CLaFFF: A Spork in Three Parts (3/3)
Here is the last of the sporking I will do for this fic. This is by far the longest part. If someone wants to spork subsequent chapters, drop me a line. I'd love to read it.
Title: Calculating Life A Fairytale of Fire and Fantasy
Author: Amaya_Shinto (I kind of wonder if she's a troll or just a weaboo.)
Summary: InuYasha's parents have always wanted a daughter. When they adopt Kagome, everything will be as normal as regular adoptions, right? Not at all. Kagome has a past that she can't remember. When a fire strikes Kagome's old home, who will be burned? Is it possible that Kagome is a princess? (I'm going to assume that because you're even asking that, the answer is yes.) Read to find out!....that is only half the story
Part One: Passages From Chapters 1 - 5
Part Two: Passages From Chapters 6 - 10
Part Three: Passages From Chapters 11 - 16
As morning came, Kagome groaned. She was awoken by the sunlight that was shining happily through her glass walls and ceiling. (No curtains?) Kagome got up and clicked the remote. The retractable ceiling was now solid instead of glass and the curtains were over the glass window-wall. (Ohh, I get it. So she's stupid.)
"Dumb sun." she muttered.
The sun replied "No u."
"Somebody isn't a morning person," someone chuckled from the door.
"May I help you?" Kagome asked with her face buried in her pillows, trying to suffocate herself.
"Come to breakfast dear." he told her.
"I am not hungry InuTashio." she mumbled and tried to go back to sleep. "Hungry InuTaisho is over there."
"You know, Kagome, you can call me dad or daddy or whatever." he said, sitting at the bottom of her bed.
"No thank you." she told him.
"Ouch. That hurt. (Did it? Did it really?) Kagome, we just want you to feel comfortable here and we want you to like us." he sighed. (You've only known her for a couple days; it's not that surprising she wouldn't be ready to call you "Dad".)
"No, it is not that. I love it here! And you are all so great." she said as she shot up from her bed.
"Good. Are you coming to breakfast?" he asked. As she shook her head 'no', he said "Wrong answer." and picked her up. InuTashio tossed her over his back into the corner of the room and chuckled. He liked abusing his newly-adopted daughter. Yes, he did.
"Nooo...no. No. No. No. No! Put me downnn!" Kagome whined, pounding on his back, attempting to get free. He just chuckled at her struggles and giggles. "Pleeease..." she whined again, but they were already at the breakfast table.
Sesshomaru coughed, "Well, that was quite interesting. I didn't expect to see my father carrying the teenage girl he just adopted to the table. Not to mention while she's still wearing her baby doll lingerie. That's not sketchy at all." he said, trying to break the silence. The rest of breakfast was eaten in silence. Clearly, Sesshoumaru FAILED.
*snip* Kagome and Inuyasha and friends are out shopping. Inuyasha's a jerk and Kagome slaps him then uses the "sit" command and runs off with his wallet. The lines after the scene are deliciously bad all by themselves.
"Man, you coulda been nice to her." Bankotsu said.
"Nice to her? Look what she did to me! That little slut is evil!" InuYasha growled to him.
"She isn't a slut...I don't think anyway. She only did that because you were being a bitchy dog to her." lectured Hiten wisely.
"Dudeee...Your sister is HOT!" one of the guys yelled.
"Shutup!" InuYasha yelled and they went on their merry little way. (I wouldn't use "merry" to describe Inuyasha at this point...)
"I will take these, these, anddd...Ohhh! THESE!" Kagome squealed in delight.
"I think you have too many shoes." the clerk said. "And your feet are grotesquely large. They won't fit into any of them."
"Excuse me, betch, I am giving you buisness. Oh wait, do you know who I am?" she asked sweetly.
"No, not really." the clerk said in a snoody voice with her ugly nose in the air.
"I am Kagome Takahashi. My daddy signs your pay check." Kagome boasted loudly enough for the whole store to hear. (yes, I am sorry. Kagome has to be a bitch for this story to go as I plan. But anyway...back to the story.) (So you admit she's out of character? A small step for badfic writers, a giant leap for all badfic.)
"And wait, I need these in a size 35 or 36." Kagome said, handing her a pair of Louis Vuitton heels.
"Right away!" the woman ran to the back and came out 30 minutes later with her hair all messy. "I am so sorry Miss Takahashi. We had them in the back and I couldn't find them right away because our inventory is haphazardly stacked on shelves without any sort of system of organization, but I did." she said, holding them up out of the box. The right shoe had a wad of gum stuck to the bottom, and the left was smeared with dog poo.
"Thank you." Kagome said, paying with InuYasha's credit card, and leaving. She admired the pinkness of the gum on her new Louis Vuitton heels before popping it into her mouth and chewing away happily.
Through the day, Kagome maxed out 3 of his cards. (How is she carrying all of this stuff?)
Kagome was walking down the street when...
"Kagome! Wait up!" A guy called as he ran and grabbed her shoulder.
"Oh. Hey, Kouga." she smiled to him.
"Hey, Kagome. What have you been up to?" he asked as they began walking. He had to hop about frantically to avoid being crushed under her mammoth feet.
"Shopping." she said sadly.
"What are you so sad about?" he asked kindly and thoughtfully, unlike a certain hanyou we all know and love. (Who's "we"? Am I being watched...?)
"Anyway, how are you today?" she asked.
"Great, now that I get to see you and your beauty milkshake." he smirked. ("Smirked"? Lech.) And yes, she her milkshake did look beautiful. It brought all the boys to the yard. She had on a white tank top that said 'LOVE' "cum dumpster" in silver letters with jean shorts and silver sandles. While there were jeans and sandals on her shirt, that was the only place they could be found. She was naked from the hips down. It was amazing she hadn't been arrested for indecent exposure by now. She had silver hoop earrings on, too. Her hair was was in a french braid that hung about 5 inches past her naked butt. Her bangs were brushed to the right side of her face. She had no make up on. (It's taking everything in me to not say something vulgar.)
