“A Change of Pace”
What I’ve discovered is that I once had a large reader base and after a rather neglectful period that readership has fallen to about…Oh, five to seven of you who check this nearly constantly. I suppose that what I get for only writing in this ten times every twelve months. Because I’m a marketer by nature and by eventually trade I both admire loyalty and adhere to my audience, and thusly things will be different around here.
Instead of writing massive entries once or so a month I’m going to update this twice weekly with short blurbs, every Monday and Friday to be exact. I’m casually referring to this as “The Double Dose of Snarkyness.” Let’s proceed.
The last two weeks I’ve been conducting an experiment. This experiment involves me actually listening to pop radio. I did this for a couple of reasons, firstly I wanted to see what all this hot stuff the kids were talking about was about and secondly I haven’t bought any new cd’s in a while and I’ve listened to Full Collapse and The Weak’s End probably hundreds of times by now.
My conclusion is that there must be some kind of law about which songs you can play on the radio, because I heard some combination of these songs every time multiple times over when I listened to the radio:
“My Love” - Justin Timberlake
Everyone in the country loves JT. Male, female, it doesn’t matter. For me, this was settled when he came out with “Dick In A Box”.
“Smack That” -Some Rapper
Never overestimate the purchasing tendencies of the American public.
“Glamorous” -Fergie
She’s easily the worst looking female pop artist, right? It’s not even close. In fact there are probably about 200 celebrities better looking than her. I guess she’s famous for her songwriting ability. I mean, chanting your own name in a song takes a lot of talent. Spelling out the song name in the chorus is just genius. I mean, how can anyone get away with this in any medium, even a song? It’s the equivalent of me writing:
Dennis’s Livejournal
D-E-N-N-I-S’S L-I-V-E-J-O-U-R-N-A-L
The Livejournal, the livejournal, the livejournal, the livejournal, by the Dennis, ooo the flossy flossy
“Face Down” - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
We’ve already covered this actually.
“This Aint a Scene It’s An Arms Race” - Fall Out Boy
Their entire new album is self-indulgent, vain garbage. It’s one thing to stick to the verse-chorus-verse-chorus pop-punk formula and that’s fine, this is pop music. But he didn’t even try to write lyrics! All he did was talk about ‘the scene’ and how pretty he is for four or five songs. Which is unfortunate, because he has written meaningful lyrics before. What happened to the guy who wrote Take This To Your Grave?
“Lips of an Angel”- Really Nasal Guy And His Band
I don’t even care about this.
“It’s Not Over” - Daughtry
I think the record executives we’re thinking: Man, This Guy Really Sounds Like Chris Cornell We Should Sign Him People Will Eat This Up! They were right.
That Nelly Furtado Song
That “Icebox where my heart used to be” song
That song where some random guy yells, “BALLIN” about 67 times
(I didn’t write anything about the last three songs because I actually like them. So much so that I don’t even know who performs them. A real journalist would look up things like an artist’s name or song title. Well, real journalists also have things like ‘sources’ and ‘credibility’ so I guess that gets me off the hook.)
I would say your odds of hearing one of these songs on pop radio at any given point of the day are roughly 72%. Man, I really, REALLY, wish there was a good alternative station somewhere in a 150 mile radius. Who am I kidding, I’d just keep listening to my cd’s and Pandora anyway.
Instead of writing massive entries once or so a month I’m going to update this twice weekly with short blurbs, every Monday and Friday to be exact. I’m casually referring to this as “The Double Dose of Snarkyness.” Let’s proceed.
The last two weeks I’ve been conducting an experiment. This experiment involves me actually listening to pop radio. I did this for a couple of reasons, firstly I wanted to see what all this hot stuff the kids were talking about was about and secondly I haven’t bought any new cd’s in a while and I’ve listened to Full Collapse and The Weak’s End probably hundreds of times by now.
My conclusion is that there must be some kind of law about which songs you can play on the radio, because I heard some combination of these songs every time multiple times over when I listened to the radio:
“My Love” - Justin Timberlake
Everyone in the country loves JT. Male, female, it doesn’t matter. For me, this was settled when he came out with “Dick In A Box”.
“Smack That” -Some Rapper
Never overestimate the purchasing tendencies of the American public.
“Glamorous” -Fergie
She’s easily the worst looking female pop artist, right? It’s not even close. In fact there are probably about 200 celebrities better looking than her. I guess she’s famous for her songwriting ability. I mean, chanting your own name in a song takes a lot of talent. Spelling out the song name in the chorus is just genius. I mean, how can anyone get away with this in any medium, even a song? It’s the equivalent of me writing:
Dennis’s Livejournal
D-E-N-N-I-S’S L-I-V-E-J-O-U-R-N-A-L
The Livejournal, the livejournal, the livejournal, the livejournal, by the Dennis, ooo the flossy flossy
“Face Down” - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
We’ve already covered this actually.
“This Aint a Scene It’s An Arms Race” - Fall Out Boy
Their entire new album is self-indulgent, vain garbage. It’s one thing to stick to the verse-chorus-verse-chorus pop-punk formula and that’s fine, this is pop music. But he didn’t even try to write lyrics! All he did was talk about ‘the scene’ and how pretty he is for four or five songs. Which is unfortunate, because he has written meaningful lyrics before. What happened to the guy who wrote Take This To Your Grave?
“Lips of an Angel”- Really Nasal Guy And His Band
I don’t even care about this.
“It’s Not Over” - Daughtry
I think the record executives we’re thinking: Man, This Guy Really Sounds Like Chris Cornell We Should Sign Him People Will Eat This Up! They were right.
That Nelly Furtado Song
That “Icebox where my heart used to be” song
That song where some random guy yells, “BALLIN” about 67 times
(I didn’t write anything about the last three songs because I actually like them. So much so that I don’t even know who performs them. A real journalist would look up things like an artist’s name or song title. Well, real journalists also have things like ‘sources’ and ‘credibility’ so I guess that gets me off the hook.)
I would say your odds of hearing one of these songs on pop radio at any given point of the day are roughly 72%. Man, I really, REALLY, wish there was a good alternative station somewhere in a 150 mile radius. Who am I kidding, I’d just keep listening to my cd’s and Pandora anyway.