Ask Vergence
Here's a Touchy Etiquette Question which I will pose to you, my readers, to try your hand at the dicey waters of the Advice Column:
Dear Mrs. Friendspage,
I am having a party this weekend at another friend's residence with both of our groups of friends. The events are always well-attended and well-received by our mutual friends but I sometimes have trouble getting my personal friends to attend.
Most recently two of my friends (call them "Jack" and "Robert") had another party to attend that was a standing commitment for both of them. While disappointed, I completely understood. For various and sundry reasons, that Robert's party has been canceled. Jack then RSVP'd that he would not be attending my event, giving no reason, even though I know he has the evening free.
I am trying not to take this personally. I understand that Jack is straight and feels like he would be out of place. Those concerns are largely imagined as he is the token straight guy at Robert's party and we have a mix of friends at mine. He also made some comments that it's unfamiliar territory being in a strangers house.
This is all well and good but I recently attended his birthday party where I was most certainly a minority in that I'm gay, white and over thirty. I managed to have a fabulous time. I would not have invited them if I didn't feel they would be welcome and enjoy themselves. Especially Jack, who fancies himself a wine connoisseur. Robert hasn't responded yet but I don't expect him to show up.
How should I handle this situation with Jack and Robert? Should I simply let it slide and quietly remove them from any future invitations so that no one has to feel awkward? Or is there some way I can bring up the subject that they would be welcome without sounding like I'm nagging?
Sincerely,
RSVPeeved
in Atlanta
Dear Mrs. Friendspage,
I am having a party this weekend at another friend's residence with both of our groups of friends. The events are always well-attended and well-received by our mutual friends but I sometimes have trouble getting my personal friends to attend.
Most recently two of my friends (call them "Jack" and "Robert") had another party to attend that was a standing commitment for both of them. While disappointed, I completely understood. For various and sundry reasons, that Robert's party has been canceled. Jack then RSVP'd that he would not be attending my event, giving no reason, even though I know he has the evening free.
I am trying not to take this personally. I understand that Jack is straight and feels like he would be out of place. Those concerns are largely imagined as he is the token straight guy at Robert's party and we have a mix of friends at mine. He also made some comments that it's unfamiliar territory being in a strangers house.
This is all well and good but I recently attended his birthday party where I was most certainly a minority in that I'm gay, white and over thirty. I managed to have a fabulous time. I would not have invited them if I didn't feel they would be welcome and enjoy themselves. Especially Jack, who fancies himself a wine connoisseur. Robert hasn't responded yet but I don't expect him to show up.
How should I handle this situation with Jack and Robert? Should I simply let it slide and quietly remove them from any future invitations so that no one has to feel awkward? Or is there some way I can bring up the subject that they would be welcome without sounding like I'm nagging?
Sincerely,
RSVPeeved
in Atlanta