(no subject)
I sometimes sit and do some serious musing about my life and the paths it's taken.
I have big aspirations, or had. I hope they'll still one day come to fruition. I want to complete my Masters in Midwifery, and I want to travel overseas to live for a year or two and help women who are impoverished. In my big dreams, Kyan would travel with me. In my big dreams, he'd be a brazen, barefoot boy-- cultured. In my big dreams, I would be an indepenent woman-- soft, yet untouchable. I have this fear, which comes in waves, that I'm morphing into a housewife, or a soccer mom, or that I'm just settling in some fashion. Sometimes I have concern that spilling these thoughts makes me sound unappreciative or unhappy about my current situation. This is not the case. I have a wonderful family, relative and otherwise. I have cherished friends. I'm in love with someone who "gets me" in a way I've never been "gotten." I'm raising a son who is beautiful, intellgent, and absolutely lights up my life. I'm carrying a baby who has already brought me so much happiness, excitement, and wholehearted love. My life this year has been such a colossal improvement from past years. It has brought me a sense of serenity and contentment. I just hope, desperately and fully, that my big dreams do not turn vain. I hope that all of the hard work I'm putting into my education and self is still in effort to reach my ultimate goals.
Sometimes, most of the time, I am wholly gratified by my life.
However, in some quiet moments of the night, in some solitary moments of the sunrise or set, I feel like I am drowning.
I have big aspirations, or had. I hope they'll still one day come to fruition. I want to complete my Masters in Midwifery, and I want to travel overseas to live for a year or two and help women who are impoverished. In my big dreams, Kyan would travel with me. In my big dreams, he'd be a brazen, barefoot boy-- cultured. In my big dreams, I would be an indepenent woman-- soft, yet untouchable. I have this fear, which comes in waves, that I'm morphing into a housewife, or a soccer mom, or that I'm just settling in some fashion. Sometimes I have concern that spilling these thoughts makes me sound unappreciative or unhappy about my current situation. This is not the case. I have a wonderful family, relative and otherwise. I have cherished friends. I'm in love with someone who "gets me" in a way I've never been "gotten." I'm raising a son who is beautiful, intellgent, and absolutely lights up my life. I'm carrying a baby who has already brought me so much happiness, excitement, and wholehearted love. My life this year has been such a colossal improvement from past years. It has brought me a sense of serenity and contentment. I just hope, desperately and fully, that my big dreams do not turn vain. I hope that all of the hard work I'm putting into my education and self is still in effort to reach my ultimate goals.
Sometimes, most of the time, I am wholly gratified by my life.
However, in some quiet moments of the night, in some solitary moments of the sunrise or set, I feel like I am drowning.