Dead Until Dark Spork
Subject says it all. I posted this here because it's 398 words too long for badfic_quotes . I know, I'm such a rebel. This is a spork of excerpts taken throughout the whole book all for you viewing pleasure horror pleasure! My spork is in bold, and I've separated scenes with hyphens to avoid confusion as it kind of jumps around.
I put on my spork robe and hat and here we go!
You can tell that I don't get out much. And it's not because I'm not pretty. Whatever helps you sleep at night, sweetheart. I am. I'm blond and blue-eyed and twenty-five, and my legs are long and my bosom is substantial, and I have a waspy waistline and I know how to make a good run-on sentence. I look good in the warmweather waitress outfit Sam picked out for us: black shorts, white T, and black Nikes.
But I have a disability. That's how I try to think of it. Oh, is that what they're calling it these days? Can I call you Suekie? (Bee tee dubs, she can read minds.)
The bar patrons just say I'm crazy. For good reason too, I bet.
Either way, the result is that I almost never have a date. The result of being crazy or the disability? Regardless, it apparently hasn't taught you the value of modesty either.
---
When I woke up, I was still in the woods, still lying on the ground. Someone was stretched out beside me; it was the vampire. ... I could feel his tongue moving on my head. He was licking my head wound. I could hardly begrudge him. Only Suekie would think it's perfectly okay to have a vampire lap up your blood while you are unconscious, and nonconsenting. You think she'd be more like "Whoa, hey! Keep that tongue and those fangs where I can see them, buddy!"
---
I touched [Bill's] sideburns, since apparently touching was okay. "They're long," I observed.
"That was the fashion," he said. "It's lucky for me I didn't wear a beard as so many men, or I'd have it for eternity." Congratulations, Bill. You just made a whopping zero sense. Did your hair become rock hard, rendering a razor useless or something?*
(*My friend who watches the show True Blood says that it's because you remain in the state you were when you died. Or something like that. Still doesn't make sense. You'd think you could shave it, but it just wouldn't grow back.)
He turned his head so his lips touched mine. After a moment, I reached to circle my arms around his neck. His kiss deepened, You know how many times I've seen that line? I was hoping you could tell me, 'cause I've lost track. and I parted my lips. I'd never been kissed like this. It went on and on and on and on until I thought the whole world was involved in this kiss, in the vampire's mouth on mine. That's one involved kiss. Better not sleep with this guy, Suekie, unless you want every STD on the planet. I could feel my breathing speeding up, and I began to want other things to happen. Yeah, making out for that long can get boring. Why don't you play some cards?
---
Context Fairy: Suekie pays a visit to Bill, and takes a step into the foyer to find he already has company.
The male vampire with the tattoos put his arm around Janella and rubbed her breasts. I could feel the blood drain out of my face. I was disgusted. It got worse. Janella, as lost to decency as the vampire, put her hand on his crotch and massaged. You call that "worse"? Clearly, Suekie's never been to weepingcock .
Quite casually, Liam took a second off to reach a climax. Nothing vampires love more than blood and jizzing in their pants.
"Can I kiss you good-bye?" [Bill] asked, his hands down at his sides, making it so obvious he wouldn't touch me until I said green light. Alternatively, she could just fall unconscious and that would also constitute a "green light" in Bill's mind.
---
JB, never one to miss an opportunity to make hay, put his arms around me and kept up the patting but it seemed to concentrate on the middle of my back (checking to see if I was wearing a bra) and then quite a bit lower (JB liked firm rear ends, I remembered). Does no one, no one, in this book have any decency at all?!
The detective took JB's position, squatting on the ground in front of me. I must look in bad shape.
---
It was a Nice Date dress, if you wanted the interest of whoever was your escort. ... It was tight and white. The fabric was thinly scattered ... My tan glowed and my boobs showed. I wore red enamel earrings and high-heeled screw-me shoes. ...And if you want the interest of anyone looking for an easy lay.
Gran's eyes opened wide when I came out of my room.
"Honey, you look beautiful like a tramp," she said. "Aren't you going to be a little cold naked in that dress?"
---
And her round face and sweet features would have done credit to a milkmaid.
"They're older than I am by centuries," Bill said, looking very vampirey.
