Happy belated birthday to Olivia Wilde! <3
[mood| 
irritated]
[music| Gorillaz - Plastic Beach ]
Yesterday was Olivia Wilde's birthday, and I planned on updating...but once again, I failed. But I'm updating now. Because I have nothing better to do. I'm at skool. I've been here since 8:00. Normally, I have Math from 8:10-9:10, then History from 9:55-11:25 or something, and then Psych from 11:40-1:10. But for some reason, my History teacher cancelled class for, like, 3 whole weeks...which is awesome because I despise that class. But I've had from 9:10-11:40 free and it gets really boring really fast. Today, I got out of math earlier than usual. I just spent an hour and a half in the cafeteria. I read a book, stared off into space, watched some boxelder bugs (this skool is always riddled with them. At any moment, no matter where you are in the skool, you can look around you and spot at least one. In fact, I got attacked by one the other day. I was here in the lie-berry and I could have sworn I saw something flying around but when I looked up, I didn't see anything. So I went back to what I was doing, and noticed a boxelder bug on the keyboard. So I sat and watched it for a bit. It crawled around for a little, then I could tell it was gettin ready to fly off. Normally, I would have flicked it away...but it was facing the opposite direction, so I figured it'd just fly away...but it took off and immediately did a U-turn directly into my face. So I of course start violently shaking my head and flailing and spitting (it hit me, like, right on the mouth) and I could feel the girl at the computer next to me, looking at me, so when I finally calmed down, I looked at her, hoping she would look at me and I could just be like, "I got attacked by a boxelder bug" and she would laugh. But she just pretended she didn't see anything DX) and ate a small bag of fritos, one by one. At one point, I walked down here to the lie-berry to look for a computer, but they were all full, so I had to walk back...which normally wouldn't have been a big deal. But today, there's a table in the hallway with people sitting behind it, selling raffle tickets of some sort. So every time I walk by it (which has been 3 times so far), they attack me: "WANNA BUY A RAFFLE TICKET?! YOU COULD WIN A FREE MEAL AT APPLEBEE'S" or something. And all 3 times, I ignored them. And all 3 times, as I was walking away, I could hear them muttering to eachother about how rude I am. But I hate that shit! DX I mean, if I wanted to be heckled, I'd go to a goddamn carnival! But I plan on hiding out in here until Psych, so I won't have to see them again until it gets over. And hopefully there will be a bunch of other people surrounding me, so they won't single me out. But anyway...I am SO ready to get out of here. Next week is spring break, so I'm even more restless than usual. Oh, and unless something changes, my sister's coming to visit on Saturday! I'm so excited. She plans on coming Saturday night and leaving Monday morning ^_^ Not only am I excited to hang out with my sister, but I'm also hoping she can talk some sense into my mom. My mom basically thinks I'm an alcoholic. The first time I ever got drunk, I was, like, 19. And between then and my 21st birthday, I got drunk maybe, 10 times. Most kids are out getting wasted every weekend by the time they turn 15. But I never did that. a)Because I didn't really have many friends, muchless friends who drank, and b)Because I don't like getting in trouble. So I waited. I waited until I turned 21. And now, every Saturday, I have a few rum&cokes. Usually about 4. Very rarely do I go over 4. And this is throughout the course of several hours. It's not like I get SHITFACED. I mean, sure, I've puked a couple times, but that was in the very beginning, when I was testing my limits and shit. I don't go out driving around, I don't get loud and angry and belligerent. I just sit in the front bedroom, have a few rum&cokes, and play video games and/or watch TV with my brother. Every Saturday. One day a week. And as you know, the day after Saturday is Sunday. And on Sunday, I have absolutely NOTHING to do. No skool, no work, nothing. So I can sleep in and not neglect anything. What I'm doing is legal and I'm doing it responsibly. Yet my mom is on my ass about it ALL. THE TIME. And my dad too, who's an alcoholic, btw. Every Saturday, my mom and/or dad will tell me "go easy, Rachelle" about 10 times before the night's over. Even though I rarely exceed the limit of 4. And it pisses me off. Because she makes me feel like I'm a bad person for drinking. And I KNOW I'm not a bad person but she makes me feel that way. I could see if I was drinking during the week, getting shitfaced, driving around, neglecting skool and/or work, etc. BUT I'M NOT. I'm simply relaxing weekly with the help of a few alcoholic beverages. And I've told my mom this before. And she says, "Yeah, that's how it starts out, Rachelle, and then before you know it, you're drinking all the time, because you need it to cope with your problems". Which is the exact same thing she said to me about smoking 3 years ago. I started smoking when I turned 18. But as far as smokers go, I'm hardly considered a smoker. I have 3 a day AT THE MOST (unless I'm, like, getting wasted at a party or something, which very rarely happens, seeing as how I have very few friends). Usually, I only smoke on days that I work, which is 3 days a