"So um...wanna get something to eat?" Kagome asked him, still blushing.
"Sure. Where do you want to go?" he asked, smiling down at her.
"Do you like Italian dead babies?" she questioned.
"I love it dead babies. Want to go?" he asked.
"Yup." she replied as they walked to 'Bunryu'. (yes, I have been there before. It is amazing. They have a dining bar called Shiori. [Why are you telling me this?]) (Bunryu doesn't sound very Italian...)
"Come and I will seat you." said the robot hostess.
"So Kag, how is the Takahashi home?" Kouga asked, growling in his mind.
"I am surrounded by demon men. (I don't recall this information ever being revealed to her. Lol, fail.) They are wild. The only one who is not a demon is Kohaku whom I've never had a scene with and he is still wild. (Kohaku? Wild? OOC much?) Shippo is cute and cuddly though. InuYasha has a perverted friend that lusts after me sooo... It is very cool living in that house. (I agree. Perverted friends make everything cool.) I guess it is okay." she replied with a small smile.
*snip* We're given inane details such as the whole dialogue of their ordering food, which is magically ready in 10 minutes. Then they go out for ice cream. We aren't given any indication of where they go or what their surroundings look like.
The two sat on the swings which had magically sprouted from the ground just for them and talked for a while.
"I think you have some ice cream on your nose." Kouga said and looked at her cross-eyed expression as she tried to look at her nose. He then rubbed a dab of ice cream on her nose.
"Kougaaa..." Kagome whined. She put her tongue out and tried to lick her nose. "I am never going to get this off." she whined once again. (Oh, because ice cream is so hard to wash off your skin.)
"Are you sure you aren't naturally blonde?" Kouga laughed. (As a brunette, I take offense on behalf of all smart blondes out there.)
"Pretty sure."
"Are you sure you're sure?"
"What was the question again?"
*later* (Yes, this is how she makes scene transitions. I'd been omitting them up 'til now.)
"I'll see you later, Kag." Kouga said.
"Yeah." she said. The two stared into eachother's eyes. Ice blue met stormy blue-violet. It wasn't nearly as pretty as when you mix sparkling sapphire and dazzling amethyst. Slowly, Kouga leaned down and violently pushed Kagome against the building behind them. He pressed his warm lips to her extremely soft chapped ones. The kiss started gentle but soon turned passionate. He deepened the kiss by putting his hands on her waist (...How does that affect the kiss?) and she wrapped her arms around his neck. They pulled away and blushed vomited rainbows and sunshine.
"Kagome, willyoubemywoman?" Kouga asked quickly.
"What?" she asked unsure of what he said. Kagome really needed to trim her ear hair. It had grown too long again and was interfering with her hearing.
"Will you be my woman?" he blushed.
"If you mean girlfriend, then yes. Sure, I'll be your possession." Kagome answered.
"Oh yeah, here." Kagome said and handed him a gift-wrapped box.
"What's this for?" he questioned.
"Just open it" she huffed playfully. He did and saw a Gucci set. It had a Gucci leather jacket, a Gucci watch, Gucci boots, and a Gucci belt. (No pants? I like the way this girl thinks.)
"You didn't. Kagome, you really shouldn't have. I'm one of those guys who isn't interested in brand name clothes. You know, the majority." he told her.
"Kag, you're awesome. Thanks." he thanked her. (He thanked her? Really? I couldn't tell from the dialogue.) They walked to the Takahashi home together.
"Um well, I guess I will see you tomorrow." she said and gave him a hug and a quick peck on the lips.
"Bye Kag." Kouga said and walked back home.
When Kagome walked in, she noticed it was 11:00 and the lights were off. She set her keys on the table in the living room and took her shoes off. (Don't you normally remove your shoes at the door? It kinda defeats the purpose otherwise.) Kagome scurried over to the stairs. The lights came on in a flash and InuYasha and Sesshomaru turned their chairs that were balanced precariously at the top of the stairs around to face Kagome.
"Why do you smell like wolf?!" InuYasha shouted.
"Well... I was raised by them..." Kagome started.
"Oh dear Kami-sama. Tell me you didn't." Sesshomaru said.
"No! I did not do that...but I did kiss him." Kagome told them, muttering the last part. (This is definitely her brothers' business. Yup.)
"Well, that's go----YOU DID WHAT?!" InuYasha shouted.
"I kissed him!" she yelled back. "And I kissed him again with a bag of apples! A whole peck!"
"You can't kiss that flea bag!"
"Well I did! And he is not a flea bag! He's a flea sack!" Kagome retorted.
"Oh, so now what? You're gonna tell me that you're his girlfriend?!" he yelled to her in his gruff most effeminate voice.
She threw his wallet at his head and ran up the stairs, slamming her doors shut.
Kagome threw her clothes off and ran to her closet, got lost in Narnia for a bit, but eventually found her way back. She picked up a white nightgown. It was flowly and went to her thigh. She put it on then turned on the radio. (That's right. You shouldn't wear underwear to bed; you gotta air out your coochie snorcher.)
Kagome walked over to her window wall (where the cherry blossom tree is halfway through the wall) and looked at the moon. A beautiful song came on and she began dancing.
(Insert song lyrics here. Again. No joke.)
InuYasha was walking down the hall to his room when he heard a heavenly voice. He was surprised to hear it coming from Kagome's room. Attracted to a voice that wasn't even Kagome's, Slowly, he opened her doors. He was careful not to make any noise as he stood and watched her. Cherry blossom bike pedals rained around her as she "danced". It looked like she was having a seizure. He didn't know if he should get help.
'This isn't a woman; this is a goddess of bad dancing.' he uttered in his mind.
She caught a blossom bike pedal in her hands. Her dainty hands cradled it and brought it close, smelling its sweet, rubbery perfume. She looked ethereal like a zombie, basked under the pale moonlight and the rain of cherry blossoms bike pedals. She was barefooted, sidestepping with her massive feet and twirling to the mellow tune. Her eyes were closed; a small smile tugged her lips as she swayed seized to the music.
