I used to waste my time dreaming of being alive...15/?
When Brendon lay on the floor, the thing that instantly sprang to mind was: Truth or Dare? Could you blame me?
Spencer glared at him, and flopped down on his bed. “What was that for?”
Brendon beamed, exposing his gleaming white teeth for an instant before saying, “You should never tell me that there’s no red bull, Spence; it gives you brain damage.”
Spencer groaned, rubbing his head. I stretched out on my stomach in the middle of the room, resting my head on my arms.
Brendon waved at me from across the room, and Jon tried to hide a grin.
Sometimes I’d thought Jon was immature, but I think he saw a lot more than I could ever imagine.
“Can we not play truth or dare please?” I requested, eager to avoid dares like the ones in the last game we’d played.
“Sure, my head hurts too much, that’s fine by me,” said Spencer sourly, shooting Brendon a foul look.
“Aww, would you like me to kiss it better?” said Jon in a babyish voice, pouting at him.
Brendon gagged.
“If you like,” said Spencer indifferently, death-glaring at Brendon.
I don’t think he’d properly taken in what had been said to him.
So when Jon grabbed his shoulders and kissed the top of his head, I couldn’t help but laugh at his face, which had turned scarlet.
“I’m not playing if Ry doesn’t lie on me again!”
It was my turn to go scarlet, and my eyes widened in horror, as did Brendon’s, his hand flying to his mouth in shock.
Is it just me, or do we both say stuff all the time that is better left unsaid?
Jon fell off the other side of the bed, disappearing from sight, he was laughing so hard; Spencer was actually crying.
“Um...I didn’t say that,” muttered Brendon, bright red.
Okay...
My emotions overwhelmed me. He was so...compelling, I couldn’t help being attracted to him, but it would be so difficult to keep my feelings from showing at school. It had been almost impossible to let go of his hand just before.
Ugh, this is hard.
I didn’t want people to know just yet. I didn’t know how he felt about it, but it was too soon for me to feel comfortable with the idea of others knowing.
And not everybody in school was as accepting of the 'gay community'.
Jesus, I’m already thinking like that? Because that’s what I am, really, and there are people in school who will treat me worse than my parents did. Mind you, if they knew...I probably wouldn’t live to see another day...
I looked over at Brendon and saw that he was watching me with an apologetic smile on his face. I wondered what he was thinking, and when I met his gaze, in spite of myself, I couldn’t help it. The giggles started.
I didn’t even know why I was laughing; after all, I’d just about been mortified senseless. Then Brendon’s clear, infectious laugh rang out, and I just about died.
Spencer sat up and stared at us rolling around on the floor, laughing.
My stomach started to ache and I tried to push myself into a sitting position, clutching at my abdomen and gasping.
I think Jon was still laughing too at that point; a pair of hands appeared and grabbed Spencer’s waist, and Jon attempted to pull himself up before Spencer shrieked and fell off the bed too.
Brendon roared with laughter, and I dragged myself over weakly to stare at them around the edge of the bed. The expression on Spencer’s face as he’d fallen backwards had been priceless, and it was still there as he struggled to get off Jon.
“W-what are w-we actually l-laughing at?” asked Brendon breathlessly, pulling himself over to me. “Apart f-from them?”
“I - I actually have no idea,” I said, and he shook his head in disbelief.
I can’t believe I’m this close to him and I can’t even touch him...Spencer would hassle me until I die...
But then my eyebrows shot up into my hair as I stared at them. At Spencer.
Oh, he’s not - HE SO IS! Oh my god...
I caught Brendon’s eye and jerked my head towards Spencer. Brendon’s jaw dropped comically and he scooted away from them.
I snickered, moving away to the door as I did so, saying, “We’ll just leave you two lovebirds to it then, shall we?”
Brendon giggled, his hand on the doorknob and Spencer’s face appeared over the edge of the bed. I laughed at the expression on it, a laugh which I quickly turned into a scream of mock horror as Spencer got up and sat on the bed, his face flaming and his expression furious.
Well, well. The things you learn about a guy...
~Brendon~
Spencer was sure as hell majorly embarrassed. I don’t think there’s even a word for the colour he turned.
Jon sat on the other bed, looking away from everyone in the room.
I really didn’t blame him, and it made me wondered if he’d realised exactly what it was that we were laughing at.
At least I haven’t done that...my dignity would end up on the floor.
Spencer was glaring at both of us, and I dropped my hand from the doorknob as though it had scalded me.
I...wasn’t going to argue, mainly due to the look he was giving me, and because Jon looked awful. I wasn’t about to leave him like this, because I was imagining what I would feel like if they did the same to me.
Oh, wait...that’s not really the same thing...
Ryan glanced at me, and then at Spencer. I knew what he was thinking.
This is...awkward...
“Um, okay, what are we going to do tonight?” I asked brightly, trying to break the ice. “I mean, as long as I’m not upgrading to making sweet, sweet love to your bedpost, I don’t care what we do.”