week. I'll have one cigarette right before I clock in, and one when I go on my break. That's IT. Unless I'm working with Sarai, who is a fairly heavy smoker and will invite me to step outside with her for a cigarette when we have no customers. I have smoked that much since I was 18. And my mom hated it. And she kept saying, "That's how it starts out, Rachelle, but before you know it you'll be smokin more and more and more". That was THREE YEARS AGO. And I don't smoke any more now than I did then. Which I believe has a lot to do with the fact that I waited until I was 18 to smoke. I took an Adolescent Psych class a few years back and learned that kids who do potentially addictive things (smoke, drink, do drugs, even have sex) between the ages of, like, 14 and 17 or something, are WAY more likely to form a habit, because in that time of your life, your brain is still developing. And if you ask people who drink, smoke, do drugs, have sex all the time, etc, if you ask them when they first started, their answer will more than likely be somewhere in that crucial age frame. Because that's when most kids experiement with that type of shit. But not me. I waited. And I think that has a lot to do with why I'm able to keep it in check. I mean, how many smokers do you know that can go a whole day without having a cigarette? I can. Yet my mom still believes that I'm going to become a pack-a-day smoker and an alcoholic. I can completely understand why she has a hatred for alcohol. Her ex husband was an alcoholic, and so is my dad. But I'm not going to end up like that. I hate drunks just as much as she does (except for the cool, funny, drunk old dudes XD). I hate how drinking is all anyone between the ages of 13 and 25 do, and talk about. But until I end up like them (which I won't), I just wish she would get off my ass. I have a job, I'm going to skool (and doing well), and I'm an all-around GOOD PERSON. Yet she makes me feel like the fuckin devil because I like to have a few drinks on the weekend. Anyway, I'm hoping my sister will agree with me, and tell my mom she needs to quit being such a psycho. OH AND ALSO, last Sunday morning, while I was sleeping, apparently, for some reason, my brother got bored and decided to pour some rum from my big jug into my mostly empty, smaller bottle (which is what I do, but hadn't done it the night before) and my mom walked in and thought he was drinking (at 10:00 in the morning) and took both bottles and hid them in her room. And I talked to her about it, and she told me that she thinks my brother has been drinking my rum. I know for a fact, he hasn't, because I WOULD FUCKING NOTICE. She told me that SHE KNEW that the night before (Saturday), my brother was drunk. Which he wasn't. Plus, both my parents were sitting in the living room ALL night, and they would have seen him, had he gone out into the kitchen to steal some of my rum (which is kept in a cabinet in plain view of anyone sitting in the recliner or the couch, which is where my dad and mom were, respectively). I told her this, but she's still convinced that my brother was drunk off of my rum, and that he drinks my rum all the time...so therefore, she doesn't want me to bring alcohol in the house. I, of course, flipped out on her (not because I'm an alcholic, but because she's clearly being unreasonable, punishing me for something my brother may or may not be doing) and she said, "You can have it back, but you're not keeping it out here anymore, that's for damn sure. You're not keeping it anywhere where he can get to it" (which is pretty much ANYWHERE. I mean, anywhere HE can't get to it, I wouldn't be able to get to it either). So I was like, "What do you want me to do, buy a freaking SAFE?!" and she was like, ".......I don't know. I don't know, Rachelle, we'll figure out a solution, but you're sure as hell not keeping it out here." So I have no idea what's going to happen this weekend. Because I sure as fuck can't afford a goddamn safe. AND I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO. So that's another reason I'm hoping my sister can talk to my mom, and talk her out of withholding my own rum from me (WHICH I PAYED FOR, AND WHICH I DRINK RESPONSIBLY) just because she suspects my idiotic brother is drinking it. Oh, and obviously, me and my mom have been arguing about this quite a bit lately, and last week, I broke down and cried (this was before she took my rum. I cried because I'm sick of my parents making me feel like an alcoholic psycho just cuz I like to have a few drinks on the weekend. Plus I've been all messed up lately anyway, what with Amanda and stuff) but of course, my mom thought that I was crying because I was drunk and because I'm an alcoholic. So she's making me go back to counseling. Which is fine by me, as long as it doesn't interfere with my TV shows (THAT, I'm addicted to). Plus, this time around, I'll more than likely be put on meds. Which I think I've needed to be on for a long time now. I've suffered from anxiety my whole life, and between Amanda doing what she did, and my parents being on my ass, I've been depressed lately too. So I think counseling will be a good thing. Plus, maybe my counseler can tell my mom how unreasonable she's being and get her to back off. Anyways, I guess that's enough of me ranting. I haven't ranted on here in a while though. It felt good. Plus I now only have 20 mins til my next class, which means I've killed a lot of time on here ^_^
