“I put out the fires….You made them worse!”
For the past several years on more than a few occasions I’ve tried to hook my friends up with girls they either told me they liked or girls I thought would be good matches for them. Honestly though, I’ve tried maybe twenty or so times full heartedly and I’ve never, ever been successful. It never really was that I tried to hook all my friends up; there were always just a few that I would try for on a routine basis. Because I am a promoter at heart (and by trade eventually) I always felt that certain friends of mine with the most potential simply weren’t utilizing their value right. Some of the most successful people in history were hardly the most talented or skilled, they simply knew how to use people and circumstances to their advantage (Edison) and at that same point some of the most brilliant minds the world has ever seen are complete unknowns (Tesla). People want to believe that talent and hard work will get them farther than anything else but unfortunately, there are few if any industries where this is the case. How promotion is often more effectual than ability is a different topic for a different entry.
But back to the point, at every point of my social life there have been a few friends of mine that had much to offer to anyone in a relationship but they frankly didn’t know how to approach it in the least. If any of you have ever tutored anyone you’ve likely encountered this dilemma: The problem is with teaching that there is a far cry from knowing what to do and conveying it so that the student will actually be able to do it. You can say “do not over pursue, patience is key. Calling that much is a result of pure libido and your target will see right through it” and yet the individual you’re instructing may take that as he should call twice a day instead of four times. There’s a far cry from knowing what to do, and how to do something effectively.
My solution would be to do the initial set-up on my own. The idea was to get said female in a social gathering with the male in question and then hopefully said male’s natural charm or relationship value would show through.
This has categorically failed time and time again.
Still I’ve continued with the same approach throughout the years (I’m not lacking in confidence in regards to social situations) and it only dawned on me recently why it’s failing. Often the girl doesn’t like the guy I’m trying to coerce her into liking, the girl ends up liking me, the girl ends up dating someone else, etc. As mentioned earlier the centerpiece of my attack was that I would draw the female into our social group and then allow the male in question more access and the chance to banter with her when his technique was inept (the most difficult part of fostering a liaison is actually getting that person to go where you want them to go. Retailing and relationships run parallel in this regard: location is by far the most important aspect). The problem therein was that to initially draw said female in, I would have to be charming and affable as hell to get her to a social gathering in the first place so I could eventually “hand off to him” so to speak. Because you can’t just stare bug eyed into her eyes and say “Hi. Come hang out with us we’re cool” monotonously.
However, by the time I engineered the situation I designed two things had probably happened:
1. The girl who was coming to said gathering or event probably was most comfortable interacting with me.
2. The girl who was coming to said gathering or event was there because I invited her, and from a psychological standpoint, must have thought that I wanted her there. Which was true, but not for my own ends. This is difficult to impossible to convey though.
In the end, all of this jockeying for position only resulting in that girl liking me if anything, and failing in all other aspects. This may be why this has never worked. “True insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result”. Well, I’m no insane man.
Elisabeth: “I’m looking for a good guy who isn’t virginal.”
Me: “That’s difficult to find, most good guys are good because they are naïve. They aim to please too much. It’s boring as hell and you have to do everything.”
Elisabeth: “Exactly. I want a nice guy who knows how to be a man.”
Me: “So…Want to date Andy?”
Elisabeth: “………..It would be like having a son. He's so virginal.”
So much for the direct approach.
“Worse? - Or Better?”
But back to the point, at every point of my social life there have been a few friends of mine that had much to offer to anyone in a relationship but they frankly didn’t know how to approach it in the least. If any of you have ever tutored anyone you’ve likely encountered this dilemma: The problem is with teaching that there is a far cry from knowing what to do and conveying it so that the student will actually be able to do it. You can say “do not over pursue, patience is key. Calling that much is a result of pure libido and your target will see right through it” and yet the individual you’re instructing may take that as he should call twice a day instead of four times. There’s a far cry from knowing what to do, and how to do something effectively.
My solution would be to do the initial set-up on my own. The idea was to get said female in a social gathering with the male in question and then hopefully said male’s natural charm or relationship value would show through.
This has categorically failed time and time again.
Still I’ve continued with the same approach throughout the years (I’m not lacking in confidence in regards to social situations) and it only dawned on me recently why it’s failing. Often the girl doesn’t like the guy I’m trying to coerce her into liking, the girl ends up liking me, the girl ends up dating someone else, etc. As mentioned earlier the centerpiece of my attack was that I would draw the female into our social group and then allow the male in question more access and the chance to banter with her when his technique was inept (the most difficult part of fostering a liaison is actually getting that person to go where you want them to go. Retailing and relationships run parallel in this regard: location is by far the most important aspect). The problem therein was that to initially draw said female in, I would have to be charming and affable as hell to get her to a social gathering in the first place so I could eventually “hand off to him” so to speak. Because you can’t just stare bug eyed into her eyes and say “Hi. Come hang out with us we’re cool” monotonously.
However, by the time I engineered the situation I designed two things had probably happened:
1. The girl who was coming to said gathering or event probably was most comfortable interacting with me.
2. The girl who was coming to said gathering or event was there because I invited her, and from a psychological standpoint, must have thought that I wanted her there. Which was true, but not for my own ends. This is difficult to impossible to convey though.
In the end, all of this jockeying for position only resulting in that girl liking me if anything, and failing in all other aspects. This may be why this has never worked. “True insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result”. Well, I’m no insane man.
Elisabeth: “I’m looking for a good guy who isn’t virginal.”
Me: “That’s difficult to find, most good guys are good because they are naïve. They aim to please too much. It’s boring as hell and you have to do everything.”
Elisabeth: “Exactly. I want a nice guy who knows how to be a man.”
Me: “So…Want to date Andy?”
Elisabeth: “………..It would be like having a son. He's so virginal.”
So much for the direct approach.
“Worse? - Or Better?”