[EXO] Once a Thong a Time
Title: Once a Thong a Time
Fandom: EXO
Rating: PG-ish
Genre: crack
Word count: 1,553
Pairing: ChanKai
Summary: *Spongebob announcer voice* Later that evening...
Notes: Oh, look I did another thing to torment Jess. Isn't it lovely? I'm glad we live in a country where we can torment Jess. Good night, America.
I was gonna write more but then I realized it was already 1500+ words and fuck no I'm done.
(((The title is all Karis's fault.)))
"You are, like... super twitchy today, you know that?"
The fact that Jongin jumps at the sound of Chanyeol's voice only confirms the statement. It also makes the lace hitch up in a really uncomfortable way. Jongin had finally decided to take Baekhyun's advice, but now he finds himself wishing he'd changed into the panties at the last possible moment rather than wearing them all day. (In his defense, it's hard to predict Chanyeol a lot of the time and he rarely sticks to a schedule anyway, so "the last possible moment" could really come at any time.)
"You're being stupid," Jongin says, but it sounds unconvincing even to him.
"You say that a lot, but remember who was the only one who could tell when Jongdae put laxatives in your water bottle? You were gonna go the whole practice like nothing was wrong. You'd've crapped yourself if I hadn't made excuses. Which I had to since you keep stealing my underwear."
"I stopped doing that," Jongin pouts.
Chanyeol stops and considers this. "Yeah, you did. I was actually gonna ask you about that. I wasn't really mad, you know that?"
Jongin is going to explain. Really he is. It's just that words are not really his friends, particularly on embarrassing or sensitive topics. So, in lieu of saying anything, Jongin simply stands up from his seat on Chanyeol's bed, unbuttons his pants, and drops them in one quick motion.
"Okay man, you don't have to give them back right n- ... uh."
Chanyeol seems to be rendered momentarily speechless. The moment in question stretches on for about ten seconds longer than Jongin is comfortable with. He scowls as intensely as he can and wiggles to try and make the lace sit better instead of bunching up in horrific ways, like it's doing now.
"What?" he finally demands, and Chanyeol blinks.
"I mean, okay. I see why my underwear isn't doin' it for you anymore."
"It's not my idea," Jongin snaps and bites his tongue when Chanyeol's eyebrows go way up in surprise.
"Okay, I know this is kinda an open secret," says Chanyeol slowly, "But I thought it was kind of in poor taste to discuss what goes on behind closed doors and all that."
Said closed door takes this opportunity to open, and Baekhyun strides boldly into the room, which would be okay (well, not okay, but marginally okay), except for the fact that following immediately on his heels is Minseok.
"Oh, nice," says Baekhyun cheerfully, over Minseok's strangled yelp, "I see you're taking my advice. I'll just leave you to it."
Minseok is tugged back out of the room, but not before he manages to wail, "I thought my own room would be safe enough!"
"Oh please," Baekhyun's voice drifts back through the door, "Like you haven't seen worse."
The door shuts, leaving Chanyeol laughing so hard that no sound manages to come out, and Jongin knows that his face now is as red as the lace panties that now adorn his nether regions, and which now have been revealed to yet another member he'll have to face tomorrow. The sound finally explodes out of Chanyeol's throat like the delayed thunder after his lightning smile. The windows are probably rattling, Jongin thinks faintly through the numbing embarrassment.
"This is the worst," Jongin says miserably.
Chanyeol calms down enough to cross the rest of the distance between them and wrap him into a hug that's probably meant to be comforting, but in practice is actually suffocating and full of pointy elbows and junk.
"Oh god, stop," Jongin chokes, "Get off."
"Nooooo~" Chanyeol coos more disgustingly than anyone his height has any right to, "This is the best."
"Wait, what?" Jongin wheezes. "How is this the best? Oh my god, you too???"
Chanyeol looks confused. "Me too what?"
"You like guys in panties too!" Jongin shouts accusingly. "Why is it everyone except me?"
"Wait, but it's not me," Chanyeol says. "I mean, yeah they're pretty okay. I thought you liked them and were finally letting me know. I thought this was supposed to be like a big relationship milestone or something. I'm confused."
Jongin is about to tear his fucking hair out.
"I asked Baekhyun for advice or something and this was what he came up with," Jongin explains.
"Of course he would," Chanyeol nods understandingly. "This is his solution to everything, you know. Why were you asking for help to begin with?"