irritated]
[music| Gorillaz - Plastic Beach ]
Yesterday was Olivia Wilde's birthday, and I planned on updating...but once again, I failed. But I'm updating now. Because I have nothing better to do. I'm at skool. I've been here since 8:00. Normally, I have Math from 8:10-9:10, then History from 9:55-11:25 or something, and then Psych from 11:40-1:10. But for some reason, my History teacher cancelled class for, like, 3 whole weeks...which is awesome because I despise that class. But I've had from 9:10-11:40 free and it gets really boring really fast. Today, I got out of math earlier than usual. I just spent an hour and a half in the cafeteria. I read a book, stared off into space, watched some boxelder bugs (this skool is always riddled with them. At any moment, no matter where you are in the skool, you can look around you and spot at least one. In fact, I got attacked by one the other day. I was here in the lie-berry and I could have sworn I saw something flying around but when I looked up, I didn't see anything. So I went back to what I was doing, and noticed a boxelder bug on the keyboard. So I sat and watched it for a bit. It crawled around for a little, then I could tell it was gettin ready to fly off. Normally, I would have flicked it away...but it was facing the opposite direction, so I figured it'd just fly away...but it took off and immediately did a U-turn directly into my face. So I of course start violently shaking my head and flailing and spitting (it hit me, like, right on the mouth) and I could feel the girl at the computer next to me, looking at me, so when I finally calmed down, I looked at her, hoping she would look at me and I could just be like, "I got attacked by a boxelder bug" and she would laugh. But she just pretended she didn't see anything DX) and ate a small bag of fritos, one by one. At one point, I walked down here to the lie-berry to look for a computer, but they were all full, so I had to walk back...which normally wouldn't have been a big deal. But today, there's a table in the hallway with people sitting behind it, selling raffle tickets of some sort. So every time I walk by it (which has been 3 times so far), they attack me: "WANNA BUY A RAFFLE TICKET?! YOU COULD WIN A FREE MEAL AT APPLEBEE'S" or something. And all 3 times, I ignored them. And all 3 times, as I was walking away, I could hear them muttering to eachother about how rude I am. But I hate that shit! DX I mean, if I wanted to be heckled, I'd go to a goddamn carnival! But I plan on hiding out in here until Psych, so I won't have to see them again until it gets over. And hopefully there will be a bunch of other people surrounding me, so they won't single me out. But anyway...I am SO ready to get out of here. Next week is spring break, so I'm even more restless than usual. Oh, and unless something changes, my sister's coming to visit on Saturday! I'm so excited. She plans on coming Saturday night and leaving Monday morning ^_^ Not only am I excited to hang out with my sister, but I'm also hoping she can talk some sense into my mom. My mom basically thinks I'm an alcoholic. The first time I ever got drunk, I was, like, 19. And between then and my 21st birthday, I got drunk maybe, 10 times. Most kids are out getting wasted every weekend by the time they turn 15. But I never did that. a)Because I didn't really have many friends, muchless friends who drank, and b)Because I don't like getting in trouble. So I waited. I waited until I turned 21. And now, every Saturday, I have a few rum&cokes. Usually about 4. Very rarely do I go over 4. And this is throughout the course of several hours. It's not like I get SHITFACED. I mean, sure, I've puked a couple times, but that was in the very beginning, when I was testing my limits and shit. I don't go out driving around, I don't get loud and angry and belligerent. I just sit in the front bedroom, have a few rum&cokes, and play video games and/or watch TV with my brother. Every Saturday. One day a week. And as you know, the day after Saturday is Sunday. And on Sunday, I have absolutely NOTHING to do. No skool, no work, nothing. So I can sleep in and not neglect anything. What I'm doing is legal and I'm doing it responsibly. Yet my mom is on my ass about it ALL. THE TIME. And my dad too, who's an alcoholic, btw. Every Saturday, my mom and/or dad will tell me "go easy, Rachelle" about 10 times before the night's over. Even though I rarely exceed the limit of 4. And it pisses me off. Because she makes me feel like I'm a bad person for drinking. And I KNOW I'm not a bad person but she makes me feel that way. I could see if I was drinking during the week, getting shitfaced, driving around, neglecting skool and/or work, etc. BUT I'M NOT. I'm simply relaxing weekly with the help of a few alcoholic beverages. And I've told my mom this before. And she says, "Yeah, that's how it starts out, Rachelle, and then before you know it, you're drinking all the time, because you need it to cope with your problems". Which is the exact same thing she said to me about smoking 3 years ago. I started smoking when I turned 18. But as far as smokers go, I'm hardly considered a smoker. I have 3 a day AT THE MOST (unless I'm, like, getting wasted at a party or something, which very rarely happens, seeing as how I have very few friends). Usually, I only smoke on days that I work, which is 3 days a week. I'll have one cigarette