AAARRRGGGGHH!!!!! @!#%@$*%$%!!
Was helping G find some cat toys this morning by using the yardstick under the couch when I smelled it. Cat pee.
I *HATE* that smell worse than almost anything. I have an ok sense of smell, but I am like a freakin' bloodhound when it comes to cat pee. Literally. I smell it and I am off....sniffing all over the place on my knees, every surface, every item, until I find the source, at which point I usually curse, possibly retch a little (if it is fresh and strong), and try to figure out how to fix it. Vinegar? Cat pee enzyme solution? Can I soak it or do I have to clean it where it is? Do I need paper towels to wipe it up, or is it dried out (or...ugh...soaked in)?
Well, this morning I smelled the pee and sniffed around the floor in front of the couch and all of the cat toys we pulled out but nothing even had a remote whiff of pee. I began to doubt myslef, although I know better -- any time I smell cat pee there is ALWAYS cat pee *somewhere*...I am never wrong, it's just a matter of finding it.
But I let it go and played with the girls for a bit, until we ended up back at the couch. The girls were jumping on the couch at the end opposite where we had been "fishing" for cat toys and I smelled it again. Stronger. OK, the gauntlet had now been thrown down. I had to find it.
"Out! Everybody out of this room! There's cat pee and I have to find it!" The girls immediately jump down and move away, obviously taken aback by the forcefulness of my statement (if only they always listened so well!). Next to the couch is the mesh basketball net on the floor. Jack has peed on this before and I try to make sure it is never collapsed on the floor any more before I go to bed for that reason. But it is collapsed on the floor right now. Ugh.
Slowly I examine it before touching it -- the last time I stupidly just picked it up and the fresh pee went dripping and spraying all over. No sign of pee. I lean over and sniff. Nothing. Slowly and deliberately I move the net a little to see if any liquid glistens or moves on it. Nothing. I pick it up and sniff it. Nothing. Damn. I get a sinking feeling and turn back to the couch...
I pick up each throw pillow and sniff it in turn. No pee smell....I place it on the coffee table trunk. Nothing...on the trunk. Nothing... Nothing... Oh, man, this isn't good... Nothing.... I get to the last throw pillow. Still no cat pee smell. Dammit. Time for the couch inspection....
The girls are growing restless, watching me from the steps. M keeps wandering back into the room but keeps her distance. G says "M isn't supposed to be in the room..." I say "it's ok, she's staying over there away from me and couch. Stay there, M."
I lean over near the end and I can smell it. No, not the couch! Shit! I sniff the cushion. Yep. I move toward the middle and sniff. Nothing. Just for confirmation I sniff the other end. Nothing. OK, it's just this end. Now, how bad is it?
I sniff the base and there's a whiff, but it's not on the surface. Must be wafting down from above. I pull up the cushion and sniff the surface below the cushion. Yep. All around the arm. It's on the front of the arm, down the front of the arm. All over the surface around the front of the arm, on the surface under the cushion near the arm, the part that sticks out in front of the arm. I check the back cushion and it's stench-free. Looks like it's limited to the front and side of the arm and every surface nearby. I check the cushion and it's pretty much every surface on the end that is in contact with the arm, etc. I let fly with the F word.
"Stay there and don't come near the couch. There's cat pee here," I tell the girls as they sit quietly on the steps. I go to the laundry room, retrieve the giant bottle of cat pee enzyme solution, swing by the kitchen to get a small cup to use for applying the solution, and then return to the scene of the crime. I slowly work my way over every affected surface, slowly pouring a small amount of solution on it until everything is treated.
"OK, everyone stays off the couch today. No jumping on the couch. No playing on the couch. No sitting on the couch. No climbing on the couch. No hiding on the couch. There was cat pee on the couch and I cleaned it up and now the couch has to dry out. Everybody got it?"
"But I like to sit on the couch and watch tv..."
"No sitting on the couch today. The couch has to dry out. OK?"
"OK, Dad."
*sigh*
Of course there is no way to know who did it, how long ago, why, or anything like that. And there's no way to punish even if you knew who did it. It's so frustrating. It could have been Jack pissing on the couch because Hiro likes to lay on it and she was telling him to get lost, this is mine. It could have been Hiro marking the couch as his. It could have been Hiro over the weekend while we were gone because he was mad at us for leaving. Or it could have been either of them over the weekend while we were gone because the cat sitter didn't clean the litter pan every time like he was supposed to (I don't think this is it, though. Danny is a pretty reliable kid.). Who the hell knows? Man, I HATE CAT PEE! ARRRGGGHHH!!!
