First Advice Column

[vickindenver]

Well the responses have not been overwhelming, but they have been coming in, so i will not delay in responding to our first advice seeker. Mitch Alva, 15, of Brighton writes...."I have trouble getting my woman in the sack, and advice?" Well Mitch, I can certainly help you out

Comments

My Date

[anonymous]

Well Isaac, your advice seemed interesting. I thought I might give it a try. Your first piece of intelligent advice was to rape my gf. I've always been a fan of slitting throats and having sex, so I thought I could kill two birds with one stone. I sharpened my knife, bought a black ski mask with matching shirt, gloves, and pants, and prepared for the attack. I decided to do it on her birthday, cause I thought it would be the most exciting. Everything went perfectly, it was Hanukkah in April! I went up while she was asleep, held her down, at knifepoint, and raped that bitch. Next, you told me to blackmail her. Well it took me awhile to dig up any good shit on her. After hours of research and bribery I found that in the summer of '99, that bad ass tired to burn down our school. She was never caught, but the case has yet to close. So I blackmailed her for sex. Worked like a charm. Finally the thing with my dad, the driving, and all that jazz. I tried that, but she didnt buy it for a second. So I just paid her 50 bucks, and we got it on.

Thanks for your advice,
Mitch Alva, 15, Brighton High School