On the sixth day of Christmas
my true love sent to me
six attempts at humour
[Title] Saving the Day
[Fandom] Heroes, set pre-S1
[Rating] G
[Notes/Summary] Ando often finds it difficult to work with Hiro. anbyrobanby requested Ando trying to stop Hiro doing something stupid, but I'm not sure if this actually fits that. Oh well ^^
Ando sometimes finds it difficult to understand Hiro. Okay, no one enjoys work, but when you're there you deal with it, right? You do what you're asked and complain about your manager over coffee and make an effort not to miss deadlines too drastically.
Still, it isn't that Hiro is being deliberately rude. It's just he seems to have lost the ability to sense the atmosphere in a room. Like the time when he said that if Superman were here, then that would probably put both them and their competitors out of business. Or the time he said, "It isn't like it matters. It isn't like we're going to be saving the world." Or all the times he ostentatiously read comics at his desk.
Ando tries to tell Hiro he's being stupid, of course. He interrupts in meetings when Hiro gets that recalcitrant look on his face. He puts reports down on top of Hiro's piles of comics. Once or twice he actually says, "Look, do you want to get fired?" even though he isn't sure if that can happen to the CEO's son. He says that too, and Hiro looks hurt, like he hadn't realised it would come across like that, like the spoilt brat revelling in his immunity. He says he's sorry, he says he knows Ando's trying to help. "I just..."
Then he trails off.
Ando knows Hiro well enough to know his friend is too stubborn to change his ways, so he figures he'll just have to carry on saving the day until Hiro says something really stupid and someone actually yells at him, which will probably shock him into sense. Hiro's attempts at humour have always been hit-and-miss, after all. It's probably something he's born with. Still, Ando has to wonder if that's all it is.
[Title] Light of the Living Dead
[Fandom] Death Note
[Rating] PG/PG-13
[Notes/Summary] The Japanese task force were finding it tricky enough dealing with shinigami, but now that zombies have been thrown into the mix, things can only get more difficult. (This AU has got somewhat out of hand in later days of Christmas.)
Mogi is trying to keep his eyes on the road, but he's more jittery than he's been for years. Partly his mind keeps wanting to glance behind, or at the bushes by the roadside, or through windows of passing buildings, just see if there are any more of those things - and partly he keeps looking over at Misa, unable to work out why she's so calm.
Well. Not so much calm as perky. She's sitting in the front passenger seat, absently redoing her make-up, every so often making some statement like I can't believe I chipped my nails, I only got this manicure this morning. Mogi wants to yell at her that she chipped her nails by hitting the decomposing walking corpse of the director of her latest film over the head with a fire extinguisher, and why isn't she more bothered by this, but every time he thinks of it he pictures the bloodied, protruding nails and doughy fingers as the corpse had reached out to him and he'd shot at it and hit it in the heart but that hadn't stopped it and now he thinks about it, of course it wouldn't, its heart wouldn't be beating, but at the time he'd panicked and his mind had been screaming do something, do something but he didn't know what -
And then Misa had run up behind the thing and smashed its rotting skull in with the fire extinguisher and then they'd both been flee to the car park and now they've been driving for about half an hour and Mogi has no idea where he's heading. Misa's been surfing radio stations the entire journey, but half of them are echoing silence or repeating the same track over and over and no one's broadcast any news yet. Mogi figures that sticking to the motorway - currently empty of traffic - is best. Keep away from residential areas. If - if what happened at the studio happened elsewhere, then - then -
The priority now is to stay alive and keep Misa alive. She's twisting round to look out at the signs on the road. Then she turns to look at him. "Mochi. Where are we going?"
"I... I don't know yet."
"We need to go back to the headquarters," Misa says. "C'mon, Mochi, Raito's there."
Mogi glances at her. "I... Misa, I'm afraid we can't do that."
She snorts, as if she thinks he's joking. "Why not? Don't be silly."
"The HQ is too far into the city centre." Mogi hears his voice sounding flat and numb, as if he can't be bothered to sympathise with her. "It isn't safe."
Misa's scowling. "But we need to warn Raito. We can't just leave him."
"I'm sorry."
She hunches over a little, her hands clenched into fists. He isn't sure what he expected her to do, but what he definitely didn't predict was her suddenly lunging towards him, wrenching at the wheel - the tyres screech as the car skids across the lanes - "Misa, stop it!" He's grabbing for the steering wheel and at the same time he's trying to shove her back into her seat and she's lashing out at him, hands tangling in his jacket, in what seems like an oddly purposeless attack until - until she sinks back against her seat, and he's skidding onto the hard shoulder and slowly the car is halting and then he looks round at her again and she's holding his gun in both hands.
"Mochi," she says. "I think we should go back to the headquarters."
