An overdue update
I have still managed to wrangle up my resources to keep the house. Working where I do, self sacrifice is requisite, but can be rewarding - I make more than twice what I made at that stupid, shitty newspaper. I now am learning photography, motion graphics, project management, etc.The casino gives us the gifts they give to certain players, so I've got George Foreman, Vegetable Steamer/Rice Cooker/Mixing Bowls/Crystal Vase/Barbecue Kit, and other shit galore. I'm hoarding most of the stuff I'm given.
I'm still with the same girl, but her situation got pulled out from under her because of a live-in patient pulling a knife in the home. It was because of this she lost her gainful income and had to move back in with her parents. She had to do this with her two sons also. I feel so bad. She has been largely awesome, though not in all the ways I would have thought. And I do bump heads with her because I think more on different things than she or her parents - They're very simple in many regards; very "live-and-let-live," whereas I am not.
We bump heads over that stuff, but we still get along really well. She gets bugged that I insist on going to my house in the other town south of her, but it is something I must do, and I savor the privacy and quiet at times. Most of the time, actually. I sometimes, feel like I'm straining my personal life on her behalf, but I also realize how quickly bleak my life gets in my lonliness and boredom.
I'm still driving my sister's car - which I feel bad for. I have been to car dealerships, and I just cannot justify the debt when I drive over 140 miles a day. I would be paying more for the goddamned car and gas than I would my house, and that infuriates me. But while still driving her car I also get infuriated. I have offered to buy the piece of shit VW new beetle more than once and she won't do it. As the car gets worse, the more I will end up owing her and her Boyfriend, while trying to grapple with getting my own vehicle.
All I need, is a decent running vehicle that I can drive out there, with good gas mileage. A sensible one. That could serve me quite well.
The drive is kind of a wear down; no matter how late you're running, you're still over an hour away. And the trucker! The fucking Truckers! I gnash my teeth and shake my fists at those assholes every day. They are obstructionist bullies - who use their weight to drive like dicks, and cut off commuter traffic at 65 on a 75 mph stretch, just to pass someone in the slow lane.
I worry everyday when I'm out on the road that I will have mechanical problems (which I have) or otherwise.
I try to be patient with my girl and her situation. I try to be patient with her two little boys, who are sweet and bratty - often at the same time. But I adore how much they look up to me, and I DO like teaching them how to be men, by all the little things I've learned along the way.
I am getting a bit sick of the drive, and the time lost though, as well as the expense toward gasoline. I am reminded that I must keep seeking other avenues, other ventures, or possibilities.
I have been reluctant to improve ANYTHING on this house until I carry the deed, and get financed to do so. It's FSBO, and far be it for me to improve this guy's shit, and risk default. He will get NOTHING more than my payment...for now.
I am stressing over other things, however. My grandparents in ailing health, my strained relationships and hate toward my dad, my mother's ailing health, and my newfound sense that I seem to toxify everything I touch with my harsh, critical views.
I spend a lot of time in the deserts. I spend a lot of time on Reservations, being awestruck out how spiritual everything feels.
I'm still with the same girl, but her situation got pulled out from under her because of a live-in patient pulling a knife in the home. It was because of this she lost her gainful income and had to move back in with her parents. She had to do this with her two sons also. I feel so bad. She has been largely awesome, though not in all the ways I would have thought. And I do bump heads with her because I think more on different things than she or her parents - They're very simple in many regards; very "live-and-let-live," whereas I am not.
We bump heads over that stuff, but we still get along really well. She gets bugged that I insist on going to my house in the other town south of her, but it is something I must do, and I savor the privacy and quiet at times. Most of the time, actually. I sometimes, feel like I'm straining my personal life on her behalf, but I also realize how quickly bleak my life gets in my lonliness and boredom.
I'm still driving my sister's car - which I feel bad for. I have been to car dealerships, and I just cannot justify the debt when I drive over 140 miles a day. I would be paying more for the goddamned car and gas than I would my house, and that infuriates me. But while still driving her car I also get infuriated. I have offered to buy the piece of shit VW new beetle more than once and she won't do it. As the car gets worse, the more I will end up owing her and her Boyfriend, while trying to grapple with getting my own vehicle.
All I need, is a decent running vehicle that I can drive out there, with good gas mileage. A sensible one. That could serve me quite well.
The drive is kind of a wear down; no matter how late you're running, you're still over an hour away. And the trucker! The fucking Truckers! I gnash my teeth and shake my fists at those assholes every day. They are obstructionist bullies - who use their weight to drive like dicks, and cut off commuter traffic at 65 on a 75 mph stretch, just to pass someone in the slow lane.
I worry everyday when I'm out on the road that I will have mechanical problems (which I have) or otherwise.
I try to be patient with my girl and her situation. I try to be patient with her two little boys, who are sweet and bratty - often at the same time. But I adore how much they look up to me, and I DO like teaching them how to be men, by all the little things I've learned along the way.
I am getting a bit sick of the drive, and the time lost though, as well as the expense toward gasoline. I am reminded that I must keep seeking other avenues, other ventures, or possibilities.
I have been reluctant to improve ANYTHING on this house until I carry the deed, and get financed to do so. It's FSBO, and far be it for me to improve this guy's shit, and risk default. He will get NOTHING more than my payment...for now.
I am stressing over other things, however. My grandparents in ailing health, my strained relationships and hate toward my dad, my mother's ailing health, and my newfound sense that I seem to toxify everything I touch with my harsh, critical views.
I spend a lot of time in the deserts. I spend a lot of time on Reservations, being awestruck out how spiritual everything feels.