too shy, nice, apathetic, or disinterested (but, really) and other not so negative sentiments

[vicksen]

what people don't get is that you get what you're asking for with your insinuations. I really didn't even fully realize it myself until now (and have I?). when I put vibes out there, people respond to them. conscious or not, it's received and processed and reciprocated in some form or another. it's called communication, I think. and you've probably heard me say this a thousand times, but seventy percent (or more!) is nonverbal. I am guessing that the problem with this is that it would bypass a lot of misunderstandings if people could simply say what's going on out loud.. [with words]. less confusion. (which diffuses negativity with a swiftness none elsewhere). but that brings me back into my thoughts on determinism, and how we're bound to feel a finite amount of emotion regardless of choice and circumstance. where the "free will" rolls in is in that our choices decide in what increments we receive such emotion.. for instance, let's take duct tape and pain: rip the tape off a hairy limb quickly, feel a whole lot of pain at once. peel it off slowly, however, and you feel smaller doses of the ouch over a much longer period of time. it's like being in a bad relationship.. you can end it all at once and deal with the floodgate of reassimilation. or you can be resentful over some time until you've realized you're already single in your mind and heart. hahaha. I suppose it's not that funny. but I know a lot of you understand (and have heard this from me before).

nevertheless, I sit here tonight reflecting upon some of my recent mis/communications.

it's interesting to me that the moon is at just the angle where my vertical blinds are being pushed apart from this table. it all came together so she could say hello. I wonder which of you (and all the other people I care about) are checking her out tonight. I often think that as I'm looking, I am connected to all the other gazers out there in some imaginary triangular form (o, which borders can you actually see?).. and if it's someone I love (and sometimes, I feel as though I can tell), my heart swells. and tonight, she's beautiful. fifty percent capacity (for the pessimistic optimist in us all). glowing and gorgeous.

regardless of anything, really, how can I do anything but sit here and smile (and remember that it's all bloody irrational, anyway)?