'...' = inner demon (How dare you try to steal bold from me! *throws hyphens*)
'...' = him
-- 'Kiss her'
'I can't do that! She is my sister!'
-- 'Take her!'
'No!'
-- 'Throw her on the floor and take her hard! Pound into her tiny little body!' (D8)
'I admit, I like her only for her looks. But she is our sister and she will never fall for a hanyou, even though she's kind of a slut.'
-- 'Make her not-sister! She is mate! Our goddess!'
"Do not go freakish on me! You came into MY room!" she yelled.
'Kami-sama(!! Gah!), she looks so hot. She has no other redeeming qualities. Always, but especially when she is pissed' he thought. Then, he did the most unexpected thing ever. (He found a way to escape this badfic?) He pulled her close and kissed her! The kiss was pretty rough. Kagome tried to push him away, but gave up and moaned. She liked men who treated her like dirt. InuYasha snarled into the kiss.
-- 'My bitch. My whore. My slut. MY MATE' his demon raged. (I lol'd. Did you?)
InuYasha pulled away. "I-I'm sorry...I have to go!"
He ran out of the room, leaving a shocked Kagome.
'Oh my goddess megami-sama.' InuYasha thought as he walked to his room. (Needed moar fangirl Japaneez.)
(*points up* That? That was all from chapter 11. I know. So much fail in one chapter! How is it even possible?)
Kagome had woken that morning to find InuYasha sleeping pleasuring himself by her side. Well...she really wasn't fully awake when she saw him so he might have just been sleeping.
*snip* Fight ensues.
... [Kagome] got up to take a shower.
Kagome slid her clothes off and turned the bath on. (Which is it?!)
Just then, she glanced up to the wall to see a HUGE spider. Well...what she thought was huge was actually really tiny. (I will not make a lewd comment. I will not make a lewd comment.)
Remember this line for the next paragraph: She put on some low rise, tight fitted Guess Jeans.
*snip* She goes for a walk.
As she walked by an alley, she heard screams. Carefully, she peaked down the dark alley. She saw a small girl, around 5 or 6, trying to get away from two men. Quickly, Kagome bent down and tore her jeans on her right leg so it was thigh length. (Wow, Kagome is strong.) Taped to her thigh was the gun Kouga had given her. (Taped? Like with duct tape? Bitch is so hardcore she doesn't need a holster; she uses duct tape!) She put it behind her back and ran down the alley. (Remember that line? You wouldn't be able to hide a gun under tight-fitting jeans. And it wouldn't be very comfortable, either.)
"Let her go!" Kagome commanded in a strong, but angelic Mary Sue-ish voice.
"Look, she came to join the party." smirked one guy as they advanced on her. Just then, Kagome pulled the gun from behind her back and pointed it at them. Their eyes widened and they stopped dead in their tracks. They then quickly rose from the dead and stormed off in search of brains with Kagome still aiming at them. When she was sure they were gone, Kagome ran to the girl huddled in the corner. She was sobbing harshly. Kagome put the gun in her back pocket without bothering to make sure the safety was on and hugged the girl, who looked strangely like her. The girl had raven hair that went to her waist that had a side pony tail. Her eyes were green blue. (It's called turquoise, deary.) The girl had pale skin, but not as pale as Kagome's undead flesh.
Kagome got up and took the girl's hand. Kagome thought it would be good to buy Rin some clothes, so together, they walked to a clothing store. (Why? Is Rin naked?)
*snip* Because Rin has nowhere to go, Kagome takes her home, but not before maxing out five credit cards (Who gives a shit?), and introduces her to Izayoi. Rin falls asleep on Kagome's back.
"This is Rin. I found her today, getting ready to be raped." Kagome answered. (There is so much wrong with the way she phrased that, I don't know where to begin.)
"I want to keep her. I'm going to name her Mr. Snuggles. She said that she woke up at the bottom of a lake about three days ago. Like I woke up at the bottom of the well." Kagome told her. (I sense a pattern here. Someone is trying to drown them! *cheers*)
"What are we having [for dinner]?" Kagome asked.
"Beef and veggie stew, fried noodles, shrimp, cabbage rolls, udon, salmon and noodles, ravioli, and lasagna." Izayoi answered. (No... just no.) Kagome and Rin were practically drooling. They got started cooking and were finished just in time. The guys packed into the dining area acting like starving animals heterotrophic protists.
*later that night*
"Rin, I have something to give you." Kagome said and led her to her room. She pulled out a box from under her bed and gave it to Rin. Inside were two things. A noose and stationary. Rin pulled out the first and examined it. It was an orange kimono with green bubbles and checkers. Rin smiled widely. She loved it!
Kagome showed [Rin] around the mansion and when she was finished, Rin wanted to stay in their personal zoo type thingy gladiator pit. Kagome headed off to...somewhere fetch instruments of torture ... Rin walked down the aisles of animals. Each animal had their own huge habitat kinda room thing. ... The next animal she coma to proved that there were normal and demon animals in there. This was a giant twin-head dragon. Rin stepped inside the dragon's habitat room and played for a while was slaughtered mercilessly. Soon, she had a name for them, Ah-Un.
*snip* Kagome goes to the library to read up on stuff. The things she reads are a bit... special.
"Why would you have so many books when you have sons that will not read?" Kagome asked herself in curiosity indifferently.
She climbed the stairs and walked down one of the extentions. (You mean a loft? Or bridge?) Finally, she came to a section about Mikos! She picked one up and laid down on the extention and read.
