s head, no matter how good their intentions were.
I relished, in a way, my new-found freedom with Brendon, and yet I still didn’t feel completely comfortable.
My head pounded just trying to work out what I felt.
We were able to be ourselves again around Jon and Spencer, which...was actually how we’d acted anyway from the start, I realised with a jolt.
I was loving it.
I'm so, so sorry for the delay, my rentals banned me from the computer last Sunday, so I haven't been on for a week. FEEDBACK!!