I used to waste my time dreaming of being alive...Chapter 6
Ryan actually managed to enjoy the week; not only because he had met someone that didn’t want to be friends with him just to get some, but also because he would see Brendon.
He didn’t know why that made him happy; it just did. And Brendon hugged him all the time. That made him happier too for some reason.
He was walking home from school on Friday afternoon with Brendon, when, at the drive of Spencer’s house, he suddenly asked, “Do you want to come over today?”
Brendon jumped up and down. “Ooh, yes! Hang on, I’ll text my mom!”
“Do you want to stay the night? I don’t think Spence will mind...” Ryan hoped it would be okay, Spencer’s mom was pretty lenient anyway.
Brendon’s phone buzzed after a few minutes and he flipped it open. “Woo, I can!”
“Cool.” They went into the house and Brendon looked around almost reverently at his surroundings as they wandered up to Spencer’s room, only to stop when they heard the sound of laughter from the room. He exchanged a glance with Brendon and pushed the door open.
“Oh hey Ry.” Spencer twisted round when he heard them enter. Jon smiled up at them from where he was sitting on the bed. Brendon leapt on him, hugging him tightly. He’d made pretty good friends with Jon, and Jon shoved him away, grinning shyly.
“Spence, can Bren stay the night?” Ryan sat down cross-legged on the floor, staring pleadingly up at him.
“Don’t give me that look, of course he can,” said Spencer, looking disgusted at Ryan’s expression.
Ryan laughed. “It always makes you look better when you ask, Spence.”
“Anyway, Jon’s staying over too.” Spencer exchanged an evil grin with Jon before turning back to Ryan and Brendon. Oh no.
Ryan swallowed. “What have you got planned for tonight then?” he asked a little warily.
“Oh, you never know,” said Jon airily. So he’s in on it then.
Brendon sat down behind Ryan and wrapped his arms securely around his waist, pressing his chest against Ryan’s spine. Ryan narrowed his eyes at Spencer and Brendon hid his face behind Ryan’s back.
“What are you doing Bren?” Ryan turned to look at him in exasperation.
“They’re scaring me,” mumbled Brendon into Ryan’s hoodie. “I’m scared of what they’re gonna do to us tonight.”
Ryan snorted. “If they do anything you don’t like, I’ll beat Spencer up!”
“Why me?” Spencer screeched, cracking a high.
Ryan froze, shocked, then doubled over with laughter at Spencer. Jon pushed his face into the covers of Spencer’s bed, shaking, he was laughing so hard.
“Hey guys, it’s not that funny!” Brendon came to Spencer’s defence, his own voice breaking at the end as he tried to make himself heard.
Ryan and Jon only laughed harder.
“What’s going on - oh!”
Spencer’s mom appeared in the doorway, pausing on her way past. She looked over the scene in front of her and asked, “Who are your friends, Spencer?”
Spencer scowled and muttered, trying to control his voice, “This is Jon -“ He gestured to Jon opposite. “ - and that’s Brendon.” He pointed at Brendon who was still wrapped around Ryan. They both turned around and Brendon grinned and waved.
Her eyes flickered over them and a small smile touched the corners of her mouth as she said, “Nice to meet you boys.”
She left the room, still smiling, and shut the door behind her.
“Why you?” Ryan laughed, turning back to Spencer. “Because you came up with the idea, that’s why.”
----
Brendon flicked through all the channels at top speed, his slim body curled up beside Ryan’s. Spencer and Jon had ventured out of the house, having gone to the shop on the corner to get energy drinks that would make them so hyper that they wouldn’t need to sleep for another week.
Ryan’s eyes began to glaze over as Brendon’s flicking neared epileptic-seizure speed. He grabbed Brendon’s hand, mumbling, “Stop! Just...please. Stop.”
Brendon’s eyes shot curiously to his face. He put the remote carefully down on the side table, turning his attention to the screen.
He swallowed and glanced down at his hand, a dusky rose colour rising in his cheeks, then glanced at Ryan.
“What?” Ryan stared into Brendon’s slightly fearful eyes, his heart frantic. “Bren..?”
He squeezed his hand without thinking...and felt smooth, cool skin underneath his hand as Brendon inhaled sharply.
Ryan gazed down at their hands, entwined on the sofa, and then back up at Brendon, biting his lip. Shit...
When his head began to spin, he gasped, swaying forward. He hadn’t realised that he’d been holding his breath. That’s not normal...
“Are you okay?” Brendon’s voice sounded concerned, horrified, and...wary.
Ryan nodded, rubbing his hand over his chest, seeing Brendon’s eyes fixed on his chest. Brendon moved over on the couch and took Ryan’s hand, putting his own hand in its place against Ryan’s chest.
