Growing up - Chapter 4

Feb 27, 2013 11:04

Summary: Naruto is a young boy who tragically loses his parents and as a result has to move in with his new adoptive family - the Uchiha family. How will his relationship with young Sasuke develop as they grow up? AU, multi-chapter.
Author’s note: Hello, darlings. Even though I took longer than I normally do to update, here you have the fourth chapter. Enjoy!
Warning: This is a yaoi fanfiction. If you are offended by that or if you are not the proper age, don’t read.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Naruto and I don’t make any profits from this work.

Chapter 4: Coming out
Sasuke decided there was no way he could live his life in this way. The last few weeks have been torture to him. He couldn’t stop thinking about his potential gayness - a problem that he has tried to avoid thinking about for so long, but now that he started thinking about it he couldn’t find a way to stop. Also, he couldn’t stop looking at other boys, or at Kakashi-sensei and wonder what it would be like to touch them….to have sex with them. He studied their bodies, letting his eyes travel over the expanse of their figures. He also tried to look at girls more and compare. But he soon realized that the girls fought a lost battle. And of course all this “studying” brought with it a lot of boners, which were resolved in frequent jerk-off sessions, which all ended with a pair of blue eyes hunting him. He has tried to think about those eyes and why they showed up in his head right before he climaxed, but he couldn’t for the life of him, figure it out.
However, what made the situation truly unbearable was the burning guilt he felt all the time. He felt that way, because now when he masturbated he didn’t even pretend to try to think about girls. The only images that he allowed in his head were those of Kakashi’s muscled body (which he felt and sometimes caught glimpses of during judo classes), of Neji’s face, of Gaara’s perfectly round and squeezable butt, and those eyes…those blue, deep eyes, which he didn’t know who they belonged to. Every time he saw those eyes in his mind a part of him knew that he was supposed to know them, they felt so familiar, but somehow he just couldn’t put his finger on it. All of that drove him out of his mind. So, after much internal debate he decided there was only one possible thing he could do in order to preserve his sanity - talk to Itachi.
Sasuke walked down the hall to Itachi’s room, not actually believing that he was going to have the courage to state the problem to his older brother. After knocking, he entered, complete dread showing all over his face.
“Hey there, little brother. What’s up?”
Itachi moved to sit on the bed he was currently laying on, laptop on his lap. Sasuke didn’t speak, his eyes cast downwards. He pulled a chair next to the bed and sat down kneading his hands. He still wasn’t able to look at his brother, who sensed something was wrong, a frown settling on his smiling face.
“Sasuke, what do you…”
“I think I’m gay.”
It was out of his mouth before he could even think about it. That shocked both the brothers, who now starred intensely into each other wide eyes.
“I-”
Sasuke closed his mouth trying to swallow, his throat suddenly feeling like the Sahara desert in the middle of summer. He took a deep breath trying to steady himself. He knew there was no getting out of this now. So, he might just as well talk to the other man…maybe it would even help. The only problem was that he had no idea how to continue.
“It’s ok, Sasuke. Just- just breathe and start from the beginning.”
The older brother always seemed to read his mind. It was creepy, especially at times like this.
“W-well, I just…it’s…the fact is…well…I noticed, ahem-”, he stopped again trying to find his words.
“You know how now all the boys are starting to be crazy about girls? They all talk about kissing and girlfriends, and whose girlfriend has the biggest boobs, etc.?”
Itachi simply nodded, encouraging his baby brother to continue.
“Well, I’ve tried to look after girls, and be interested in them, but the thing is…” he didn’t know how to explain to his brother that while he jerked off his thoughts always led him to boys.
“The thing is, they don’t physically attract me…What I mean to say is that I would much rather look, or think about a boy than a girl.”
“Sasuke, at this age is normal to be confused about who you are and what you like. There are many people who don’t have it all figured out when they are 13. It’s OK if you don’t know what you like yet. You will find out eventually.”