:Miko is priestess-type Pokemon. They are very extremely rare and have always been. They say only a few remain on Earth. Most people will tell you that once, all mikos were wild and lived on planets outside of Earth. There was a goddess for Mars, Venus, Neptune, Mercuary, Uranas (Ur anas isn't ur anus.), Jupiter, Saturn, and pluto. (Pluto didn't get capitalized. It's 'cause it got demoted to a dwarf planet, isn't it?!) But, over all, the moon goddess/princess/whatever was far more beautiful. Apparently, she owned all of the planets and the moons in the galaxy. (Apparently.) She was special because she was dropped on her head the guardian of the jewel. This jewel was actually the Shikon No Tama:
:The Shikon No Tama was created by a priestess named Midoriko. It is called the Jewel of Four Souls because it has four souls of 4 different names (No wai!) ...
... This created the Shikon jewel. Inside it, Midoriko and the demon souls still fought each other. This battle is depends to the person who has the jewel. (inglysh, does u spaek it?)
The last owner of the Shikon No Tama was pure. She is princess of the moon kingdom and is now impure.
An A/N: >_>
UPDATES IN MY LIFE: I have a new boyfriend! (Does he know you write badfic?) His name is Andrew and he is wonderful. I swear it, he acts just like InuYasha! He even uses the word 'wench'! Anyway, it took him forever to ask me out! I am totally happy! (Actually... I'd bet your Inuyasha acts like him. Not the other way around.)
"Kagome, just the daughter we were looking for." was InuTashio's lamo joke. (I don't see how that joke has anything to do with licking things. Unless... D8) In Spanish, lamar is "to lick". So lamo is "I lick".
"Heh heh heh..." Kagome fake laughed at that lame statement.
"Okay then. We have your school Whore Academy uniforms that were custom tailored and finished today. Would you like to take a look?" Izayoi asked.
"Yup!" Kagome told her cheerfully. They opened a box that was bigger than Kagome herself and dumped out the contents shoved her in. Uniforms, papers, and regulation books.
List of very not-Japanese teachers goes here. And *gasp* Japanese school system fail to boot!
"Oh, it looks like you have gym, history, and science with InuYasha and every other subject because in Japanese high schools you sit in your homeroom and the teachers come to you." Izayoi stated happily.
"Good, now I will not get lost because I only have to remember one classroom." giggled Kagome.
"Well you still might. InuYasha isn't the most responsible person will probably try to push you out a window." sighed Izayoi. "Anyway, let's see if your uniforms fit. Who knows? I mean just because they're custom tailored doesn't mean we actually took your measurements."
Izayoi threw the first uniform to her and she tried it on. (There are two of each uniforms...a short sleeve and a long sleeve.) It had a white sailor shirt with a green sailor flap and a red tie. It also included a green pleated skirt that went stopped about 5 inches below her butt. She wore knee high white socks and brown (no heal) Mary Janes. (She should really think about investing in a pair of those heal Mary Janes. Shoes that restore hit points as you walk are very convenient. It really saves MP, cutting down on how much you need to use Cure.)
"What does this school have?" she asked
"They have 20 floors actually. (Typically, Japanese high school is three years, and the building will have three floors--one for each grade/year. So if a Japanese high school has 20 floors, that would be one painfully long high school career.) That school has been ranked best uneducational academy in the country. They have their own football field, ice cream stadium, soccer field, baceball field, softball field, 5" pools,track field, dance studio, basketball court, archery field, stripper poles, drama clubs, golf course, gymnastics class, blah blah blah...there is more, but you get the point. Also, there is a hall of fame for those who are to be remembered." Izayoi explained. "Oh, and did I mention we own it?"
"OMG! I cannot wait!" Kagome squealed. "When do we leave in the mornings and when do I start failing?"
"About that...you start tomorrow and you won't be coming home all the time again ever. You will live in either a sorority house (In high school?) or a dorm." Izayoi said. Seeing Kagome open her mouth and knowing what she was going to say, she answered, "Either one you chose to live in, your room can be needlessly duplicated like the one here, with the tree and everything."
"Calm it down, wench. You're creeping me out!" yelled InuYasha. (You're not the only one.)
"I am going to school with you guys tomorrow! And livin' in a SORORITY!" she squealed and pounced on his back. 'Tweak, tweak' she rubbed his ears. (This is just ridiculous.)
"You act like a little kid." InuYasha stated.
"Do nottt!" she whined. "EW! I wanna watch Cinderella! Rin, come on! We are gonna watch a movie!" she screamed. (No, no. You do. As the fic progresses your maturity increasingly deteriorates.)
*snip* They get to high school and Kagome is acting like spoiled brat as usual.
"Excuse me miss," Kagome started to speak to the secritary, "could you please direct me to my sorority house?" Kagome asked.
"Name."
"Kagome Takahashi" she told her.
"Yes, you are in...Zeta." (No! It does not work like that!)
"Could you tell me where that is?" Kagome questioned.
"Uh it's the huge pink castle with the word 'ZETA' spelled in pink sapphires." (Pink sapphires. Riiight.) the secretary said kinda snooty while looking at Kagome like she was a ditz.
Kagome enters the sorority house is greeted by her look-alike twin from another father, Kikyo.
The only differences were the eyes: Kagome-bluebrown, you idiot Other Girl-brown, the hair: Kagome-midnight with a blue tintblack Other Girl-ebony with a violet tintblack and their skin color: Kagome-zombie pale as the moon Other Girl-sun kissedzombie pale Height: Kagome-4'11" Other girl-5'1"
"No way! This is so cool OOC!" Kikyo screamed as she opened the doors to Kagome's room on the top floor. "SO IS YOUR ROOM!"
*snip*
Luckily for her, they announced that the first day was going to be a free-dress day opening ceremony where all students would be required to wear their uniform---as well as spirit day.
She turned her sterio on as she got ready to feast on the fresh brains of her peers.
*snip*
"What do you think you're doin' flea-bag?!" InuYasha yelled.
"I'm huggin' MY woman, half-breed!" Kouga replied loudly.
"What do you mean 'your woman' ?!" yelled InuYasha. "Women aren't property!"
"I mean that I plan to make her my mate!" responded Kouga as Kagome blushed.