He stares at her. She smiles back at him, levelling the gun. She's pale, and her skin is shiny, and she's trembling a little, but it all only goes to make her look more determined.
"Misa... put the gun down."
"You're not listening, Mochi."
"If that - if it's happened to others, then we have to get away from people. Don't you understand? People are getting killed and -"
"I've seen zombie movies before, you know. But I have to protect Raito. You know I do." She swallows. "If he's dead, then - then I don't care what happens to me. I... if you want, you don't have to come, but it probably isn't safe out there, right Mochi? I'd like it better if you stayed in here and just kept driving."
Mogi wants to argue with her, talk her down - or call her bluff, she wouldn't really shoot him, she's just a little girl - but he doesn't. Maybe it's that the earlier attack has already unnerved him enough that taking any risks feels like a stupid idea. Even if going along with Misa's plan is an even bigger risk.
He starts driving again, and takes the next exit off the motorway.
They've got Sakura TV playing on one of the monitors, so Matsuda is watching that. Aizawa and Ide are talking and Raito is typing away on one of the laptops, and Matsuda is hoping no one will notice that even though he's watching a pro-Kira TV station he's not technically doing any work.
There's the end of a drama series and then there's some commercials and then there's the news. It's usually someone going on about criminals and spelling out their names very deliberately, with lots of invective about how Kira should punish them, and it always makes Matsuda feel slightly sick to watch (especially when he kind of agrees that a criminal who's done something that some of these people have should die).
But today it's not like that. The newsreader looks pale and worried and his suit and tie are rumpled. And he starts speaking a few seconds after the theme music's finished, like he hadn't known what he was going to be saying.
"There's... Sakura TV believes there's some kind of epidemic afoot in Tokyo," he's saying. "Some... some of our viewers have already sent in footage or pictures of - of the infected. They are - an infected person dies within a few hours, or so it seems, but then - oh, god. This can't be happening..."
"Uh... guys?" Matsuda turns up the volume a little so that the others have to listen. "Something kind of weird's going on..."
There are pictures flashing up on the screen now, blurry pixellated shots of people with their heads hanging slack, mouths gaping. Then the newscaster is back, stammering, "If you see an infected person, you should get away from them. Don't... just get away. We've had reports that if they draw blood from you, that's it." And then a shaky smile, "The dead are rising. Lord Kira's judgements are being reversed." In the background, there are crashes - someone yells. The man's eyes are wide. "We tried to escape, but they've surrounded the building now. Sakura TV is remaining live until the end in order to bring the truth to the people. Lord Kira will... will..." More crashes, much closer now. They're all watching by this point. The man is standing up, backing away, stepping out of range of the camera and then - and then something, some blur of ragged clothes, is on him, grabbing him, and there's a scream. Then there's blood spattering across the back wall. A lot of blood.
"This... what the hell are they doing, a publicity stunt?" Aizawa says.
"It doesn't look like their style," Ide says. "I mean, where's all the professions of righteousness?"
The camera's still rolling. Matsuda stares at it. His heart is rattling in his chest but underneath all that he's got a strong desire to laugh, they can't really have stepped into a zombie movie, why would that even happen? Things like that don't - they -
He finds himself looking over at the shinigami. It's watching them and it's chuckling, quietly.
When he looks back, there's a corpse's face on the screen.
It clearly is a corpse. You can see how the blood's started to flow out of the skin, only of course it's not gone to one side, it's gone down, leaving the face grey-white because the corpse is standing up, it's moving, it's walking towards the camera and, equally clearly, it's the body of the man Matsuda knows full well is Director of Sakura TV Hitoshi Demegawa. He has a wound in his neck, and you can see that that's real too, you can see where the trachea got ripped out and you can see the back of the throat all red and dark -
The corpse is advancing towards the camera and then there's a crash and the screen goes blank.
Matsuda can hear ringing in his ears and over that he can hear himself saying, "Well, at least he wasn't asking for money this time." He expects the others to yell at him for making a stupid joke in a serious situation, but they don't. Ide's staring numbly at the blank screen as if he's still seeing the corpse and Aizawa's turned away, grabbed his phone and is already ordering his wife to stay in the house and keep away from the windows. Matsuda looks over at Raito, waiting for him to say something sensible and smart, but Raito is very pale, and his eyes are wide. He isn't staring at the screen, though. He keeps looking at the shinigami.
[Title] Power of Three
[Fandom] Torchwood
[Rating] PG-13
[Notes/Summary] Andy, Gwen and Rhys stagger home after having defeated an alien menace. (The same alien menace, in fact, that was present in the first of the four propositions.) Written for rushikayu13, who requested Andy, Gwen and Rhys interacting like normal people.