“No. Itachi, you…you don’t understand. I’m not confused about anything. I-I know what I like. I…I know I like boys…I know because of...well…you know…my body…I mean physically…girls don’t…ahem….but boys on the other hand…well, you understand. The point is that I know for sure what I like and what I don’t like.”
“Hmm…in that case I’m not really sure I understand what exactly is troubling you…if it’s not confusion then…”
“I feel guilty. I feel like I’m not normal, in the sense that other people will not perceive me as normal. I mean, gay kids are always made fun off and discriminated and I don’t want to be…I don’t want anybody to think that I’m not capable…I don’t want them to think any less of me. Not to mention mom, or worst…dad. I don’t want him…” Sasuke stopped because he had to swallow the lump in his throat and stop his tears from rolling down his cheeks. He was so afraid of what other people might think of him, especially his father who he always feared, didn’t love him enough. He was terrified by the fact that if his dad didn’t love him before, now that he was gay he would receive even less love and attention from the old man. He saw his gayness as another defect, another thing with which he was inferior to Itachi in the eyes of their father.
The young man moved to the edge of the bed, one hand stretched out to touch the boy’s face. He cradled his baby bother’s cheek in the palm of his hand, lifting his face so that their eyes would meet again.
“Sasuke, listen to me. You shouldn’t identify yourself by labels or by your sexual orientation. Being gay doesn’t have to define you as a person. It is just a small part of who you are as a whole. You mustn’t be afraid that if you like boys you are going to be any less yourself. You are still going to be you, with everything that you are. You must believe that nobody should be concerned with who turns you on and who doesn’t. That is nobody’s business but your own. Of course, I’m not saying you should hide it. I’m just saying nothing in your life has to majorly change. If you like a certain boy, ask him out. If he says no, bummer, but it could be like that with a girl too. If he says yes, than all the better for you. This is nothing to be afraid of.”
Sasuke opened his mouth to protest, but the other continued without letting him voice his thought.
“And as for dad and mom…I think that if you tell them on your own terms, whenever you feel ready, they will understand. I’m not saying they won’t put up a fight, because they will, especially dad, but I’m certain that in time they will see this as I see it and will know then that you are still the same Sasuke they have always known…just, gay.”
Itachi’s words had a powerful effect on the boy, as they usually did. Now that he heard what the other had to say, Sasuke remembered why he chose his brother to talk to about this. He was sure Itachi would know what to say to him and would help him and calm him down. The boy managed an actual smile.
“Now, is there anybody you are crushing on?” Itachi laughed while addressing the question trying to ease the atmosphere.
“I-ah, no…not really…”
“Well, when you will, or if you need any pointers let me know…aahh…now I think about it maybe I’m not the most informed person on this matter. Hmm, but don’t worry I will do some research if it comes to that and help you with anything I can think of.”
The younger boy scowled while the older one was laughing. He slapped his hand away from his face saying,
“Oh my god, Itachi! Stop talking…it’s so embarrassing!”
They both laughed falling back into a comfortable, familiar place.
*
That same night as he was lying awake in bed, Sasuke thought about his brother’s awkward proposal to do research on being gay. That thought kept the boy awake because he realized that he, himself had no clue when it came to gay sex. Even though he kept fantasizing about the males around him, he had never actually watched a gay sex video before. The only porn he had ever watched was the straight kind. The curiosity was killing him. He looked over to the clock and saw it was past 11 pm. It was late and tomorrow was a school day, but there was no way in hell he was going to be able to sleep now.
He stood up walking over to his desk to grab his laptop and returned to the bed. After a few minutes of searching on the internet he found something appealing and pressed “play”. His room was filled with the moans and groans and panting made by the people in the video. As he looked at the screen of the laptop he saw two teenage boys kissing each other. They were naked and their erections were rubbing against each other. One of the boys had black hair and tanned skin. His body was slightly muscled and his cock looked young, but heavy and dripping. The other boy had dark blond hair and had a black piercing in his bottom lip. He was skinnier than the other one, but taller, with paler skin.
Sasuke’s heart began to race as he suddenly felt very hot. He started breathing faster as his hand reached down in his boxers.
