(no subject)
I realize now that a Mediterranean deli is not opening up across the street. This saddens me.
***
It turns out I was drinking rancid milk for days. I thought it just paired poorly with the food I was eating.
***
If I went to a steak house I would tell the waiter, "Yes, I would like my steak cut paper thin, then I would like it cooked until it is charred beef jerky, then could you please cut it into tiny, bite-sized pieces before bringing it out because I don't know how to use a beef knife."
***
One day Chad asked me for a steak knife and I handed him a table knife. I, having been a vegetarian since fourth grade, thought I had done right. Chad had to explain to me why a table knife cannot do the job.
The next day we saw my mother and I said, "Mom, I learned what a beef knife is."
"O, you poor child," she said. "I raised you wrong.
***
It turns out I was drinking rancid milk for days. I thought it just paired poorly with the food I was eating.
***
If I went to a steak house I would tell the waiter, "Yes, I would like my steak cut paper thin, then I would like it cooked until it is charred beef jerky, then could you please cut it into tiny, bite-sized pieces before bringing it out because I don't know how to use a beef knife."
***
One day Chad asked me for a steak knife and I handed him a table knife. I, having been a vegetarian since fourth grade, thought I had done right. Chad had to explain to me why a table knife cannot do the job.
The next day we saw my mother and I said, "Mom, I learned what a beef knife is."
"O, you poor child," she said. "I raised you wrong.