Chanyeol looks worried now and nothing about this is okay. Jongin starts to panic.
"It's not-!" His brain is flailing and groping blindly for words, which decide to fly around the inside of his skull mockingly instead of lining up in an orderly fashion. "It's just-!"
Chanyeol is looking distressed. Jongin wants it to stop.
"I was afraid of being boring!" he yelps, and curls his hands into his hair, trying to pull it down over his face.
This doesn't work, so he collapses back onto the bed and tugs the collar of his tshirt over his eyes like a blindfold. The absurdity of the situation is not lost on Jongin, whose jeans are still around his ankles, his shirt now half-off in an attempt to hide from the trainwreck he's just caused.
I'm going to kill Baekhyun, he thinks, And I'm going to severely injure Tao in his sleep because he's no better. And I'm going to tell Junmyeon that Sehun is blaming his wardrobe sabotage on moths.
Chanyeol is making this weird noise now, which Jongin is considering investigating when the shirt is suddenly tugged upwards completely off his body.
"What?" he yells, but then Chanyeol is grinning and this is not the reaction he expected but okay he guesses everything went better than expected.
This notion is confirmed when Chanyeol shoves him backwards and climbs on top of him and shoves his tongue down Jongin's throat. Jongin makes a surprised gurgle, but he gets distracted a second later by Chanyeol's hands doing some very interesting things indeed. No matter how uncoordinated Chanyeol might be in other respects, Jongin's always thought he's rather good with his hands. There's probably some sort of cartoonish clothing fountain type thing going on now, but Jongin is mostly concentrated on getting Chanyeol into a similar state of undress. When Chanyeol finally takes a breath, Jongin shoves him in the chest.
"I thought you said you didn't like them!" he says, frowning.
"No, I didn't," Chanyeol says, his head tilting to the side, "I said I wasn't one of the guys who's super into them, but I never said I disliked them. I'm cool one way or the other."
He sits back slightly, and the motion brings some rather pressing concerns to the forefront of Jongin's mind, so that he almost misses when Chanyeol keeps talking.
"I guess I mostly just like that you cared enough to think about it at all?" Chanyeol says, like he's testing the idea. He nods to himself.
This is a slightly unexpected turn of events, but Jongin is willing to accept this.
"Does that mean I don't have to wear them anymore because-"
"Oh no, I never said that."
Jongin remembers that Chanyeol has shared a room with Baekhyun for far too long now, because oh he recognizes that evil look.
"I think they're starting to grow on me."
Jongin squirms, which makes Chanyeol gasp sharply.
"Who says you get a say in this?" Jongin demands. "I wore them once. What if I say I'm done?"
"Then I will be very, very sad," Chanyeol says seriously. Even his hair seems to droop. "I mean, you don't have to..."
Jongin lets out a frustrated growl and turns sharply, flipping them so that he's sitting on Chanyeol. Chanyeol looks up at him with big eyes.
"Fine," says Jongin, "But we're doing it like this."
"Okay," says Chanyeol, perfectly content.
He wraps a hand around the back of Jongin's neck and tugs him downwards.
"I mean," he says against Jongin's lips, "Even when you're on top, you bottom, so-"
Jongin bites Chanyeol's lip, making him yell, muffled now by Jongin's mouth as he kisses him emphatically.
"Show you who's wearing the pants in this relationship-" he mutters into Chanyeol's neck as his mouth moves lower now.
Chanyeol's entire body vibrates when he laughs, like he's an earthquake trapped in a body with spider-like limbs. Chanyeol's thumbs hook into the waistband of the panties and just sit there. As long as his hands are there, Jongin can't forget that he's wearing the damn things, so he rolls his hips forwards and down, hoping to distract Chanyeol. No such luck, but the sound Chanyeol makes is rather pleasing, so Jongin does it again.
"Careful," Chanyeol says, slightly breathlessly. "You're gonna ruin that lovely underwear if you keep that up."
"Good," says Jongin with another vicious roll that makes them both gasp this time. "I hope they're unsalvageable."
"I might be able to arrange that." Chanyeol's voice is even deeper than usual, making Jongin shiver.
"Can you really?" Jongin dares him, against his better judgement.
Chanyeol never does back down from a challenge. Baekhyun might be upset about the loss of the panties, but in Jongin's defense, Baekhyun had given them to him for this purpose. And things are certainly interesting now.