“Oh, fuck yeah!”, the blonde in the video shouted as the brunet started sucking his cock. The image was so erotic that Sasuke thought his cock couldn’t get any harder than it was. He moved his fist up and down his cock, while keeping his eyes glued to the screen.
“Ummm, that feels so good.”
Sasuke spitted in his palm in order to increase his speed and pleasure. He was shocked by how aroused he was, thinking that he had probably never been so excited before in his life. The speed with which he moved his hand was crazy and he knew he wasn’t going to last long.
The teenagers in the video changed position, now the brunet being on all fours, while the blond kneeled behind him spreading his ass cheeks so that the camera got a perfect view of a tiny puckered entrance. Sasuke’s breathing got out of control as he saw that image. The blond boy from the video circled the other’s hole with one finger, while the brunet on all fours wriggled, moving his hips back and forth against the digit.
“Ohhhh….ohhhh baby…so tight…”, the blonde said as his finger sunk inside the other boy.
Sasuke lost it at the sight. His hand was a blur over his cock and as he closed his eyes, the last thing he saw before the oblivion, were those blue eyes again.
He came down from his high, shutting the video which now showed the boys wildly finger fucking. He cleaned himself tucking his member in and putting the laptop on top of the desk. Even though his first experience with gay porn was much more extraordinary than he imagined, he couldn’t bask in the afterglow because his thoughts kept going back those blue eyes. Damn it! Why do I see those eyes? Who the hell do they belong to? Why do I feel like I should know? As these thoughts tormented him, Sasuke decided to go downstairs to get some water. He was deep in thought and very distracted as he moved to open the kitchen door. The next thing he knew everything was a blur and he landed on his back on the cold painful surface of the floor. Apparently Naruto had also gone to the kitchen for a late night snack and was trying to sneak out when he bumped into Sasuke, which resulted in both of them crashing on the floor. Luckily for Naruto he landed on the soft surface of Sasuke’s body, their foreheads effectively colliding.
As the brunet was trying to figure out how exactly he ended up in this position and who was pressing like a ton of bricks on top of him, he saw them again. Right above him were the eyes that have been mercilessly haunting him for weeks. He was profoundly shocked as he realized that those eyes belonged to a head with blond hair, which belonged to a loud boy that lived with him.
*
Three years later…
Naruto enjoyed the feel of the lukewarm water gliding over his skin as he flexed his muscles to push forward. He loved these late night, naked swimming sessions he usually had. It was summer and after the nightfall, he liked nothing more than to skinny dip in the Uchiha swimming pool. There he was totally alone and being exposed like this didn’t bother or embarrass him at all. As he came to the surface for a breath of fresh air he tried to clear his mind, pushing all of his troubles aside. Most of his problems consisted of a long term infatuation with a certain black haired boy, who just happened to live in the same house with him. His attraction for Sasuke began approximately 3 years ago, and in that time it only seemed to grow more powerful. Naruto couldn’t dismiss it as merely a crush or just lust, because he knew that what he felt for Sasuke was much more than that. He couldn’t say he knew exactly what love felt like, but he suspected it was very similar to what he felt for the brunet. However, his hell began with the fact that he had no idea how to act on his feelings. He didn’t know if Sasuke felt the same way, because the brunet was like a closed book when it came to expressing any type of emotions.
So far he could guess that Sasuke might play for his team because he didn’t have a girlfriend, and moreover, even if all the girls in the school threw themselves at him, he never showed any interest in any of them. But even if the brunet was gay that didn’t mean he would automatically be attracted by Naruto. The blonde always had the option to just ask the other boy, but he thought that was out of the question, because if he were to confess to Sasuke and get rejected, he didn’t think he could ever move over the awkwardness. Especially because they lived in the same house…as step brothers, which made it even more complicated. Despite all of this, forgetting about Sasuke was not an option either. The sum of all this resulted in many sleepless nights for the young boy, hence the swimming in the middle of the night.
