My rant on adoption
For one thing, I'm very troubled about all this "I'm a white Christian woman and I wanna adopt a Chinese baby girl thing." Okay, my family has known women like that - who adopted Chinese girls, and they paid a lot of money for them. They did. I'm sorry, but that's the reality. They basically bought these children. One of these women doesn't really seem to intend on taking care of this girl herself (this woman already had like, two kids, boys or whatever, and I think she had already adopted a little boy from Russia) and I think she was planning on hiring a nanny already, after she just adopted the girl. Okay, what's that all about? You adopt a child, not because you have money, and you want to feel like a good person, but you adopt a child because you intend on raising it and taking good care of it. Because you are going to make it part of your family. PART. OF. YOUR. FAMILY. Notice it's a part of your family. Not just an addition. A member of your family - not just someone chillin' in your big ass house.
And then it comes to gay adoptions. Well, I can't agree with my Dad that being "gay" is all about the sexual aspect of it, and that gays shouldn't be allowed to adopt because they're unstable. I know there are stable gays out there. I know there are stable gay relationships. But I can't agree with the gay rights people that ALL gays should have the right to adopt. I don't even agree that ALL straight people should have the right to adopt! There are a lot of straight people who should never have the right to a child in their life. There are a lot of straight people who are very sexually unstable. In my opinion, anyone who has a new boyfriend or girlfriend, whether this person is straight or gay now, every few months, should not be allowed to adopt a child. Why you might ask?
Let me give you an illustration.
Let's say I have teenage daughters and I'm a single woman. I got a divorce, my husband - the girls' daddy died, whatever. I'm not going to bring some man up in that house. I'm not going to have my boyfriend move in - why? Because he could end up lusting after my teenage daughters and molesting them. It's about responsibility. In the end, it's not about ME and what I want. It's about my daughters and their personal safety and well being. You think this doesn't happen? It happens all the damn time. So many girls have been molested and raped by stepfathers and mothers' boyfriends. Don't tell me it doesn't happen. And don't tell me it isn't the same thing as what I was talking about earlier.
Because it is.
Let me explain further. It's not about what YOU want. It's about the child. It's about the child in question. It's not about YOu want to have your sex life, and do whatever you please, and have your alternate lifestyle, and you also want to raise a child. No no no no no, ha ha, sorry, but no. It isn't da da da da da and ALSO the child. It's THE CHILD, and also da da da da da. That's how it goes. The CHILD is first. When you adopt, the CHILD comes FIRST in your life. The CHILD is most important. Then comes your life. What's that? You still want to have your lifestyle? Your lifestyle is most important to you? You don't think that's fair? "That's not fair, Fabi, that's not true, people should be able to have their lifestyles and a child?" Ha ha ha. FUCK YOU.
I'm not saying gays can't adopt.
Sure they can.
As I said before, there are stable gays out there. Go ahead. Let the stable gays who have stable relationships, and are in a stable economic and emotional and mental situation adopt children. Let the straight people who are stable and in stable relationships and are stable economically and every other way adopt children. But I refuse to agree that anybody with ANY kind of "alternate lifestyle" should be able to have a child. Because first of all, if you have that mentality, then you're not putting the child first. If you're saying "Well people should be able to have BOTH," then you life in fucking Oz. This is Earth honey. We are on planet Earth. This is not Oz. This is not Disney Land. This is not a feel good, must see movie event of the year.
This is reality. And in reality, children get SICK. Children need you to stay home with them when they are sick. Just because you live a fast paced life and don't need to eat breakfast, doesn't mean your three year old doesn't need to either. Three year olds need fucking Cheerios. That is an obvious thing. A child needs to eat. You don't leave a three year old at a daycare at five a.m with no hope of fucking breakfast and expect the daycare workers (who, by the way, already have to take care of like twelve other kids who belong to fast paced dumbfuck selfish ass parents who put their career first like you) to take care of your poor, neglected child.
It isn't about "I'm a gay man and I want a little girl to love and take care of." It's "I am a mature, responsible man, who happens to be gay, but is willing to put this little girl ahead of everyone and everything - my career, my life, even my relationships with other people." That's adoption. That's parenting. And the same, yes, should apply to straight parents. You shoud be willing to give up anything for that child - career, relationships, everything - whether you are gay or straight. That's what I have decided about adoption.
So no, I don't believe ALL gays should have the right to adopt because I don't believe ALL straights should have the right to adopt. You think I'm offensive? Fine. I am. You think I'm unfair. Of course it's unfair. Life is unfair. Parenting is very unfair. It isn't about you. DSS doesn't care about YOU. DSS darkens your doorstep because they care about the fact that your three year old is looking underweight according to your neighbors or they hear shouting from your home and see your child covered in bruises a day later. I'm glad people's children get taken from them by DSS.
We live in a wonderful country, where people are deemed unworthy and unfit to be parents and their children are far removed from them. Do I feel sorry for them...??
I can't exactly say I don't. But I can't exactly say I feel absolute sympathy for the woman who slaps around a two year old and then is shocked when it gets taken away by Social Services. That's life. You don't mistreat children. You don't mess with children in this world. Children can't defend themselves. You want to slap an adult? Fine. You want to cut yourself? Whatever. But you don't take anything out on a child. Ever. It's not the child's fault you don't want it and you're a lazy, irresponsible cretin.
All I know is a responsible adult is a person who admits that they care more about their career, their private life, their money, whatever, than taking care of a child, accepts that they are not a good candidate for adoption, and then goes about their daily business and acknowledges that a child is not a puppy or a kitten, and leaves the very idea of adopting a child out of their life.
*Steps down from soap box of adoption once and for all on her lj.*