"You can't fucking mate her!" InuYasha cursed. (Actually, Inuyasha. Fucking is part of the mating process.)
Title: Calculating Life A Fairytale of Fire and Fantasy
Author: Amaya_Shinto (I kind of wonder if she's a troll or just a weaboo.)
Summary: InuYasha's parents have always wanted a daughter. When they adopt Kagome, everything will be as normal as regular adoptions, right? Not at all. Kagome has a past that she can't remember. When a fire strikes Kagome's old home, who will be burned? Is it possible that Kagome is a princess? (I'm going to assume that because you're even asking that, the answer is yes.) Read to find out!....that is only half the story
Part One: Passages From Chapters 1 - 5
Part Two: Passages From Chapters 6 - 10
Part Three: Passages From Chapters 11 - 16
As morning came, Kagome groaned. She was awoken by the sunlight that was shining happily through her glass walls and ceiling. (No curtains?) Kagome got up and clicked the remote. The retractable ceiling was now solid instead of glass and the curtains were over the glass window-wall. (Ohh, I get it. So she's stupid.)
"Dumb sun." she muttered.
The sun replied "No u."
"Somebody isn't a morning person," someone chuckled from the door.
"May I help you?" Kagome asked with her face buried in her pillows, trying to suffocate herself.
"Come to breakfast dear." he told her.
"I am not hungry InuTashio." she mumbled and tried to go back to sleep. "Hungry InuTaisho is over there."
"You know, Kagome, you can call me dad or daddy or whatever." he said, sitting at the bottom of her bed.
"No thank you." she told him.
"Ouch. That hurt. (Did it? Did it really?) Kagome, we just want you to feel comfortable here and we want you to like us." he sighed. (You've only known her for a couple days; it's not that surprising she wouldn't be ready to call you "Dad".)
"No, it is not that. I love it here! And you are all so great." she said as she shot up from her bed.
"Good. Are you coming to breakfast?" he asked. As she shook her head 'no', he said "Wrong answer." and picked her up. InuTashio tossed her over his back into the corner of the room and chuckled. He liked abusing his newly-adopted daughter. Yes, he did.
"Nooo...no. No. No. No. No! Put me downnn!" Kagome whined, pounding on his back, attempting to get free. He just chuckled at her struggles and giggles. "Pleeease..." she whined again, but they were already at the breakfast table.
Sesshomaru coughed, "Well, that was quite interesting. I didn't expect to see my father carrying the teenage girl he just adopted to the table. Not to mention while she's still wearing her baby doll lingerie. That's not sketchy at all." he said, trying to break the silence. The rest of breakfast was eaten in silence. Clearly, Sesshoumaru FAILED.
*snip* Kagome and Inuyasha and friends are out shopping. Inuyasha's a jerk and Kagome slaps him then uses the "sit" command and runs off with his wallet. The lines after the scene are deliciously bad all by themselves.
"Man, you coulda been nice to her." Bankotsu said.
"Nice to her? Look what she did to me! That little slut is evil!" InuYasha growled to him.
"She isn't a slut...I don't think anyway. She only did that because you were being a bitchy dog to her." lectured Hiten wisely.
"Dudeee...Your sister is HOT!" one of the guys yelled.
"Shutup!" InuYasha yelled and they went on their merry little way. (I wouldn't use "merry" to describe Inuyasha at this point...)
"I will take these, these, anddd...Ohhh! THESE!" Kagome squealed in delight.
"I think you have too many shoes." the clerk said. "And your feet are grotesquely large. They won't fit into any of them."
"Excuse me, betch, I am giving you buisness. Oh wait, do you know who I am?" she asked sweetly.
"No, not really." the clerk said in a snoody voice with her ugly nose in the air.
"I am Kagome Takahashi. My daddy signs your pay check." Kagome boasted loudly enough for the whole store to hear. (yes, I am sorry. Kagome has to be a bitch for this story to go as I plan. But anyway...back to the story.) (So you admit she's out of character? A small step for badfic writers, a giant leap for all badfic.)
"And wait, I need these in a size 35 or 36." Kagome said, handing her a pair of Louis Vuitton heels.
"Right away!" the woman ran to the back and came out 30 minutes later with her hair all messy. "I am so sorry Miss Takahashi. We had them in the back and I couldn't find them right away because our inventory is haphazardly stacked on shelves without any sort of system of organization, but I did." she said, holding them up out of the box. The right shoe had a wad of gum stuck to the bottom, and the left was smeared with dog poo.
"Thank you." Kagome said, paying with InuYasha's credit card, and leaving. She admired the pinkness of the gum on her new Louis Vuitton heels before popping it into her mouth and chewing away happily.
Through the day, Kagome maxed out 3 of his cards. (How is she carrying all of this stuff?)
Kagome was walking down the street when...
"Kagome! Wait up!" A guy called as he ran and grabbed her shoulder.
"Oh. Hey, Kouga." she smiled to him.
"Hey, Kagome. What have you been up to?" he asked as they began walking. He had to hop about frantically to avoid being crushed under her mammoth feet.
"Shopping." she said sadly.
"What are you so sad about?" he asked kindly and thoughtfully, unlike a certain hanyou we all know and love. (Who's "we"? Am I being watched...?)
"Anyway, how are you today?" she asked.
"Great, now that I get to see you and your beauty milkshake." he smirked. ("Smirked"? Lech.) And yes, she her milkshake did look beautiful. It brought all the boys to the yard. She had on a white tank top that said 'LOVE' "cum dumpster" in silver letters with jean shorts and silver sandles. While there were jeans and sandals on her shirt, that was the only place they could be found. She was naked from the hips down. It was amazing she hadn't been arrested for indecent exposure by now. She had silver hoop earrings on, too. Her hair was was in a french braid that hung about 5 inches past her naked butt. Her bangs were brushed to the right side of her face. She had no make up on. (It's taking everything in me to not say something vulgar.)
"So um...wanna get something to eat?" Kagome asked him, still blushing.