For a while the three of them just walked through the empty industrial estate, not talking. It took a while before Gwen even noticed it was actually really cold; then she rubbed her hands together, blew on her fingers, and, as if that gesture had broken the ice, Rhys took one of her hands in his, squeezed it, and Andy sort of laughed and said, "Well, I always knew Travelodges were shit, but..." It was a stupid joke but Gwen found herself laughing anyway, and Rhys said shakily, "We ought to write and complain, you know? Or take it to the newspapers. It's just taking the piss."
"Her lot would have something to say about that," Andy said, indicating Gwen with a jerk of his head. "Apparently they're a secret organisation, did you know?"
"No way. And I thought that bloke in the tourist office was there to show people round the HQ!"
"All right, shut up, you two," Gwen said.
"You've got Torchwood on your car," Andy said. "And the entire station knows about the time you got locked in your own base -"
"Oi, if I hadn't been around tonight you'd have been ripped apart and smeared all over the walls!" Gwen meant it to sound flippant but it came out sounding snappy. She expected Andy to snap back but he just went quiet and eventually said, "Yeah, all right. So... what the hell was it, then?"
"Jack said it was a bit like a hermit crab," Gwen said. "It... takes over structures like hermit crabs live in a shell, you know? It can mesh with the molecular make-up and waits for people to walk in and -"
"Yeah, I get it." Andy swallowed. Gwen knew he was probably remembering what they'd just seen, and so she carried on, "We reckon the epidemic started in one room in one Travelodge and... they lay eggs which stick to things - like burrs and... and then it just got spread. When they're young it's only one room and then they take over more and more..."
"So are you telling me," Rhys said, "that every Travelodge in a ten-mile radius round Cardiff could have turned into a killing machine?"
"Well... not necessarily."
"She means yes," Andy said.
"No, I do not! Tosh did a search for all suspicious violent deaths in the area in the last few months. We pinpointed the ones where it was obvious they'd been infected and Ianto and Owen have been going in as pest control men to fumigate everywhere else. If - if you get them while they're newly hatched they're easily to kill." She didn't know why she was talking so much, telling them so much. Maybe to make them feel like Torchwood had it under control. Maybe to kid herself she was still in control.
"And if you don't, then you have to burn down the building," Andy said, and rubbed at a smear of soot on his cheek.
"Well... yeah."
Another pause.
At last Rhys said, "Why Travelodges?"
"What?"
"Well, if it's spread through stuff sticking to people's clothes and being taken to new houses, why've there only been outbreaks in Travelodges? Why not just random houses?"
"I... we don't know yet," Gwen said, and tried to ignore the snorts of derision from the other two until they became too pronounced to block out and she had to retort, "Look, will you both shut up?"
They both laughed, but Rhys squeezed her hand again, and Andy clapped her on the shoulder as they kept walking.
[Title] No Laughing Matter
[Fandom] Battle Royale (movie)
[Rating] PG
[Notes/Summary] Yutaka's finding comedy a lot more difficult now he's in a death game.
Yutaka kind of wished that Shinji still had stuff he needed them to do. While he and Keita had been searching for kerosene and funnels and rope and things, and then measuring stuff out and pouring it into tins, it had been easy to pretend that this was a game (well, it was a game, but, you know, the fun kind of game, not the kind where everyone was trying to kill you) or a scavenger hunt or a chemistry class or something. Now they were just sitting and waiting while Shinji typed furiously, biting his lip, and Yutaka didn't like seeing Shinji get stressed out. Shinji normally didn't get stressed out about anything.
This was really getting kind of scary.
Keita was lying sprawled on his back, fanning himself with one of the postcards Shinji had. When he noticed Yutaka looking at him, he rolled his eyes and said, "This place is stuffier than... I dunno, somewhere really hot."
"The girls' locker room?" Yutaka said, not particularly because he meant it but because hearing Keita unable to make a joke freaked him out even more than Shinji stressing.
Keita considered it, then nodded, grinning. "Works for me."
Shinji hit one more key, a loud, deliberate strike, and then slumped back a little, turning his head from side to side. Yutaka thought he hadn't been listening, but he called over to Keita, "Hey, Yutaka's too young to be thinking about the girls' locker room. That's for men of the world like you and me."
"Like me, maybe." Keita laughed - his laugh was a little shakier than usual but you'd only notice if you were really concentrating. "Whereas you seem a hell of a lot more comfortable with screens than girls at the moment, Mimura."
"Screens and girls are often combined, Iijima. That's the beauty of it."
"Oh, my god. He hasn't been trying to get us out of here at all. He's just looking for porn."
Yutaka's stomach rolled a bit at that - how could Keita joke about it? He knew he was supposed to say something funny now, carry on making fun of Shinji, that was how it went, but he suddenly didn't know what to say. He didn't want to joke about them not getting out of here because he really, really didn't want to die.