*
Sasuke was sitting on the windowsill, as he did most nights, watching Naruto swim in their swimming pool. He always made sure the other wouldn’t spot him, and he would just stay there watching the blonde do countless rounds. He let out a long sigh as he thought about Naruto and the way he felt about him. Three years ago he realized two very important things about himself. One was that he liked boys as opposed to girls, and the other one was that he was in love with Naruto. At least that was the only explanation he could think of that could possibly account for the fact that he thought of Naruto’s eyes as he masturbated. It took him quite some time to figure out that the haunting blue eyes he saw in his head before an orgasm belonged to Naruto, but once he did he had to do some serious thinking regarding what were his exact feelings for the other boy. Before the incident when he put two and two together and realized who the eyes belonged to, he had never thought of Naruto in a sexual way. He was just beginning to discover his sexuality and he was always attracted by very handsome males, such as Kakashi-sensei and Neji, but he had never thought about the loud, pesky boy that lived with them in an erotic way. However once the idea was planted in his head, he couldn’t stop thinking about the it. Gradually he started to realize that he was in fact watching the other, a lot. After a closer study, he discovered that the other boy was quite attractive. And not only that, but he, himself was feeling irrefutably drawn to those wide blue eyes, to the way those full lips curled in a smirk to reveal pointy, white teeth, to that perfectly blond, spiky hair that always seemed to point upwards. 
As Sasuke became more and more attracted to Naruto, he started paying less attention to other men, all his thoughts and fantasies being directed at the blonde. He had debated many times inside his head regarding what he should do about it, but he could never reach a conclusion. He strongly suspected that the other boy was also sexually interested in him, by the way he always acted around the brunet and by the few times he could feel Naruto’s hard member against him at judo practice or whenever they would get stuck close to one another for a longer period of time. However, those signs weren’t enough to go by, because Naruto was part of the Uchiha family now, so Sasuke couldn’t take any chances and screw that up. He needed to made the other boy come to him, but as of yet he couldn’t come up with a plan to do that.
Sasuke was pulled away from his musing when he saw the boy from the swimming pool moving to one edge and stopping, preparing to get out. This was always Sasuke’s favorite part. He watched as Naruto flexed the muscles in his arms in order to pull himself out. He saw that wide, toned back appear from under the surface of the water followed by his absolute favorite part of Naruto’s body - his round, perfect, tanned ass. The boy watched closely as the blonde bent over to pick up a towel. He always hoped to at least catch a glimpse of what was located between those bitable buttocks, but he never did. As the boy turned around rubbing his wet hair, Sasuke got a full view of his cock. Water still dripped off it, and even though it was flaccid that still made for an arousing view. The brunet could feel himself get hard. Every night was the same - he saw Naruto swim, he got hard, and then he jerked-off, images of the blond flooding his brain. He rubbed himself over his pajama bottoms feeling the outline of his own cock. He would rather do this to Naruto then to himself, but he had to take what he could get. He moaned softly as he continued his rubbing and squeezing while watching the unaware boy by the side of the pool drying himself with the tiny towel. When Naruto started walking towards the house Sasuke moved to a more comfortable position on top of his bed.
*
After he was finished, Sasuke prepared himself for sleep getting under the thick, comfortable duvet. Usually after masturbating, he felt incredibly tired and always slipped into blessed sleep. However tonight an inexplicable sadness took over him while thinking about Naruto. He felt tired of touching himself while thinking of the blonde, tired of spying on him while we swam, tired of hoping Naruto would magically dream about his feelings and come to him and be happy together. The brunet started realizing that if he, himself was afraid of screwing up the relationship by confessing to the other boy, then Naruto must be even more afraid. That is…if Naruto was in fact attracted to him. However, Sasuke felt he couldn’t continue on like this. While lying on his back, starring at the ceiling he had an epiphany - Naruto was never going to approach him with this subject. So if he really wanted Naruto he was the one who had to do something about it.

Ending note: What do you think of this chapter? Reviews are very much appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read.

rating | adult/nc-17 or above, misc | anime, livejournal, genre | romance

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