CLaFFF: A Spork in Three Parts (1/3)
I went trolling the pit out of boredom. I thought the Inuyasha section would be a good place to start, as it is a fandom dominated by tween girls. And boy was I right. I stumbled across this AU that was just begging to be sporked.
Title: Calculating Life A Fairytale of Fire and Fantasy
Author: Amaya_Shinto (I kind of wonder if she's a troll or just a weaboo.)
Summary: InuYasha's parents have always wanted a daughter. When they adopt Kagome, everything will be as normal as regular adoptions, right? Not at all. Kagome has a past that she can't remember. When a fire strikes Kagome's old home, who will be burned? Is it possible that Kagome is a princess? (I'm going to assume that because you're even asking that, the answer is yes.) Read to find out!....that is only half the story
Part One: Passages From Chapters 1 - 5
Part Two: Passages From Chapters 6 - 10
Part Three: Passages From Chapters 11 - 16
"Kagome Serena Higurashi! Do not speak like that. You are twins indeed, but by different fathers." (You Fail Biology Forever)
"King Akio! Queen Serenity! Princess Kagome! Prince Souta! Our kingdom is under attack!" she heard Ayumi, a maid, scream. (Is the maid's name even important?) Serena's eyes widened as she ran back into her room. She threw on a white, bodice corset dress. She put on a ice blue, velvet hooded cloak. It had silver and light pink stitching. Serena pulled her hair into an elegant bun and slid her diamond tiara into it. She slid on her white sandal heels and ran out of the palace. She took so effing long to get ready the entire palace was razed to the ground before she had a chance to leave and died in the fire. The end.
*snip* Then she finds her sister trapped in her room. Apparently the doorway and windows are blocked by "boards". That's right! It's a completely wooden castle, people!
"I will not leave you, Kikyo! I promise, I will get to you!" Serena screamed as she kicked and punched at the boards. But she was such a pansy, she wasn't able to break the wooden, charred boards.
"No. You can't. You're a pansy. Just go!" Kikyo yelled.
"Kagome! Come on. We have to go." Sesshomaru shouted as he took Kagome's hand in his and dragged her. (Dragged her where?)
"No. I won't leave without Kikyo and my parents." she said.
"They all died. Kagome, your family is dead." he said quietly. "In the five seconds since we saw your sister she died, too. I made sure of it."
*snip* So their moon kingdom is destroyed and they are sent to earth without their memories. Sound familiar, anyone? Now here they wake up in modern day or some crap.
Her long, black eyelashes brushed against her high cheekbones as her eyes fluttered open. A small yawn escaped her lips painted with cherry lipstickblood.
Who has eyelashes that long? Srsly.
*snip* So Kagome asks a stranger(Damien Sakae Namae, lol) where they are then hugs him. And everyone seems to fall in love with her. Kind of like a Mary Sue... Next there's some fail about the adoption process. And we are given Kagome's profile.
Kagome's profile
~~~!~~~
It had a beautiful picture of Kagome on there. (It's never actually explained how or where they got this picture.)
Major Information
Name: Kagome Sada Higurashi
Age: 15
Birthday: December 13, 1993
Height: 5'4 1/2
Weight: 101 lbs
Hair: Midnight black: Very long
Eyes: Blue/violet
Sexuality: Straight (Umm...)
Criminal History
Criminal records? No
Smoke? No
Drink? No
Medical History
Allergies? None
Diseases? None
Any medical problems? No
(Most vague medical history ever.)
Details
Very beautiful
Smart
Icy at times
Different emotions
Girly
Firey temper When she gets mad, shit goes BOOM!
Sometimes shy/sweet
Siblings? 1 known
FOR MORE INFO, ADOPT! (Sounds sketchy.)
Something is missing in her profile. Can you figure out what it is? 8D
Her brother's profile is just as dumb, but I want to just share a small bit with you.
Age: 14
Birthday: January 2, 1995
Height: 5'8
Weight: 114 lbs
Anyone else notice something seriously wrong with this? Not only is it rare enough to find a 14-year-old boy that's 5'8", but he only weighs 114 lbs?! That's purdy skinny...
*snip* Future adopted family... Who doesn't get screened at all at the adoption center and adopts Kagome simply because she is so beautiful without bothering to meet her first.
"Why don't you just have a baby instead?" asked Hakudoshi.
"We are working people. We don't have time to raise another child." Izayoi answered. "So we're adopting one because everyone knows adopted children just raise themselves."