I *HATE* that smell worse than almost anything. I have an ok sense of smell, but I am like a freakin' bloodhound when it comes to cat pee. Literally. I smell it and I am off....sniffing all over the place on my knees, every surface, every item, until I find the source, at which point I usually curse, possibly retch a little (if it is fresh and strong), and try to figure out how to fix it. Vinegar? Cat pee enzyme solution? Can I soak it or do I have to clean it where it is? Do I need paper towels to wipe it up, or is it dried out (or...ugh...soaked in)?
Well, this morning I smelled the pee and sniffed around the floor in front of the couch and all of the cat toys we pulled out but nothing even had a remote whiff of pee. I began to doubt myslef, although I know better -- any time I smell cat pee there is ALWAYS cat pee *somewhere*...I am never wrong, it's just a matter of finding it.
But I let it go and played with the girls for a bit, until we ended up back at the couch. The girls were jumping on the couch at the end opposite where we had been "fishing" for cat toys and I smelled it again. Stronger. OK, the gauntlet had now been thrown down. I had to find it.
"Out! Everybody out of this room! There's cat pee and I have to find it!" The girls immediately jump down and move away, obviously taken aback by the forcefulness of my statement (if only they always listened so well!). Next to the couch is the mesh basketball net on the floor. Jack has peed on this before and I try to make sure it is never collapsed on the floor any more before I go to bed for that reason. But it is collapsed on the floor right now. Ugh.
Slowly I examine it before touching it -- the last time I stupidly just picked it up and the fresh pee went dripping and spraying all over. No sign of pee. I lean over and sniff. Nothing. Slowly and deliberately I move the net a little to see if any liquid glistens or moves on it. Nothing. I pick it up and sniff it. Nothing. Damn. I get a sinking feeling and turn back to the couch...
I pick up each throw pillow and sniff it in turn. No pee smell....I place it on the coffee table trunk. Nothing...on the trunk. Nothing... Nothing... Oh, man, this isn't good... Nothing.... I get to the last throw pillow. Still no cat pee smell. Dammit. Time for the couch inspection....
The girls are growing restless, watching me from the steps. M keeps wandering back into the room but keeps her distance. G says "M isn't supposed to be in the room..." I say "it's ok, she's staying over there away from me and couch. Stay there, M."
I lean over near the end and I can smell it. No, not the couch! Shit! I sniff the cushion. Yep. I move toward the middle and sniff. Nothing. Just for confirmation I sniff the other end. Nothing. OK, it's just this end. Now, how bad is it?
I sniff the base and there's a whiff, but it's not on the surface. Must be wafting down from above. I pull up the cushion and sniff the surface below the cushion. Yep. All around the arm. It's on the front of the arm, down the front of the arm. All over the surface around the front of the arm, on the surface under the cushion near the arm, the part that sticks out in front of the arm. I check the back cushion and it's stench-free. Looks like it's limited to the front and side of the arm and every surface nearby. I check the cushion and it's pretty much every surface on the end that is in contact with the arm, etc. I let fly with the F word.
"Stay there and don't come near the couch. There's cat pee here," I tell the girls as they sit quietly on the steps. I go to the laundry room, retrieve the giant bottle of cat pee enzyme solution, swing by the kitchen to get a small cup to use for applying the solution, and then return to the scene of the crime. I slowly work my way over every affected surface, slowly pouring a small amount of solution on it until everything is treated.
"OK, everyone stays off the couch today. No jumping on the couch. No playing on the couch. No sitting on the couch. No climbing on the couch. No hiding on the couch. There was cat pee on the couch and I cleaned it up and now the couch has to dry out. Everybody got it?"
"But I like to sit on the couch and watch tv..."
"No sitting on the couch today. The couch has to dry out. OK?"
"OK, Dad."
*sigh*
Of course there is no way to know who did it, how long ago, why, or anything like that. And there's no way to punish even if you knew who did it. It's so frustrating. It could have been Jack pissing on the couch because Hiro likes to lay on it and she was telling him to get lost, this is mine. It could have been Hiro marking the couch as his. It could have been Hiro over the weekend while we were gone because he was mad at us for leaving. Or it could have been either of them over the weekend while we were gone because the cat sitter didn't clean the litter pan every time like he was supposed to (I don't think this is it, though. Danny is a pretty reliable kid.). Who the hell knows? Man, I HATE CAT PEE! ARRRGGGHHH!!!