---
Frightened that he was angry, I pushed against him at first, but I might as well been heaving against a tree. Then his mouth located mine, and I knew what he was. I'm like Suekie in that way, too. I worry all my boyfriends are trees because I can't tell until I've kissed them. In fact, one of them actually was a tree. Boy, was that embarrassing!
---
Context Fairy: Suekie is about to lose her virginity to a vampire! Oh boy!
"How are you?" Vampire or not, he was trembling with the effort of holding back.
I said, "Oh, please, Bill, please!" and dug my nails in his hips, almost there, almost there, and then a small shift in our alignment allowed him to press even more directly against me and almost before I could gather myself I flying, flying, through the headboard seeing white with gold streaks.
---
Context Fairy: Her work friends find out about her relationship with Bill.
"Honey, couldn't you just date a regular human fella?" Arlene asked when she got her voice back.
"I thought you were going to say you were dating a black, but you've gone one better, ain't you, girl?" Lafayette said, picking at his fingernail polish. All together now! "Racism! Yay!" t(^_^)t
---
Context Fairy: Bill gives Suekie the grand tour of his house.
"I like to shower," he said, pointing to a clear shower stall in one corner. It was big enough for two grownups and maybe a dwarf or two. Always an important feature.
---
I lifted my head and turned, and our lips met. It was blue fire, not orange-and-red flames, not that kind of heat: blue fire. Yeah, and that's when I vowed to stop kissing vampire dragons.
---
Context Fairy: They talk about Suekie drinking Bill's blood to gain strength and decide where she should drink from.
"Neck," he said. "Lie on top of me, Sookie."
"That's like sex."
"It's the easiest way."
---
It was like suddenly being plunged into a pit of snakes, cold snakes, lethal snakes, with teeth.
---
After a lifetime keeping my mouth shut about my "gift", I found that if it would help Jason, I'd shake it in anybody's face. Now, now. Showing people your titties isn't going to solve anything.
---
I skinned my hair into a ponytail sloppily um, ow, almost one handed, so it wouldn't get in my face, and twisted a rubber band around it.
I opened the back door. I duckwalked out quack quack, keeping as low as I could, and gently eased the door nearly shut behind me.
---
The [flower] arrangement centered with the peculiar red blossom (I decided that somehow the flower looked almost obscene, like a lady's private part) was definitely the most interesting of the three. I find ladies' private parts pretty interesting myself.
I put on my spork robe and hat and here we go!
You can tell that I don't get out much. And it's not because I'm not pretty. Whatever helps you sleep at night, sweetheart. I am. I'm blond and blue-eyed and twenty-five, and my legs are long and my bosom is substantial, and I have a waspy waistline and I know how to make a good run-on sentence. I look good in the warmweather waitress outfit Sam picked out for us: black shorts, white T, and black Nikes.
But I have a disability. That's how I try to think of it. Oh, is that what they're calling it these days? Can I call you Suekie? (Bee tee dubs, she can read minds.)
The bar patrons just say I'm crazy. For good reason too, I bet.
Either way, the result is that I almost never have a date. The result of being crazy or the disability? Regardless, it apparently hasn't taught you the value of modesty either.
---
When I woke up, I was still in the woods, still lying on the ground. Someone was stretched out beside me; it was the vampire. ... I could feel his tongue moving on my head. He was licking my head wound. I could hardly begrudge him. Only Suekie would think it's perfectly okay to have a vampire lap up your blood while you are unconscious, and nonconsenting. You think she'd be more like "Whoa, hey! Keep that tongue and those fangs where I can see them, buddy!"
---
I touched [Bill's] sideburns, since apparently touching was okay. "They're long," I observed.
"That was the fashion," he said. "It's lucky for me I didn't wear a beard as so many men, or I'd have it for eternity." Congratulations, Bill. You just made a whopping zero sense. Did your hair become rock hard, rendering a razor useless or something?*
(*My friend who watches the show True Blood says that it's because you remain in the state you were when you died. Or something like that. Still doesn't make sense. You'd think you could shave it, but it just wouldn't grow back.)
He turned his head so his lips touched mine. After a moment, I reached to circle my arms around his neck. His kiss deepened, You know how many times I've seen that line? I was hoping you could tell me, 'cause I've lost track. and I parted my lips. I'd never been kissed like this. It went on and on and on and on until I thought the whole world was involved in this kiss, in the vampire's mouth on mine. That's one involved kiss. Better not sleep with this guy, Suekie, unless you want every STD on the planet. I could feel my breathing speeding up, and I began to want other things to happen. Yeah, making out for that long can get boring. Why don't you play some cards?