“Are you sure you’re okay Ry? Your heart’s racing...” Brendon locked his eyes with Ryan’s shyly, and Ryan felt his face grow hot as Brendon’s fingers gently brushed the bare skin above the v-neck of his shirt. He still hadn’t let go of his hand and twisted his fingers into Ryan’s.
Ryan laid his head on Brendon’s shoulder, closing his eyes and curling up closer to him. Glancing just as shyly up at Brendon, Ryan flushed when Brendon’s lips curved an inch from his face.
Still smiling, Brendon reached up and brushed a strand of hair off Ryan’s forehead. His hand found its way to Ryan’s skinny waist, holding him firmly. He was becoming accustomed to its weight there. For a moment they just stared at each other, watching each other silently.
Then Brendon began softly singing, a song Ryan didn’t recognise, his breath tickling Ryan’s ear. Ryan sighed.
His voice is amazing...
“Hey guys - what are you doing?” Spencer’s voice broke through the moment; Ryan swore inwardly, annoyed at Spencer for being such an asshole.
“Nothing!” They both turned and spoke at exactly the same time, looking at each other and flushing.
That only makes it look worse...
“Oh yeah. Sure.” Jon smirked and moved to bend over the back of the sofa, holding a bag whose contents clinked.
“Sure as hell doesn’t look like nothing,” he said knowingly.
I hate you...
Brendon squeezed Ryan’s fingers once before sliding his hand away.
Switching the television off, Brendon jumped up on the couch and practically screamed, “If you don’t have Red Bull I will eat you Spencer!”
Spencer’s eyes widened at the strength of Brendon’s voice.
Pausing for a moment, he said, “Actually, I’d have to eat Ryan, I think he’d taste nicer!”
He grinned swiftly.
Ryan blushed, not looking at Spencer, who hadn’t moved any further into the room. Jon laughed and quickly turned it into a cough at the glare Ryan gave him. Brendon wrinkled his nose and leapt off the couch, grabbing at the bag Jon carried.
Then he proceeded to chase Jon around the house when he wouldn’t give up the drinks.
Spencer sat down on the couch next to Ryan, listening to Brendon and Jon running up and down the stairs.
“So...what were you doing?” Spencer glanced at him nervously.
“Sitting.” Ryan answered shortly. He wasn’t in the mood for this.
Spencer prodded him with his finger. “Like Jon said, it didn’t look like nothing.”
Ryan prodded him back. “Well, you’re both wrong.”
Spencer hit him lightly and Ryan, being Ryan, had to hit him back, turning it into a contest.
Breathless, laughing, they ended up tangled on the sofa, still attempting to throw weak, half-hearted punches at each other while holding the other’s wrists, their noses almost touching.
“I’m gonna get you for that!” Ryan burst out, trying to get his breathing back to normal. Spencer moved forward hesitantly. Ryan froze, seeing that Spencer’s eyes were focused not on his eyes, but his lips.
Ryan let his breath out quickly, shunting himself backwards before he fell off the edge of the couch, staring up at Spencer.
Ryan picked himself up, stammered, “I - I have to find Brendon...” and ran out of the room.
What the hell was that? If I hadn’t moved away, would he have kissed me? And - well, I don’t even like him in that way...if he’s gay, why didn’t he just tell me, it’s not like I’d care, he even hassled me about being gay -
He hit Brendon full on as he was running up the stairs, giving a strangled cry as they both tumbled down. Luckily, they weren’t too far from the floor, and Ryan sprawled out on his back, groaning, when Brendon landed on top of him with a yell. Ryan looked dazedly up at him, feeling winded.
Heat rushed to his face when he realised that he was feeling winded because Brendon had collapsed on his stomach, and because his chin was inches from Ryan’s jaw. Ryan stared down at him, shocked.
A laugh sounded from the top of the stairs which was becoming steadily familiar.
“Did they fall, or were they pushed?” Jon ran down, laughing hysterically.
Brendon twisted around rapidly. Ryan’s breath hissed through his teeth, his eyelids squeezing shut as a shiver ran through his body when Brendon moved against him. He clenched his jaw, hoping against hope that Jon hadn’t noticed.
He held his breath and chanced a glance at Jon who was seating himself several stairs above them, probably in case Ryan tried to attack him, which, in his present state, would be fairly difficult.
Ryan sighed in relief. Jon’s sharp eyes didn’t seem to have caught anything incriminating.
“So,” began Jon. Ryan glared up at him. If you say anything, I will strangle you...
“What are you doing right now? You can’t say ‘nothing’.” Jon’s face split into a grin. “The noises you were making...I could hear them from your room Ry!”
Brendon turned a delicate shade of pink.
“I am so telling Spence!” Jon laughed and disappeared into the sitting room.