The other two were looking at him. Eventually, Keita said, more quietly than before, "Chill, man, it's okay."
"Yeah," Shinji said. "We are gonna nail those bastards." He sat forward again and started typing, but this time he was grinning. "Oh, and Iijima? Don't think I don't know why your search for kerosene took so long. Seeking out the porn stashes of the former inhabitants of this place sounds like just the kind of thing you'd do."
[Title] Best-Laid Plans
[Fandom] Merlin/Battle Royale
[Rating] PG
[Pairing] Merlin/Kazuo Kiriyama
[Notes/Summary] Merlin was only trying to be nice. Written for lycoris, who requested the pairing ;)
Merlin suspected that things had gone wrong somewhere.
There was nothing particularly surprising about a boy who had once lived at Camelot returning to greet his former hosts. And okay, this boy - this Kazuo - was the only person in the entire world, it seemed, who could beat Arthur in battle, and that was a bit weird, but someone had to be able to, didn't they? And yeah, it made sense that Arthur wouldn't be too pleased about that and would sulk and avoid Kazuo and shout at people who asked him to be courteous, because Arthur was, when you came down to it, still a bit of a prat.
Things had, in fact, made perfect sense right up until the kissing part.
Merlin had been trying to be nice. Everyone else had been avoiding Kazuo by that point; people had been describing him as creepy and nasty. Even Gwen had admitted she didn't particularly like being around him. He never smiles, she said. Everyone smiles sometimes, even if it's at things that are horrible. Morgana hadn't been so blunt. She'd only shrugged her beautiful shoulders and said He's Arthur's friend, isn't he? I barely spoke to him last time he was here.
And Merlin had thought it must be horrible to stand alone in the courtyard in a place where people were supposed to like you, and Gaius had been absent because there was another bout of fever going round the castle, and so all Merlin had said was would you like to come inside, if you're not - I mean, if you're not waiting for someone else? He'd known Kazuo hadn't brought his own servant and he already knew that the castle servants liked him no better than the nobles did, and so he'd said, I could make you some food, if you want.
Kazuo had looked over at him, his face blank and a little bit bored, but then he had nodded, and followed Merlin inside. They had eaten in the infirmary, and afterwards Kazuo had stood up, started to examine the books and the glass bottles. He had asked a few questions and Merlin had happily answered the ones he knew. Kazuo was thin, he noticed as they stood in front of the shelves together, and his hair was slicked back with oil like a city nobleman, someone spoilt and indolent, but he'd not only beaten Arthur in a fight, he'd done it in about five minutes. (Privately, Merlin thought it was probably good for Arthur to realise he couldn't win against everyone, but he'd judged this to be not a helpful remark and kept it to himself.)
And Kazuo's face hadn't changed the entire time they'd been talking. That was how it had happened. Merlin had found himself sort of fascinated - maybe because his own face always gave away his thoughts far too easily, he couldn't imagine being able to be this impassive - and he'd made an attempt at humour, something stupid about frog's legs - and he'd been leaning a little closer, just a little, to see if Kazuo reacted, even just with annoyance - and -
Now they were kissing and that definitely wasn't supposed to happen, if you were Merlin your first kiss was not meant to be with a noble, definitely not a male noble, certainly not someone whom Arthur Pendragon currently seemed to loathe, and probably not with someone who never smiled. Merlin knew all this and yet he wasn't stopping this kiss, he had one hand on Kazuo's arm, gripping on to him, and Kazuo's mouth was warm and wet and tasted of the stew and it was only someone's mouth, it shouldn't - but it did, it felt weird but in a good way and - your first kiss probably wasn't meant to be in the infirmary, either, Gaius would come back and walk in and -
It was Kazuo who ended the kiss. Merlin stared at him nervously, wondering if this was all somehow his fault. No, forget that - when you were a servant it was always all your fault, but he hadn't - he'd never have thought of kissing Kazuo on his own - he didn't - what if people found out, what if Arthur found out -
"I... sorry," he heard himself babble, "I wasn't... I mean, I really don't know what happened then..."
"You seemed to enjoy it."
"No... no, I..." Merlin swallowed. "I mean, it wasn't that it was bad, I just... I don't..." He suddenly wished he could use his magic to turn back time, unknit all of this and start again. Except that then he wouldn't have had the kiss, and he'd liked the kiss.
Kazuo studied him, tilting his head slightly to the side.