Fandom: EXO
Rating: PG-ish
Genre: crack
Word count: 1,553
Pairing: ChanKai
Summary: *Spongebob announcer voice* Later that evening...
Notes: Oh, look I did another thing to torment Jess. Isn't it lovely? I'm glad we live in a country where we can torment Jess. Good night, America.
I was gonna write more but then I realized it was already 1500+ words and fuck no I'm done.
(((The title is all Karis's fault.)))
"You are, like... super twitchy today, you know that?"
The fact that Jongin jumps at the sound of Chanyeol's voice only confirms the statement. It also makes the lace hitch up in a really uncomfortable way. Jongin had finally decided to take Baekhyun's advice, but now he finds himself wishing he'd changed into the panties at the last possible moment rather than wearing them all day. (In his defense, it's hard to predict Chanyeol a lot of the time and he rarely sticks to a schedule anyway, so "the last possible moment" could really come at any time.)
"You're being stupid," Jongin says, but it sounds unconvincing even to him.
"You say that a lot, but remember who was the only one who could tell when Jongdae put laxatives in your water bottle? You were gonna go the whole practice like nothing was wrong. You'd've crapped yourself if I hadn't made excuses. Which I had to since you keep stealing my underwear."
"I stopped doing that," Jongin pouts.
Chanyeol stops and considers this. "Yeah, you did. I was actually gonna ask you about that. I wasn't really mad, you know that?"
Jongin is going to explain. Really he is. It's just that words are not really his friends, particularly on embarrassing or sensitive topics. So, in lieu of saying anything, Jongin simply stands up from his seat on Chanyeol's bed, unbuttons his pants, and drops them in one quick motion.
"Okay man, you don't have to give them back right n- ... uh."
Chanyeol seems to be rendered momentarily speechless. The moment in question stretches on for about ten seconds longer than Jongin is comfortable with. He scowls as intensely as he can and wiggles to try and make the lace sit better instead of bunching up in horrific ways, like it's doing now.
"What?" he finally demands, and Chanyeol blinks.
"I mean, okay. I see why my underwear isn't doin' it for you anymore."
"It's not my idea," Jongin snaps and bites his tongue when Chanyeol's eyebrows go way up in surprise.
"Okay, I know this is kinda an open secret," says Chanyeol slowly, "But I thought it was kind of in poor taste to discuss what goes on behind closed doors and all that."
Said closed door takes this opportunity to open, and Baekhyun strides boldly into the room, which would be okay (well, not okay, but marginally okay), except for the fact that following immediately on his heels is Minseok.
"Oh, nice," says Baekhyun cheerfully, over Minseok's strangled yelp, "I see you're taking my advice. I'll just leave you to it."
Minseok is tugged back out of the room, but not before he manages to wail, "I thought my own room would be safe enough!"
"Oh please," Baekhyun's voice drifts back through the door, "Like you haven't seen worse."
The door shuts, leaving Chanyeol laughing so hard that no sound manages to come out, and Jongin knows that his face now is as red as the lace panties that now adorn his nether regions, and which now have been revealed to yet another member he'll have to face tomorrow. The sound finally explodes out of Chanyeol's throat like the delayed thunder after his lightning smile. The windows are probably rattling, Jongin thinks faintly through the numbing embarrassment.
"This is the worst," Jongin says miserably.
Chanyeol calms down enough to cross the rest of the distance between them and wrap him into a hug that's probably meant to be comforting, but in practice is actually suffocating and full of pointy elbows and junk.
"Oh god, stop," Jongin chokes, "Get off."
"Nooooo~" Chanyeol coos more disgustingly than anyone his height has any right to, "This is the best."
"Wait, what?" Jongin wheezes. "How is this the best? Oh my god, you too???"
Chanyeol looks confused. "Me too what?"
"You like guys in panties too!" Jongin shouts accusingly. "Why is it everyone except me?"
"Wait, but it's not me," Chanyeol says. "I mean, yeah they're pretty okay. I thought you liked them and were finally letting me know. I thought this was supposed to be like a big relationship milestone or something. I'm confused."
Jongin is about to tear his fucking hair out.
"I asked Baekhyun for advice or something and this was what he came up with," Jongin explains.
"Of course he would," Chanyeol nods understandingly. "This is his solution to everything, you know. Why were you asking for help to begin with?"