Brendon turned to stare at Ryan again, whose chest was heaving.
“Can we please go upstairs?”
He didn’t know why that made him happy; it just did. And Brendon hugged him all the time. That made him happier too for some reason.
He was walking home from school on Friday afternoon with Brendon, when, at the drive of Spencer’s house, he suddenly asked, “Do you want to come over today?”
Brendon jumped up and down. “Ooh, yes! Hang on, I’ll text my mom!”
“Do you want to stay the night? I don’t think Spence will mind...” Ryan hoped it would be okay, Spencer’s mom was pretty lenient anyway.
Brendon’s phone buzzed after a few minutes and he flipped it open. “Woo, I can!”
“Cool.” They went into the house and Brendon looked around almost reverently at his surroundings as they wandered up to Spencer’s room, only to stop when they heard the sound of laughter from the room. He exchanged a glance with Brendon and pushed the door open.
“Oh hey Ry.” Spencer twisted round when he heard them enter. Jon smiled up at them from where he was sitting on the bed. Brendon leapt on him, hugging him tightly. He’d made pretty good friends with Jon, and Jon shoved him away, grinning shyly.
“Spence, can Bren stay the night?” Ryan sat down cross-legged on the floor, staring pleadingly up at him.
“Don’t give me that look, of course he can,” said Spencer, looking disgusted at Ryan’s expression.
Ryan laughed. “It always makes you look better when you ask, Spence.”
“Anyway, Jon’s staying over too.” Spencer exchanged an evil grin with Jon before turning back to Ryan and Brendon. Oh no.
Ryan swallowed. “What have you got planned for tonight then?” he asked a little warily.
“Oh, you never know,” said Jon airily. So he’s in on it then.
Brendon sat down behind Ryan and wrapped his arms securely around his waist, pressing his chest against Ryan’s spine. Ryan narrowed his eyes at Spencer and Brendon hid his face behind Ryan’s back.
“What are you doing Bren?” Ryan turned to look at him in exasperation.
“They’re scaring me,” mumbled Brendon into Ryan’s hoodie. “I’m scared of what they’re gonna do to us tonight.”
Ryan snorted. “If they do anything you don’t like, I’ll beat Spencer up!”
“Why me?” Spencer screeched, cracking a high.
Ryan froze, shocked, then doubled over with laughter at Spencer. Jon pushed his face into the covers of Spencer’s bed, shaking, he was laughing so hard.
“Hey guys, it’s not that funny!” Brendon came to Spencer’s defence, his own voice breaking at the end as he tried to make himself heard.
Ryan and Jon only laughed harder.
“What’s going on - oh!”
Spencer’s mom appeared in the doorway, pausing on her way past. She looked over the scene in front of her and asked, “Who are your friends, Spencer?”
Spencer scowled and muttered, trying to control his voice, “This is Jon -“ He gestured to Jon opposite. “ - and that’s Brendon.” He pointed at Brendon who was still wrapped around Ryan. They both turned around and Brendon grinned and waved.
Her eyes flickered over them and a small smile touched the corners of her mouth as she said, “Nice to meet you boys.”
She left the room, still smiling, and shut the door behind her.
“Why you?” Ryan laughed, turning back to Spencer. “Because you came up with the idea, that’s why.”
----
Brendon flicked through all the channels at top speed, his slim body curled up beside Ryan’s. Spencer and Jon had ventured out of the house, having gone to the shop on the corner to get energy drinks that would make them so hyper that they wouldn’t need to sleep for another week.
Ryan’s eyes began to glaze over as Brendon’s flicking neared epileptic-seizure speed. He grabbed Brendon’s hand, mumbling, “Stop! Just...please. Stop.”
Brendon’s eyes shot curiously to his face. He put the remote carefully down on the side table, turning his attention to the screen.
He swallowed and glanced down at his hand, a dusky rose colour rising in his cheeks, then glanced at Ryan.
“What?” Ryan stared into Brendon’s slightly fearful eyes, his heart frantic. “Bren..?”
He squeezed his hand without thinking...and felt smooth, cool skin underneath his hand as Brendon inhaled sharply.
Ryan gazed down at their hands, entwined on the sofa, and then back up at Brendon, biting his lip. Shit...
When his head began to spin, he gasped, swaying forward. He hadn’t realised that he’d been holding his breath. That’s not normal...
“Are you okay?” Brendon’s voice sounded concerned, horrified, and...wary.
Ryan nodded, rubbing his hand over his chest, seeing Brendon’s eyes fixed on his chest. Brendon moved over on the couch and took Ryan’s hand, putting his own hand in its place against Ryan’s chest.