At last he said, "Your room is behind that door, I believe? If you are scared of discovery, we can go there." He didn't sound scared. He didn't really sound anything. Merlin caught himself wondering if Kazuo had actually liked the kiss. Then he caught himself wondering how you'd know if Kazuo had liked kissing you when his face never changed. Then he realised he was blushing. And then he realised he was just going to nod, and say, "Sure," and follow Kazuo into the other room.
six attempts at humour
[Title] Saving the Day
[Fandom] Heroes, set pre-S1
[Rating] G
[Notes/Summary] Ando often finds it difficult to work with Hiro. anbyrobanby requested Ando trying to stop Hiro doing something stupid, but I'm not sure if this actually fits that. Oh well ^^
Ando sometimes finds it difficult to understand Hiro. Okay, no one enjoys work, but when you're there you deal with it, right? You do what you're asked and complain about your manager over coffee and make an effort not to miss deadlines too drastically.
Still, it isn't that Hiro is being deliberately rude. It's just he seems to have lost the ability to sense the atmosphere in a room. Like the time when he said that if Superman were here, then that would probably put both them and their competitors out of business. Or the time he said, "It isn't like it matters. It isn't like we're going to be saving the world." Or all the times he ostentatiously read comics at his desk.
Ando tries to tell Hiro he's being stupid, of course. He interrupts in meetings when Hiro gets that recalcitrant look on his face. He puts reports down on top of Hiro's piles of comics. Once or twice he actually says, "Look, do you want to get fired?" even though he isn't sure if that can happen to the CEO's son. He says that too, and Hiro looks hurt, like he hadn't realised it would come across like that, like the spoilt brat revelling in his immunity. He says he's sorry, he says he knows Ando's trying to help. "I just..."
Then he trails off.
Ando knows Hiro well enough to know his friend is too stubborn to change his ways, so he figures he'll just have to carry on saving the day until Hiro says something really stupid and someone actually yells at him, which will probably shock him into sense. Hiro's attempts at humour have always been hit-and-miss, after all. It's probably something he's born with. Still, Ando has to wonder if that's all it is.
[Title] Light of the Living Dead
[Fandom] Death Note
[Rating] PG/PG-13
[Notes/Summary] The Japanese task force were finding it tricky enough dealing with shinigami, but now that zombies have been thrown into the mix, things can only get more difficult. (This AU has got somewhat out of hand in later days of Christmas.)
Mogi is trying to keep his eyes on the road, but he's more jittery than he's been for years. Partly his mind keeps wanting to glance behind, or at the bushes by the roadside, or through windows of passing buildings, just see if there are any more of those things - and partly he keeps looking over at Misa, unable to work out why she's so calm.
Well. Not so much calm as perky. She's sitting in the front passenger seat, absently redoing her make-up, every so often making some statement like I can't believe I chipped my nails, I only got this manicure this morning. Mogi wants to yell at her that she chipped her nails by hitting the decomposing walking corpse of the director of her latest film over the head with a fire extinguisher, and why isn't she more bothered by this, but every time he thinks of it he pictures the bloodied, protruding nails and doughy fingers as the corpse had reached out to him and he'd shot at it and hit it in the heart but that hadn't stopped it and now he thinks about it, of course it wouldn't, its heart wouldn't be beating, but at the time he'd panicked and his mind had been screaming do something, do something but he didn't know what -
And then Misa had run up behind the thing and smashed its rotting skull in with the fire extinguisher and then they'd both been flee to the car park and now they've been driving for about half an hour and Mogi has no idea where he's heading. Misa's been surfing radio stations the entire journey, but half of them are echoing silence or repeating the same track over and over and no one's broadcast any news yet. Mogi figures that sticking to the motorway - currently empty of traffic - is best. Keep away from residential areas. If - if what happened at the studio happened elsewhere, then - then -
The priority now is to stay alive and keep Misa alive. She's twisting round to look out at the signs on the road. Then she turns to look at him. "Mochi. Where are we going?"
"I... I don't know yet."
"We need to go back to the headquarters," Misa says. "C'mon, Mochi, Raito's there."
Mogi glances at her. "I... Misa, I'm afraid we can't do that."
She snorts, as if she thinks he's joking. "Why not? Don't be silly."
"The HQ is too far into the city centre." Mogi hears his voice sounding flat and numb, as if he can't be bothered to sympathise with her. "It isn't safe."
Misa's scowling. "But we need to warn Raito. We can't just leave him."
"I'm sorry."
She hunches over a little, her hands clenched into fists. He isn't sure what he expected her to do, but what he definitely didn't predict was her suddenly lunging towards him, wrenching at the wheel - the tyres screech as the car skids across the lanes - "Misa, stop it!" He's grabbing for the steering wheel and at the same time he's trying to shove her back into her seat and she's lashing out at him, hands tangling in his jacket, in what seems like an oddly purposeless attack until - until she sinks back against her seat, and he's skidding onto the hard shoulder and slowly the car is halting and then he looks round at her again and she's holding his gun in both hands.
"Mochi," she says. "I think we should go back to the headquarters."