Chanyeol looks worried now and nothing about this is okay. Jongin starts to panic.
"It's not-!" His brain is flailing and groping blindly for words, which decide to fly around the inside of his skull mockingly instead of lining up in an orderly fashion. "It's just-!"
Chanyeol is looking distressed. Jongin wants it to stop.
"I was afraid of being boring!" he yelps, and curls his hands into his hair, trying to pull it down over his face.
This doesn't work, so he collapses back onto the bed and tugs the collar of his tshirt over his eyes like a blindfold. The absurdity of the situation is not lost on Jongin, whose jeans are still around his ankles, his shirt now half-off in an attempt to hide from the trainwreck he's just caused.
I'm going to kill Baekhyun, he thinks, And I'm going to severely injure Tao in his sleep because he's no better. And I'm going to tell Junmyeon that Sehun is blaming his wardrobe sabotage on moths.
Chanyeol is making this weird noise now, which Jongin is considering investigating when the shirt is suddenly tugged upwards completely off his body.
"What?" he yells, but then Chanyeol is grinning and this is not the reaction he expected but okay he guesses everything went better than expected.
This notion is confirmed when Chanyeol shoves him backwards and climbs on top of him and shoves his tongue down Jongin's throat. Jongin makes a surprised gurgle, but he gets distracted a second later by Chanyeol's hands doing some very interesting things indeed. No matter how uncoordinated Chanyeol might be in other respects, Jongin's always thought he's rather good with his hands. There's probably some sort of cartoonish clothing fountain type thing going on now, but Jongin is mostly concentrated on getting Chanyeol into a similar state of undress. When Chanyeol finally takes a breath, Jongin shoves him in the chest.
"I thought you said you didn't like them!" he says, frowning.
"No, I didn't," Chanyeol says, his head tilting to the side, "I said I wasn't one of the guys who's super into them, but I never said I disliked them. I'm cool one way or the other."
He sits back slightly, and the motion brings some rather pressing concerns to the forefront of Jongin's mind, so that he almost misses when Chanyeol keeps talking.
"I guess I mostly just like that you cared enough to think about it at all?" Chanyeol says, like he's testing the idea. He nods to himself.
This is a slightly unexpected turn of events, but Jongin is willing to accept this.
"Does that mean I don't have to wear them anymore because-"
"Oh no, I never said that."
Jongin remembers that Chanyeol has shared a room with Baekhyun for far too long now, because oh he recognizes that evil look.
"I think they're starting to grow on me."
Jongin squirms, which makes Chanyeol gasp sharply.
"Who says you get a say in this?" Jongin demands. "I wore them once. What if I say I'm done?"
"Then I will be very, very sad," Chanyeol says seriously. Even his hair seems to droop. "I mean, you don't have to..."
Jongin lets out a frustrated growl and turns sharply, flipping them so that he's sitting on Chanyeol. Chanyeol looks up at him with big eyes.
"Fine," says Jongin, "But we're doing it like this."
"Okay," says Chanyeol, perfectly content.
He wraps a hand around the back of Jongin's neck and tugs him downwards.
"I mean," he says against Jongin's lips, "Even when you're on top, you bottom, so-"
Jongin bites Chanyeol's lip, making him yell, muffled now by Jongin's mouth as he kisses him emphatically.
"Show you who's wearing the pants in this relationship-" he mutters into Chanyeol's neck as his mouth moves lower now.
Chanyeol's entire body vibrates when he laughs, like he's an earthquake trapped in a body with spider-like limbs. Chanyeol's thumbs hook into the waistband of the panties and just sit there. As long as his hands are there, Jongin can't forget that he's wearing the damn things, so he rolls his hips forwards and down, hoping to distract Chanyeol. No such luck, but the sound Chanyeol makes is rather pleasing, so Jongin does it again.
"Careful," Chanyeol says, slightly breathlessly. "You're gonna ruin that lovely underwear if you keep that up."
"Good," says Jongin with another vicious roll that makes them both gasp this time. "I hope they're unsalvageable."
"I might be able to arrange that." Chanyeol's voice is even deeper than usual, making Jongin shiver.
"Can you really?" Jongin dares him, against his better judgement.
Chanyeol never does back down from a challenge. Baekhyun might be upset about the loss of the panties, but in Jongin's defense, Baekhyun had given them to him for this purpose. And things are certainly interesting now.