[..] InuYasha asked evily. "Wait, why do we even need a girl around here anyway?"
"Because we have always wanted a girl." Izayoi explained while dreaming about a girl. (Oh, God, he's gonna molest her.)
"Do we really need a beautiful girl? The boys would be tormented by not being able to...nevermind. (Actually, that's perfectly legal...) But, with her being this beautiful, we would have to worry about her being raped. I mean, if she were ugly, who cares if she gets raped? I do agree, however, that she is very beautiful and perfect for us. Let's get her." he explained. "But we'll have to maim her first. You know, so she doesn't get raped."
*snip*
"Kagome, take these just incase. If you're ever walking alone in Tokyo, carry these. It is dangerous out there." he said handing her a silver handgun and a japanese dagger. "Even though it's illegal for civilians in Japan to carry firearms, I want you to have it. Just don't get caught."
*snip*
'Yeah! Just great! Buy us a totally sexy sister that we can't....nevermind' he sent. (How many times do I have to tell you that it's legal? As long as you're not blood-related, it doesn't matter!)
'That's what I told your mother. In bed. Last night. Oooh, burn.' InuTashio texted back.
'I'm hard...sorry to say.' InuYasha texted. (Umm... what teenage boy would ever say that to his father? So awkward...)
*snip*
"Pretty pleaseee..." she gave him puppy eyes. (I hear they're a delicacy in some countries.)
*snip* Later Kagome and Inuyasha watch horror movies together. Our writer very lazily uses the girl-gets-scared-and-clings-to-guy cliche for some bonding. Then Kagome needs jammies and look what her new mommy gives her!
After a few minutes, Kagome came out in something no one expected; babydoll lingerie. [...] This choice of clothing showed off her long and toned legs, her small waist, her 40B chest, her flat stomach and her curvy figure. (I may be a woman, but I'm no expert on bras and it's been a while since I went shopping for them. Do the ribcage measurements even go up that high?)
"InuYasha, dear. Just control yourself." she said as the two teens walked out of the door. (As if it's that easy...)
Kagome lay on the couch asleep as InuYasha watched her. He was sitting on his knees in the floor by the couch. His face was up in hers just watching. (That sounds so gangstah.) [...] He watched as her chest rose and went down. "Lawl, bewbs."
Title: Calculating Life A Fairytale of Fire and Fantasy
Author: Amaya_Shinto (I kind of wonder if she's a troll or just a weaboo.)
Summary: InuYasha's parents have always wanted a daughter. When they adopt Kagome, everything will be as normal as regular adoptions, right? Not at all. Kagome has a past that she can't remember. When a fire strikes Kagome's old home, who will be burned? Is it possible that Kagome is a princess? (I'm going to assume that because you're even asking that, the answer is yes.) Read to find out!....that is only half the story
Part One: Passages From Chapters 1 - 5
Part Two: Passages From Chapters 6 - 10
Part Three: Passages From Chapters 11 - 16
"Kagome Serena Higurashi! Do not speak like that. You are twins indeed, but by different fathers." (You Fail Biology Forever)
"King Akio! Queen Serenity! Princess Kagome! Prince Souta! Our kingdom is under attack!" she heard Ayumi, a maid, scream. (Is the maid's name even important?) Serena's eyes widened as she ran back into her room. She threw on a white, bodice corset dress. She put on a ice blue, velvet hooded cloak. It had silver and light pink stitching. Serena pulled her hair into an elegant bun and slid her diamond tiara into it. She slid on her white sandal heels and ran out of the palace. She took so effing long to get ready the entire palace was razed to the ground before she had a chance to leave and died in the fire. The end.
*snip* Then she finds her sister trapped in her room. Apparently the doorway and windows are blocked by "boards". That's right! It's a completely wooden castle, people!
"I will not leave you, Kikyo! I promise, I will get to you!" Serena screamed as she kicked and punched at the boards. But she was such a pansy, she wasn't able to break the wooden, charred boards.
"No. You can't. You're a pansy. Just go!" Kikyo yelled.
"Kagome! Come on. We have to go." Sesshomaru shouted as he took Kagome's hand in his and dragged her. (Dragged her where?)
"No. I won't leave without Kikyo and my parents." she said.
"They all died. Kagome, your family is dead." he said quietly. "In the five seconds since we saw your sister she died, too. I made sure of it."