He stares at her. She smiles back at him, levelling the gun. She's pale, and her skin is shiny, and she's trembling a little, but it all only goes to make her look more determined.
"Misa... put the gun down."
"You're not listening, Mochi."
"If that - if it's happened to others, then we have to get away from people. Don't you understand? People are getting killed and -"
"I've seen zombie movies before, you know. But I have to protect Raito. You know I do." She swallows. "If he's dead, then - then I don't care what happens to me. I... if you want, you don't have to come, but it probably isn't safe out there, right Mochi? I'd like it better if you stayed in here and just kept driving."
Mogi wants to argue with her, talk her down - or call her bluff, she wouldn't really shoot him, she's just a little girl - but he doesn't. Maybe it's that the earlier attack has already unnerved him enough that taking any risks feels like a stupid idea. Even if going along with Misa's plan is an even bigger risk.
He starts driving again, and takes the next exit off the motorway.
They've got Sakura TV playing on one of the monitors, so Matsuda is watching that. Aizawa and Ide are talking and Raito is typing away on one of the laptops, and Matsuda is hoping no one will notice that even though he's watching a pro-Kira TV station he's not technically doing any work.
There's the end of a drama series and then there's some commercials and then there's the news. It's usually someone going on about criminals and spelling out their names very deliberately, with lots of invective about how Kira should punish them, and it always makes Matsuda feel slightly sick to watch (especially when he kind of agrees that a criminal who's done something that some of these people have should die).
But today it's not like that. The newsreader looks pale and worried and his suit and tie are rumpled. And he starts speaking a few seconds after the theme music's finished, like he hadn't known what he was going to be saying.
"There's... Sakura TV believes there's some kind of epidemic afoot in Tokyo," he's saying. "Some... some of our viewers have already sent in footage or pictures of - of the infected. They are - an infected person dies within a few hours, or so it seems, but then - oh, god. This can't be happening..."
"Uh... guys?" Matsuda turns up the volume a little so that the others have to listen. "Something kind of weird's going on..."
There are pictures flashing up on the screen now, blurry pixellated shots of people with their heads hanging slack, mouths gaping. Then the newscaster is back, stammering, "If you see an infected person, you should get away from them. Don't... just get away. We've had reports that if they draw blood from you, that's it." And then a shaky smile, "The dead are rising. Lord Kira's judgements are being reversed." In the background, there are crashes - someone yells. The man's eyes are wide. "We tried to escape, but they've surrounded the building now. Sakura TV is remaining live until the end in order to bring the truth to the people. Lord Kira will... will..." More crashes, much closer now. They're all watching by this point. The man is standing up, backing away, stepping out of range of the camera and then - and then something, some blur of ragged clothes, is on him, grabbing him, and there's a scream. Then there's blood spattering across the back wall. A lot of blood.
"This... what the hell are they doing, a publicity stunt?" Aizawa says.
"It doesn't look like their style," Ide says. "I mean, where's all the professions of righteousness?"
The camera's still rolling. Matsuda stares at it. His heart is rattling in his chest but underneath all that he's got a strong desire to laugh, they can't really have stepped into a zombie movie, why would that even happen? Things like that don't - they -
He finds himself looking over at the shinigami. It's watching them and it's chuckling, quietly.
When he looks back, there's a corpse's face on the screen.
It clearly is a corpse. You can see how the blood's started to flow out of the skin, only of course it's not gone to one side, it's gone down, leaving the face grey-white because the corpse is standing up, it's moving, it's walking towards the camera and, equally clearly, it's the body of the man Matsuda knows full well is Director of Sakura TV Hitoshi Demegawa. He has a wound in his neck, and you can see that that's real too, you can see where the trachea got ripped out and you can see the back of the throat all red and dark -
The corpse is advancing towards the camera and then there's a crash and the screen goes blank.
Matsuda can hear ringing in his ears and over that he can hear himself saying, "Well, at least he wasn't asking for money this time." He expects the others to yell at him for making a stupid joke in a serious situation, but they don't. Ide's staring numbly at the blank screen as if he's still seeing the corpse and Aizawa's turned away, grabbed his phone and is already ordering his wife to stay in the house and keep away from the windows. Matsuda looks over at Raito, waiting for him to say something sensible and smart, but Raito is very pale, and his eyes are wide. He isn't staring at the screen, though. He keeps looking at the shinigami.
[Title] Power of Three
[Fandom] Torchwood
[Rating] PG-13
[Notes/Summary] Andy, Gwen and Rhys stagger home after having defeated an alien menace. (The same alien menace, in fact, that was present in the first of the four propositions.) Written for rushikayu13, who requested Andy, Gwen and Rhys interacting like normal people.