Jon laughed at me, and Spencer shot me a fleeting glance that said ‘thank you,’ which I returned with a grin.
I had no idea why I’d said that, because it would mean certain death for me tonight, to put it in a very melodramatic sense.
This house does things to you...
It was the only explanation for everything, all the stuff that had been happening. There was something seriously wrong with Spencer’s house, and I told him so.
“Dude, did you know your house is the freakiest place I’ve ever been?”
Spencer looked over, shocked, fixing a wide blue-eyed stare on me. Jon began to laugh.
“I mean,” I continued, “freaky shit goes on in this room, you can’t deny it.”
Jon started to laugh outright. Spencer slapped him around the head, and Jon winced, slapping him back.
It...it turned into a fully fledged bitch-fight.
But the guy version.
I really couldn’t help laughing, and Ryan was clutching me as we both sank to the floor, laughing our asses off.
“See what I mean?” I said, pointing at them. “They’re having a bitch-fight!”
Ryan went into hysterics. It was odd to think that less than an hour before we’d both been crying, myself more emotional than I’d ever been in my life.
When they looked over at the word bitch, I added, “Okay, let’s list the weird things that have gone on in this room.”
Ryan stretched his legs out in front of him, sinking even lower to the floor as he instantly became serious.
I wish I could do that...
It was very distracting, especially as there was a strip of skin showing between his tight as hell jeans and the tee-shirt that clung to his skinny chest.
It baffled me as to why he thought his body was awful. I’d have died to look like him. Not literally, because then I wouldn’t be able to enjoy it, but still.
At least I was able to look at him every day.
My mind started to wander towards naughtier thoughts that I shouldn’t have been thinking while anyone else was around, and feeling the heat rise in my neck, I looked hurriedly at the other two, saying, “Right, well, first, there’s you, Spencer.”
He frowned at me from under his eyebrows. “What about me?”
“You,” I said slowly and clearly pointing my finger at him, “are having a bitch-fight like a girl.”
I switched my gaze to Jon, who smirked at me. “With him.”
Jon flushed and Spencer’s eyes swept over him, meeting his gaze for a second.
“Which makes him weird too,” I added, examining their expressions.
If I’d been a bit more observant over the past five weeks, I might’ve seen what had been going on more clearly.
It was like living in a goddamn soap opera.
Watching the way Jon’s eyes lingered on Spencer even after Spencer had looked away, and the way that Spencer glanced at Jon, blushing when he met his gaze, made me wonder.
It looks like what I think it is, but then, what would I know?
“Alright, I’ve heard enough,” announced Spencer, bristling.
Defensive maybe?
“If you’re just going to sit there and insult us, then I am so not sitting here to listen.”
I turned to grin at Ryan, and a grin appeared on his face too, but when I looked away I saw out of the corner of my eye his face falling into its painfully rigid lines again.
I couldn’t imagine why. Was it my fault? I was confused.
That strip of skin was still showing.
All of a sudden I desperately wanted to be alone with him again.
I knew how to do it, but I wasn’t sure whether I’d be forgiven so readily.
“Alright,” I said casually, “but you know you love him.”
Ryan started to laugh, but quickly turned it into a cough at the look Spencer gave him. I’d thrown caution to the winds, saying that, but I couldn’t care less.
I think, at that moment, the room went completely silent before Spencer got to his feet, his eyes livid, and said quite clearly, “Jon,” moving towards the door, his hand outstretched. He nudged us away from the door with his shoe and wrenched it open, dragging a very red Jon out.
It had worked. Within moments, they were both gone.
I sighed deeply, slumping against the door. Ryan moved closer to me, and I wound my arm around his waist, pulling him to me.
“That was very, very dangerous,” he said softly, tracing his finger over my chest and staring up into my eyes. “Seriously, Bren, you don’t want to mess with Spence...I’ve known him longer than you have.”
I snorted contemptuously.
“No, really,” he said anxiously, brushing his fingers hesitantly along my jaw.
I shivered involuntarily, from the sensation, and he drew back, alarmed.
I blushed, letting my gaze drift over him, over the silky hair and his caramel coloured eyes gazing nervously back. The strip of skin.
I don’t know how my hand found its way to Ryan’s hip; it just did, and I felt his cool smooth fingers close firmly over my own and simply hold it there, not letting me go any further. His body issues were unfounded. I didn’t understand.
I want to understand...
“We should find them,” Ryan sighed without much conviction.
I took his hand and stood up, but as I reached for the door knob, he spun me around and pressed me flat against the hard wood of the doorframe, his body flush with mine, forcing all the air out of my lungs as he kissed me.
My hands snaked around his back, holding him to me as my eyelids slid shut.
I’ll admit he’d taken me by surprise.
It's not like I'm going to complain though, am I?
woot, I managed to finish this chapter!!! I almost gave up on this...FEEDBACK!!!