O vento frio de um lugar qualquer.
It is storming relentlessly outside. I'm loving every drop of rain violently crashing against the window pane at the moment..
My skin decided to be a bitch and break-out within the last couple of days.. I'll just stop eating anything that doesn't look healthy (e.g. Anything appetizing). Oh well, more self-control, seeing as I lack so much.
You know, looking back, maybe I was a bit too intimate. Maybe I embraced things much too aggressively while being blinded by an intense desire put on hold for so long.. I wouldn't think twice if I had the opportunity to do so again, despite what I learned from this experience. I find pleasure in the midst of all the confusion and heartache. Coincidentally, I enjoy painfully spicy food.
Oh Chase, you've got yourself a permanent place in my heart, FYI.
I don't think I mentioned that I am currently at my Sister's house. Anyway, I am in one of those moods again and did not want to spend much time alone, especially when nobody is around to speak with. I miss the sound of his voice and I'm pretty sure I miss everything else about him as well.. I've become rather desensitized to it, however.
I bought my friend an ashtray today.. It was a damn expensive one, too.. It was a Gianni Versace.. Although I did get it at a very good price at Bloomingdale's. It has definitely got to be one of the most unorthodox gifts I've given, but she's the type that really appreciates the more eclectic things in life.
I wish I was somewhere far, it'd be easy to just escape from everything and everyone. But given the type of person that I am, I think my thoughts, my worries, my flaws, my lovers and my enemies would swiftly find their way to wherever I may be.. Thus the whole philosophy behind my two-year trip (Assuming it'd happen, of course); If I go far away, and remain in constant movement, I think I, as would everything I would try to escape, would eventually get lost and find our place somewhere else.. I'm such an idealist it's disgusting. I need some pragmatism and realism thrown in for a change. And a tinge of nihilism, yeah?
My manager invited me to lunch today to discuss some things. Bless her little heart, she couldn't be discreet if she were paid for it.. And she is, the more reason this statement is pointless.. Anyway, she said that I have been acting as though something has been bothering me lately and my productivity is proof of such a hypothesis. I told her she hit the nail on the head.. I kindly replied: "You have no idea, Liz. Nor would you want to know. As far as our professional relationship goes, I'll leave it at that. However, as far as our friendship is concerned, life has been a little something like this as of late: I've fallen in love and fallen abruptly out of it and not by choice, my Step-mother is dying, I'm living in an uncertainty, the world is out there and it keeps living without me and honestly the more time goes by, I realize more and more that no matter how much to my benefit I think I am working towards, I awake to the fact that I belong less to this time and place than I could ever imagine.. That is my theory as to why I'm not opening enough accounts and letting my productivity slide."
She stared at me with a blank expression while making slurping sounds with her straw. She was obviously concerned.
You guys, mainly you, guy.
My skin decided to be a bitch and break-out within the last couple of days.. I'll just stop eating anything that doesn't look healthy (e.g. Anything appetizing). Oh well, more self-control, seeing as I lack so much.
You know, looking back, maybe I was a bit too intimate. Maybe I embraced things much too aggressively while being blinded by an intense desire put on hold for so long.. I wouldn't think twice if I had the opportunity to do so again, despite what I learned from this experience. I find pleasure in the midst of all the confusion and heartache. Coincidentally, I enjoy painfully spicy food.
Oh Chase, you've got yourself a permanent place in my heart, FYI.
I don't think I mentioned that I am currently at my Sister's house. Anyway, I am in one of those moods again and did not want to spend much time alone, especially when nobody is around to speak with. I miss the sound of his voice and I'm pretty sure I miss everything else about him as well.. I've become rather desensitized to it, however.
I bought my friend an ashtray today.. It was a damn expensive one, too.. It was a Gianni Versace.. Although I did get it at a very good price at Bloomingdale's. It has definitely got to be one of the most unorthodox gifts I've given, but she's the type that really appreciates the more eclectic things in life.
I wish I was somewhere far, it'd be easy to just escape from everything and everyone. But given the type of person that I am, I think my thoughts, my worries, my flaws, my lovers and my enemies would swiftly find their way to wherever I may be.. Thus the whole philosophy behind my two-year trip (Assuming it'd happen, of course); If I go far away, and remain in constant movement, I think I, as would everything I would try to escape, would eventually get lost and find our place somewhere else.. I'm such an idealist it's disgusting. I need some pragmatism and realism thrown in for a change. And a tinge of nihilism, yeah?
My manager invited me to lunch today to discuss some things. Bless her little heart, she couldn't be discreet if she were paid for it.. And she is, the more reason this statement is pointless.. Anyway, she said that I have been acting as though something has been bothering me lately and my productivity is proof of such a hypothesis. I told her she hit the nail on the head.. I kindly replied: "You have no idea, Liz. Nor would you want to know. As far as our professional relationship goes, I'll leave it at that. However, as far as our friendship is concerned, life has been a little something like this as of late: I've fallen in love and fallen abruptly out of it and not by choice, my Step-mother is dying, I'm living in an uncertainty, the world is out there and it keeps living without me and honestly the more time goes by, I realize more and more that no matter how much to my benefit I think I am working towards, I awake to the fact that I belong less to this time and place than I could ever imagine.. That is my theory as to why I'm not opening enough accounts and letting my productivity slide."
She stared at me with a blank expression while making slurping sounds with her straw. She was obviously concerned.
You guys, mainly you, guy.