For a while the three of them just walked through the empty industrial estate, not talking. It took a while before Gwen even noticed it was actually really cold; then she rubbed her hands together, blew on her fingers, and, as if that gesture had broken the ice, Rhys took one of her hands in his, squeezed it, and Andy sort of laughed and said, "Well, I always knew Travelodges were shit, but..." It was a stupid joke but Gwen found herself laughing anyway, and Rhys said shakily, "We ought to write and complain, you know? Or take it to the newspapers. It's just taking the piss."
"Her lot would have something to say about that," Andy said, indicating Gwen with a jerk of his head. "Apparently they're a secret organisation, did you know?"
"No way. And I thought that bloke in the tourist office was there to show people round the HQ!"
"All right, shut up, you two," Gwen said.
"You've got Torchwood on your car," Andy said. "And the entire station knows about the time you got locked in your own base -"
"Oi, if I hadn't been around tonight you'd have been ripped apart and smeared all over the walls!" Gwen meant it to sound flippant but it came out sounding snappy. She expected Andy to snap back but he just went quiet and eventually said, "Yeah, all right. So... what the hell was it, then?"
"Jack said it was a bit like a hermit crab," Gwen said. "It... takes over structures like hermit crabs live in a shell, you know? It can mesh with the molecular make-up and waits for people to walk in and -"
"Yeah, I get it." Andy swallowed. Gwen knew he was probably remembering what they'd just seen, and so she carried on, "We reckon the epidemic started in one room in one Travelodge and... they lay eggs which stick to things - like burrs and... and then it just got spread. When they're young it's only one room and then they take over more and more..."
"So are you telling me," Rhys said, "that every Travelodge in a ten-mile radius round Cardiff could have turned into a killing machine?"
"Well... not necessarily."
"She means yes," Andy said.
"No, I do not! Tosh did a search for all suspicious violent deaths in the area in the last few months. We pinpointed the ones where it was obvious they'd been infected and Ianto and Owen have been going in as pest control men to fumigate everywhere else. If - if you get them while they're newly hatched they're easily to kill." She didn't know why she was talking so much, telling them so much. Maybe to make them feel like Torchwood had it under control. Maybe to kid herself she was still in control.
"And if you don't, then you have to burn down the building," Andy said, and rubbed at a smear of soot on his cheek.
"Well... yeah."
Another pause.
At last Rhys said, "Why Travelodges?"
"What?"
"Well, if it's spread through stuff sticking to people's clothes and being taken to new houses, why've there only been outbreaks in Travelodges? Why not just random houses?"
"I... we don't know yet," Gwen said, and tried to ignore the snorts of derision from the other two until they became too pronounced to block out and she had to retort, "Look, will you both shut up?"
They both laughed, but Rhys squeezed her hand again, and Andy clapped her on the shoulder as they kept walking.
[Title] No Laughing Matter
[Fandom] Battle Royale (movie)
[Rating] PG
[Notes/Summary] Yutaka's finding comedy a lot more difficult now he's in a death game.
Yutaka kind of wished that Shinji still had stuff he needed them to do. While he and Keita had been searching for kerosene and funnels and rope and things, and then measuring stuff out and pouring it into tins, it had been easy to pretend that this was a game (well, it was a game, but, you know, the fun kind of game, not the kind where everyone was trying to kill you) or a scavenger hunt or a chemistry class or something. Now they were just sitting and waiting while Shinji typed furiously, biting his lip, and Yutaka didn't like seeing Shinji get stressed out. Shinji normally didn't get stressed out about anything.
This was really getting kind of scary.
Keita was lying sprawled on his back, fanning himself with one of the postcards Shinji had. When he noticed Yutaka looking at him, he rolled his eyes and said, "This place is stuffier than... I dunno, somewhere really hot."
"The girls' locker room?" Yutaka said, not particularly because he meant it but because hearing Keita unable to make a joke freaked him out even more than Shinji stressing.
Keita considered it, then nodded, grinning. "Works for me."
Shinji hit one more key, a loud, deliberate strike, and then slumped back a little, turning his head from side to side. Yutaka thought he hadn't been listening, but he called over to Keita, "Hey, Yutaka's too young to be thinking about the girls' locker room. That's for men of the world like you and me."
"Like me, maybe." Keita laughed - his laugh was a little shakier than usual but you'd only notice if you were really concentrating. "Whereas you seem a hell of a lot more comfortable with screens than girls at the moment, Mimura."
"Screens and girls are often combined, Iijima. That's the beauty of it."
"Oh, my god. He hasn't been trying to get us out of here at all. He's just looking for porn."
Yutaka's stomach rolled a bit at that - how could Keita joke about it? He knew he was supposed to say something funny now, carry on making fun of Shinji, that was how it went, but he suddenly didn't know what to say. He didn't want to joke about them not getting out of here because he really, really didn't want to die.