“Are you sure you’re okay Ry? Your heart’s racing...” Brendon locked his eyes with Ryan’s shyly, and Ryan felt his face grow hot as Brendon’s fingers gently brushed the bare skin above the v-neck of his shirt. He still hadn’t let go of his hand and twisted his fingers into Ryan’s.
Ryan laid his head on Brendon’s shoulder, closing his eyes and curling up closer to him. Glancing just as shyly up at Brendon, Ryan flushed when Brendon’s lips curved an inch from his face.
Still smiling, Brendon reached up and brushed a strand of hair off Ryan’s forehead. His hand found its way to Ryan’s skinny waist, holding him firmly. He was becoming accustomed to its weight there. For a moment they just stared at each other, watching each other silently.
Then Brendon began softly singing, a song Ryan didn’t recognise, his breath tickling Ryan’s ear. Ryan sighed.
His voice is amazing...
“Hey guys - what are you doing?” Spencer’s voice broke through the moment; Ryan swore inwardly, annoyed at Spencer for being such an asshole.
“Nothing!” They both turned and spoke at exactly the same time, looking at each other and flushing.
That only makes it look worse...
“Oh yeah. Sure.” Jon smirked and moved to bend over the back of the sofa, holding a bag whose contents clinked.
“Sure as hell doesn’t look like nothing,” he said knowingly.
I hate you...
Brendon squeezed Ryan’s fingers once before sliding his hand away.
Switching the television off, Brendon jumped up on the couch and practically screamed, “If you don’t have Red Bull I will eat you Spencer!”
Spencer’s eyes widened at the strength of Brendon’s voice.
Pausing for a moment, he said, “Actually, I’d have to eat Ryan, I think he’d taste nicer!”
He grinned swiftly.
Ryan blushed, not looking at Spencer, who hadn’t moved any further into the room. Jon laughed and quickly turned it into a cough at the glare Ryan gave him. Brendon wrinkled his nose and leapt off the couch, grabbing at the bag Jon carried.
Then he proceeded to chase Jon around the house when he wouldn’t give up the drinks.
Spencer sat down on the couch next to Ryan, listening to Brendon and Jon running up and down the stairs.
“So...what were you doing?” Spencer glanced at him nervously.
“Sitting.” Ryan answered shortly. He wasn’t in the mood for this.
Spencer prodded him with his finger. “Like Jon said, it didn’t look like nothing.”
Ryan prodded him back. “Well, you’re both wrong.”
Spencer hit him lightly and Ryan, being Ryan, had to hit him back, turning it into a contest.
Breathless, laughing, they ended up tangled on the sofa, still attempting to throw weak, half-hearted punches at each other while holding the other’s wrists, their noses almost touching.
“I’m gonna get you for that!” Ryan burst out, trying to get his breathing back to normal. Spencer moved forward hesitantly. Ryan froze, seeing that Spencer’s eyes were focused not on his eyes, but his lips.
Ryan let his breath out quickly, shunting himself backwards before he fell off the edge of the couch, staring up at Spencer.
Ryan picked himself up, stammered, “I - I have to find Brendon...” and ran out of the room.
What the hell was that? If I hadn’t moved away, would he have kissed me? And - well, I don’t even like him in that way...if he’s gay, why didn’t he just tell me, it’s not like I’d care, he even hassled me about being gay -
He hit Brendon full on as he was running up the stairs, giving a strangled cry as they both tumbled down. Luckily, they weren’t too far from the floor, and Ryan sprawled out on his back, groaning, when Brendon landed on top of him with a yell. Ryan looked dazedly up at him, feeling winded.
Heat rushed to his face when he realised that he was feeling winded because Brendon had collapsed on his stomach, and because his chin was inches from Ryan’s jaw. Ryan stared down at him, shocked.
A laugh sounded from the top of the stairs which was becoming steadily familiar.
“Did they fall, or were they pushed?” Jon ran down, laughing hysterically.
Brendon twisted around rapidly. Ryan’s breath hissed through his teeth, his eyelids squeezing shut as a shiver ran through his body when Brendon moved against him. He clenched his jaw, hoping against hope that Jon hadn’t noticed.
He held his breath and chanced a glance at Jon who was seating himself several stairs above them, probably in case Ryan tried to attack him, which, in his present state, would be fairly difficult.
Ryan sighed in relief. Jon’s sharp eyes didn’t seem to have caught anything incriminating.
“So,” began Jon. Ryan glared up at him. If you say anything, I will strangle you...
“What are you doing right now? You can’t say ‘nothing’.” Jon’s face split into a grin. “The noises you were making...I could hear them from your room Ry!”
Brendon turned a delicate shade of pink.
“I am so telling Spence!” Jon laughed and disappeared into the sitting room.
Brendon turned to stare at Ryan again, whose chest was heaving.
“Can we please go upstairs?”