"Sure. Where do you want to go?" he asked, smiling down at her.
"Do you like Italian dead babies?" she questioned.
"I love it dead babies. Want to go?" he asked.
"Yup." she replied as they walked to 'Bunryu'. (yes, I have been there before. It is amazing. They have a dining bar called Shiori. [Why are you telling me this?]) (Bunryu doesn't sound very Italian...)
"Come and I will seat you." said the robot hostess.
"So Kag, how is the Takahashi home?" Kouga asked, growling in his mind.
"I am surrounded by demon men. (I don't recall this information ever being revealed to her. Lol, fail.) They are wild. The only one who is not a demon is Kohaku whom I've never had a scene with and he is still wild. (Kohaku? Wild? OOC much?) Shippo is cute and cuddly though. InuYasha has a perverted friend that lusts after me sooo... It is very cool living in that house. (I agree. Perverted friends make everything cool.) I guess it is okay." she replied with a small smile.
*snip* We're given inane details such as the whole dialogue of their ordering food, which is magically ready in 10 minutes. Then they go out for ice cream. We aren't given any indication of where they go or what their surroundings look like.
The two sat on the swings which had magically sprouted from the ground just for them and talked for a while.
"I think you have some ice cream on your nose." Kouga said and looked at her cross-eyed expression as she tried to look at her nose. He then rubbed a dab of ice cream on her nose.
"Kougaaa..." Kagome whined. She put her tongue out and tried to lick her nose. "I am never going to get this off." she whined once again. (Oh, because ice cream is so hard to wash off your skin.)
"Are you sure you aren't naturally blonde?" Kouga laughed. (As a brunette, I take offense on behalf of all smart blondes out there.)
"Pretty sure."
"Are you sure you're sure?"
"What was the question again?"
*later* (Yes, this is how she makes scene transitions. I'd been omitting them up 'til now.)
"I'll see you later, Kag." Kouga said.
"Yeah." she said. The two stared into eachother's eyes. Ice blue met stormy blue-violet. It wasn't nearly as pretty as when you mix sparkling sapphire and dazzling amethyst. Slowly, Kouga leaned down and violently pushed Kagome against the building behind them. He pressed his warm lips to her extremely soft chapped ones. The kiss started gentle but soon turned passionate. He deepened the kiss by putting his hands on her waist (...How does that affect the kiss?) and she wrapped her arms around his neck. They pulled away and blushed vomited rainbows and sunshine.
"Kagome, willyoubemywoman?" Kouga asked quickly.
"What?" she asked unsure of what he said. Kagome really needed to trim her ear hair. It had grown too long again and was interfering with her hearing.
"Will you be my woman?" he blushed.
"If you mean girlfriend, then yes. Sure, I'll be your possession." Kagome answered.
"Oh yeah, here." Kagome said and handed him a gift-wrapped box.
"What's this for?" he questioned.
"Just open it" she huffed playfully. He did and saw a Gucci set. It had a Gucci leather jacket, a Gucci watch, Gucci boots, and a Gucci belt. (No pants? I like the way this girl thinks.)
"You didn't. Kagome, you really shouldn't have. I'm one of those guys who isn't interested in brand name clothes. You know, the majority." he told her.
"Kag, you're awesome. Thanks." he thanked her. (He thanked her? Really? I couldn't tell from the dialogue.) They walked to the Takahashi home together.
"Um well, I guess I will see you tomorrow." she said and gave him a hug and a quick peck on the lips.
"Bye Kag." Kouga said and walked back home.
When Kagome walked in, she noticed it was 11:00 and the lights were off. She set her keys on the table in the living room and took her shoes off. (Don't you normally remove your shoes at the door? It kinda defeats the purpose otherwise.) Kagome scurried over to the stairs. The lights came on in a flash and InuYasha and Sesshomaru turned their chairs that were balanced precariously at the top of the stairs around to face Kagome.
"Why do you smell like wolf?!" InuYasha shouted.
"Well... I was raised by them..." Kagome started.
"Oh dear Kami-sama. Tell me you didn't." Sesshomaru said.
"No! I did not do that...but I did kiss him." Kagome told them, muttering the last part. (This is definitely her brothers' business. Yup.)
"Well, that's go----YOU DID WHAT?!" InuYasha shouted.
"I kissed him!" she yelled back. "And I kissed him again with a bag of apples! A whole peck!"
"You can't kiss that flea bag!"
"Well I did! And he is not a flea bag! He's a flea sack!" Kagome retorted.
"Oh, so now what? You're gonna tell me that you're his girlfriend?!" he yelled to her in his gruff most effeminate voice.
She threw his wallet at his head and ran up the stairs, slamming her doors shut.
Kagome threw her clothes off and ran to her closet, got lost in Narnia for a bit, but eventually found her way back. She picked up a white nightgown. It was flowly and went to her thigh. She put it on then turned on the radio. (That's right. You shouldn't wear underwear to bed; you gotta air out your coochie snorcher.)
Kagome walked over to her window wall (where the cherry blossom tree is halfway through the wall) and looked at the moon. A beautiful song came on and she began dancing.
(Insert song lyrics here. Again. No joke.)
InuYasha was walking down the hall to his room when he heard a heavenly voice. He was surprised to hear it coming from Kagome's room. Attracted to a voice that wasn't even Kagome's, Slowly, he opened her doors. He was careful not to make any noise as he stood and watched her. Cherry blossom bike pedals rained around her as she "danced". It looked like she was having a seizure. He didn't know if he should get help.
'This isn't a woman; this is a goddess of bad dancing.' he uttered in his mind.
She caught a blossom bike pedal in her hands. Her dainty hands cradled it and brought it close, smelling its sweet, rubbery perfume. She looked ethereal like a zombie, basked under the pale moonlight and the rain of cherry blossoms bike pedals. She was barefooted, sidestepping with her massive feet and twirling to the mellow tune. Her eyes were closed; a small smile tugged her lips as she swayed seized to the music.