The other two were looking at him. Eventually, Keita said, more quietly than before, "Chill, man, it's okay."
"Yeah," Shinji said. "We are gonna nail those bastards." He sat forward again and started typing, but this time he was grinning. "Oh, and Iijima? Don't think I don't know why your search for kerosene took so long. Seeking out the porn stashes of the former inhabitants of this place sounds like just the kind of thing you'd do."
[Title] Best-Laid Plans
[Fandom] Merlin/Battle Royale
[Rating] PG
[Pairing] Merlin/Kazuo Kiriyama
[Notes/Summary] Merlin was only trying to be nice. Written for lycoris, who requested the pairing ;)
Merlin suspected that things had gone wrong somewhere.
There was nothing particularly surprising about a boy who had once lived at Camelot returning to greet his former hosts. And okay, this boy - this Kazuo - was the only person in the entire world, it seemed, who could beat Arthur in battle, and that was a bit weird, but someone had to be able to, didn't they? And yeah, it made sense that Arthur wouldn't be too pleased about that and would sulk and avoid Kazuo and shout at people who asked him to be courteous, because Arthur was, when you came down to it, still a bit of a prat.
Things had, in fact, made perfect sense right up until the kissing part.
Merlin had been trying to be nice. Everyone else had been avoiding Kazuo by that point; people had been describing him as creepy and nasty. Even Gwen had admitted she didn't particularly like being around him. He never smiles, she said. Everyone smiles sometimes, even if it's at things that are horrible. Morgana hadn't been so blunt. She'd only shrugged her beautiful shoulders and said He's Arthur's friend, isn't he? I barely spoke to him last time he was here.
And Merlin had thought it must be horrible to stand alone in the courtyard in a place where people were supposed to like you, and Gaius had been absent because there was another bout of fever going round the castle, and so all Merlin had said was would you like to come inside, if you're not - I mean, if you're not waiting for someone else? He'd known Kazuo hadn't brought his own servant and he already knew that the castle servants liked him no better than the nobles did, and so he'd said, I could make you some food, if you want.
Kazuo had looked over at him, his face blank and a little bit bored, but then he had nodded, and followed Merlin inside. They had eaten in the infirmary, and afterwards Kazuo had stood up, started to examine the books and the glass bottles. He had asked a few questions and Merlin had happily answered the ones he knew. Kazuo was thin, he noticed as they stood in front of the shelves together, and his hair was slicked back with oil like a city nobleman, someone spoilt and indolent, but he'd not only beaten Arthur in a fight, he'd done it in about five minutes. (Privately, Merlin thought it was probably good for Arthur to realise he couldn't win against everyone, but he'd judged this to be not a helpful remark and kept it to himself.)
And Kazuo's face hadn't changed the entire time they'd been talking. That was how it had happened. Merlin had found himself sort of fascinated - maybe because his own face always gave away his thoughts far too easily, he couldn't imagine being able to be this impassive - and he'd made an attempt at humour, something stupid about frog's legs - and he'd been leaning a little closer, just a little, to see if Kazuo reacted, even just with annoyance - and -
Now they were kissing and that definitely wasn't supposed to happen, if you were Merlin your first kiss was not meant to be with a noble, definitely not a male noble, certainly not someone whom Arthur Pendragon currently seemed to loathe, and probably not with someone who never smiled. Merlin knew all this and yet he wasn't stopping this kiss, he had one hand on Kazuo's arm, gripping on to him, and Kazuo's mouth was warm and wet and tasted of the stew and it was only someone's mouth, it shouldn't - but it did, it felt weird but in a good way and - your first kiss probably wasn't meant to be in the infirmary, either, Gaius would come back and walk in and -
It was Kazuo who ended the kiss. Merlin stared at him nervously, wondering if this was all somehow his fault. No, forget that - when you were a servant it was always all your fault, but he hadn't - he'd never have thought of kissing Kazuo on his own - he didn't - what if people found out, what if Arthur found out -
"I... sorry," he heard himself babble, "I wasn't... I mean, I really don't know what happened then..."
"You seemed to enjoy it."
"No... no, I..." Merlin swallowed. "I mean, it wasn't that it was bad, I just... I don't..." He suddenly wished he could use his magic to turn back time, unknit all of this and start again. Except that then he wouldn't have had the kiss, and he'd liked the kiss.
Kazuo studied him, tilting his head slightly to the side.
At last he said, "Your room is behind that door, I believe? If you are scared of discovery, we can go there." He didn't sound scared. He didn't really sound anything. Merlin caught himself wondering if Kazuo had actually liked the kiss. Then he caught himself wondering how you'd know if Kazuo had liked kissing you when his face never changed. Then he realised he was blushing. And then he realised he was just going to nod, and say, "Sure," and follow Kazuo into the other room.