*snip* So their moon kingdom is destroyed and they are sent to earth without their memories. Sound familiar, anyone? Now here they wake up in modern day or some crap.
Her long, black eyelashes brushed against her high cheekbones as her eyes fluttered open. A small yawn escaped her lips painted with cherry lipstickblood.
Who has eyelashes that long? Srsly.
*snip* So Kagome asks a stranger(Damien Sakae Namae, lol) where they are then hugs him. And everyone seems to fall in love with her. Kind of like a Mary Sue... Next there's some fail about the adoption process. And we are given Kagome's profile.
Kagome's profile
~~~!~~~
It had a beautiful picture of Kagome on there. (It's never actually explained how or where they got this picture.)
Major Information
Name: Kagome Sada Higurashi
Age: 15
Birthday: December 13, 1993
Height: 5'4 1/2
Weight: 101 lbs
Hair: Midnight black: Very long
Eyes: Blue/violet
Sexuality: Straight (Umm...)
Criminal History
Criminal records? No
Smoke? No
Drink? No
Medical History
Allergies? None
Diseases? None
Any medical problems? No
(Most vague medical history ever.)
Details
Very beautiful
Smart
Icy at times
Different emotions
Girly
Firey temper When she gets mad, shit goes BOOM!
Sometimes shy/sweet
Siblings? 1 known
FOR MORE INFO, ADOPT! (Sounds sketchy.)
Something is missing in her profile. Can you figure out what it is? 8D
Her brother's profile is just as dumb, but I want to just share a small bit with you.
Age: 14
Birthday: January 2, 1995
Height: 5'8
Weight: 114 lbs
Anyone else notice something seriously wrong with this? Not only is it rare enough to find a 14-year-old boy that's 5'8", but he only weighs 114 lbs?! That's purdy skinny...
*snip* Future adopted family... Who doesn't get screened at all at the adoption center and adopts Kagome simply because she is so beautiful without bothering to meet her first.
"Why don't you just have a baby instead?" asked Hakudoshi.
"We are working people. We don't have time to raise another child." Izayoi answered. "So we're adopting one because everyone knows adopted children just raise themselves."
[..] InuYasha asked evily. "Wait, why do we even need a girl around here anyway?"
"Because we have always wanted a girl." Izayoi explained while dreaming about a girl. (Oh, God, he's gonna molest her.)
"Do we really need a beautiful girl? The boys would be tormented by not being able to...nevermind. (Actually, that's perfectly legal...) But, with her being this beautiful, we would have to worry about her being raped. I mean, if she were ugly, who cares if she gets raped? I do agree, however, that she is very beautiful and perfect for us. Let's get her." he explained. "But we'll have to maim her first. You know, so she doesn't get raped."
*snip*
"Kagome, take these just incase. If you're ever walking alone in Tokyo, carry these. It is dangerous out there." he said handing her a silver handgun and a japanese dagger. "Even though it's illegal for civilians in Japan to carry firearms, I want you to have it. Just don't get caught."
*snip*
'Yeah! Just great! Buy us a totally sexy sister that we can't....nevermind' he sent. (How many times do I have to tell you that it's legal? As long as you're not blood-related, it doesn't matter!)
'That's what I told your mother. In bed. Last night. Oooh, burn.' InuTashio texted back.
'I'm hard...sorry to say.' InuYasha texted. (Umm... what teenage boy would ever say that to his father? So awkward...)
*snip*
"Pretty pleaseee..." she gave him puppy eyes. (I hear they're a delicacy in some countries.)
*snip* Later Kagome and Inuyasha watch horror movies together. Our writer very lazily uses the girl-gets-scared-and-clings-to-guy cliche for some bonding. Then Kagome needs jammies and look what her new mommy gives her!
After a few minutes, Kagome came out in something no one expected; babydoll lingerie. [...] This choice of clothing showed off her long and toned legs, her small waist, her 40B chest, her flat stomach and her curvy figure. (I may be a woman, but I'm no expert on bras and it's been a while since I went shopping for them. Do the ribcage measurements even go up that high?)
"InuYasha, dear. Just control yourself." she said as the two teens walked out of the door. (As if it's that easy...)
Kagome lay on the couch asleep as InuYasha watched her. He was sitting on his knees in the floor by the couch. His face was up in hers just watching. (That sounds so gangstah.) [...] He watched as her chest rose and went down. "Lawl, bewbs."