'...' = inner demon (How dare you try to steal bold from me! *throws hyphens*)
'...' = him
-- 'Kiss her'
'I can't do that! She is my sister!'
-- 'Take her!'
'No!'
-- 'Throw her on the floor and take her hard! Pound into her tiny little body!' (D8)
'I admit, I like her only for her looks. But she is our sister and she will never fall for a hanyou, even though she's kind of a slut.'
-- 'Make her not-sister! She is mate! Our goddess!'
"Do not go freakish on me! You came into MY room!" she yelled.
'Kami-sama(!! Gah!), she looks so hot. She has no other redeeming qualities. Always, but especially when she is pissed' he thought. Then, he did the most unexpected thing ever. (He found a way to escape this badfic?) He pulled her close and kissed her! The kiss was pretty rough. Kagome tried to push him away, but gave up and moaned. She liked men who treated her like dirt. InuYasha snarled into the kiss.
-- 'My bitch. My whore. My slut. MY MATE' his demon raged. (I lol'd. Did you?)
InuYasha pulled away. "I-I'm sorry...I have to go!"
He ran out of the room, leaving a shocked Kagome.
'Oh my goddess megami-sama.' InuYasha thought as he walked to his room. (Needed moar fangirl Japaneez.)
(*points up* That? That was all from chapter 11. I know. So much fail in one chapter! How is it even possible?)
Kagome had woken that morning to find InuYasha sleeping pleasuring himself by her side. Well...she really wasn't fully awake when she saw him so he might have just been sleeping.
*snip* Fight ensues.
... [Kagome] got up to take a shower.
Kagome slid her clothes off and turned the bath on. (Which is it?!)
Just then, she glanced up to the wall to see a HUGE spider. Well...what she thought was huge was actually really tiny. (I will not make a lewd comment. I will not make a lewd comment.)
Remember this line for the next paragraph: She put on some low rise, tight fitted Guess Jeans.
*snip* She goes for a walk.
As she walked by an alley, she heard screams. Carefully, she peaked down the dark alley. She saw a small girl, around 5 or 6, trying to get away from two men. Quickly, Kagome bent down and tore her jeans on her right leg so it was thigh length. (Wow, Kagome is strong.) Taped to her thigh was the gun Kouga had given her. (Taped? Like with duct tape? Bitch is so hardcore she doesn't need a holster; she uses duct tape!) She put it behind her back and ran down the alley. (Remember that line? You wouldn't be able to hide a gun under tight-fitting jeans. And it wouldn't be very comfortable, either.)
"Let her go!" Kagome commanded in a strong, but angelic Mary Sue-ish voice.
"Look, she came to join the party." smirked one guy as they advanced on her. Just then, Kagome pulled the gun from behind her back and pointed it at them. Their eyes widened and they stopped dead in their tracks. They then quickly rose from the dead and stormed off in search of brains with Kagome still aiming at them. When she was sure they were gone, Kagome ran to the girl huddled in the corner. She was sobbing harshly. Kagome put the gun in her back pocket without bothering to make sure the safety was on and hugged the girl, who looked strangely like her. The girl had raven hair that went to her waist that had a side pony tail. Her eyes were green blue. (It's called turquoise, deary.) The girl had pale skin, but not as pale as Kagome's undead flesh.
Kagome got up and took the girl's hand. Kagome thought it would be good to buy Rin some clothes, so together, they walked to a clothing store. (Why? Is Rin naked?)
*snip* Because Rin has nowhere to go, Kagome takes her home, but not before maxing out five credit cards (Who gives a shit?), and introduces her to Izayoi. Rin falls asleep on Kagome's back.
"This is Rin. I found her today, getting ready to be raped." Kagome answered. (There is so much wrong with the way she phrased that, I don't know where to begin.)
"I want to keep her. I'm going to name her Mr. Snuggles. She said that she woke up at the bottom of a lake about three days ago. Like I woke up at the bottom of the well." Kagome told her. (I sense a pattern here. Someone is trying to drown them! *cheers*)
"What are we having [for dinner]?" Kagome asked.
"Beef and veggie stew, fried noodles, shrimp, cabbage rolls, udon, salmon and noodles, ravioli, and lasagna." Izayoi answered. (No... just no.) Kagome and Rin were practically drooling. They got started cooking and were finished just in time. The guys packed into the dining area acting like starving animals heterotrophic protists.
*later that night*
"Rin, I have something to give you." Kagome said and led her to her room. She pulled out a box from under her bed and gave it to Rin. Inside were two things. A noose and stationary. Rin pulled out the first and examined it. It was an orange kimono with green bubbles and checkers. Rin smiled widely. She loved it!
Kagome showed [Rin] around the mansion and when she was finished, Rin wanted to stay in their personal zoo type thingy gladiator pit. Kagome headed off to...somewhere fetch instruments of torture ... Rin walked down the aisles of animals. Each animal had their own huge habitat kinda room thing. ... The next animal she coma to proved that there were normal and demon animals in there. This was a giant twin-head dragon. Rin stepped inside the dragon's habitat room and played for a while was slaughtered mercilessly. Soon, she had a name for them, Ah-Un.
*snip* Kagome goes to the library to read up on stuff. The things she reads are a bit... special.
"Why would you have so many books when you have sons that will not read?" Kagome asked herself in curiosity indifferently.
She climbed the stairs and walked down one of the extentions. (You mean a loft? Or bridge?) Finally, she came to a section about Mikos! She picked one up and laid down on the extention and read.
