Lol...
This morning I came down the stairs laughing and my dad looking at me cuz I got 0 hours of sleep. I didn't think you could really compensate for that many hours of sleep lost during the night, with 5 hours of nap even. Here's why... I got up at noon yesterday... a bit after that actually. Went at like 2 and I still wasnt tired seeing as I'd worked on the play a lot. Thats over 12 hours of being awake. I fell asleep at around or near to noon today which is 24 hours of being awake. I took somewhat of a nap...
Which brings me to say that I hate my dad... arrggh. Even when I tell him how his controlling ways effect me and he says he's gonna get out of my face in front of me and the social worker, he doesnt. He says that I cant look after myself because I'm ill. Then why does every minute without him in my face feel so natural? Why can I still think, and rationalise and dress myself even. He may aswell wipe my ass if he's gonna think that Im in such need of supervision. I thought sleeping in sometimes when you've got nothing to attend to... and sleeping for some amount of time when you've gotten NO sleep at all is perfectly healthy and natural. How will that throw my biological clock out of sync so much as he fears?..
I'll tell you why... the guy has his own serious insecurities, he has his perfectionisms and his stress attacks or disorders or whatever they are. They then find a perfect situation to feed off of such as this, so he has to get his way no matter how unfair or illogical to relieve this inner crap that is controlling him so much. To elaborate, he is worried so much in general that he doesn't know where to direct his worry so he directs it at the delicate, deep, natural and healthy aspects of my life, to reassure himself that he has something fixed and in control. Lol.
Thats my theory anyway, if I'm gonna look at this from its core and an outside perspective also, I'd say thats probably what it is. He asked if I'll go to Kent with him tomorrow cuz he has an interview, I might go, for me, not for him. Although it might sadden me to see my possible new life and home under his control again. If its nice I'll think... ahhh, whats the point It'll be crap anyway?
Basically, I cant live the way I'v decided to as a fairly capable, near adult who thinks about these things alot. I feel that what I think and decide makes sense despite the cripple that I am as he suggests. might be thinking completely irrationally or illogically. Though, even if I'm not, If you put yourself in my position I think you would be annoyed and angry too.
Which brings me to say that I hate my dad... arrggh. Even when I tell him how his controlling ways effect me and he says he's gonna get out of my face in front of me and the social worker, he doesnt. He says that I cant look after myself because I'm ill. Then why does every minute without him in my face feel so natural? Why can I still think, and rationalise and dress myself even. He may aswell wipe my ass if he's gonna think that Im in such need of supervision. I thought sleeping in sometimes when you've got nothing to attend to... and sleeping for some amount of time when you've gotten NO sleep at all is perfectly healthy and natural. How will that throw my biological clock out of sync so much as he fears?..
I'll tell you why... the guy has his own serious insecurities, he has his perfectionisms and his stress attacks or disorders or whatever they are. They then find a perfect situation to feed off of such as this, so he has to get his way no matter how unfair or illogical to relieve this inner crap that is controlling him so much. To elaborate, he is worried so much in general that he doesn't know where to direct his worry so he directs it at the delicate, deep, natural and healthy aspects of my life, to reassure himself that he has something fixed and in control. Lol.
Thats my theory anyway, if I'm gonna look at this from its core and an outside perspective also, I'd say thats probably what it is. He asked if I'll go to Kent with him tomorrow cuz he has an interview, I might go, for me, not for him. Although it might sadden me to see my possible new life and home under his control again. If its nice I'll think... ahhh, whats the point It'll be crap anyway?
Basically, I cant live the way I'v decided to as a fairly capable, near adult who thinks about these things alot. I feel that what I think and decide makes sense despite the cripple that I am as he suggests. might be thinking completely irrationally or illogically. Though, even if I'm not, If you put yourself in my position I think you would be annoyed and angry too.