---
Context Fairy: Suekie pays a visit to Bill, and takes a step into the foyer to find he already has company.
The male vampire with the tattoos put his arm around Janella and rubbed her breasts. I could feel the blood drain out of my face. I was disgusted. It got worse. Janella, as lost to decency as the vampire, put her hand on his crotch and massaged. You call that "worse"? Clearly, Suekie's never been to weepingcock .
Quite casually, Liam took a second off to reach a climax. Nothing vampires love more than blood and jizzing in their pants.
"Can I kiss you good-bye?" [Bill] asked, his hands down at his sides, making it so obvious he wouldn't touch me until I said green light. Alternatively, she could just fall unconscious and that would also constitute a "green light" in Bill's mind.
---
JB, never one to miss an opportunity to make hay, put his arms around me and kept up the patting but it seemed to concentrate on the middle of my back (checking to see if I was wearing a bra) and then quite a bit lower (JB liked firm rear ends, I remembered). Does no one, no one, in this book have any decency at all?!
The detective took JB's position, squatting on the ground in front of me. I must look in bad shape.
---
It was a Nice Date dress, if you wanted the interest of whoever was your escort. ... It was tight and white. The fabric was thinly scattered ... My tan glowed and my boobs showed. I wore red enamel earrings and high-heeled screw-me shoes. ...And if you want the interest of anyone looking for an easy lay.
Gran's eyes opened wide when I came out of my room.
"Honey, you look beautiful like a tramp," she said. "Aren't you going to be a little cold naked in that dress?"
---
And her round face and sweet features would have done credit to a milkmaid.
"They're older than I am by centuries," Bill said, looking very vampirey.
---
Frightened that he was angry, I pushed against him at first, but I might as well been heaving against a tree. Then his mouth located mine, and I knew what he was. I'm like Suekie in that way, too. I worry all my boyfriends are trees because I can't tell until I've kissed them. In fact, one of them actually was a tree. Boy, was that embarrassing!
---
Context Fairy: Suekie is about to lose her virginity to a vampire! Oh boy!
"How are you?" Vampire or not, he was trembling with the effort of holding back.
I said, "Oh, please, Bill, please!" and dug my nails in his hips, almost there, almost there, and then a small shift in our alignment allowed him to press even more directly against me and almost before I could gather myself I flying, flying, through the headboard seeing white with gold streaks.
---
Context Fairy: Her work friends find out about her relationship with Bill.
"Honey, couldn't you just date a regular human fella?" Arlene asked when she got her voice back.
"I thought you were going to say you were dating a black, but you've gone one better, ain't you, girl?" Lafayette said, picking at his fingernail polish. All together now! "Racism! Yay!" t(^_^)t
---
Context Fairy: Bill gives Suekie the grand tour of his house.
"I like to shower," he said, pointing to a clear shower stall in one corner. It was big enough for two grownups and maybe a dwarf or two. Always an important feature.
---
I lifted my head and turned, and our lips met. It was blue fire, not orange-and-red flames, not that kind of heat: blue fire. Yeah, and that's when I vowed to stop kissing vampire dragons.
---
Context Fairy: They talk about Suekie drinking Bill's blood to gain strength and decide where she should drink from.
"Neck," he said. "Lie on top of me, Sookie."
"That's like sex."
"It's the easiest way."
---
It was like suddenly being plunged into a pit of snakes, cold snakes, lethal snakes, with teeth.
---
After a lifetime keeping my mouth shut about my "gift", I found that if it would help Jason, I'd shake it in anybody's face. Now, now. Showing people your titties isn't going to solve anything.
---
I skinned my hair into a ponytail sloppily um, ow, almost one handed, so it wouldn't get in my face, and twisted a rubber band around it.
I opened the back door. I duckwalked out quack quack, keeping as low as I could, and gently eased the door nearly shut behind me.
---
The [flower] arrangement centered with the peculiar red blossom (I decided that somehow the flower looked almost obscene, like a lady's private part) was definitely the most interesting of the three. I find ladies' private parts pretty interesting myself.