:Miko is priestess-type Pokemon. They are very extremely rare and have always been. They say only a few remain on Earth. Most people will tell you that once, all mikos were wild and lived on planets outside of Earth. There was a goddess for Mars, Venus, Neptune, Mercuary, Uranas (Ur anas isn't ur anus.), Jupiter, Saturn, and pluto. (Pluto didn't get capitalized. It's 'cause it got demoted to a dwarf planet, isn't it?!) But, over all, the moon goddess/princess/whatever was far more beautiful. Apparently, she owned all of the planets and the moons in the galaxy. (Apparently.) She was special because she was dropped on her head the guardian of the jewel. This jewel was actually the Shikon No Tama:
:The Shikon No Tama was created by a priestess named Midoriko. It is called the Jewel of Four Souls because it has four souls of 4 different names (No wai!) ...
... This created the Shikon jewel. Inside it, Midoriko and the demon souls still fought each other. This battle is depends to the person who has the jewel. (inglysh, does u spaek it?)
The last owner of the Shikon No Tama was pure. She is princess of the moon kingdom and is now impure.
An A/N: >_>
UPDATES IN MY LIFE: I have a new boyfriend! (Does he know you write badfic?) His name is Andrew and he is wonderful. I swear it, he acts just like InuYasha! He even uses the word 'wench'! Anyway, it took him forever to ask me out! I am totally happy! (Actually... I'd bet your Inuyasha acts like him. Not the other way around.)
"Kagome, just the daughter we were looking for." was InuTashio's lamo joke. (I don't see how that joke has anything to do with licking things. Unless... D8) In Spanish, lamar is "to lick". So lamo is "I lick".
"Heh heh heh..." Kagome fake laughed at that lame statement.
"Okay then. We have your school Whore Academy uniforms that were custom tailored and finished today. Would you like to take a look?" Izayoi asked.
"Yup!" Kagome told her cheerfully. They opened a box that was bigger than Kagome herself and dumped out the contents shoved her in. Uniforms, papers, and regulation books.
List of very not-Japanese teachers goes here. And *gasp* Japanese school system fail to boot!
"Oh, it looks like you have gym, history, and science with InuYasha and every other subject because in Japanese high schools you sit in your homeroom and the teachers come to you." Izayoi stated happily.
"Good, now I will not get lost because I only have to remember one classroom." giggled Kagome.
"Well you still might. InuYasha isn't the most responsible person will probably try to push you out a window." sighed Izayoi. "Anyway, let's see if your uniforms fit. Who knows? I mean just because they're custom tailored doesn't mean we actually took your measurements."
Izayoi threw the first uniform to her and she tried it on. (There are two of each uniforms...a short sleeve and a long sleeve.) It had a white sailor shirt with a green sailor flap and a red tie. It also included a green pleated skirt that went stopped about 5 inches below her butt. She wore knee high white socks and brown (no heal) Mary Janes. (She should really think about investing in a pair of those heal Mary Janes. Shoes that restore hit points as you walk are very convenient. It really saves MP, cutting down on how much you need to use Cure.)
"What does this school have?" she asked
"They have 20 floors actually. (Typically, Japanese high school is three years, and the building will have three floors--one for each grade/year. So if a Japanese high school has 20 floors, that would be one painfully long high school career.) That school has been ranked best uneducational academy in the country. They have their own football field, ice cream stadium, soccer field, baceball field, softball field, 5" pools,track field, dance studio, basketball court, archery field, stripper poles, drama clubs, golf course, gymnastics class, blah blah blah...there is more, but you get the point. Also, there is a hall of fame for those who are to be remembered." Izayoi explained. "Oh, and did I mention we own it?"
"OMG! I cannot wait!" Kagome squealed. "When do we leave in the mornings and when do I start failing?"
"About that...you start tomorrow and you won't be coming home all the time again ever. You will live in either a sorority house (In high school?) or a dorm." Izayoi said. Seeing Kagome open her mouth and knowing what she was going to say, she answered, "Either one you chose to live in, your room can be needlessly duplicated like the one here, with the tree and everything."
"Calm it down, wench. You're creeping me out!" yelled InuYasha. (You're not the only one.)
"I am going to school with you guys tomorrow! And livin' in a SORORITY!" she squealed and pounced on his back. 'Tweak, tweak' she rubbed his ears. (This is just ridiculous.)
"You act like a little kid." InuYasha stated.
"Do nottt!" she whined. "EW! I wanna watch Cinderella! Rin, come on! We are gonna watch a movie!" she screamed. (No, no. You do. As the fic progresses your maturity increasingly deteriorates.)
*snip* They get to high school and Kagome is acting like spoiled brat as usual.
"Excuse me miss," Kagome started to speak to the secritary, "could you please direct me to my sorority house?" Kagome asked.
"Name."
"Kagome Takahashi" she told her.
"Yes, you are in...Zeta." (No! It does not work like that!)
"Could you tell me where that is?" Kagome questioned.
"Uh it's the huge pink castle with the word 'ZETA' spelled in pink sapphires." (Pink sapphires. Riiight.) the secretary said kinda snooty while looking at Kagome like she was a ditz.
Kagome enters the sorority house is greeted by her look-alike twin from another father, Kikyo.
The only differences were the eyes: Kagome-bluebrown, you idiot Other Girl-brown, the hair: Kagome-midnight with a blue tintblack Other Girl-ebony with a violet tintblack and their skin color: Kagome-zombie pale as the moon Other Girl-sun kissedzombie pale Height: Kagome-4'11" Other girl-5'1"
"No way! This is so cool OOC!" Kikyo screamed as she opened the doors to Kagome's room on the top floor. "SO IS YOUR ROOM!"
*snip*
Luckily for her, they announced that the first day was going to be a free-dress day opening ceremony where all students would be required to wear their uniform---as well as spirit day.
She turned her sterio on as she got ready to feast on the fresh brains of her peers.
*snip*
"What do you think you're doin' flea-bag?!" InuYasha yelled.
"I'm huggin' MY woman, half-breed!" Kouga replied loudly.
"What do you mean 'your woman' ?!" yelled InuYasha. "Women aren't property!"
"I mean that I plan to make her my mate!" responded Kouga as Kagome blushed.
"You can't fucking mate her!" InuYasha cursed. (Actually, Inuyasha. Fucking is part of the mating process.)