right before I clock in, and one when I go on my break. That's IT. Unless I'm working with Sarai, who is a fairly heavy smoker and will invite me to step outside with her for a cigarette when we have no customers. I have smoked that much since I was 18. And my mom hated it. And she kept saying, "That's how it starts out, Rachelle, but before you know it you'll be smokin more and more and more". That was THREE YEARS AGO. And I don't smoke any more now than I did then. Which I believe has a lot to do with the fact that I waited until I was 18 to smoke. I took an Adolescent Psych class a few years back and learned that kids who do potentially addictive things (smoke, drink, do drugs, even have sex) between the ages of, like, 14 and 17 or something, are WAY more likely to form a habit, because in that time of your life, your brain is still developing. And if you ask people who drink, smoke, do drugs, have sex all the time, etc, if you ask them when they first started, their answer will more than likely be somewhere in that crucial age frame. Because that's when most kids experiement with that type of shit. But not me. I waited. And I think that has a lot to do with why I'm able to keep it in check. I mean, how many smokers do you know that can go a whole day without having a cigarette? I can. Yet my mom still believes that I'm going to become a pack-a-day smoker and an alcoholic. I can completely understand why she has a hatred for alcohol. Her ex husband was an alcoholic, and so is my dad. But I'm not going to end up like that. I hate drunks just as much as she does (except for the cool, funny, drunk old dudes XD). I hate how drinking is all anyone between the ages of 13 and 25 do, and talk about. But until I end up like them (which I won't), I just wish she would get off my ass. I have a job, I'm going to skool (and doing well), and I'm an all-around GOOD PERSON. Yet she makes me feel like the fuckin devil because I like to have a few drinks on the weekend. Anyway, I'm hoping my sister will agree with me, and tell my mom she needs to quit being such a psycho. OH AND ALSO, last Sunday morning, while I was sleeping, apparently, for some reason, my brother got bored and decided to pour some rum from my big jug into my mostly empty, smaller bottle (which is what I do, but hadn't done it the night before) and my mom walked in and thought he was drinking (at 10:00 in the morning) and took both bottles and hid them in her room. And I talked to her about it, and she told me that she thinks my brother has been drinking my rum. I know for a fact, he hasn't, because I WOULD FUCKING NOTICE. She told me that SHE KNEW that the night before (Saturday), my brother was drunk. Which he wasn't. Plus, both my parents were sitting in the living room ALL night, and they would have seen him, had he gone out into the kitchen to steal some of my rum (which is kept in a cabinet in plain view of anyone sitting in the recliner or the couch, which is where my dad and mom were, respectively). I told her this, but she's still convinced that my brother was drunk off of my rum, and that he drinks my rum all the time...so therefore, she doesn't want me to bring alcohol in the house. I, of course, flipped out on her (not because I'm an alcholic, but because she's clearly being unreasonable, punishing me for something my brother may or may not be doing) and she said, "You can have it back, but you're not keeping it out here anymore, that's for damn sure. You're not keeping it anywhere where he can get to it" (which is pretty much ANYWHERE. I mean, anywhere HE can't get to it, I wouldn't be able to get to it either). So I was like, "What do you want me to do, buy a freaking SAFE?!" and she was like, ".......I don't know. I don't know, Rachelle, we'll figure out a solution, but you're sure as hell not keeping it out here." So I have no idea what's going to happen this weekend. Because I sure as fuck can't afford a goddamn safe. AND I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO. So that's another reason I'm hoping my sister can talk to my mom, and talk her out of withholding my own rum from me (WHICH I PAYED FOR, AND WHICH I DRINK RESPONSIBLY) just because she suspects my idiotic brother is drinking it. Oh, and obviously, me and my mom have been arguing about this quite a bit lately, and last week, I broke down and cried (this was before she took my rum. I cried because I'm sick of my parents making me feel like an alcoholic psycho just cuz I like to have a few drinks on the weekend. Plus I've been all messed up lately anyway, what with Amanda and stuff) but of course, my mom thought that I was crying because I was drunk and because I'm an alcoholic. So she's making me go back to counseling. Which is fine by me, as long as it doesn't interfere with my TV shows (THAT, I'm addicted to). Plus, this time around, I'll more than likely be put on meds. Which I think I've needed to be on for a long time now. I've suffered from anxiety my whole life, and between Amanda doing what she did, and my parents being on my ass, I've been depressed lately too. So I think counseling will be a good thing. Plus, maybe my counseler can tell my mom how unreasonable she's being and get her to back off. Anyways, I guess that's enough of me ranting. I haven't ranted on here in a while though. It felt good. Plus I now only have 20 mins til my next class, which means I've killed a lot of time on here ^_^